


Too Much Is Not Enough

by undead_ahead3



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Being Lost, Description of wounds/medical shit/blood, Descriptions of slavery, Dirty Talk, Dominant Kylo Ren, Emotional Manipulation, Eventual Smut, F/M, Face-Fucking, Force Bond (Star Wars), Force Choking (Star Wars), Going to Hell, I am no longer allowed to call myself a feminist, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Inappropriate Use of the Force, Kylo Ren Angst, Kylo Ren Has Issues, Kylo is an asshole, Masturbation, Mean Kylo Ren, Mental Coercion, Mental Health Issues, NSFW, Orgasm Delay/Denial, Possessive Kylo Ren, Poverty/Lack of Food, Power Dynamics, Protective Kylo Ren, Shameless Smut, Supreme Leader Kylo Ren, Verbal Humiliation, Violent Sex, Violent Thoughts, Will add more tags as more shit happens, emotional distress, problematic, toxic, violent imagery
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-15
Updated: 2021-03-09
Packaged: 2021-03-13 15:21:30
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 21
Words: 92,988
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28780425
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/undead_ahead3/pseuds/undead_ahead3
Summary: She was a jack of all trades (and master of none), bouncing from planet to planet in the outer rim to find work and safety. Nera was a nobody, burdened with no knowledge of her childhood. The only thing that was ever a constant in her life were the dreams that haunted her. Dreams that connected her to a powerful man somewhere in the galaxy.Connected their entire lives, Kylo Ren will be the reason Nera finds out who she is.
Relationships: Ben Solo | Kylo Ren/Original Female Character(s), Kylo Ren/Original Character(s), Kylo Ren/Original Female Character(s)
Comments: 31
Kudos: 43





	1. Prepare My Ship

**Author's Note:**

> Yo, welcome to some shit I wrote a while back in the Kylo Ren craze. Definitely inspired by Fix Your Attitude (kassanovella) and These Violent Delights (luna-auctor). Maybe one day I can compare to these works of beautiful madness.
> 
> I do have some really cool ideas for this story, and created my own original character to make them more sound. This story starts out with your usual Force Bond, and I will spent a few chapters exploring that with Kylo/OC separated. No worries, soon they will meet and I must try to live up to the universe of Kylo Ren!Dom smut :)
> 
> Enjoy?

Nera shifted underneath the thin fabric that was covering her damp skin. Her body was tense, clenched against itself as it always did when she slept. It had been years since she slept peacefully, dreamlessly. And tonight was no different.

Nera always thought the nightmares that would haunt her would be of her own wrongdoings, but night after night these visions returned.

A hand outstretched from her point of view, but it wasn't her hand. It was larger, gloved, with not an inch of skin showing between all of the black fabric. On the receiving end of the hand was the throat of a young man she had never seen before. Dirty, beaten, and broken.

Nera could feel the young man's pulse in her mind, almost as if this was of her own doing. She felt the heartbeat speed up, thumping away at her fingertips. The way the man's jugular flinched, aching for relief. His throat convulsed, gasping and gagging for just one more taste of air. The sweat and steam from the heat of the room he was in rolled over Nera's own body.

Nera didn't understand, feeling the need to release this man. But instead the hand squeezed harder, fingers pressing further into this man's flesh. Instantly, a rage of power rumbled through Nera's core. A part of her was terrified, another part wanted more.

The man's fingers clawed at the glove, pulling as his eyes watered. He was trying to get words out, beg for his life once more. But there was no mercy. Slowly at first, Nera could feel the life force slip from this man. Sinking out like a leaky faucet, one drop at a time... Then, all at once, the flood gates opened, making his muscles convulse once more before his body relaxed and he was gone.

-

Nera shot up with a quick gasp, hand flying to her chest to make sure she was breathing. Her eyes frantically searched the room as she sucked in fast breaths, trying to make sense of this now that she was awake. She had felt that man die. To the point where she thought it was herself.

But it wasn't. Nera placed her hands against the cot she sat on, grounding herself to remind her brain that she was awake, alive, and still remained in her room. Her other hand came to her throat, remembering what it felt to squeeze the man's in her dream.

These dreams, or visions, or whatever they were, constantly stole sleep from Nera. Some nights, if she stayed up late enough, they wouldn't happen. But when they did, they haunted her. She could never make sense of them. Sometimes they were violent like tonights, where she would be hurting someone. Or many people at once. Other times they were simply her being alive... somewhere else. She would sometimes walk through planets or ships, none that she had ever seen before, just exploring. 

Nera sighed, running a hand through her matted, tangled hair. She shifted to push up onto her feet, standing and fixing the shirt that slipped up her side.

The metallic taste in her mouth never left while she was in this room. Or the whole planet, for that matter. There was a damp chill that never left the air, to which Nera was not used to from her time on other, warmer planets.

Nera bounced around from planet to planet, in seek of work or more often than not, survival. She considers herself the jack of all trades (and master of none). She could easily pick up new skills and new jobs, but often found herself feeling less than contempt in all of them. Each job, or those she worked amongst, rubbed her the wrong way.

But for now, Nera was happy she could settle for a moment, here on the planet of Arkanis. An Outer-Rim planet. Arkanis was rain-soaked, with downpours several times per week. Actual sunshine was considered a rare event. Nera felt that resonated with her life quite well. It was a grim, rainy place, but extremely wealthy from its previous entanglement with the First Order. Nera never felt a need to care about what side people were on, as long as they paid her. And that was a guarantee here.

She had bounced around so much in the past year, she was desperate to catch her breath. Find a place that she could stay at, make enough to purchase her own ship. That had always been the goal. Have her own ship. Have freedom. She had gotten close a few times, but found herself robbed, broken, or beaten in some way or another. Where would she go? Not a clue.

Maybe Naboo? Nera thought to herself as she slipped on her boots, leaning down to lace them up. She had never been to Naboo, but has heard wonderful stories. Or more like pipe dreams from slaves.

Nera threw on a sweater, sliding her windbreaker immediately overtop, propping the hood up to shield herself. She had gotten to the point where she just assumes it will be down pouring each day.

Nera threw the metal sliding door to her room open, revealing a long row of similar dormitories. Room was an exaggeration. They truly were just metallic boxes with cots. Free housing complimentary of Guro, the employer. It was close to the most Nera has ever had, though. So no complaints.

Nera started her walk down the hall, as she has done every morning for the past 3 months. She was so used to the gloomy, silver appearance that she was starting to believe she has lost the ability to see color. Maybe everything was black and white. Maybe everything was better that way.

6 doors down, Nera slowed her pace. A smirk pulled up on her lips, as it always did, when she saw the door half open. She peeked into the doorway, pleased to see her friend finishing tying his shoes, ready for the day.

Nichos Lithal, or Lethal, as she called him, has been her only friend for quite a few months now. Prior to Arkansis, they met while working on Corellia together. After things started to go south there, Nichos was able to provide her transport to this new planet. And they grew closer since then, walking to and from work together each day. The only friend Nera ever had.

"Morning, Lethal," Nera grinned, leaning against his doorway.

Nichos was a relatively attractive man, smiling silly as he looked up to greet Nera. He had dirty blonde hair, shaved on one side, while the other side danced over his eyelid. He wore the same rain gear she did, hiding away his toned figure, and leaving only his face. Although he always seemed so high energy to Nera, the dark bags under his eyes were very prominent each day.

"Nera," he grinned, standing up to join her. "How'd you sleep?"

Nera watched as Nichos stepped outside and slid his door closed, not sure how she should answer that. At her last job, all the workers had to share one sleeping space, so rumors of her night terrors were often dispersed. But as usual, she wiped any sign of it off her face and shrugged. "Good, you?"

They started their descent out of the housing block, stopping briefly at the exit to further zip up their jackets. Raining. To be expected.

"Was out like a light," Nichos responded before they stepped outside. The rain was so heavy they often couldn't speak on their trek to the engineering sector, so their conversation froze there for a moment.

Their boots sloshed against puddles and rain as they held their hoods further over their faces. Their steps were quick, rushed to reach their destination to find relief from the relentless downpour.

Once the building was in sight, they jogged a little bit until they found shelter underneath the entrance overhang.

"Whats your assignment for today?" Nichos asked as they shook off the rain, walking into the large engineering complex. All ship repairs, and sometimes weapon design, took place here.

"Some beat up speeder getting ready for resale. They want it fixed up by the end of the week," Nera huffed.

"Oof," Nichos sympathized. Both knew that Nera was slow in her work, not enjoying the stress of being rushed. "Guro put me on an old TIE fighter with a few others from the crew."

"Lucky," Nera teased, glancing up at him. She often forgot how much taller he was than her.

"Maybe you'll get one next week?" Nichos tried. "Seems like we are getting a lot more than usual. Not sure what thats about."

"Not enough for me to get out of this speeder," she shrugged. Speeders were often a boring job. Nera was not an expert when it came to fixing up ships. In fact, she was kind of shit at it. She spent the first month here doing maintenance and custodial services, hating every moment of it. Luckily one of the engineers left and Nera was able to convince Guro to train her. But, nonetheless, Guro still knew she was a beginner and kept giving her these shit jobs with a time stamp. TIE fighters were much more complex, really able to keep you entertained for more than two seconds. It just wasn't so routine.

It made Nera miss her time as a barkeep. That was still routine, but at least new faces and company came in each night. Even if it was bad company. On a bad planet.

When Nera and Nichos reached the main console of the building, they each grabbed a datapad and entered their credentials. More details of their assignments popped up, ready to be engaged.

"I'll grab you after work?" Nichos raised an eyebrow, already stepping away to head to the TIE fighter. The more important the ship, the farther away it was.

"'Course," Nera smiled. "See you later, Lethal."

Nichos sent a wave before turning and starting down his own path.

Nera sighed and slowly dragged her feet toward the hanger the speeder was located in, still sifting through her datapad.

-

The speeder was able to hold her attention for a few hours, but as she went through her day, she found it hard to keep her mind from thinking about her dream. It was a small crew that worked here, so it was often a lonesome job to hold. If there ever was more than one person working on a ship, it was the TIE fighters. Nera didn't mind being alone, but she always loved the distraction of other people. Without it, she couldn't help but remember the feeling of choking that poor man to death.

Nera was not a stranger to death. No one with her life could be.

She doesn't remember much of her childhood. She always just assumed it was similar to now. Alone, moving around, surviving...

Although, Nera can never seem to forget her first home. A young slave, or as the slave owners liked to call it, "child laborer", on Kessel. Like many others. It felt like a job, just like now, but she never made a wage. Never had any credits. Never had anything but the floor in another families hut.

But after many years of sand and heat and despair, working in mines and struggling to uphold any health, Nera was able to sneak onto a smugglers ship. She was small enough to hide away in the cargo bay until he landed. She had settled for a life alone, running, from a young age.

But she wasn't always alone. The smuggler that owned that ship was far smarter than she had assumed. Or maybe Nera was just young and dumb. The smuggler landed on the fertile planet of Lah'mu, delivering spice to farmers. Spice he kept hidden in the cargo bay. As Nera tried to sneak away, the smuggler caught her. The days after that were a blur to Nera, she only remembers feeling weak. Beaten and broken.

Thats when she met Rennek. A bounty hunter that saved her from that smuggler. He was a rough, scary man. He barely had sympathy for her, for he was just sent to do his job, but she still followed him. She cried, she begged him. Anything other than feeling that weak again.

So he trained her.

Nera spent years with Rennek. Training. Fighting. Flying. Watching him kill. As deranged as it was, he was the closest thing she had to family. He trained her almost as his heir, or his partner. He wanted her to kill, wanted her to finish the job. But Nera would never, she _could_ never. She felt weak again.

But then Rennek got into a fight he could not win. When he died, Nera ran. She went straight to Kessel with his ship. And she killed the slave owner.

Many came after her for that. So she killed again. For Rennek, she was not weak.

But when she left that despicable planet, she was alone. Truly alone. Again. Haunted by the lives she took. But fighting, killing, became the only thing that was familiar to her. Some could say her first job was a bounty hunter, but that just wasn't it. She was not employed, she was not rewarded with coin. She was overtaken by her past and spent a year of her life flying planet to planet, killing slave owners in cold blood. She took no bounty.

But it wasn't her. Flying around in Rennek's ship, turning into a void of a killing machine as he once did. It felt like she was living the life of a ghost. She felt like she was a ghost.

That part of Nera is so buried now. Not even Nichos has any idea of that part of her past. He knows of what follows after, in pieces.

Nera was a bartender. A stewardess. Farmer. Engineer. Weapons, ships, whatever. She's cleaned floors, made food, fixed a fucking speeder. Whatever there is on whatever planet she is on. Anything that let her pretend her violent past did not exist.

Many of these jobs did not last long. Nera was called a troublemaker often, but she tried. She really tried at each one.. At least for a while. But she was haunted with bad luck.

Many years back, Rennek's ship was stollen from her. Although she was working as a bartender, the anger built up inside her. She spent her time trying to track it down. She would often speak to locals, scavengers, bounty hunters. Any person who walked into the room looking scummy, she would flame with questions. She would flirt for answers. Anything.

Often this led her into quarrels. She would find herself in a fight or running from someone she pissed off, when she was just trying to get information about her ship. It was her ship. It was the only thing she had left of Rennek. The only family. The only thing.

Eventually she settled down, giving up, and decided to save up for a new ship. And here she is years later. Still trying to do that.

Through all of these years, and all of these jobs, the only thing that was constant was Nera's fucking dreams. Although they varied in theme, they were always there. Not as much while she was young, but as she got older they got more plentiful. And now, they were nearly constant. Every night she had these visions. Like she was living the life of someone else. Like her past was seeping in through the cracks.

She had no clue why, and the hours she spent trying to figure it out were wasted. She has gotten to the point where she just blocks the thoughts out. Distracts herself from them.

Nera was wrist deep in speeder oil and grease when she was finally able to snap herself out of her thoughts.

She went over to the tool cart and grabbed the rag that was hanging off the side. She had an itch on her nose and knew she would just smear grease all over her face if she didn't clean off her hands.

Nera was picking at the oil under her finger nail when the hairs on the back of her neck started to tingle. She rubbed the side of her head against her shoulder, trying to itch at it. But it wouldn't let up.

She finished cleaning one hand, and was about to reach up to scratch, but then instantly felt her head lull in dizziness. It started as a small thump in the back of her skull, but then her whole head started to pulse.

She pressed her palm against her forehead, groaning at the headache. It lasted for an agitating few minutes. Nera bit her lip and rubbed her temples, for that usually helped. After a couple minutes of cringing, Nera had her eyes squeezed shut when all of the sudden the pain was gone. Her head was as clear as day.

And then she heard it.

_Prepare my ship!_

Nera gasped, dropping the rag from her hands. She spun to look around the room, trying to find the person that voice came from. But she was alone, no one was here.

Instantly Nera froze. She felt her stomach drop. She felt.... anger?

Emotions were swirling through Nera in ways that didn't make sense. Emotions that didn't feel like her own. But they were still there, picking away at her brain. It felt like how it was when she was dreaming. Normally, Nera would block this out, distract herself, but she didn't this time. She simply could not if she tried, it was so all-consuming.

Nera started to think about it. Why was she feeling this? Why was anger picking at her mind? Why was her hand clenched? Why?!

Nera had this feeling inside her, like she was somewhere else. Like she was someone else. There was a chill that picked on her skin. The same way her dreams were. She felt like there was another presence. Like someone was standing next to her. It was absolutely horrifying. Confusing.

"Nera!"

Nera jerked. In an instant, all those emotions and the feeling of this presence left. Like they were blown away by the wind. It felt empty, but she let out a breath she didn't know she was holding.

Nera shook her head to snap herself out of it, looking over to see Nichos striding over to her.

"Are you alright?"

Nera cleared her throat, and remembered to move her body. "Y-yeah, good. All good," she tried to play it off, bending over to pick up the rag she dropped. Nichos gave her a look, but Nera just plastered a smile on her face. "Days over already?"

Nichos nodded like it was obvious.

"I guess I was just having so much fun I lost track of time," Nera teased sarcastically. She nervously laughed, glancing around her once more to make sure no one else was actually here. 

"Sorry to burst your bubble," Nichos chuckled. "Now come on, I'm starving."


	2. Are You Ready To Speak Now?

It had to be late. Late enough that waking in the morning would hurt. But Nera couldn't sleep.

That voice kept playing over and over in her head. The feeling was swirling around in her mind, and it wouldn't let up. The dreams were one thing. But Nera had never experienced anything like that. Never felt anything like that.

She tried to forget it, to get over it, but she couldn't. Nichos was noticing she was acting weird at dinner, but she played it off as being tired. Maybe Nera was just overtired, her brain making up these random things to stay awake.

But now here she was, wide awake.

Nera closed her eyes, not that it would put her to sleep, but so that she could focus. If she wanted this to stop, this mental turmoil, Nera felt the only way was to think it though. She must be having a psychotic break. Maybe she tried to block out too many emotions.

She tried to get a grasp on what she was feeling. Maybe the memories of her dark days were coming back full force. Nera wanted to face them. To make this stop so she could sleep through a night.

She laid in the darkness, trying to understand. Nera forced herself to think about her life. To think about Rennek. To think about Kessel and Lah'mu. She felt anger and despair at these memories, as she did so many times in her life. She started to feel the hurt and the pain all over again. She was about to stop reliving this agony when the small tickle in the back of her head returned. And she heard the voice again. That voice.

_What is this?_

Nera's eyes snapped open.

The room was dark. Silent. Still. She was alone.

Nera shot up in bed, starting to panic. She is losing it. She's going crazy. Someone must be in here, messing with her.

Nera stood up, her bare feet aching from the cold of the floors. She walked to the door, but it was sealed shut. She pressed her ear to it, not able to hear anyone outside. Nera turned, gazing into the black of her room. It was completely empty, not even a shadow in the corner.

"Ugh!" Nera groaned, bringing her hands up to rub at her eyes. She must be hallucinating or some shit. How much sleep has she been getting? She assumed barely anything. A small enough amount to be hearing voices in the darkness.

She kept her hands tangled into her hair as she trudged back to her cot. She curled up into a ball, covering her eyes with her hands now. She replayed the thought 'go to sleep' over and over again in her head, afraid of thinking anything else.

Eventually, she willed herself to sleep.

\-----

The next day at work was the same. But this time Nera tried harder to keep herself entertained, to keep her mind busy. She would think of a story or sing a song in her head. Anything to keep her brain activated enough.

Nera didn't want to think of yesterday. Or another dream she had last night. Any of it. She just wants to will it away.

When Nichos came to pick her up from her station at the end of the day, she was relieved to be in his presence again. Someone to keep her busy.

Nera made sure to be extra chatty while they ate together. She didn't even recognize what food she was eating because she was so involved in making sure her brain was interested in talking to Nichos.

But the day always has to end, doesn't it?

Luckily, the absolute lack of sleep Nera got the night prior made it relatively easy to fall asleep. Staying asleep though, thats a different matter.

She was dreaming of a room. Just a room. It looked nice, definitely bigger than hers. With real furniture. But the walls were just as plain.

In her sleep, Nera was walking through this room. There were all these emotions running through her, but the fact that this dream felt so normal made them not so terrible and overpowering. She found herself in what looked to be a bathroom.

She was looking down at her hands. Those same gloved hands, leading to black fabric, that had choked that man to death. There was a long moment when she just felt herself, still, in this dream, watching these hands. They felt like her hands, but they were too large to be her own.

Slowly, she started to look around. Eventually, her gaze moved upwards to the mirror.

Just as Nera was about to stare into the mirror, it felt as if an electric volt shot through her head and she jumped up in bed, letting out a loud gasp.

Just like always, she gripped onto her cot, searching around the dark room with panic, her mind running haywire. Normally she would start to calm down this time, but it was still the middle of the night, and she still felt that presence in the back of her head. She didn't feel alone.

_Why?_

Nera sucked in a large breath. Goosebumps littered her skin as that voice rang as clear as day. She was paralyzed. She almost hoped someone was in the room. As horrifying as that would be, it would make more sense. At least she could put up a fight to a physical being.

A long moment passed of her just staring into darkness, breathing irregularly.

 _Who are you?_ That same voice called again. It was cold, raspy. It shared the same amount of curiosity that she felt, but the anger laced so heavily through it.

Nera sucked in a gulp of shaky air. "Is this real?" She said aloud, questioning herself, squeezing her eyes shut. She prayed there would be no response. She already felt insane.

_You can hear me?_

Nera almost let out a fit of terror, but held it in. A simple whimper escaped as her eyes bugged out of her head. Once again, Nera started to search around her room for someone.

"What is _happening_?" Nera groaned loudly, letting her head fall against her knees as she pulled her legs against herself. She felt like disappearing.

 _Where are you? How are you here?_ The voice pressed, like it was rushed to get answers. Like it was irritating to not know. 

"Get out of my head," Nera grounded, bringing a hand to her skull to try to push the voice out. She was scared and confused.

_Why are we connected?_

Nera wanted to bang her head against the wall. "As if I know!" She just wanted sleep. She didn't want to be losing her mind.

Almost immediately she could feel anger wash over her. As if what she said angered this voice. It truly felt like another presence within her own. The same way it always had.

A long few moments passed. Nera clenched her muscles at the way the anger was coursing through her. After a few beats, it started to fade a bit. But it never left.

_The Force must be connecting us. Why?_

Nera lifted her head up, her eyes squinting. "Force?"

The Force? Nera couldn't make sense of what her brain was doing to her. She knew nothing of the Force. She heard stories, sure. Rennek told her stories of the Jedi, of this mystical energy. To her, it was a bedtime story. A story to motivate her, to push her to work harder to be the strongest. These Jedi had always sounded very pompous.

 _Who are you?_ The voice asked again. All of these questions sounded like this voice was thinking to itself, trying to figure it out. It was stressful to her, like it actually was an actual presence. She couldn't accept that.

"Lots of questions for a voice in my head," Nera mumbled sarcastically into the dark room. This thought alone made her almost laugh at how she should be institutionalized. 

That anger started to build up again, making Nera's jaw set tensely as that warmth in the back of her head started to spark.

 _Answer me._ The voice demanded.

Nera froze up for a moment. The voice inside her head, the own figment of her imagination, was going to be rude to her? What kind of sadistic shit is this? Why did she have to explain herself to her own brain? This is bullshit, she thought to herself.

_I heard that._

Nera went rigid. She hadn't said anything out loud.

"I'm just someone that is losing her mind," she huffed, laying back down in her bed. She ran her hands over her face, dragging the skin of her cheeks, trying to feel the sensation to make sure she wasn't dreaming again.

Her thoughts were running in circles. She couldn't make sense of this. Was she ill? Was trauma finding its way back to her?

She wanted it to stop. Just just wanted to go back to sleep. Maybe this was all just part of her dream.

Nera squeezed her eyes shut as tightly as she could, trying to force all the thoughts away, force all of it away.

But that warmth, that presence in the back of her head, tickling her nape, didn't go away. The voices didn't speak again, giving her at least enough relief to fall back asleep.

\--

Nera barely slept. She had awoken so late in the night that she only had a short few hours before she had to get up for work. Even during those few hours, she was tossing and turning, waking a few more times. She was afraid to let her brain relax, afraid to hear that voice again.

As she rubbed the exhaustion from her eyes and sat up in her cot, it didn't take long for Nera to notice that the tingle in the back of her mind was still there. It had never stayed so long. Normally she felt it in her dream, or in the middle of the night, but it would come and go quickly. Why was it still bothering her?

Nera stood and couldn't help herself from looking around her room. She even peered under the desk and checked in the bathroom. She was so sure it felt like someone was in here. But there was no sign of anyone or anything. No camera or hidden datapad, either. If only this was just a prank.

Nera sighed as she walked into the bathroom. It was just a sink and a toilet, both metal and rusted. Nera stopped at the sink and turned on the water, wanting to wash her face off for some relief, but frowned when it spat out brown-tinted liquid.

She quickly turned the faucet off, giving up hope for that idea. She would have to wash up in the communal bathrooms down the hall. Instead, Nera looked into the mirror. It was a broken piece of glass glued above the sink. 

Her hair was pulled back into a braid, but it was entirely messy from her disruptive sleep. Baby hairs poked out all over her forehead, curled around her face. Nera frowned a bit at her appearance. She always felt like she was just getting thinner. She had gotten used to only eating one meal a day, barely scraping by. In her past, she had been lucky to even eat at all some days. But she didn't look as strong as she used to. Her muscles had started to fade as the years of training and fighting had now passed her.

The dark bags under her eyes were very noticeable, making her think back to last night. It was just a dream. Thats all it was, right? But speaking to that voice felt very real. It stood out in her memory. She had definitely been awake for that.

Feeling the spark that burned in her head, the presence that weighed on her shoulders, she sighed. "Are you still here?"

A moment of silent passed. Nera almost let out a breath of relief.

_Yes._

Immediate chills spread across her arms. She wanted to hide away, to go find Nichos to distract herself. But she had a feeling this voice wasn't going to leave her today.

"Why am I hearing you? How?" Nera was looking for answers, anything.

_I don't know. Something is connecting us._

"The Force?" Nera asked, thinking back to what the voice said last night.

_Yes._

Nera bowed her head down, biting at her lip. "You're just a voice in my head. The Force isn't real."

Silence followed, but the presence was still picking at the back of her mind. She thought maybe she was getting the voice to stop by denying its existence. Maybe she just had to convince herself this wasn't real.

_You know that isn't true._

Nera gulped. The voice was low, almost as a whisper, underlined with mischief and power. It made her suck in a shaky breath as these feelings washed over her. Like she knew it was true. Like it was right.

She snapped herself out of it. No. She was done with this. She had to get to work.

Nera fixed herself up in the bathroom and got ready for the day, not wasting a second thought before she threw on her jacket and slipped out of her room. She quickly stopped at the communal bathroom to brush her teeth and splash water on her face. She thought it would help, snap her out of this, but it didn't.

Nera's steps were quicker than usual as she went to find Nichos. A breath of relief escaped her lips when she saw him, happy to see another person that wasn't made up in her head.

"You're late, thats unlike you," Nichos flashed his sly smile, already leaning against his doorway, waiting for her.

Nera flipped a strand of hair out of her face. "I overslept. It's not like there is any sunlight here to wake me up."

"True," Nichos thought, pushing himself off the door and joining her side. Right away, they fell into sync, their footsteps matching up as they started to make their way down the hallway to the exit.

"Some of the crew working on the TIE fighter were talking about getting a drink tonight. You in?" Nichos suggested as they stopped in front of the exit to zip up their coats. Raining again.

Nera looked up at him, pursing her lips together. She didn't try to avoid cantinas, but after those years of working in one and picking fights, she wasn't exactly eager. She was going to say no, but then she realized this might be a great distraction. Maybe a few drinks and a change of scenery would snap her out of the weight lingering in her head. Or allow her to forget about.

"Sure," she smiled, shrugging. "Why not."

A grin took over Nichos' face, lighting it up. Nera liked when he smiled, his joy always seemed to rub off on her. But it looked better on him. It's why she kept most of her struggles from him. She didn't want to see him concerned or pitiful. She liked when he was joyful, it balanced her out.

After they made their normal morning trek into work, Nichos promised to get her after their shift, and then they wen't their respective ways. Nera was left alone again. Couldn't ignore the presence on her mind.

Nera was moving slow today. She was still checking up on her status on the datapad, leaning against the broken cruiser, when her skin crawled again.

_Where are you?_

Nera groaned. Not again. Not now. She barely got a break, hadn't even started to work yet. "Leave me alone," she moaned to herself, craving peace. Craving a clear head.

Familiar anger washed over her, and she started to feel impatience. She was pissing off the voice in her head, it seemed. What a short temper it's got.

_Where. Are. You._

Nera pushed herself off the speeder, walking over to the tool cart. She was trying to shut her datapad off, but it was frozen. Her face scrunched as she tried to tap the screen, pressing on random buttons. This only making things worse as the screen started to glitched.

"Just trying to get my job done," she complained, a huff coming out at her new irritation at this datapad piece of junk. Seemed like the universe just didn't want her to be productive today. All she had wanted was a distraction.

_You are angry. Why?_

Nera looked up, taken aback. It made sense that the voice would know what she was feeling, if it was a figment of her imagination, but still she was confused. How did it know? Why ask?

"Besides hearing voices in my head?" Nera teased sarcastically. "This dumb datapad is broken."

For a moment, she felt anger fade as silence consumed her.

_You have a datapad._

The voice stated this more than asked, and it made Nera raise an eyebrow, musing to herself. "Yeah... if this piece of junk counts..."

The voice didn't respond. She even stood, awaiting a response for a while. Until she realized how stupid it was that she was waiting for the voice in her head talked back to her. She almost laughed at herself, was she really this lonely?

Nera was about to put the datapad down and get to work when it returned.

_The serial number. Read it to me._

"What?" Nera instantly asked, blatantly confused. She could not make sense of that request, especially from a voice in her head.

_The datapad. Serial number. Now._

She was getting a little sick of these short, demanding sentences. If she was going insane, couldn't her imagination at least be a little more friendly?

"Why?" She wondered aloud.

_Now._

Nera flipped the datapad over to look at the serial number taped on the back. She seriously couldn't believe she was about to read this. It really made no sense to her at all. At least it would get this voice off her back. Nera groaned.

"F9FZK....." She paused, really debating why she was doing this. "51SLMPD." She finished anyway.

Once again, Nera found herself waiting patiently for a response. Force of habit, maybe? "Why are you asking me this? It doesn't-"

_Look._

Nera stopped mid sentence. She was going to keep asking, not enjoying being so rudely cut off, as she flipped the datapad back around. She stopped for a moment. This was insane. This is insane, right? What is she doing?

But then, through the glitched screen, with a small crack on the bottom, Nera saw it.

There was a message. From an unknown source.

Nera visibly jumped. She could feel her heart beat quicken, sweat pulling at her hairline. She was seeing things? Right?

_Believe I am real yet?_

In an instant, the datapad was out of her hands. Nera nearly threw it onto the tool cart, backing away. "No," she mumbled, mostly to herself. What is going on? How? Who? What?

Nera stumbled away towards the cruiser, rubbing at her scalp. Her thoughts were going haywire. 

_Now tell me where you are._

"No," Nera said, more forceful this time. She needed a break. She needed to think, to think her own thoughts. Alone. "Go away."

She leaned over, squeezing her head, physically trying to will it away. _Get out of her head._

After all her muscles started to tremble from strain, she felt the presence and the tickle in the back of her head fade away in an instant. Nera released her hands from her head, slowly standing back up. It was gone. _He_ was gone.

Nera let out a long breath. It had been since last night that the presence was daunting her, and she felt immediate relief now that it was gone. She felt like she was finally left alone again.

She took a moment, standing still in the middle of the hanger. She really hoped no one had walked by to see her in the past few minutes.

Her thoughts rolled over and over as she tried to find an excuse for what just happened. But there was a feeling in her gut that told her she wasn't just hearing voices. She still could be going insane, sure.

She even managed to sneak back over to the datapad, hesitantly she looked at the screen again. The message was still there. It was real.

The voice was real? Someone real?

"Ugh," Nera cried aloud. She couldn't make sense of this. There was no explanation. She couldn't think her way through it. Her hands were shaking as she unlocked the datapad screen, immediately deleting the message that was haunting her in a panic, as if it would help. Like getting rid of the evidence would get rid of all of this.

But it didn't, and she felt sick.

She just needed to work, she just needed to do something...

To make up for the lost time this morning, Nera threw herself into the speeder repairs. But the entire time, she felt almost sick. Everything that has been happening was making her nauseous. To the point where she wishes she could puke, for maybe being extremely ill would be a reason for all this madness.

She couldn't stop hearing his voice. Believe I am real yet?

It was on repeat as she tightened a bolt on the engine.

"Nera."

She was so caught in her head, she didn't even hear Nichos call her name. She was just so used to hearing voices, didn't know which ones to listen to now.

"Hey, Nera!" Nichos was now behind her, making Nera jump out of her skin. "Woah, hey," Nichos held up his hands.

Nera spun around, caught off guard. "Lethal, oh, hey," she stumbled. "Sorry."

"You okay?"

"Yeah, yeah, just didn't hear you," Nera pushed out a smile, but she could feel just how forced it must have looked.

"Are you sure?" Nichos squatted down a bit to get a better look at her. "You look a little pale."

Nera waved him off, fixing her shirt as she moved away from the speeder. "You just startled me is all," she shrugged. Nichos gave her a look, like he didn't believe it, but she didn't give him a chance to press. "What's up? That time already?"

Nichos stepped back, allowing her to walk away from the speeder to set her tools down. "Yep. You know you have a clock on your datapad, right?"

Nera's skin crawled as she glanced at the datapad. She could picture the message popping up on the screen. "I think its broken.."

"Oh, want me to take a look at it?" Nichos jumped over, excited almost.

"No," Nera quickly snatched it off the cart before he could get to it, causing him to scrunch his face at her. "I mean, don't worry about it," she laughed. "I think it just needs a good charge overnight."

"Okay... Well, are you ready to go?"

Nera nodded, grabbing her jacket that she discarded on the cart, and walking over next to him. She tried to put as much pep in her step as she could, playing off their awkward encounter. She didn't intentionally mean to keep things from him, but what was she supposed to say? I'm hearing this voice, some man, in my head? And he sent me a message?

Nichos would think she was insane. And even if not, Nera wanted to keep it to herself. As she did most things.

Nichos was chatting about his day. Nera was trying to listen, and normally she would make some jealous comment about how exciting it must be to work on a TIE fighter, but she was dozed off. She forced herself to remember to nod to show him she was listening, but she really was just looking off into the distance as they walked.

Nera really wanted to back out of agreeing to get drinks tonight, but she knew that would make him even more suspicious. And she couldn't think of a good excuse, especially not one that wouldn't make her sound crazy.

Reluctantly, she went back to her room to get ready. They planned to get food at the cantina, so Nichos told her to meet him outside his door in an hour.

Once locked in her room, alone, Nera let out a sigh. She peeled off her rain-soaked clothes, discarding them before she walked into the bathroom. Just like this morning, she leaned against her bathroom sink, looking into the mirror, trying to take a moment to gather herself. To think.

The voice was real? He was real? How?

Nera started to think over all of the times she heard him. The things he was saying, or asking. Well, more like demanding. It said the Force was connecting them. The Force? It was a fairytale for children, wasn't it?

Nera thought back to Rennek, someone she often tried not to think about, due to the heartache it caused her by remembering him. And all the brutal memories that happened both before and after him.

But she tried to remember the stories he told her. She remembered the Jedi, these so called warriors. Rennek always spoke about them with distaste, but they just sounded like superheroes to her. And they had these powers, this "Force". Nera remembered she felt jealous, wanting to have a mystical energy that instantly made her stronger. Instead she had to train. To fight, to cry, to hurt, and then pick herself back up and go again.

Her thoughts started to get off topic, remembering all those sessions with Rennek. The way his staff felt when it whacked into her side, then her shoulder, then her skull.

Nera stood up straight, shaking her head. That wasn't important. Not now.

She looked at herself in the mirror for a while, feeling blank. Nera had no other ideas. She had no clue what this meant. And then again just like this morning, Nera felt the presence return, the hairs on the back of her neck sticking up. It was as if her thinking about it, about him, brought his presence back.

Instead of cowering, shivering, Nera stood still. She let it come. She wanted answers.

_Are you ready to speak now?_

There was always this anger underlying the voice. Every time it returned, she felt these rush of emotions. Anger. Power. Rush. Confusion. Irritation. _Power_.

"You said the Force is connecting us," Nera states, getting right to it. "The Force... it is real?"

_Yes._

Nera paused for a moment, not sure what to ask next. "How? What do you know of the Force?"

_It surrounds all of us, binding the galaxy. Everywhere. Some are sensitive to it, can harness the energy._

"And you.. you can harness it?"

_Yes. And apparently so can you._

"What?" Nera leaned back. "No, I... What?"

_You are Force sensitive. Otherwise we wouldn't be connected._

Nera stopped for a moment. The Force... was real. And she was "sensitive" to it? "What does this mean? Why now? Why me?" Nera tried, unsure of where to start.

_I don't know._

Silence linger over Nera for a while. She wasn't sure what to say or what to do.

Before she could react, there was a bang at her door.

Nera jolted, almost out of a trance. And in that moment, she felt the connection dissipate. Where did it go? Why?

She stood for a moment, lost, before the banging continued. Snapping out of it, Nera rushed over to the door, sliding it open to reveal Nichos.

"What's up with you losing track of time lately?" He teased. Nera looked over him, taking him in. He wasn't in his usual work gear and rain coat. He wore a plain beige t-shirt that clung tightly around his large upper-body, showing off his shape. His hair was shaggy, curled slightly as it dried from the rain. Nichos had a sly smile on his face.

Nera bit at her lip. It was nice to see him, a real man, after getting caught up on the one stuck in her head. He always was a sight for sore eyes.

"God, sorry, I don't know," Nera laughed, playing it off. She couldn't believe it had already been an hour. But she was clueless to how long she was caught up in her thoughts. Reality was slipping from her.

"Well, are you ready to go?" Nichos pressed, running a hand through his hair.

Nera snapped her eyes off of him. "Yeah, let me just..." she ran back inside, snatching her jacket off her cot, before jogging back to his side. "Lets go."

Nichos linked his arm with hers, hooking her around his elbow. Nera smiled to herself as they found their way outside. He was much more laid back when they were off work, and Nera almost had forgotten how that was. He was so warm to her, nearly flirtatious when they weren't on the clock, stuck in routine.

Nera had always saw him as only a friend. Which he was lucky enough for that. She did not trust easily, especially not men. She had been hurt and burned too many times for that. But then Nichos would do things like keep her close when they met up with with other crew members. She would watch him as he so easily talked with them, throwing his head back in laughter. But he always was around, even in public. They would share glances and jokes together. And it made her feel warm. It was hard to deny that he was attractive, to say the least.

Nothing ever came of it, Nera just liked to observe from a distance. A sight for sore eyes, thats all. 

She was looking for anything else. She has a lot of her own shit to deal with.


	3. Dreams Of Rage

Nera found relief during her night out at the local cantina with some of the crew members. The voice never came back, the presence spared her. She was able to actually enjoy her time, even though the stress and confusion was still eating away at her gut. She barely could stomach any booze, but did her best to try, for she knew she could use the aid in sleeping.

Nera was just happy she was able to make it home and fall asleep without any disruptions.

But that didn't last long.

Nera had this dream before. Multiple times. She recognized it, even in her sleep. The first time she dreamt this was years and years ago, as a youngling. Throughout the years, every now and again, it would come back.

In the dream, she was laying in a cot. It was chilly, a cool night breeze pushing through the holes in the hut she laid in. It was peaceful at first, relaxing. But then there was a pressure in her head. She started to see darkness. Hear voices she couldn't make out. Fear and anger followed as she tried to sleep. She felt a pull deep in her chest. A pull toward the voices.

But before she could explore it, her stomach dropped. She felt another presence.

In the dream, she rolled over in the cot. Instantly fear washed over her, like she was drowning, making her stomach drop. It had felt like she was falling and that sensation alone had woken her up many times before, but not this time.

The fear quickly turned to anger. Raw, unfiltered anger. Anger that could only stem from betrayal, from pure hurt. It was _agonizing_.

And then Nera saw it. A man stood over her, his face trembling, holding a weapon. It was bright green and pulsating. The energy swords the Jedi use. Nera could feel the electricity light up her face, burning through all her senses.

Nera didn't recognize the man that held the weapon to her, but she had seen him many times in her dreams. It always left her dumbfounded how she could dream of a face she had never seen before.

Before Nera could register anything else, she let out a scream, and darkness caved in on her.

Nera shot up in a cold sweat, panting. She could feel tears rolling down her cheeks. She had felt it so strongly, the anger and hurt. She could feel it in every bone, every muscle. From her finger tips to her toes. Her whole body ached.

And the ache in her head remained. The presence was back. He was here. And he was feeling those same emotions she was. He was amplifying all of them.

"Are you here?" Nera called out, still panting. Her voice was quiet, exhausted. She needed to speak to him, needed an outlet for what was coursing through her.

_Yes._

He took a long moment to respond. The voice was quiet, too. It sounded pained, struggled, just like hers. Did he have this dream, too?

"These dreams," Nera tried to swallow, catching her breath. "Do you have them, too? Are they part of it?"

_What did you see?_

"I..." Nera huffed, shifting in bed. She wiped the old tears off her face. "I was resting. I was alone. And then... Then someone tried to kill me? Someone I loved..." She struggled to make sense of it. "I feel anger... I-"

Nera froze, stopping mid-sentence. She knew it wasn't her in the dream, that wasn't anything that happened to her. She had no memory of it. That means...

"Did this happen to you?" She almost gasped, whispering out into the darkness. She felt the anger from this person peak, surrounding her, urging her to stop. Like she should drop it.

The voice didn't respond.

Nera wasn't going to give up that easily. She craved answers. These dreams have haunted her since she was a child. If this meant she could get answers, explain them somehow, she needed to hear it.

"I have other dreams. Normal dreams. But I'm somewhere else," Nera started. "Like walking. On a ship. Sometimes fighting... Is that you?"

_We are more connected than I thought._

Nera almost cried in relief. This is the reasoning behind her dreams?! All these years they never made sense. All these years of restless nights, and it was always him?

"Who _ARE_ you...?" Nera almost pleaded. Almost her whole life she had dreams related to this person? This _real_ person? Somewhere else?

_Who are you?_

It asked back, both of them dying to know. She could feel his irritation at the mystery. And Nera almost got irritated that he didn't answer her. "I asked first."

He didn't answer.

Nera huffed, flopping back into bed, laying and staring up at the ceiling.

_What is your family name? Who are your parents?_

He pressed, almost like an interrogation. Nera's face fell, her lip curling up in anger, but then fell again as she answered.

"I don't know...." she felt emotions swirl inside of her, but ignored it. "Who are yours?"

The voice paused for a moment. _I have none._

Nera found herself feeling more confused now than before. Who was this person? Why wasn't she getting any answers. "What is your name?" She tried.

Silence.

Come on, seriously? Nera huffed, rolling onto her side, curling her knees into her chest.

_Where are you?_

Nera gave up on him giving her any information. She was starting to feel tired again. "Outer Rim," Nera mumbled.

_Where?_

"Where are _you_?" She fought back. Nera wasn't going to spill all of her details to some stranger she didn't even know the name of. She almost laughed. A stranger. A stranger that is in her head. And has been for years.

 _Why won't you answer me?_ The voice demanded loudly.

"Why won't you answer me?" Nera copied, attitude lacing her voice. Instantly, she felt anger peak. Great, he has a short temper. What a treat.

 _I can hear you._ The voice seethed.

"You can hear my thoughts?" Nera felt almost violated.

_Yes._

"All of them?" She was afraid for the answer. She didn't want to know she literally had no privacy.

_I can sense what you are feeling. It is selective, but sometimes thoughts are clear._

Nera guessed that was a relief. She wasn't completely exposed.

Can you hear this? Nera thought, trying to speak through her thoughts.

_Yes._

"Huh," Nera huffed aloud. Maybe she doesn't have to talk to herself now, afraid of someone catching her. It just felt weird to think it all.

"Tell me about that dream," Nera tried again, changing the subject. The feelings of betrayal hadn't left her yet. She could still picture the look in that man's eyes, the one that was trying to kill her. Or him, it was his memory?

_No._

"But-"

_Enough._

He snapped, anger pulsated between Nera's forehead. And in an instant, their connection dissipated. His presence was gone.

Did he do that? Does he have control over it? Did he just shut it off? Could she do that?

Nera's mind was still racing with questions. Of the dreams. Of the Force. Of his short temper. Of all of this.

She felt more lost now than she did when this started.


	4. Reality Slowly Slipping Away

Days passed.

Although they all felt a blur to Nera. Night was molding into days, sleep was often lost on her, and she felt herself slipping away from reality. Which was easy to do with a voice in her head.

Nera was stressed. It showed on her face now more than ever. Nichos had expressed concern, noticing she hid away in her room and was being more quiet than usual. She was confused. She was lost. She didn't know how to function in public, around her friend, when she had another person in her head. She couldn't decide if she was insane or not yet.

The dreams were almost worse now. Louder, more realistic. The connection feels like it is always there, always picking away at the back of her skull. Like it was activated. Always dormant in her mind and in her dreams, but now it was real.

Nera had tried to find an explanation, or anything to show her that this wasn't real. That the Force wasn't real. But she always failed. And the voice was convincing her otherwise. It was almost like this made sense, almost like she had felt this her whole life, it being a part of her. She just had never knew what it was.

Nera was desperate for answers. She couldn't avoid this if she wanted to, so she found herself at work, or in bed most nights, speaking to this voice. This man.

Mostly it was arguing, him forcefully trying to uncover information about her. And she knew nothing about him, only what she saw in her dreams. She often saw the galaxy and a dark, cold corridor. He must be on a ship, a _large_ ship.

Nera refused to tell him her location, no matter how much he asked. She wasn't going to give her spot away to someone that is seemingly angry and violent? Although, she sometimes found herself not minding speaking to him. But when she would ask questions, he would often get agitated. Angry. Snap.

Nera started to put together pieces of her past dreams. He was the one choking that poor man earlier in the week, he must have been. She had tried to ask, to bring it up, but the anger that poured out of him stopped her immediately in her track.

A part of her was scared. When she dreamt, or when she felt his heavy presence, she could almost reach out and touch the feelings of rage and domination. This bloodlust and desperate need for power rushed through her veins and tickled her bones. It was intense and horrifying, which is why she kept to herself as much as she could. She was afraid of the power. It felt like her own sometimes.

But a part of her, a small part she would never give the time of day, invited this in. It almost felt... good. Like a rush, adrenaline... power. Like all her weakness was gone. And that was the scariest part. She had tried to leave this part of her past behind.

Nera couldn't place the reason she held on and kept encouraging this. She could block it out and ignore it, never to respond. It was probably the fact she felt like she was going through a crisis in her life. But there were some times, often when she jumped awake from a dream, that she felt other emotions. She felt hurt. Pain and confusion, like some twisted internal battle. She never heard this from him, never spoke of it, but she was so sure there was something broken in him, too.

And sometimes he did answer her. On days like today. She was finishing up the speeder, doing final inspections before she sent it off to Guro. She walked around it, bending over to look closer at the engine before typing the status update into her datapad. "Tell me more about the Force," she tried. "I've heard stories of the Jedi."

Nera knew she didn't have to speak out loud, but it was still too weird to accept that someone can hear her thoughts. That she wasn't a fan of. She was so in tune to this voice's dreams, emotions, and memories, she nearly started to sweat at what he may feel from her.

 _The Jedi..._ He almost seethed while also letting out a sigh. _The Jedi were weak, foolish. Bound to a righteous code of self-servitude._

Nera had never heard someone regard the Jedi in this manner. Granted, she has only heard stories from Rennek to encourage strength, and broken slaves that needed mythical heroes to look up to. But she could feel the certainty in his voice, how truly he believed this.

"What happened to them?"

_Their arrogance was their downfall._

"Were you a Jedi?" Curiosity and ache for the story poured out of Nera. She felt like she was young again, sitting around a fire with Rennek, asking questions. Her heart ached.

 _No._ He snapped immediately. _There is another path... The path to the dark side._

Nera's eyes glazed over, moving from her datapad to stare at the metal wall of the hanger. His voice sent shivers through her spine, causing imaginations of this dark side to swirl around her brain. She knew nothing of it, but could see through her interactions with him. Her violent dreams and the emotions that ran through him, she could picture them. It made her uncomfortable and set on edge. Like there was an evil presence that inspired fear, coming from him.

But she was picturing those feelings of power and anger that stemmed from a life of fear and betrayal. She felt her own ache from her life of running, barely scraping by. All the hurt, the death, the abandonment.

_You can feel it..._

His cold, quiet voice rang out in her head, bouncing around in the void of black that currently was her brain. He was able to sense her thoughts, able to share the feelings that were running amuck in her mind. He could catch glimpses of her memories. Of her being overpowered, hurt and abused. The pure anger stemming from this, and the grasp for strength so it would never happen again. Confusion and fear was all she could feel when she thought of her past. Especially now that she was hiding from it.

_The anger and hurt you feel, the dark side draws from this. It can give you power..._

"No," Nera huffed out a breath, snapping herself out of it, trying to pull herself out of the dark pit she fell into. She didn't like to give these thoughts the time of day. It scared her. "You killed that man from my dream," she argued against herself. She felt death, and it was wrong. It was evil.

_I did._

There was no remorse in his voice. No fight to deny this.

"Why?" Nera was exasperated, hurting at this interaction. There was a long pause and she waited, hoping to hear something good. To hear that this voice in her head wasn't evil.

But he didn't answer. A realization settled into Nera. "How many people have you... _killed_?"

_Don't ask questions you do not want to know the answer to._

Chills ran across her skin, and she could feel goosebumps line her arms. He was right, she didn't want to know. She was afraid of the truth. But not having answers was almost worse. She could only imagine all the horrible reasons or all the horrible things this person has done. She thought the worst.

Flashes of memories from previous dreams, and new ones that ran through their connection, originating from his mind, came into Nera's. This animalistic, regal bloodlust coursed through. Fighting and screaming as villages burned and folks were slaughtered. A bright red glowing staff hummed loudly in her mind as she imagined it slicing through body after body without hesitation.

"You are evil," it came out as a whisper, almost in the form of a question. The question and worry that has been running around in Nera's mind for days and days on end. It was coming to reality now.

_Maybe. But what are you?_

Nera's stomach dropped and she went pale, frozen.

_I've seen it, the men you have killed. I can sense your anger. Your desire for more..._

Nera felt sick at the way his words stuck to her like glue, the way they hung around her head like a dark cloud. He knew of her past. He has seen her darkest, most repressed moments. The things she ran from. He knew.

Nera didn't respond. She couldn't speak she was so taken aback. She felt cold.

_We are connected for a reason..._

Nera felt like she was going to turn blue, like there wasn't oxygen surrounding her anymore. Like for once, the mundane reality she had created for herself was sucked away from her. She couldn't hide.

No. No. He was wrong. He was wrong. She was not evil. She did not burn villages to the ground. She didn't choke a desperate man to death. She didn't feel those things he projected onto her.

Nera liked her mundane life. She was happy with Nichos. She didn't want to kill, never craved it. This was fine. She was saving up for to buy a ship, that was all. That was the only more she wanted.

But his voice hung in her head, and she would never admit the true feelings that rushed through her.

Nera didn't want to continue this conversation. She didn't want to feel the things or think the thoughts she was. It made her head pulse, like her mind was physically aching. She hated this darkness, it felt too much like her past she had tried so hard to run from. And he was scaring her.

She didn't respond, trying to shake it off as she looked back at her datapad to finish up the inspection. The day was almost over. Nichos would be here to distract her soon.

But those dark thoughts never left.

\---

Nera only saw black.

She felt like she was awake, fully conscious as she spun to look around. But there was nothing. No one. No floors, no walls, no nothing. Only darkness. Only black.

She called out in search for someone or something, but her voice just echoed into the void, bouncing back over and over again until it fell away. Fear took over her body, making her legs tremble. She felt like she was floating in space, but there was no end in sight.

There was another part of her that felt comfort. Felt peace. The blackness surrounded her, warming her blood. Like a heavy blanket wrapping her up. Until suddenly there was a ringing, piercing her ears straight through her skull. It echoed and surrounded her, numbing every sense she had in her body. Cold, ruthless chills took over.

_Embrace it, Nera..._

She searched around again in pure fright and terror. The voice was haunting, deep and dark. It wasn't the normal voice in her head, it wasn't _him._ It was someone else, something else that knew her name. And the presence was much more powerful, making her quake.

_Embrace it, Nera..._

_Do not hide from your thoughts..._

_It is your destiny...._

Nera held her head and sunk onto her knees. This presence and this foreign voice was paralyzing. And it echoed so loudly to the point where it was repeating over and over again, beating against her skull.

_It is your destiny...._

_Do not hide...._

Nera let out an agonizing scream as the piercing ring split down her brain like a bolt of electricity. The voice and the thoughts were so overpowering. Images started to flash behind her eyelids that were squeezed shut. Memories came flooding back, like a crash of waves coming down on her.

Nera saw faces. Faces of the ones who beat her. Who hurt her. She felt each blow like it was happening again. She felt the rage and pain like it was happening again. She saw their faces as she killed them. She saw the blood, the blood on her hands. It was running down her skin, until it covered her whole body. She was drowning.

The blackness was suffocating her.

_...Nera....Embrace it... Nera..._

"No! STOP!" Nera screamed. With every ounce of willpower and strength she could muster, she forced it away.

The pain ripped through her once more, and then in an instant, it was all gone.

The ringing stopped. The suffocation stopped. The voice stopped. The presence left. The blackness was gone.

Nera opened her eyes and saw the surroundings of her room. She was still on her knees, holding onto her head, but she was here. In her room. Looking at her cold metal desk.

She wasn't in bed, but she was sunk onto the floor, her bare feet cold against the stone ground. She had remembered going to bed, falling asleep, but now was here. It could have been sleep walking, but that didn't feel like a dream. It felt like anything _but_ a dream.

The first thing Nera realized was that the presence she had become so familiar with, that tingle in the back of her head, was gone. _He_ wasn't here. She knew he wasn't here.

Once the realization hit, Nera choked out a sob. She let go of all control of her body and slumped completely onto the floor. She pulled her knees to her chest as tears ripped from her eyes. She tried to keep quiet, but her breathing was so strained that it was impossible.

All the pain, the confusion, and the paralyzing fear was pouring out of her at an immeasurable rate now that she was alone. That vision had taken everything out of her, those memories flashing back, and left her broken on the floor.

What was happening to her? Thats all she could think, and it made her cry harder. Now that his presence wasn't returning, she was hit with the full realization of the situation. And the fact that she was having visions of a second voice now haunting her. _What was happening?_


	5. Finger On The Trigger

He didn't return. Nera hadn't heard his voice in her head for a week.

And she didn't have that vision again.

Nera didn't return to normal, she couldn't. She still had those dreams and she felt haunted each hour of the day, on edge as she waited for his presence to return. But after that night, after that vision, she didn't want it to. She did not even stop to question why the voice was gone.

But it was almost worse now that it was all gone. Now, she truly felt insane. Now the only thing that filled the gap were the memories she tried to avoid from her past. She had wanted it to stop, but now that it did, she had to face her mundane life. She was nothing. She _had_ nothing.

But it was better this way. Nera didn't want to think about it. Didn't want to give attention to the dark thoughts or the voices. She didn't want to admit that _he_ was right, that she had a strong desire for more. She couldn't face her desires.

Nera occupied herself as much as possible with work and with Nichos. Nichos had noticed she was acting strange and distant, so he tried at first to question her about it, but was just happy she was hanging around with him more.

After that vision, Nera was afraid to fall asleep. So she would hang out in Nichos' room after work, as late as she could. It was now more than ever that she truly started to appreciate him.

"So, another TIE fighter came in yesterday," Nichos started. He sat on his bed, unlacing his boots. Nera was sitting on the stiff metal chair against the wall, pulling her jacket down her shoulders. They had just returned from yet another unsatisfying dinner, and were settling to relax for a few hours. "And I spoke to Guro, let him know we could use a little more help to meet the deadline."

Nera perked up an eyebrow. The mention of the First Order ship sparked her interest. Nichos was right when he said a bunch more were coming in, and lately it had been way more than usual. It made Nera curious about what was going on that was causing such damage to these ships.

"And... I got you on the project."

Nera gasped, her face lighting up. "You're kidding!"

"Nope," a cheeky, sheepish grin took over Nichos' proud face. "You start on the crew tomorrow."

"Lethal!" Nera jumped up and without thinking sprung to him, wrapping her arms around his neck and hugging him. "Oh Stars, thank you!"

He chuckled, wrapping his arms around her back, engulfing her thin form. He really did have no idea how much this meant to Nera. She had been alone, bored, working on the shitty speeders. And thats when the dark, horrifying thoughts took over. Now, she wouldn't be alone, and could work on a TIE fighter that may even distract her completely.

It grew slightly awkward when Nera didn't pull away immediately. The warmth and comfort of the hug had felt so nice compared to how alone and cold she felt lately, she wanted to stay. But the silence started to get loud, and the feeling of his hands resting on her lower body started to grow warm.

Nera cleared her throat and pulled away, trying to hide her blush. To do so, she spun to sit down on his bed next to him. "Really, thank you. You didn't have to do that."

He smiled. "Are you kidding? Why wouldn't I! I do have to warn you though, the deadline is pretty tight. It's going to be hard work."

"Perfect," Nera mused, pressing her hands together. Hard work and a good distraction was exactly what she needed. "I owe you one."

Laughing, Nichos leaned back, resting his palms on the bed and looking over at her. "Great, then you can come with us to the cantina tomorrow after work."

"Oh, I don't know..." Nera tensed back a bit. After everything that has been going on with her, going into public with people was not something that felt normal to her. She was still so afraid of everything going on in her head.

"Oh, come on! We can celebrate, try to have some fun for once," Nichos nudged her. "Just this once, then you can go back into hiding. I won't bug you again."

"I'm not hiding," Nera teased, shifting back to lean against the wall, letting her legs lay flat against the bed.

"So then why not come?" Nichos mirrored her movements, taking the same position next to her.

Nera sighed, thinking about it. She knew why it all felt weird, but she couldn't possibly explain to him. And she didn't want to. She just tried to play it off.

"Hey," Nichos voice was slightly more quiet now. He looked over and met Nera's gaze, holding it for a moment. Nera looked into his hazel eyes, finding all the small brown specks. She found comfort in them, but never enough for her to open up. "You can tell me if something is bothering you. You know that, right?"

Nichos placed a gentle hand on her arm, making Nera gulp at the warmth that spread through her. She looked at his hand, then back up to him. She nodded, giving out a small smile. "I know."

But Nera didn't tell him a thing. She couldn't possibly. And she didn't want him to keep pressing, because she really was running out of excuses.

Nichos gave her a look, causing Nera to huff out a long breath. "If I agree to come will you believe that I am okay?"

"Yes!" He sat up quickly.

Nera couldn't help but laugh at his excitement, holding her hands up in the air. "Fine, then. I'll go, okay? Happy now?"

"Uh, yeah I am happy now," like it was the most obvious statement in the world.

\----

Nichos' elbow was linked with Nera's, while the other free hand was holding up their hoods as they jogged through the downpour, both focusing to not slip now that it was pitch black out.

The glow of their local cantina could be seen from a distance, and the closer they got, the louder the music became.

Although Nera was very offset by this visit, after her first day working on the TIE fighter, she was feeling a bit better. Slightly more hopeful. The TIE fighter truly had distracted her, along with the relatively large crew that hung about the hanger. She didn't feel _so_ alone.

They both sloshed to a stop, their boots sinking into the mud, as they approached the entrance. They quickly side stepped under the balcony, releasing them from the pressure of the rain. Nera shook off the dampness, scraping the mud of her boots off on the closest piece of cement.

As she looked at Nichos, eyes sunken in and stressed, she tried to build up the courage and energy to enjoy this night. Or at least partake in it. But Nichos grabbed her hand, not allowing her to sulk. "Come on, the crew is waiting," he grinned.

They trudged into the cantina, warmth from the multitude of bodies immediately helping the rain evaporate from their jackets. While Nichos was dead set on the crew that sat around a booth in the back corner, Nera took in her surroundings.

This planet was mostly occupied by humans, but she was able to spot Bith as well as some droids rolling around with drinks. A small band was playing in the back corner. The energy was happy, loud, and drunk. Nera couldn't help but feel out of place as they squeezed through bodies to reach their coworkers.

When they arrived, Nichos was happy to great each and every one of them. Nera offered small nods, but did not know them as well as Nichos did, for today was her first day with all of the crew. She was usually alone.

Thankfully, Nichos was able to understand this, and went ahead to introduce her, yet again, to them all. "Nera, you remember Sharr," he pointed to a small, short haired man in the corner to the booth. Nera forced a smile as she nodded. "And Rundo, Fitz, and Xerda."

Nichos went down the line of their crew mates. Although the names went through one ear and out the other, Nera still nodded and smiled at each of them.

After the introductions were all out of the way, they joined them at the booth. It was a tight fit, but Nera was happy she was on the end, giving her some sort of space.

Almost immediately, she noticed the attention was directed onto her. Most of the workers at their base were male, so they were more than ready to direct their attention onto Nera. They asked how long she had been working here, what she thought about their boss, Guro, and what hanger she was assigned to before this.

Luckily, a server came along with drinks. That was the only way Nera was going to get through this. Under the influence...

Nera answered all their questions, but her short answers must have deterred them from seeking anymore information from her. Eventually, the crew fell into a discussion, laughing amongst themselves. Nichos tried to include Nera as much as she could, but it was obvious to them all that she was an outsider here. That she was the one that hid in her room and worked alone in the speeder hanger.

As she poured the last dash of her drink down her throat, Nera started to feel the buzz. She hadn't drank in a long time, and now that her senses were numb, she craved more. The alcohol had her mind drifting away from the stress that so often haunted her.

"I'm going to order more drinks," Nera announced, mostly to Nichos, as she slipped out of the booth. "Any requests?" 

The group spouted off a few things to her and Nera smiled, happy to have a reason to go sit alone at the bar for a minute. She only stopped for a second to leave her jacket on her seat, revealing the tight, black undershirt beneath it.

Nera swiveled through the crowd, her eyes on the bar that laid in the middle of the cantina. After squeezing through enough large groups of people, and almost tripping over a droid, she leaned against the wooden bar top.

The bartender was currently speaking to another patron across the room, so Nera settled into an empty seat, patiently waiting. She took this time to enjoy being alone, not having to force social interaction.

Until a voice rang out drunkenly beside her.

"Oh, hello," the man was fairly large, grasping onto a glass in his hands. Nera had to look up to get a good view at him, only sparing him a glance. His voice was deep and drunk, his eyes creased deeply into his face, shadowed by large eyebrows as well as slicked back hair. He wore a uniform Nera did not recognize, but assumed it was another engineering sector.

She only spared him that one glance and a nod, hoping he would get the gist that she was not in any mood to speak.

But he persisted, inserting himself between Nera's seat and the one next to her, leaning against the bar top, facing her. "I've seen you around before, come here often?"

Nera had to stop herself from outwardly cringing, instead trying to pretend like she was searching for the bartender.

"You from around here?" He kept on. Nera could nearly feel his wet, steamy breath on her skin, laced with booze.

"No," Nera glanced at him again. She didn't like coming off bluntly rude, but her nerves started to spike. She looked over to her crew in the booth. They were still fully engaged with each other, none interested in what she was doing. They weren't going to come save her from this conversation.

"Where are you from? It must be far from here, for I've never seen someone so beautiful on a planet this ugly," he flashed his eyes at Nera, boldly brushing his hands against her shoulder, down her arm.

Nera couldn't help but flinch, looking to his hand, and then back to him. She sucked in a breath as she watched his expression shift. She scooted back in the stool, sparing one more look of desperation over to Nichos. But he was busy.

"You know," the man cleared his throat, his voice now deeper. "My sector supplies the First Order... I could introduce you to some powerful positions..." His hand came back to touch her again, but the mention of _power_ had Nera instantly recoiling.

Nera couldn't help but shift and push his hand away. "Please don't touch me..." She requested as kindly as she could, all too familiar with how quickly drunk men could turn on her. And just as Nera expected, this man wasn't picking up on her hints. The fact that she wouldn't even meet his eyes should've said enough. She kept her gaze shifted down, or at the bartender, hoping for some intervention to end this interaction.

"Is there something wrong?" He spoke, and Nera could sense his presence grow dark. "You are here alone, aren't you? And I could help you.." He moved closer to her, now only inches from her face. His hands shot to her waist, causing Nera to bolt up out of her seat.

Nera stood, although much smaller than him, strongly against his figure. Her feet planted themselves on the ground and she look directly into his face. His aged, violent eyes squinted at her.

" _No_ ," she pushed out, glaring at him. "Please leave me alone."

"And if I don't?" He almost laughed to himself, finishing the last gulp of his drink. "You are nothing compared to me."

You are nothing.

Nera sucked in a breath, those words echoing across her mind. Those same words that she couldn't help but think every day for the past week.

"C'mon, beautiful," the drunken man leaned down, his voice was slurred as he schemed. His intentions were written all over his face as his hand brushed down across Nera's hips. "Don't be so serious. Smile a little."

All Nera could hear was his previous words. You are nothing.

And when she felt his hand on her hip, it set her off.

Without a second thought, Nera's arm recoiled back, and in an instant, her fist came flying into the air, slamming into the man's scruffy jaw.

The glass he was holding slipped from his hand as he came up to cup his aching skin. The shatter as it hit the floor had everyone freezing around them. Attention was on her, but she couldn't give a single shit.

Her knuckles were throbbing, pulsating from the impact. That feeling alone sparked memories Nera hadn't wanted to ever thing of again. Fighting. Training. Killing. But she didn't avoid them this time, she was angry.

Nera watched as the man regained his balance and his eyes squinted, shifting into darkness as he looked at her with hatred.

"You little..." he fumed, and Nera couldn't even make out the rest of his sentence before he charged. His hand wrapped around her throat, nearly able to fully surround it, and shoved her back against the bar.

The impact bruised her spine, and she tried to let out a groan, but the grip around her throat suppressed it.

Nera looked directly into his eyes, struggling to breathe. They were red, angry, and burning through her skin. His whole body shook, his face trembling in anger.

Nera's hand weakly came up to claw at his that was set around her throat, squeezing her windpipe closed. She gasped, but couldn't even choke without it being restricted.

Nera should have been scared, but after the past month, her first reaction was anger. The hatred of being this weak, unable to even breathe, sparked emotions inside of her she had never felt before. As she looked into this man's eyes, she wanted him to suffer.

Her vision was blurry as she shifted, craving enough power to overwhelm him. As she moved, the man squeezed harder. But his words echoed in her head again.

You are nothing.

Nera's leg ripped upwards, slamming her knee against his crotch.

"Agh!" The man yelled. For a brief moment his hand softened it's grip as he clenched from the pain of her impact. Nera used this as her advantage, shoving her palms against his forearms. He stumbled, releasing his grip enough for Nera to bend over, tearing herself away from the hand on her throat.

She gasped for air, but didn't stop rushing away from the bar until she was far enough from his presence. She glanced back, noticing him bent over, tending to his wound.

"You bitch!" He yelled. Nera was able to suck in a few desperate breaths as he stood back up, about to charge in her direction.

But before he could reach her, people filled in between them. On high alert, Nera instantly recognized Sharr and Fitz from her crew. Sharr, the smaller one, stood in front of her, his eyes panicked, while Fitz and Nichos shoved the creep of a man back.

"Get out of here," Sharr pushed her. Nera was still trying to get a grasp on reality, glancing from the man to him, eyes wide. "Go!"

Nera couldn't think as she stumbled backwards, but took the opportunity to spin and rush out of the cantina. She could hear voices, loud voices, come from behind her, but paid them no mind as she shoved through the crowd, ramming into the door that led to the outside.

For once, the pouring rain comforted her. The fresh air, the smell of wet, soggy ground meant she was free.

Nera hurried over to the side of the building, leaning against the wall. She hunched over, trying to catch her breath. But as she tried, her mind was replaying the incident over and over again in her head.

You are nothing.

She couldn't stop reliving those feelings. The way it felt to forcefully slam her fist against his ugly face. The fear. The anger. The desire for power. The craving to never be there again. To make anyone suffer who put her there. She was weak, but she craved not to be.

 _He_ was right. She did crave more.

Nera couldn't stop herself before she realized that, in this moment, she wished that voice in her head was here.

And as if she caused it, perfectly on cue, the spark in the back of her head lit up like a burning city. Nera's heart ached, her fist was cracked and throbbing, but the only thing she could notice was the way her head pounded and became cold with that familiar presence.

She gasped, standing up and pressing her back against the brick wall of the cantina. "You're here," Nera breathed, completely out of breath.

He didn't respond, she didn't hear his voice, but she sunk down onto the ground. For some reason, the presence that picked against her skull made her feel better. Made her feel like she wasn't alone.

Nera's bottom hit the cold cement and she pressed the back of her head against the wall. She focused on steadying her breathing, and nursing her fist by cupping it in her unharmed hand.

As she started to regain normalcy, she heard him. After days of nothingness, Nera heard him again.

_You blocked me..._

"What?" Nera couldn't even process what he was saying right now. She was too mentally exhausted to even try.

_You put up a mental block. How?_

Normally, his demanding, angry voice would get under her skin. But in this moment, she did not care.

"I didn't do anything. I just wanted everything out of my head," she breathed, closing her eyes to slow the hammering of her heart in her chest.

A moment of silence passed.

_You are stronger than I thought._

Those words had her eyes snapping open. Hearing that, after hearing what that man in the cantina said, caused a burn of passion to spread throughout her bones. But she was also confused. A mental block? She did that? She could turn this off? And that made her strong?

She tried to formulate a question, her mouth agape as she figured out what to ask first.

But before she could put words together, the door of the cantina was kicked open, slamming against the brick wall behind it.

Feet stomped over to her, and she couldn't even prepare for what was happening before that man, that horrible man, was in front of her again.

" _You,_ " he seethed. His gelled hair was now loose, cascading around his face. His face was swollen, but his eyes were murderous. And then, Nera looked down, seeing the blaster in his hand, pointed directly at her.

Nera's heart dropped into her stomach, and she pressed her hands against the wall, using them as support to scurry up into a standing position. Her adrenaline spiked, heart skipping a beat, as she stared directly at the deadly weapon in his hands.

One movement, one small movement, could end her life. Fear sparked in her bones, causing her to press her body further against the bricks.

_Somethings wrong. What is it?_

The voice in her head pressed, he must have sensed her spike of adrenaline and fear. It was angry, but demanding to know what was happening.

Nera was about to speak aloud, but stopped herself, using her mind instead. _Blaster,_ she thought as loudly as she could, praying that he could hear. _Pointed at me_.

She looked at the drunken man, waiting for him to speak. Waiting for him to do anything. She was paralyzed against the wall, breaths so intense that the only thing that was moving in this moment was her heavy chest.

 _Focus._ The voice pushed into her mind. _Show me_.

"I should kill you, bitch!" The creepy man yelled, spit shooting out from the sides of his mouth, making Nera retreat further against the wall.

Focus?! Nera's mind was panicked, trying to juggle the blaster pointed at her abdomen, as well as the voice in her head. Show him? Show him what? How? She wasn't a hologram? He wasn't here, how could she possibly show him? Kriff.

_Focus._

He repeated. Determined. Demanding.

Nera gulped, sucking in her breath. She didn't know what to do. But she tried to create an image in her head of what she was seeing, studying every detail. The creepy, straggly man. The sweat dripping off his loose hair. His stance, the way his right hand, pushed out from his chest, directed the blaster at her. She tried to release the feelings inside of her, tried to push this entire moment out of her head. She _tried_.

She felt the presence in her head surround her, more than before, like it was picking in her brain. Nera wanted to yell, to push away the invasiveness, but she let it in. She tried to explain what she was seeing. She focused, letting all of this in.

It hurt, starting as an inch, but becoming a sharp pain radiating through her forehead. She wanted to comfort her head, rub at the intrusion, but she was too afraid to move and get shot.

And then in a moment of clarity, he spoke again.

_His left foot. He is unstable. Duck, and charge him there._

Nera didn't stop to think about how this person in her head possibly was able to see this, but instead glanced to the left foot he was referring too. She pushed herself slowly up further on the wall, stabling her feet.

"Don't move!" The creepy man screamed, stumbling further as he shoved the blaster closer to her.

That rage, that familiar power that wasn't her own, rushed into her. The presence in her head was powering her, giving her what she needed, and she drew on this to work up the courage once more.

She glanced at the creepy man's eyes once more before making the instant decision.

As fast as Nera could, she simultaneously ducked down while running with her full force at the man.

Her sudden movements triggered him, causing him to ignite the blaster. But Nera was so low, nearly a bowling ball shoving into his left leg. The blaster bolt hit the wall above her, causing brick and smoke to explode behind her.

Nera's shoulder full forcedly collided with his knee, causing her to let out a grunt. The man stumbled, the blaster slipping from his hand as his body lost balance and crumpled, falling harshly onto the cement.

Nera, half on the ground, was trying to pay attention to what was happening. She stumbled away from the man as he fell, trying to keep her balance. Her right knee was on the ground, but she was trying to prop herself up for an advantage.

_The blaster. Grab it._

Without a second thought, Nera shot away and lunged towards the weapon behind them. She was now fully on the ground, using her full body to dive to the blaster.

Her fingers wrapped around the handle, but she was now laying across the ground, body fully extended. This allowed the man to reach out and grab her ankle, yelling as he dragged her back towards him.

Nera didn't need instructions for her next reaction. It came naturally as she rolled onto her back, her shirt growing wet from the damp ground, and pointed the blaster directly at the man's forehead.

He froze, loosening his grip on her ankle, and pulling his hands back.

Nera took the freedom to scuffle back in a crab-like position until she hit the wall. She kept one arm with the blaster pointed out at him, while she used her free hand to push herself into standing position.

And then she was there, standing over his body laying on the ground. She looked directly down the blaster at him, watching as he held a hand out to shield himself. There must have been a change in her expression, in her energy, for the man who thought she was _nothing_ now had fear creasing his eyes.

"Please," the creepy man begged.

Nera's world was spinning around her.

Anger and rage pounded against her forehead. She wanted this man to suffer. She imagined all the ways this would end. She imagined how it would feel to press the trigger, to hear the electric sound of the blaster as it ripped through him.

She was having an out of body experience. This wasn't her. She wasn't like this. But she couldn't help it. Maybe if the past month hadn't happened, she wouldn't have been like this. But she was. And she couldn't think clearly.

_Do it._

_He_ was encouraging her. He wanted her to do it. He was angry, too. He was providing her all the feelings she needed to end this lowlife. The confidence, the power...

Nera battled it. This wasn't her! She didn't want this!

But yet her finger grew tighter around the trigger. And this creepy man's words bounced in her head.

You are nothing.

Bitch.

The way his hand curled around her throat.

Shivers ran down Nera's spine.

_DO IT!_

Tears built up in her eyes, blurring her vision even more. She was nothing. She wanted to hurt this man. But at the same time, she didn't want to kill him.

She was nothing.

As she watched this man beg and plead for her life, the desire for power returned. And her finger curled around the trigger.

"NERA!"

As if that voice sent her into a different dimension, Nera jolted.

"Nera!" Nichos sprinted towards her, wrapping his arms around her shoulders, holding her in a lock so tight it forced the blaster out of her hands. He swiftly shifted his foot around to kick it down the alley. Nera could barely make out as Sharr and Fitz ran out after it. One going after the blaster, the other going to hold the creepy man down.

Nera could only hear Nichos' voice. It brought her back to reality, snapping her out of the darkness that was _so_ close to taking her over. And then the way his warmth surrounded her..

Nera broke out into a choked sob, her body going weak. The darkness had let her go.

"Hey, hey," Nichos placed his hands on her upper arms, spinning her so she was facing him, and pulled her into his chest. He wrapped himself around her in a comforting hug, and it nearly broke Nera.

She cried into him as his hand cupped the back of her head. She didn't even notice as the creepy man was dragged away, and she didn't care. The fear of the decision she almost made crushed her. That feeling of darkness hung over her, so she clung onto Nichos.

"It's okay," he pleaded, holding her. "We are gonna go home."

Home? Home was the cold metal bunk she lived in? On an ugly, wet planet? She had no home. She didn't belong anywhere. She was no one. This man was right all along.

"Lets get you home, Nera..."

Sharr and Fitz had filled in Nichos on what happened, so he didn't ask any questions as he led Nera back to their dormitory.

Nera was beside herself, so she was happy when Nichos took her to his room. She didn't want to be alone, not now. Not facing the cold realities she was facing.

Maybe it was after what just happened, or after learning that she could put up a mental block, but the presence in her mind went away. And she pushed it off, so it wouldn't return. Not tonight. Maybe not ever.

But now she had to face all this darkness, all this confusion, alone.

Nichos didn't know. He was here, but he wasn't _him._ He didn't know. And he wouldn't understand. Nichos was too good.

Good enough that he led Nera to his bed. And sat by her side. She wasn't crying anymore, but she felt numb. Unable to process how badly she wanted to hurt that man at the cantina. Unable to understand the darkness inside of her. She wished she was good like Nichos, so she kept him close.


	6. I Want You To Join Me

Nera spent her days with Nichos. The job on the TIE fighter helped. And his true concern for her well-being kept him close. His worry and his pity had started to annoy her, but she still sought out his company. She avoided being alone. She avoided her thoughts. She drowned herself in Nichos, in his company. Like he was a coping mechanism, a drug to help her avoid. Anything to not face reality.

And even though Nichos was unaware, this brought them closer than ever before. Sometimes Nera felt bad, like she was using him, but he never stopped her. And he stopped the thoughts in her head.

Nichos didn't ever push the idea of going out to the cantina again, although the crew still went out. This made Nera feel bad for him missing out, hanging out with her instead. And he would grab a bottle of alcohol for them some nights as they hung out in one of their rooms after dinner. Like tonight.

Nera used Nichos and she used the booze to block everything out. She put so much energy into maintaining that mental block. She didn't know how she did it, so she just tried everything.

And tonight she tried something new.

Nichos and her were drinking, wandering around their engineering complex after hours. Nera was drunk, showing him the hanger she used to work on the speeders in. She was complaining about the monotony, and he was laughing at her.

"Well I'm glad I was able to get you on the TIE fighter job," Nichos chuckled, slightly slurring his words, dangling his bottle against his side.

"Me too," Nera grinned, stepping away from the old speeder and over to him.

He noticed her movements and took them in stride, meeting her half way. They both looked up to each other, slightly frozen for a moment. Nera noticed his pink cheeks, radiating warmth even from here. His sloppy, sideways smile, and the arms that often wrapped around her for comfort.

And she noticed him looking at her.

Nichos swallowed, stepping forward a bit more, his presence suddenly extremely close to her. "Really glad," his voice was low, his eyes gazing intensely down at her.

Nera wanted to recoil after her fight at the cantina days before, but she couldn't deny the coping mechanism that Nichos was. The drug that not being alone was.

Nera met his gaze, and before she could respond, Nichos' hand was on her cheek, pulling her closer. In a moment, he leaned down to kiss her.

Nera was surprised, but it made sense. There was only one way a man could interpret spending so much time with someone. Nera question for a moment if this was the only reason Nichos was happy to hang out with her, but that worry faded as she felt his lips press down onto her own.

They were not as she would have imagined, they were wet and sloppy, stinking of booze, but the ache in her heart was subdued in that moment, causing her to feel something other than pain, so she went with it.

Noticing she accepted his advance, Nichos set his bottle down on the tool cart and slowly walked her back, pushing her up against the speeder.

Nera's eyes fluttered shut at the feeling of his hands on her waist, sliding her shirt upward and gripping at her hips. She hadn't felt skin against her own in ages. The physical intimacy caused her to let out a moan of desperation.

His lips pushed harder against hers, his tongue running against her lips before she parted her mouth open, allowing him in.

The warmth was so much, the burn that ignited inside of her. Like a dormant volcano.

Nichos' hands traveled down, gripping onto her, lifting her up closer against him. She almost gasped, her hands flying out to rest on his shoulders. The way she could feel his muscles shift as he pulled her close to him, had her trailing her fingers down his broad shoulders.

Nera felt like she was soaring on a high from the feeling of being touched. Nichos' hand ran from her bottom, around to the waist band of her pants, while the other slid upwards to cup her breast feverishly. Tingles spread down Nera's spine, the warmth of her core growing, making her buck her hips.

Nichos instantly responded to her movement by grinding back into her, his lips never parting from hers, frantically consuming them. Nera let out a soft, repressed moan as she felt his hardness grow against her thigh.

The small noise pushed him further, and Nichos started to wrestle with the button of her pants, yanking it open. With that creating a gap between them, he immediately pressed up against her again, one of his hands sliding down between their bodies, dipping into her pants.

Nera's mouth parted against him, nerves spreading through her core, only adding to how turned on she was. She hadn't felt pleasure in so long...

"Nera..." Nichos whispered against her lips, his hardness grinding against her thigh. 

It was odd to hear Nichos' voice like this, so different than the friendly comfort she was used to. Nera didn't mind it, but could not stop her mind to wandering to the other voice she knew so well and had grown so used to. The angry, demanding one that lived inside her head.

She instantly kissed Nichos harder, trying to will away this thought. Absolutely not was she thinking about anything like that right now.

But Nera couldn't help but imagine _his_ voice speaking to her in this moment.

And like every time before, letting in that thought of him caused her entire brain to light up in flames, inviting his presence back in.

It tickled at first, like he wasn't fully there, and Nera tried to avoid it, but then it ran full force through her mind, causing her to jolt.

His presence felt better than Nichos.

Nera pulled back quickly, breaking away from Nichos' lips. He immediately stopped his movements, freezing. Nera was frozen too, panting heavily at her realization of what was happening with Nichos. And the realization that her mind immediately went to the voice in her head. What the Stars?

"I-I can't," Nera mumbled through a heavy breath, stepping back away from Nichos, causing his hands to fall from her.

Realization fell across Nichos' face. "Nera, I'm sorry... I didn't, I-"

"No," Nera held a hand up, shaking her head at him. "It's okay. I'm sorry, I just..." She sucked in a breath. "I should go."

Nera felt a split moment of pain for denying Nichos, but the presence in her head was not something she could move this on with. And the shock that she even thought of this voice in this situation had freaked her out.

So Nera spun, rushing out of the hanger, hurrying back to her room.

When she got there, she threw the door shut, leaning her back against it and panting now that she was alone trying to pull herself together. Nera stood there for a while, just trying to catch her breath and figure out what had happened. The voice hadn't said anything, making her think maybe she just imagined it from being way over-stimulated.

Her heart was racing.

Nera peeled herself away from the door, going to lay in her bed, hoping that it would help calm her down.

But as she stared at the ceiling, she couldn't stop thinking about the way skin felt against hers. The way hands gripped her waist. The way her lips swelled from the pressure of having another mouth against hers. The intensity, the desire.

Nera's skin still tingled where his hands were. Images flashed through her mind, remembering the way hands felt as they cupped her breast. Rough hands digging into her skin. The warmth. The friction.

The warmth spread again, but this time in her head. The presence was here. _He_ was here.

Neither of them said anything, and Nera tried not to think anything out of fear of embarrassment. She was waiting for him to say something, to do something, but nothing happened. There was a long moment of hesitation, but then, she felt something wash over her.

Not an emotion, not a thought, but that desire... It felt like heat, a sensual want. A craving... _Lust_.

Nera gasped, it felt warmer than Nichos' hands on her body, tingling from her head to her toes. She became dizzy with lust, friction growing between her thighs. Her eyes fell closed, sucking in this feeling, reveling in it, breathing deeply.

Her mind wasn't clear, so it took her a moment to realize what was happening. This was _him._ He was projecting this onto her, willingly or not. He filled her with lust, as hers had filled him. He was somewhere, as turned on as she was. And it was probably her doing.

Nera wanted to be embarrassed, and thought about snapping out of this. But she was so deep in this feeling, so desperate to finish what her and Nichos started. Being touched again had sparked something in her. And there was something about this, how crazy and foreign it was to feel someone else's lust inside her, turning her on. A man she didn't know, not even his name, somewhere across the galaxy, was so... _so kinky?_ It should have been weird, should have made her confused, but instead it added to her need.

This powerful, demanding presence in her head was encouraging Nera. And she took his encouragements in stride, her hand slowly coming to slide into her pants. She was so desperate for touch, for release, that when her fingers danced around her throbbing clit, she let out a sharp breath of relief.

The heat encompassing her body was overpowering, and Nera didn't hesitate to touch herself. Her eyes were squeezed shut, pleasure shooting through their connection.

Nera imagined herself turning this presence on. Someone else was out there, touching himself to her, in one way or another. She felt that need, craving, intensify in their connection.

Nera's eyes were still shut, her free hand gripping a ball of sheets in her fist while she quickly rubbed at her clit with the other. She couldn't think, couldn't see anything, could only feel this fire that burned her entirely. It took her in like it was touching every part of her body. She could feel him, his presence, in every crack and crevice.

Her lips were parted, her breath coming in spurts. Nera tried to stay quiet, but the repressed moans were causing her chest to shudder.

Her core was tightening, legs starting to clench. The pressure she was putting on her pulsating clit was shooting sparks up from her toes. Her mouth was now completely agape, pleasure building so intensely in all of her muscles.

She was close. She was so close. And she craved the release.

But for some reason Nera held off. She didn't want to stop living in this feeling, this warmth. She was nearly feeding off the way it took her over and surrounded her.

She was holding down moans, teeth clenched and thighs rattling as her body wanted to betray her. She needed it. She-

_Let go.._

His voice rang out in her head. Hushed, deep, and out of breath. But still a demanding, power over her. And hearing it, hearing him, was all Nera needed. It sent her over the edge. She couldn't stop it if she tried.

Pleasure shredded through her, and she pushed her head back further into her pillow. Heat built up like a ball of fire in her core, and then instantly shot through her body. Her breath stopped, mouth agape, as she let her body tremble.

All her muscles tightened, and then she rode out her climax until slowly, they all released. She let out a breathy moan, gasping at the euphoria.

Letting the last of her orgasm and pleasure live in her, Nera kept her eyes closed for a moment, halting the pressure on her clit. When her body started to relax, she opened her eyes, taking heavy breaths as she removed her hand from her pants.

She just laid there for a long moment, trying to catch her breath. She couldn't think, didn't know what to think. The lust wasn't covering her body anymore, leaving her feeling cold and alone again. She could only think of how good it felt, how all pain and mental anguish was gone.

But she could still feel _his_ presence, making blush rise to her cheeks. Now she was embarrassed.

But neither spoke, and she couldn't hear any thoughts from him. So she laid there, living out the last bit of euphoria while it still felt unreal. Staying in this moment where the fear, confusion, and pain didn't exist. Where for once, she didn't feel alone.

Eventually, the exhaustion washed over to her, and she was able to comfortably drift into sleep.

\---

Nera hummed as she rolled onto her back, stretching her legs out to flex her stiff muscles as she started to wake from her slumber. Her head was still foggy as she started to come to, pulling herself out of a deep rest.

Nera didn't dream last night. The first night in months that she didn't wake up exhausted or tormented, and she peacefully reveled in this feeling. For once, she was able to wake up like a normal person. Where the first few moments didn't feel real, just hazy and comfortable, and there was nothing haunting her.

Her brain had yet to activate as she let out a sleepy sigh, reaching her arms up to completely stretch her body out. But as her muscles started to activate, her body warming up, the memories of last night came flashing back.

Nera frooze, now snapping out of her sleepy, forgetful state.

Her and Nichos... almost...

Remembering what stopped her from Nichos' sexual advances, Nera peaked her eyes open, just a crack, glancing down. She fell asleep in her clothes, seeing the button of her pants still undone, confirming that last night was real. Oh god.

It hadn't felt real, how vibrantly pleasure and warmth surrounded her last night. And Nera didn't want to admit it was real. Thinking about how this voice in her head, this foreign presence turned her on so much last night, fully encompassing every fiber of her body, make blush rise to her cheeks.

But what turned her beat red was how the thought it sent butterflies around in her core. How his voice pushed her over the edge. How wet she got at the thought of this person turned on somewhere across the galaxy because of her. How he pushed all of his desire onto her..

Nera wanted to sink into her bed and disappear at how these thoughts starting to make her core tingle once more. She instantly just blamed it on being sexually deprived. But the fact that it wasn't sex, it wasn't even physical touch, wouldn't leave her mind. How did it feel _that_ good?

Nera was embarrassed. It felt weirdly intimate, probably because this was all happening in her _mind_. But it was embarrassing that this person she didn't even know got to witness her pure desire and lust, enough to the point where she got herself off last night.

She groaned, sitting up in bed. Nera was so, oh so, relieved to notice that his presence wasn't hanging around this morning. He wasn't here, and she was so thankful. But she couldn't help but wonder why he was gone.

Nera at least was happy she could be alone, otherwise she might be so embarrassed she might die. Although, then she started to think about Nichos, the one who led her to this whole experience. Her stomach dropped in realization that she would have to see him today. How would she explain, what would she say? She walked out on him last night. It is going to be so, incredibly awkward...

But, before Nera could consider any further, she glanced to the clock hanging across her room on the wall, and stiffened. 0900. She was late for work. She was really late.

"Fuck, fuck," she mumbled, swinging her legs off her cot. She hadn't even been thinking of work. For once. But she was never late. Panic shot through her as she already started to imagine the consequences.

Nera jumped throughout her room, flashing into the bathroom to run a toothbrush quickly over her teeth to avoid morning breath. She was trying to tie her hair up as she shimmied into a new pair of underwear, the ones from last night dirty.

Nera threw on her uniform, discarded from last night, not caring if it wasn't washed, and rushed out of her room. "Shit," she huffed, skidding to a halt to turn and grab her rain jacket.

She ran down the hallway, throwing the jacket over her shoulders as she did. She didn't even stop to zip it up as she burst through the door, trying her best not to slip as she rushed through the muddy path towards her work sector, letting the rain freely fall onto her body.

Loudly, Nera shoved the double doors open and tracked mud and water in on the cement floors, not caring as she hurried to grab her datapad.

She bumped into the corner of the charging station as she tried to hurry towards the TIE fighter hanger, causing her to stop and seethe at the sharp pain. Nera hated being rushed, hated not being able to collect herself, so she was riddled with anxiousness and irritation.

Nera had never slept in late before, didn't even need an alarm most of the time. Why now? Why was she being so clueless towards her normal life? Sure, she hadn't had a dreamless night of good sleep in a long, long time. And yeah, sure, she also hadn't cum in ages. Maybe the orgasm knocked her right out..

The weight of last night and having to interact with Nichos was also heavy on her shoulders, adding to her disheveled, messy mindset. Nonetheless, she rushed towards the hanger, trying to log into her datapad at the same time.

Guro was often not present in the hangers. He stopped by for routine check ins once a week, but she most likely didn't have to face him today. It was more the fact that she hated being unprofessional and not put together in front of her coworkers.

And that showed loud and clear as Nera harshly slammed into the shoulder of Fitz, too busy trying to enter her datapad credentials to notice her surroundings. Nera's body recoiled in surprise, letting out an 'oof' as she stumbled back, nearly dropping the pad from her hands.

"Oh, kriff, I'm sorry-" She pushed out, finally looking up to see Fitz, taken aback, irritation creasing his eyebrows.

"Nera," was all he said, giving her a curt nod. His voice was solid, indicating distaste towards her, making her gulp as she watched him push past her.

Nera internally groaned, judging herself so much right now. This is exactly what she didn't like. Giving her coworkers and superiors another reason to look down on her. The messy girl.

Anger sparked for a split second in her, but it immediately rushed away when she saw Nichos walking around the engine of the TIE fighter. When they locked eyes, she was instead filled with nerves, her heart anxiously skipping a beat.

She clutched her datapad and stood up straight, composing herself as Nichos started to walk towards her, his eyes sad.

He hung back a considerable distance from her, a hand coming up to scratch at the back of his head. "Hey..."

"Hey," Nera swallowed, trying to act as normal as possible, but the awkwardness was nearly choking her.

"You didn't stop by this morning so I thought maybe you were avoiding me," he laughed nervously.

Nera gnawed at her lip. "Oh, yeah, right. I overslept... Maybe I should invest in an alarm clock. Ha."

Nichos nodded, forcing a chuckle with her as he shifted on his feet for a second before finally looking back to her. There was a long moment of awkward silence, where Nera wasn't sure where to look.

"Look, Nera," he paused, now rubbing his arm. "Last night... I'm sorry. I was drunk, I-I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable..." His apologetic, nervous eyes were wide as they looked down at her.

Nera was unable to figure out what to say, so she just pushed a smile on her face, like always, giving him a nod of acceptance.

"I.. I don't," Nichos sighed. "I just, I hope this doesn't make things weird..." He tried.

Even though Nera knew this absolutely would make things very weird, she still nodded. "Its okay, seriously," she let out a breath. "Lets just... pretend like nothing happened."

Nera put on a friendly smile, completely faking the fact that this conversation wasn't the most awkward thing today. And even though she was able to make out his face contort in hurt, he still forced the same smile back.

Nera felt guilty, but couldn't even spend time worrying about that. What else was she supposed to do? Tell him she had a voice in her head? That she was connected to a man across the galaxy, ever since she was young? No.

"Okay, well," Nichos cleared his throat. "I should get back... Guro moved the deadline up to tomorrow."

"Tomorrow?" Nera quickly asked, forgetting about most of their conversation. She was far from being done by tomorrow with the external repairs.

"Yeah, we've got a whole shipment of TIE fighters coming in next week. Something about the First Order giving us all their duds to fix up," he scratched at the bottom of his neck. He was still feeling awkward, but Nera was far too curious about this information.

"The First Order? Us?" Nera started shooting off questions. They had never been explicitly tied to the First Order. Sure they worked on a few TIE fighters here and there, but often for external shipments. And now the First Order was in direct contact with them?

"Yeah, weird, right? Seems like they are under a lot of pressure. Must need to use up all the resources they can."

Questions started spinning around in Nera's head. She never cared about the First Order or any of the war currently being raged. She has lived in the Outer Rim for as long as she can remember, so she often wasn't too bothered by this. But now the war was bringing itself here? Is that what this was?

"Huh," Nera wondered aloud.

"Yeah, look, I'm gonna get back to work," he pointed behind him to his station. "I'll catch you later."

Nera opened her mouth to respond, but he had already turned away and left. She sighed, watching as Nichos quite literally distanced himself from her.

Nera shook it off, keeping to her thoughts, as she trudged over to her station, making sure not to bump into any of the other crew members this time.

She stopped for a moment to get into her datapad, and look at all the updates Guro installed. She saw that Nichos was quite right about the deadline moving up, making her huff, needing to get to work asap. Nera had been moving really slow the past few weeks, so she had a lot to catch up on if she didn't want to get fired.

A part of Nera was lacking motivation, not really caring if she got fired. Her job was the last thing on her mind lately, and now that she had to project herself as a put together individual in front of her coworkers, she craved some relief of this fake presentation.

But, either way, she went to work.

Nera was reinstalling damaged wing casings, the exterior of this TIE fighter having sustained many dings and dents.

As she worked, sticking to her own area, her eyes occasionally glanced over at Nichos. He was completely avoiding her area, especially the risk of meeting her eyes. She frowned for a moment, knowing her friendship was now extremely strained.

It should have made her feel alone, but instead it only sparked thoughts of the voice in her head. As sick and demented as it was, she often didn't feel alone knowing that his presence would once again return. Like she could not truly be alone, even if she wanted to. And this was so messed up. He was bad. She had seen- _felt-_ his rage, anger, and pure ache for vengeance. She had seen the people he has hurt, and it was nearly every day his power radiated from her head.

But yet, he was still someone that was here.

On perfect cue, as always, the chills ran up Nera's spine as his presence split through the back of her head.

She sucked in a breath. Nera had been hoping she would be able to have some time to herself today, mostly to live with the embarrassment and confusion of last night. But yet, that tingle throughout her body warmed her.

Nera focused as much as she could on her project, but couldn't think about anything other than his presence that loomed over her. Like it was haunting her.

She glanced behind each of her shoulders, making sure no one was close to her, noticing her shift in demeanor. When it was clear, Nera ducked her head down, hiding behind the wing of the TIE fighter.

"Why do you keep showing up?" Nera asked in a hushed whisper, her voice explaining how over it she was.

There was a pause, but he moved like static in her head.

_Why do you keep thinking about me?_

Nera's mouth parted slightly, taken aback. His voice was deep, nearly making fun of her, trying to push her buttons. It took her a moment to collect herself. "I'm not. I don't want you here, I have to work."

She tried to defend, but even she knew that she was trying to convince herself of this more than him.

There was a long pause, making Nera's brain itch. Why did he try to infuriate her, leave her waiting? She was trying to work, live her own life. Not think about things that weren't physically in front of her.

_It didn't seem like that last night._

Nera's face instantly burned, lighting up with a furious blush. Like she had hoped it wasn't actually him last night, that she made it up. But now it was unavoidable. He was there, he felt her arousal, felt as she pleasured herself.

Kriff. She was so embarrassed. She didn't know why she was embarrassed, but it was nearly eating away at her. And she had nowhere to hide, no way to play it off, because he was in her _head_.

Still, she pushed her back up against the TIE fighter, trying to hide from her own blush.

Nera didn't know what to say, and it made her angry. It made her angry that he pushed her buttons, that he brought this up to leave her in a state of silence. There was no real way she could play this off, for she knew he could probably sense her embarrassment anyway. This made her grow irritated.

"I never ask for you to show up," she angrily stated under her breath, trying to stay quiet.

_And yet, you keep inviting me back in._

"And yet," Nera mocked him. "You keep giving into me," she retorted, using his same method, trying to get under his skin, too. This wasn't a one way thing. She wasn't the only one that thought about him. She wasn't the only one turned on last night.

Nera felt anger spark through their connection, squeezing her brain. Apparently he didn't like playing his own games. Ass.

"Now go away" Nera forced, trying to put up whatever mental block he said she had been doing. 

But it wasn't working. She had no clue how she did such a thing, but it seemed to work sometimes? She tried literally pushing him out, flexing all her muscles and willing him away. But he didn't go. The presence stayed.

Maybe she wasn't strong enough today? Or maybe she just didn't fully want him to leave.

No. No. Not a chance. No way. She wanted him to leave her alone.

Since this mental blocking thing wouldn't work, Nera pushed away from the TIE fighter and tried to bury herself in her work.

_I want you to join me._

"What?" Nera didn't think as she glanced up. Instantly, she regretted this, quickly glancing around to make sure none of the crew hear her talking to herself. Luckily, no one ever paid her any attention. She turned back, her brows furrowed in confusion over what that meant. Was this because of last night?

_You are strong with the Force. Stronger than you know. I can feel it... You need a teacher._

Nera slowed and her shoulders hunched. A teacher? Teach her what, how to be a Jedi? Or the dark side...

Nera's heart beat slowed, and she could feel it beat solid against her chest. The dark side. He had said that was the path he followed. She had seen it. She had felt it. She didn't want more, her whole life and every waking moment has already been tormenting her.

_You_ **_do_ ** _want more._

Nera looked up, now completely forgetting about what she was working on.

_I can give you more. I can show you-_

"No," Nera cut him off. Her voice was low to shield herself from her coworkers. She didn't want to hear this, she couldn't think of this. "I have to work."

Whether it was her, or his rage of her denial, their connection was cut like a knife through butter.

It took her a moment to glance back down to the casing she was working on. But as she went into it, she couldn't shake the weight on her shoulders. She couldn't shake the mental turmoil his words caused.

Join me.

I can give you more.

Nera took a big breath in, trying to stop this. She didn't want more. The amount of stress, confusion, and pain she has felt since this all started, and even before that with these dreams, she wanted rid of it all. She had a life. She wanted a life. She had a job to save up money. She has Nichos.

Well, she _had_ Nichos. Now, she wasn't sure she had that friendship anymore. Now it would be strained, ruined by their own broken sexual desires.

This made her heart sink. She may have lost her friend, in one way or another. It wouldn't be the same. And although she was surrounded by engineers, she felt alone. She didn't have Nichos anymore and well, she may have never had him. She used his presence to avoid how alone she truly felt. How much her past had disconnected her from the people around her.

And Nera truly hasn't felt a connection like she has with this voice in her head. She hasn't felt like someone understood her, or saw through her, like he has.

No. It was sick. He was twisted. He was a killer. He was evil.

But what was she?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ooop I mean I had to give y'all something. Soft smut, so sweet. Nera's really got no clue whats comin'


	7. You Are Here

Nera sat on her floor, with her back pressed against the side of her cot. She looked out into her empty room, the only furniture being that metal desk. It was cold here, it was rigid and uncomfortable. It has never felt like home. The only thing that had brought her comfort was Nichos, but now he was avoiding her.

So Nera sat, alone. They had finished their work on the TIE fighter today, which meant she would probably get sent back to work on a speeder by her lonesome.

But that was her life right now, and she was trying to accept this. She tried to remind herself that she just had to save up a bit more, then she could buy her own ship. But where would she go? What would she do? Travel the galaxy on her own? Fall back into her old life?

Nera started to question if there was anything out there for her. She had only ever lived in the Outer Rim, barely scraping by. Would that ever change? She would never have money. She would never be elite. She would always be the slave girl that barely escaped. She would always be Rennek's project. Always too weak to amount to anything, fighting to not succumb to the darkness.

Nera had no idea who she was. She had no memory of her parents. Sometimes, in dreams, she swore she saw them. But these were all new pictures, made up in her mind, so she could never tell if they were real.

She had no idea where she came from. And no idea where she was going to go.

She was another nobody in the galaxy. Another spark of life that would fade, leaving nothing behind. She barely felt like she has even existed.

Nera could feel _his_ presence pick at her brain, but she paid it no mind. She knew he was here. She knew she probably was the one that invited him back.

Because she couldn't stop thinking about his offer, about what he said.

She didn't want to join him. She didn't want to go back to the darkness. She didn't want to give into the old life she has run from.

But a part of her knew he _could_ give her more. If he was real, if he was actually out there, maybe that is something. Maybe he is someone. Maybe he could give her answers about who she is. Why her life has been cursed with these dreams and feelings.

Or else, what? She had to live the rest of her life with this voice in her head? Would she eventually break? Give into the madness it caused?

"I had this dream," Nera spoke into the darkness, breaking the eery silence as her voice cracked from not being used for so long. She knew he was listening. "It was dark... Everything was black..." Nera gulped, remembering. His presence sparked in her head as he paid attention.

"This voice..." She shuddered. "I've never heard it before. It said... said it was my _destiny_. It said to embrace it."

Silence surrounded her as her words hung in the air. They reminded her how crazy she was, how alone a person must be to speak into this darkness.

"What is happening to me?" Her head hung down. The exhaustion in her voice was so prominent, so clear, but she didn't care. Nera was so lost, and she needed answers. She needed something.

He didn't respond right away, but she could feel him. It was the only thing keeping her grounded, stopping her from spiraling over all of this. She was so afraid she would never be able to go back to normal. Whatever normal was.

_Tell me where you are._

It wasn't the response Nera was hoping for. She wasn't going to tell him this. She couldn't. That would be more mad than all of it. So she didn't respond.

_I can find you._

Nera's eyes squinted. His voice was dark, it sounded like a threat.

Normally, this would spark fear in her, but now, she realized she was nowhere- nothing- to be found.

\-----

Nera was right when she assumed she would be assigned back to the speeder hanger. Without Nichos to vouch for her, Guro sent her back to her lonesome. She was nothing special, and the beaten up cruisers needed someone to fix them.

It had now been a couple days since she spoke to Nichos. He didn't wait for her to walk to work anymore, and he didn't grab her after for dinner anymore. In fact, he left his room long before work, seemingly to make sure he wouldn't run into her. Nera wasn't surprised, and she had expected such.

She hadn't heard from _him_ , the voice, much either. She wasn't sure if that was her doing, now that he mentioned she was great at putting up mental blocks, or if it was him. But when they did connect, he kept asking her where she was. He kept asking questions...

Nera couldn't tell him, she just couldn't. She couldn't join him. She couldn't make this into reality. She couldn't give into this dark side.

But these past few days, Nera has felt angry. The speeder, Guro, Nichos, all of it. She felt angry about her life, and she couldn't repress it anymore. And frankly, she didn't have to. She spent all her time alone. There was no one here to force her to put a mask on or to spread a smile on her face.

But something about today was different.

When she came into work, there was a lot more commotion than usual. Nera wasn't used to interacting with anyone on her way to the hanger, but workers were scrambling about in places they didn't belong.

She even saw Guro at the datapad station, making her nervous. He rarely showed up, unless something was going on...

Nera tried to eavesdrop and hang around for a bit as she collected her datapad, but everyone was speaking in hushed whispers. After a while, she gave up. It was probably nothing that had anything to do with her or her speeder. And she couldn't be bothered by trivial engineering problems.

So Nera feel into her normal routine, alone and working in silence. It felt like hours passed, when in reality it was only a few minutes.

Nera focused on every bolt, every wire, every piece of metal that she held in her fingers. Anything to remind her that she was here, on this planet, existing as a physical being. She was an engineer, barely an engineer, but still had the capability to _fix_ something. To take a beaten up cruiser and make it presentable enough for resale. To take away the dents and the rust, at the very least.

She tried to remind herself of this every time she felt her mind drifting, but at the end of it all, she still felt anger rise in her system. How is it she could physically make something better, but her own dents and rust were left unattended? How is it she felt so out of control of her own vessel?

Because that is all she was, right? Just a vessel. An empty corpse with not one, but two voices inside of it. Two lives living in her head, but neither felt like her own.

Nera was lost in the speeder, fumbling with the wrench deep inside the engine. There was no transition from her current state into the pain that immediately followed. There was no warning, no tingle like usual that alerted her of _him._

It didn't even feel like him. In fact, at first, Nera thought she was hurt. She thought something was wrong, something in her body went haywire. Maybe someone had grabbed ahold of her and sent a blaster to her head.

"Agh!" Nera gasped aloud, ripping her body from the speeder. It had felt like one of the electrical wires had a reaction with her head, sending a shock so harshly into her skin that she felt it pulse through her skull. Shot through one side and out through the other.

Nera tripped backwards, forgetting where she was as her eyes were squeezed so tightly shut she had forgotten anything but the pain.

Like a migraine, but intensified to the point where it could have been a bus whamming into her head. Which caused a ringing so loud it felt as if a blaster shot off right next to her ear, vibrations rattling her core.

She dropped the wrench in her hand, but didn't hear it hit the floor as her palm came to press against the side of her head. The only thing that differentiated this pain from a skull fracture was the cold chills that took over her body, running up across the back of her neck, making all of the little hairs stand up.

It was him. But she had never felt this before. She had never felt him like this before. What was wrong? What was happening?

Nera's knees buckled as images started to flash across her mind. She squeezed her eyes shut harder, trying to get it to stop. She wanted it to stop. She wanted it all to stop.

But they were flashing like strobe lights in the cantina. But they were unlike pictures, more so like she was transcending into a different planet.

First it was dark, raining. Then it was bright white fluorescent lights. And then the galaxy. She could feel the climate as if she was there. She could feel rain drops on her skin as it flashed by.

They ran like a slideshow across her head. Memories she had never seen before, memories she had not lived, not even in her dreams. She heard screaming, a young girl. She heard grunts of violence. She felt a wave of emotions so strongly that her knees completely caved and crashed onto the floor.

Nera cried out, but she wasn't sure if it was in one of these memories or in real life. She had lost complete connection with her physical placement. She was no longer in her engineering sector anymore.

Nera held her head in her hands like it was a newborn, cradling it to try and ease the pain. She was incoherent, all her muscles strung as she waited for it to stop.

Slowly, ever so slowly, the electrical current frying her brain slowed to a numb, aching pulse. She stayed frozen, breathing deeply for a long moment.

Eventually, she willed the courage to open her eyes. As if it was the most physically straining thing she had ever done, Nera unleashed her eyelids. But as she opened them, and regained her vision, she could not recognize her surroundings. Fear and confusion creased the skin on her face as she brought her head up.

There was no speeder in sight. No metallic walls. No tool cart. No datapad. No wrench.

She shivered as she looked around. The first thing Nera could make out from her crumpled position on the floor was a control center. Larger and more elegant than she had ever seen before. She was on a ship. She could even see the galaxy out of the window, bright white stars filling up her vision.

This wasn't real. This isn't real. She was stuck in a dream. She must've passed out.

Nera's head spun around, taking in her surroundings. She placed her hands on the ground, and jumped back in surprise as she felt it. Hard, cold, and even littered in specs of dirt. It felt real.

Shaking slightly, Nera used her hands to push herself up. She slowly regained her footing, standing straight, and spinning to look around. She ran to the closest wall, reaching her palms out immediately. She gasped as she could feel it, she could feel everything. This wasn't a vision.

Where was she? What was going on?!

_What is this?_

The growl of _his_ voice made Nera jump. She yanked her hands away from the side of the ship and spun, as if she was looking for him. He sounded louder than usual. Like he was here. She felt his presence like he was breathing down her neck.

But there was nothing. She was in the command center of a ship, alone. She took tedious steps forward, afraid to move.

"Where am I?"

 _Tell me how you are doing this._ He demanded, his voice so loud and angry it echoed in Nera's head, making her freeze again. Each time it repeated there was a volt of pain that shot through her, followed by a new memory. A flash of another planet, changing her location again.

"I'm doing nothing," Nera gasped, defending herself. But it was effortless towards the way his power flushed through her blood stream.

When she spoke again, the visions stopped and she was once again standing in the ship. She stepped forward carefully, glancing around. Letting her fingers run along the buttons of the control center, a breath escaped from behind her lips. For a moment, she considered pressing it, seeing how real this actually was.

"I'm on a ship," Nera whispered, moreso to herself than to him. She was trying to understand, but now the only thought on her mind was that she was on a ship. The one thing she was working towards. This ship was much larger than anything she could use, but it would take one simple action one simple control to go into light speed. To go wherever she wanted.

As if he could sense what she was thinking, Nera felt his rage shift to a satisfied power.

_So this is where you've been..._

A devious chill ran down Nera's spine.

It came to her realization that this was _his_ ship _._ This is where he was, meaning that he must be... Oh no, no no no. 

Nera stepped away from the control center, almost as if she was looking for an exit, a way out.

She couldn't even think about why, who, or what he was to be on a ship like this. She could only think that he was so close to finding where she was and who she was. And the way that satisfied him sent cold vibrations through her.

 _The Force has never connected us like this..._ He continued, nearly tormenting her as fear crept up her spine. This was more than it ever had been before. And she had no idea how to get away or how to get back.

There was a long pause, and all Nera could hear was her own unsteady breathing. She could feel a weight on her chest as it rose and fell, and a sting in her head. She could feel him, feel everything that swirled inside of him. Like she hadn't gotten so close to him before, and hadn't been able to feel his power so intensely before. She was scared, loosely treading on the verge on panic.

She felt something stir in him. Something that pushed her over that line, towards panic.

_You're close..._

With that, another shot of cold electricity powered through her skull, and this time when she opened her eyes, she was back in her hanger. He was gone, entirely his presence had left her with a cold and dark gap. One that filled with anxiety.

"What? No, no, no," Nera stumbled onto her feet, spinning as she looked around the hanger. She ran her hands through her hair, stress creasing every inch of her face. She rushed to the speeder, then to the tool cart, making sure it was all real. Anger grew as she grabbed onto the wrench again. "No!" She breathed.

Nera searched for him, she tried to connect them. Come back. He needed to come back. He needed to explain. She needed to explain. He can't come here, he can't find her. He has to stay away.

Nera was about to have a breakdown, clenching a handful of hair, wildly looking around with an exasperated look on her face. Earlier she had been thinking that maybe it wouldn't be so terrible if he found her, but after just feeling all of his rage, power, and emotions, she was too scared to think about that. For whatever reason, all she knew was that he could not find her now.

What does she do? What is happening? She was on his ship, and he was here. He was here.

She was frozen, debating what her next move was. It felt like this was all growing out of control. It wasn't just a voice in her head anymore, and she didn't think anything could be more scary than that.

Just when Nera thought it couldn't get worse, when she couldn't stress anymore, she heard it. The overcome system, which was used maybe once a year, sent static over the speakers.

At first Nera thought the noise was coming from her head, that she might be gaining connection back with him. But hearing the sharp echo as Guro fumbled with the microphone reminded Nera where she was.

"All workers and essential personnel are to meet in the outside corridor at 0900."

Guro's alienic voice rang out over the speaker in Nera's hanger, causing her face to scrunch in confusion. She has never had him request such a thing in her entire time here, which meant something was definitely going on.

And it was definitely not the time for this. Nera needed to be alone. She needed to make a plan? She couldn't stay here, could she? If _he_ was going to find her?

Nera set down the wrench in her hand and went over to the tool cart, flipping on her datapad to check the time. 0900 was in 15 minutes. So it was a last minute request, too?

Nera unlocked the datapad with shaking hands, searching for some sort of information on what was going on, trying to find an excuse to skip it. Maybe if everyone was outside, she could think. She could figure out what to do. And if she even wanted to do it.

She checked her messages and alerts, trying to see if someone had sent her a passage about what was happening. But there was nothing.

Her finger swirled over Nichos' name, causing her to bite at her lip. She wanted to ask him, wanted to speak to her friend that normally filled her in about all of this type of stuff. She wanted something to soothe her worries.

Nera considered it for a good minute. She didn't want to bug him, make him more upset, but at the same time, she was dying to know. I mean, its not like she could make it worse...

With that on her mind, she went to type him a message, asking him what was going on. Once she pressed send, she realized that there is a good chance he won't be checking his datapad if he is busy in the TIE fighter sector.

Nonetheless, she sat there and bit at her nail, stealing glances at her notifications. She couldn't believe how foreign their friendship had gotten in such a short time. She couldn't believe how much has changed in just a few weeks.

Nera checked the datapad time and time again, seeing no response. She huffed, giving up on the idea of him responding, and beginning to clean the grease off herself so she could at least look presentable. Unfortunately, she couldn't wipe the stress off her wide eyelids.

She was smoothing out the wrinkles in her uniform when the datapad lit up. AT 0856, she got a message from Nichos.

_Nichos Lithal - 0856_

_'FIRST ORDER.'_

Nera's heart immediately skipped a beat, sinking into her stomach. First Order? Here? What? Why? How?

As soon as she saw that, and the time, she threw the datapad down and started to rush out of the hanger.

Bodies were filling the common area, all stiffly heading toward the exit. She had never seen this many people here, ever, making panic slightly pick at her core again. Something wasn't right about this. The First Order rarely ever came to the Outer Rim. Especially here, on this barren planet? So why were they here now?

Nera had never interacted with the First Order. She had never given the war raging through the galaxy much mind, for she felt her life never had any relation to it. First Order, Rebellion, it was all the same. And it wasn't her problem.

But now, they were showing up at her doorstep?

As she shuffled to the exit with a few other bodies surrounding her, Nera anxiously glanced around for Nichos. She realized this probably had something to do with the abundance of TIE fighters they were getting lately. And because Nichos worked so closely with them, she felt nervous. She had only heard stories about how ruthless the First Order was.

Nera tried to keep her cool and walked outside, arms tense behind her back, instantly regretting that she forgot to grab her rain jacket.

Everyone filed outside, standing in lines around their building. Unfortunately, where Nera was, she wasn't covered by the overhang of the roof. And of course, rain littered this planet on a daily basis, meaning she was nearly immediately soaked.

She didn't care though as she searched through all the employees to spot Nichos, nearly bouncing on her feet. Most of the faces she did not recognize, most never leaving their offices in the back. She noticed that across the street, other engineering sectors also had their employees waiting out front. The entire road was littered with bodies. What is going on?

Eventually, she was able to spot Fritz, which meant Nichos was close.

Nera felt relief when she saw the side of Nichos' face. She wanted to wave her arms to get his attention, for he was all the way across the crowd, standing in the front row, but she was afraid to make a scene of herself. Luckily, he was also glancing around, and she waited patiently until he met her eyes. When he did, his face softened. Relief rushed over Nera.

Nera mouthed 'What is this?' to him, to which he sent her a shrug and mouthed back 'No clue.'

She could see the concern on his face, adding to her nerves.

Before Nera could communicate anything back to him, there was a loud _woosh_ coming from in front of her, grabbing her attention. She was taken aback as she saw the ships approach, sending large waves of wind gusting at her face, making her squint and recoil backward. She saw TIE fighters in the back, but was more surprised at the large ships mounting in the middle of the street.

She had never seen them in person before, but she has seen photos on her datapad. The two large wings that lifted straight up as they landed, informed her it was in-fact a command shuttle.

Nera went rigid. She had never seen a ship so large, so elegant in her life. But as the drawbridge lowered, she felt the fear she was sure many have before. The war was now right in front of her, and she was dying to know why.

It was just another reason to get out of here. To leave. As soon as possible.

Nera glanced over to Nichos once more, but he was looking straight ahead, jaw set. She let her eyes roam and noticed Guro standing front and center, chest pushing out as he awaited whoever was about to come out of that ship.

Rain poured across them. Nera's hair was sticking to her face, droplets of rain dripping from her eyelashes to the tip of her nose as she tried to see clearly what was happening.

She had never actually seen a storm trooper before, and although they should have scared her as they poured out from the command shuttle, their march in sync as they stepped into the muddy wasteland, she felt anger. Nera was angry that they were here. That they brought their war here. That she had to stand out here in the rain, worried about Nichos as he stood right in front.

This war had nothing to do with them. And she was worried they were about to change that.

As if on cue, her anger sparked the cold, intrusive connection with _him_. It started as a shiver, a low rumble in the base of her neck, but she nearly gasped at how harshly it flourished. All of her muscles stiffened, and her knees wanted to give out so she could cradle her head.

Nera was trying to focus and watch what was happening, but her head was drumming against her skull. It was aching, how strongly his presence was. She groaned to herself, pressing a hand against her forehead. Kriff, not now.

Through her blurred vision, she tried to focus. She stared at the command shuttles, watching as the endless crowd of storm troopers stopped rushing out, and a small man followed behind. Ignoring the aching presence in her head, Nera squinted. She couldn't make out any features other than his burning red hair.

The small man walked closer, his posture impeccably straight as his arms were crossed behind his back. He walked with some sense of power, barely even taking in the hundreds of people that waited outside for him.

Nera wanted to know who he was, wanted to know why he thought he was so powerful when he looked like a shrimp of a man. She wanted to know why the Kriff he was here, bothering them.

Nera couldn't tell anymore if it was her anger and agitation, or _his_ , now that he was in her head. Nonetheless, she was on edge. From how painfully his presence ached through her mind and how stressed she was about witnessing the First Order for the first time, at her doorstep.

"Engineers of Arkanis!" the small, red haired man announced loudly. He had to shout so he could be heard over the rain. He slowly spun to address all the engineering sectors that awaited him. "My name is Armitage Hux, General of the First Order military forces."

Through the pounding in her head, Nera squinted. First Order. Military forces. TIE fighters. Nichos. Her nerves crawled along her spine.

She was using all the muscles in her body to keep herself upright, for the mental exhaustion from the past 30 minutes had weakened her. And the intensity of the presence in her head was causing a ringing in her ears. The kind before you pass out.

But Nera had to pay attention. She had to be presentable, or this could turn ugly. She's heard the stories.

"I'll have you know this is my home planet," the man shouted with a sense of pride across the desolate corridor of mud and fearful engineers. "Which is why, I have entrusted you all with the repairs of our TIE fighters!"

Nera ached. Those TIE fighters weren't just beat up for resale and parts, for which she was stupid for assuming. They were actual First Order repairs.

"Due to your desirable location, out of the eyes and ears of the Rebellion," he spat, disgust lacing every shout. "We have decided to develop a base, here on Arkansis!"

No. Nera's nostrils flamed, looking to Guro, then Nichos. The war was here, and it was here to stay.

The pulsing in her head was also here to stay, reminding her that every moment, the voice in her head was also bringing a war into her life.

And Nera was afraid. She felt it in her core. She could leave, but Nichos would stay. He would be in danger, working for a war neither of them ever wanted to be a part of. She could already feel the grief, the unavoidable death this would cause. She could see it. Another war machine.

A second wave of fear hit when she wondered if she would be able to leave. She was now under the command of the First Order. And this pressure in her head only reminded her that she could be found.

"In return, we will offer you protection and resources!"

Protection? Protection from what? The war they were bringing to her home? Nera was enraged, and it only increased the vibrant pain in her skull. She was shaking, every limb of her body quaking. She wasn't sure what was happening, but she was past being on edge. She was over the edge, and she was holding back a scream. The anger, the fear, the stress. She needed to get out of here.

Nera was gauging her distance from the hanger, and the bodies that stood between it. She wondered if it would be enough bodies to shield her from being seen by this shrimp man. From all those storm troopers, armed to the core with blasters. It wasn't safe here. And the pain in Nera's head was almost becoming too much to handle.

As she considered, a voice immediately froze her and caused every thought to escape.

"And if we decline?" He shouted back, over the rain.

Guro.

Nera inwardly yelled. Guro you fat headed, alien!

Every nerve sparked in her body as she watched this red-headed First Order general slowly spin. His hands never left their rigid placement behind his back, and Nera swore she noticed a smirk rise on his face.

Panic swelled near the point of sickness as she watched this man take slow, powerful steps towards them. Two storm troopers flanked him, following closely behind. They stomped in the mud towards Guro, which was way too close to Nichos for comfort.

Nera was so worried she wouldn't be able to hear over how heavy her breaths were, and how loud the presence in her head vibrated. She looked through the rain, past the soaked piece of hair that hung in her eyes.

The general stood a mere inch from Guro's face, his chest pushed out.

"And you are?" His nostrils flared.

"Department Director of engineering sector 4, sir," Guro spoke. Nera could sense how on edge all of the bodies surrounding her were. All watched, eyes widened.

The general eyed him up and down, taking a pause before he spoke again. "Do your allegiances lie elsewhere, _Director_?"

"I have no allegiances," Guro stated.

"No allegiances, Director?" A teasing, filthy smirk came across the shrimp Hux's face. It could be not just seen, but felt all the way across the crowd.

Everyone was frozen, cursing, shaking.

General Hux took a few steps back, spinning to address the crowd. "Now, I have tried to be peaceful, to bargain!" He yelled, rage taking over his calm demeanor. "You _will_ devote your allegiance to the First Order!"

Hux spun back to Guro, who remained stiff. Unmoving, unspeaking.

A long, treacherous moment passed. Nera was screaming inside, begging Guro to speak. Begging this all to not be real. Begging everything to stop.

"TK-815!" Hux shouted, calling to the stormtrooper over his shoulder without breaking eye contact with Guro. "Please demonstrate what happens to those who do not align."

Nera couldn't scream, breathe, or process before it happened. Before the blaster was raised, and the vibrant stroke of the bolt shredded through the rain and into Guro's heart.

The pain in her head slowed to a dull throb as she watched Guro crumple to the ground, his weight splashing into the mud.

Some engineers stayed frozen, but others erupted. Nera heard a few yells, but was just pale as she stared at her boss. As she struggled to understand if this was real, if any of this was real, as his lifeless body laid victim to the rain.

But of those that erupted, of all the engineers, the only one Nera could hear, the only one that allowed her to see, was Nichos.

Nera couldn't make out what he had done, or what he had said. She hadn't noticed quickly enough, her pained mind unable to move fast enough to see.

Nera couldn't process Guro on the ground before that same storm trooper was holding Nichos back. Nera's stomach dropped, and all feeling left her body as she watched the storm trooper send a fist to Nichos' face, dropping him onto the ground.

Nera's heart sped up, she couldn't think. And she wasn't thinking as she didn't spare a second before she was shoving through bodies. Rage and fear clashed so loudly in her body, she couldn't spare a thought to the universe as she hurdled through the crowd to Nichos.

She could see the storm trooper pull his blaster back up. She could see, she could _feel_ , the fear radiating off of Nichos as he faced the front of a blaster, pointed at his face.

Nera lost control. Not Nichos.

She shoved through the last body in her way. "NO!" Nera screamed, now emerged from the crowd.

The scream sent shock not only across their faces, but through her body. All the rage amplified so much that she felt it physically vibrate out of her. She felt that pain in her head all shift to the front, all of it projecting at the storm trooper.

The storm trooper went flying backward, forcefully slammed feet away from Nichos and crumpled onto the ground. Nera was huffing, breathing out of control. She couldn't feel her body, but she felt as that storm trooper was sent flying. Did she do that?

Before she could notice the storm troopers that came rushing towards her, Nera's spine went rigid. She stood up straight, eyes blurring over as she looked off into the distance. The chill was so icy as it ran up her spine, alerting her.

_It's you..._

Nera's head was spinning. She felt her body waver, threatening to give in and fall into the darkness.

She turned her head to watch as all the storm troopers parted like the red sea. Between them all and through the rain, a large, dark figure came towards.

Before Nera could see, before she could understand, the ache in her brain took over. It was so loud, so powerful, like electrical volts sparking in every neuron. She wasn't sure if her head exploded or not as everything wen't black.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> finally this is all coming to a tTTTT


	8. We Have What We Came For

Kylo Ren didn't normally accompany Hux on his diplomatic missions to foreign planets. Unless his _influence_ was necessary, he had no desire to partake in the general's slow, pain-ridden tactics.

Although, this time the Outer Rim sparked his interest.

The connection troubled him deeply. _She_ troubled him deeply. He has felt many things, learned the ins and outs of the dark side, but never did he know it was possible to experience something like this. Nowhere in any history of the Force, was he able to discover any answers.

It enraged him that he could not understand this. And after _that_ night, something sparked inside him. He needed to find her. Her strength with the Force and her unrelenting ties in his mind sent him on his mission. It clouded every thought and every night he had. He couldn't rest until he had her. Until she joined him on the dark side.

And she was so close. He could feel it.

He had seen where she was. He was there. Now, in the Command Shuttle, he focused. He was going to find her.

Letting Hux deal with the scum of this desolate planet, he searched his memories, trying to rekindle their connection. The anger that flowed in him was unparalleled. He had never met another person besides the Supreme Leader that was able to block him out. Never in his life has he been unable to control. Never has he known someone capable of the strength to block out the Force. To keep him out.

Even when they were not connected, she flooded his mind and his dreams. Now, he brought them to the surface.

He often saw men, those that have endangered her. Always a constant in her life was running, fighting for her safety. The flames of rage were uncontrollable when he felt or saw these things. He never saw or understood the entire memories, but he felt possessive. Neither she or him knew peace.

Her memories were often short and blurry, only very few was he actually able to project into. And each one held death in one way or another. Every life she took haunted her, and he could vividly see it. Not because she felt badly, but because she was afraid of how good it felt and the path it would put her on. It was exactly why Kylo Ren needed her. They were connected, she just needed to accept her darkness.

Another memory flashed, putting Kylo in a familiar, dark place. Underground, smoke filling his lungs. Whenever he felt like he was getting close to piecing together some information, the vision halted.

In all of these memories that flooded his head, he never saw her. He never saw her parents. It seemed she didn't see them, either. She was no one. And she had very little remembrance of her childhood.

But then why was she here, in his head? Why were they connected? How is this possible?

This time when the memories slowed, it was due to the chill that ran through his core. Their connection was returning.

Kylo Ren's head fell back, sucking in a deep breath as he felt her. Like him, she had no control of her anger. Each time she felt it, so did he. And each time, she brought their connection back to life with this anger. She was destined for the dark side. It was flammable, so potent and familiar as it coursed through him. As a part of him it was pure, raw, and it swirled through him like comfort.

This time her anger and fear satisfied him. He could feel her, just as loudly as when he was in her hanger today.

This allowed him full access to their connection, to which he hunted. He closed his eyes, pushing into the Force. Into her.

He could see more clearly now. Her memories. Her emotions. She was angry, scared. But not for herself.

Kylo could see flashes of a man, one he had seen before in her memories. Young, recent in her life, always near her. She was scared for him. Kylos nostrils flared in anger, pushing him deeper into their connection, more determined than ever to find her. No matter how badly it hurt.

This weak man she was often so scared for was in danger. And he could feel how angry it made her. Despicable.

It was quick, but he was able to make out a flash of her surroundings. He was forcing himself so deep into their connection, angrily hurling himself into her head. And when he saw it, his eyes snapped open.

Without a second passing, Kylo was storming through the ship. His boots stomped on the metal grates, powerfully rushing out of the vessel and down the ramp, making the storm troopers recoil backwards to grant him space. The fear they broadcasted fed his movements faster.

As soon as the ugly, damp planet came into his line of sight, his body ignited. All the memories in her head of this planet finally made sense, creating the full story. She was here.

With a hand on his light saber, ready to search every building and every inch of this disgusting planet, he halted in his tracks.

"NO!"

His head turned and through his mask, he centered in on that voice. Exactly like he had heard in his head, but different now as it came to fruition.

He felt the Force shift, felt its energy project across the landscape. And he watched as a stormtrooper flew across the pavement.

_It's you..._

\--

"Ren." Hux put on a presentable face, but it wasn't hard to see the blood vessel on his forehead pop in rage. Nonetheless, he gave a curt nod of greeting. "The towns people of Arkansis are learning what happens if they do not align with the first order. I believe we have an understanding."

Without a glance, not even a mere inch shifting to acknowledge Hux, Kylo Ren stormed past him, tall and determined, the disrespect making Hux seethe. Kylo Ren was focused, not able to hear as Hux nipped at him. His eyes were on her. He had found her.

The Force was pushing each of his steps towards her, and his core was bubbling with anguish as he had finally found her. The connection was so deep for the mere moment he caught her eyes, it took much power to not falter in his strides.

But it all faded as her eyes rolled back and her body went limp, splashing into the soaking wet mud.

Without hesitation, Kylo Ren grabbed her, lifting her in his arms like a package that had been delivered to him. All around watched, shocked, and shaking as they laid eyes on the infamous Kylo Ren. Paralyzed as they watched the masked creature walk across their planet, taking the girl.

Not a soul moved a single inch as Kylo took her back to the Command Shuttle. All but one. Kylo Ren didn't even need to look to know who.

"NERA!" The weak, injured male from so many of her memories cried across the rain. Barely able to get up off the ground, splashing in the mud as he dove for her. Quickly a storm trooper shoved him back, holding a blaster into his face.

Kylo Ren froze for only a split second, too short for any normal eyes to catch. But hearing her name made him falter. It sounded right. Like he had known that name would fit her, like he knew it all along. And now he had a name.

"Commander Ren," Hux tried to demand, stepping towards Kylo who had yet to give any attention to all but the girl and getting her on his ship. "Ren!" Hux snapped, his face growing red.

"We have what we came for." The dark, modulated voice echoed across the eerie landscape. Infuriating Hux, his face turned bright red, shaking to hold back his rage. Although, it was too late to react, for Kylo Ren was already gone to the ship. And Hux would have to clean this up himself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a tadddd bit of Kylo POV cause why not its fun


	9. I Can Feel It In You

Nera was sure she had dreamt like any other night before. But it wasn't a memory she recalled, not one that made sense for the voice in her head, either. She dreamt of what she thought was his ship, she must have been seeing where he was again as she slept.

When she finally stirred awake, Nera had a splitting headache from the moment she gained consciousness. She kept her eyes closed, her face scrunching to try and ease the throbbing. But it was relentless. Naturally, her hand was about to come up to rub her forehead, but she was alerted at the force holding it down.

Shooting her eyes open, her brain now fully awake, Nera jumped up. But her body was so tightly restrained, she let out a gasp of pain as she shot back. Cold metal slammed against her bones, making panic spasm through her. It felt as if she had awaken from a nightmare, one where she was falling, and it felt so real that her stomach plummeted.

Frantically, Nera looked, seeing metal cuffs wrapped around her wrists and ankles. As her situation began to sink in, she nearly let out a cry of panic, trying to rip them out, but only hurting herself. Her eyes started to shoot around as she realization hit her. There wasn't a dream, she didn't dream.

The First Order. Nichos. Guro...

Nera's head was pulsating now, her breathing coming rapidly and harshly as she lost control. The last memory in her head nearly made her sick.

_It's you..._

He had found her. _He_ had found her.

Nera was shaking in the restraints, frantically looking around the room. It wasn't a room, it was a cell. With cold, grey metal walls. And she was only half upright on a metal cot. Chair? An interrogation chair? Nera tried to strain her neck to look, but she didn't have much movement capabilities. Was this a torture chair, electroshock?

What was going on? The First Order took her? She didn't remember, she doesn't remember what happened! What did they want with her? Was it him? Where is Nichos?

She was panicked, trying to understand where she was and why. She could tell from the stale, icy air and the thrumming of the cell that she must have been on a ship. It wasn't the first time she had been locked up on a ship, how could she forget?

This made her freak out more. Nera had no idea what was happening at the engineering base. And being on a ship meant she was alone, somewhere lost in the stars of the galaxy.

Panic racked her body for moments longer, but she knew she had to think. She had to do something, find a plan or something to get out of here. She could feel she was in danger, if the restraints hadn't already proved that. But, before she could take even a breath to calm down, the chill sparked in her spine.

_Ah..._

His voice rang out loud, vividly in her head, making her stomach flip.

_You're awake._

If there was a speed faster than light speed, that was the rate at which Nera's heart was beating. And the same for her mind, which was running in circles, not sure if she should scream, fight, cry, or shut down.

It was him.

She remembered now. She remembered him finding her, and the way he parted stormtroopers like a sea of white. But all she saw of him was a dark figure and a black mask.

It was as if she could hear his footsteps stomping from across the ship menacingly at the pace of her heart beat. Nera was absolutely frozen, unsure if she was even breathing as she anticipated him. She couldn't think, couldn't move, only panic was running through her. She was afraid she might pass out again. But she couldn't, the voice in her head was real. And here. Her eyes were wide open, curiosity killing the cat.

A bead of sweat rolled down her already damp forehead, covered in matted, muddy hair. Before Nera could hear him, she could _feel_ him. Like someone was blowing a horn next to her head, the connection screamed inside of her. So loudly, all encompassing. For a moment, her vision blurred, unable to see as the fruition of their mental connection took every ounce of life out of her, and then slammed it back in.

Nera could feel his heart like it was her own. She could feel his mind. His presence. His power. His torment. The determination in every cold stomp he made towards her cell.

And then she could hear the access code to the cell. And through her haze, where she was sure she wouldn't be able to hear anything other than her heart pulsating, the door slid open, a gust of air blowing in as the metal screeched back.

As much as Nera wanted to pass out, overwhelmed, she focused her eyes to see. A figure stood, taller than she could have ever expected. Larger-wider- than she could have expected. Head to toe black, a cowl and robes hanging off his body, a hood draped on his back. Black gloves and boots hiding any possibility of skin. And then, Nera's stomach dropped as she looked up. A cold, dark mask stared back at her.

The creature in a mask. What many had said. 

Nera wished she had a mask on to hide in this moment, too. Especially as it dawned on her who this was. The person in her head was no man, it was _Kylo Ren_. Nera had heard the stories of him when she worked as a bartender. 

His voice alone had sparked fear in her before, but now, as he stood in front of her, the cold reality chilled Nera to the bone. Her thoughts were screaming danger, remembering all the violent, evil memories. It made sense now.

His presence alone was sending off warnings, she could feel the power and madness radiating off of him. The fear Kylo Ren fed into all of his victims. Nera could see the weapon strapped to his side, and the stormtroopers standing outside the cell. Within a second, the memories of the lives he took with that weapon flashed in Nera's head. She could hear screams that were not her own, feel the heat of it.

Looking into the visor of that mask made chills rack her body, fear sprouting at the base. Her fight or flight instinct was trying to kick in, but knowing she could do neither, she let out a breath. She could feel death and, in a way, it calmed her. There was no options for her as she faced reality head on. There was a certain comfort in that darkness, the fate she just had to accept.

Nera sunk into it, unable to distinguish what was her own and what was projecting off of him. His presence was large, cathartic. His energy was chaotic, darkness swirling into her pores, but conflict keeping her mind agar. Her jaw unclenched as she looked in between the dark metal panels on the mask, trying to find something behind the visor. She wanted to see the thing in her head.

All the powerful darkness that was radiating in that moment consumed Nera. She had never felt anything like it, and through all of her fear and panic, she found herself lost in his statue-like stance. It was only the thought that death most likely wasn't going to be the outcome of this that snapped Nera out of it, making adrenaline again begin to pump in her bloodstream. This man, this thing, wanted something from her. And she was petrified at what the future held.

They were locked in a gaze for a long moment, Nera too caught up in her fear and panic to pay attention to what she was feeling from him. Their connection was overwhelming, making all of her emotions heightened and more frazzled. She couldn't think. She couldn't understand. It hurt, her head was throbbing so bad. She wished it would stop so she could just _think_.

The metal door to her cell slamming shut behind him was the only thing that snapped them out of the gaze.

Kylo Ren took slow, tedious steps toward her. Like his body was built of bricks.

Now, being enclosed in this room with his presence, Nera couldn't breathe. Their connection was too much, this was all too much.

She wasn't sure how her head turned to follow him, for she definitely was not in control of her muscles at this time, but her eyes were glued to him as he stood next to her, reflecting only black.

"Don't be afraid," the alteration of the voice shocked Nera. That was not the voice she had heard in her head. That was not any voice. It was robotic, crackling as the deep dark tone broke through. And it was sarcastic, menacing, as it told her to not be afraid. Was it even human? The voice had sounded human in her head, but it could be any species? Why the mask, was it actually a creature? Wounded?

He reached towards her, to which Nera aggressively flinched back, slamming into her restraints away from his hand. Her heart sped, heaving her breath at an alarming rate. It was in that moment Kylo Ren could see flashes of all the people that had hurt her. He saw as deep memories of restraint popped to the forefront of her mind, warning her. His hand hesitated for a moment, the mask slightly turning as it looked down at her in curiosity. Nera stared deep into the visor, eyes wide, but hard, as her jaw clenched.

After a frozen moment, he dropped his hand slowly, his fist clenching the leather fabric of his gloves into a ball.

Nera swallowed the lead in her throat, watching nervously as he continued to pace around her, stopping behind her so she could no longer see him. Her breathing was so heavy, she just looked straight ahead, trying to remain calm. To get a grip.

But the silence was nearly strangling her, making her dizzy. The fear of the unexpected was taking over so much that she couldn't even stop herself before she spoke. She needed something to soothe the anxiety.

"How do I know its you?" Nera blurted out, her voice coming raspy, cracking at first. Hearing how dumb that sounded, she couldn't stop from babbling more. "Your voice.. The mask. It doesn't sound like you."

A low crackle came from the moderator on the mask, almost as if it was a chuckle, or a breath. Although he said nothing, Nera could hear his heavy footsteps shift from behind, slowly walking the full circle around her. Her eyes were glued to him, wide, as he stopped directly in front of her, arms locked behind his back. She gulped, waiting, watching.

His head slowly cocked to the side, taking her in. Nera thought the silence was deafening, but the way his altered voice ripped through made her wish it never had existed.

"I know you feel it, too," Kylo Ren spoke low and slowly, like he was drilling the words into her. And then at the same time, those same words echoed in Nera's head as they always used to, making her bones freeze over and set rigidly.

Nera sucked in a breath, her eyes unblinking as they were trained on him. She had gotten used to the voice in her head, but now this, now both, she was overstimulated. She couldn't swallow his presence, nor the madness that ensued in her as it came to fruition. The part of her that so easily fell into comfort with the power, the darkness, was in a struggle with the everliving fear of the things she has seen this man do. And the stories, too. The crushing weight of this entire situation had her in an uproar. It made no sense why this was happening. _How_ it was happening. 

It wasn't possible. It shouldn't be her, this had nothing to do with her. The First Order had nothing to do with her. The Force, whatever the living hells that was, had nothing to do with her. _Kylo Ren_ had nothing to do with her.

But the worst part was that in his presence, now for the first time, something felt good. Like she was being fed after starving for years and years. But she also felt cold, stone cold, nearly paralyzed with the awful intuition of evil.

"You're curious," he stated again, as if he was realizing the energy that was coming off of her and it satisfied him.

"What do you want from me?" Nera spoke curtly, playing it off. The obvious question she was curious about.

"No," the mask shook, starting to pace slowly around the room again, Nera following every movement with her eyes. "The Dark Side... It _intrigues_ you."

The muscles of Nera's jaws flexed, her voice shifting into anger and defensiveness. "I know nothing of the Dark Side."

He stopped pacing, looking to the side at her. "Oh, but you do."

The eerie chill from the masked voice ran through Nera's skin. Her jaw set closed, defiant and angry. He knew nothing of her and knew very well she had no familiarity with this Dark Side. But then Nera realized he was picking up on her anger, and she did her best to boil it down. She wouldn't empower him.

She straightened in her restraints, trying to pick her head up as best she could. "Where is Nichos?" She demanded. "What happened with my engineering sector?"

Kylo took a step towards her. "You have no attachment to that place," he spoke the truths he could feel in her head after all these months, cold and accusatory. "That boy," he spat, shifting tightly. "Is just a burden to you."

Nera grew defensive again in reaction to how her heart was pained, her face hardening and her upper lip curled as he spoke. "You do not speak for me," she spat angrily at him.

He paused, his helmet tilting to the side again as the visor bore into her soul. "You should be careful of how you speak to me."

"Or _what_?" Nera tested her grounds, feeding off of the dark energy in the room. He was radiating his power at her, but she was absorbing it now, gaining from it. She knew that he wanted something from her. She knew that _he_ was the one that was curious. It seemed he could tell she had made these realizations as well, the way his posture straightened and his fists curled. "What does the First Order want from me?" Nera demanded again.

A low, menacing chuckle came from his mask. "Not the First Order. You belong to _me,_ " he seethed.

Nera seemed to loose grip on her anger, the power slipping through her fingers as his words made her fall back, a cold chill running through her spine.

"Don't be afraid," he said again with the same teasing, menacing sarcasm. As if he was enjoying it. "Soon enough you will be thanking me for giving you what you have always wanted."

A pit formed in the bottom of Nera's stomach, reminding her of how haunted she was. "You found me," she reminded him. "I never wanted this. Any of it."

He stepped away from her, his hands closing in and out of fists. "Freedom. _Power_ ," he stated. "You crave it. I can hear it- _feel it_ \- in you." He yelled.

Nera slithered in her restraints, thinking all the sweat covering her body would help her slide out. The way the metal pricked into her skin, she knew it was useless. Her entire body was on high alert, warning her to escape from him. He was everywhere now. "Thats not true," she tried.

Nera's breath hitched in her throat as he stepped closer, slowly leaning into her, his mask inches from her face. The visor was darker now, no sign of life, no sign of anything but madness. "No memory of who you are," he nearly whispered, the cold air coming from his modulator sending chills down Nera's spine. "So desperate to have a purpose, to have anything."

Nera felt sick, at the proximity of the man she wasn't yet sure actually physically existed and the way he had always been in her head. "No," she denied again, squirming away.

"You thought you could find a ship, be free, but you're afraid..." The mask was almost closer now. He was surrounding her, his aura suffocating her, making her nearly tremble. "Afraid you'll never be strong enough."

Nera was physically aching, sick to her core. He was under her skin, enticing the most gruesome chill in all of her nerve endings. Her heart was pained, but she could feel anger bubbling up through the pit in her stomach. Her jaw was glued shut, doing everything she could to not have her lips tremble.

She couldn't think, she couldn't breathe. His words surrounded her, choking her.

_You are nothing._

_You are weak._

Nera could hear the voices like they were speaking to her now, flashes of the memories coming to the front of her being. Rennek. All of them.

_You are nothing. Weak._

Nera's breaths were now coming in heavy spurts as she squeezed her eyes shut to rid herself of these memories. The anger was boiling in her system, and as she ripped her eyes open to look into the dark visor of the man she wished never came into her head, it all came to a T.

"I can give you what you crave, if you join me," he stood up straight now, waiting as he looked down at her.

"Freedom?" Nera nearly scoffed, her anger now coming out. "This?" She whacked her hands against the restraints, signaling to them. "You call this freedom?" She sat up, leaning forward. " _Belonging_ to you, thats freedom?"

He ignored her.

Nera looked up, bearing her eyes harshly into his visor. "I can _feel_ you, too," she mocked what he said to her, reminding him. "Your torment... Desire for power. You need me to belong to you. Need control. It's you who's afraid, isn't it?"

He paused. "You're so right," he said quietly, teasingly. He stepped closer to her again. "We _are_ similar."

His close presence had Nera's stomach flipping again, making her halter. The way his presence got into her skin made her gulp. "I know who you are, _Kylo Ren_ ," Nera's jaw clenched, heaving in a shaky breath. "You're a monster."

"And you are?" Kylo asked again. This same conversation they had in her head. Nera shuddered at the path she knew he was going to take.

"I've seen what you've done." Nera tried.

"As I have seen you."

There was a pause, one where Nera was not breathing, completely stuck staring into the mask that was covering her entire line of vision. Her heart was hammering in her chest, and she fought to find words, stumbling over her own tongue. "I don't kill innocent people. _Murder_ villages."

He hummed, it coming out as static that rattled her bones. "Thats business of the First Order," he lightly played off, uncaring.

"Liar," Nera breathed.

"You refuse to see the truth!" he spoke lowly, but towering over her. His anger was coming up now as well.

"I've seen it. I've heard the stories. It's evil," Nera spat up at him.

"But yet," Kylo paused, his hand coming up to bring his gloved fingers to her head. "It intrigues you."

"No," Nera huffed, recoiling from his hand. She tried to sturdy her answer, but he lightly placed his fingers on the side of her head, slowly moving down, sending shivers through her. As if he was pulling something out of it.

"That man, at the cantina," he started, playing with her. Nera's stomach dropped at the memory flashing across her head. "You wanted to kill him."

"No," Nera tried again, but her voice was growing weaker. She was quaking again, unable to focus between the memory and the masked man haunting her.

"It felt good - the power... The control.."

"No," her lip trembled. She was nearly pleading for this to stop.

"You cannot lie to me. I can see it in you."

Nera felt trapped. Not by the restraints, but by the endless grip he had on her. In her head and now in person. "That was you getting in my head."

"So stubborn," he chuckled lowly, his fingers drifting down her face for a moment before he stood up straight, facing away from her. "But what about the others? The ones you have killed."

Nera was silent, staring at his back as she was reminded of her past. There was a pause as he waited for her to answer, or more so to let it sink in and haunt her. "They were evil, not innocent victims."

Ren looked back towards her. "Is that what you tell yourself to live with it?" He hummed. "No," shaking his head, he stepped forward. "The only thing you are afraid of is how _good_ it felt."

Nera huffed a few more breaths as she was stuck. And he locked her in his gaze. "You crave it. But you hide on that desolate planet, pretending you aren't so desperate for more."

Nera was frozen, her teeth grinding together from how tightly her jaw was clenched. "You may be in my head, but you don't _know_ me."

Without being able to see any of his facial expressions, Nera could feel his eyes bore into her as he spoke. "A part of you wants to give in. You've considered my offer."

Nera had no clue how much of her thoughts he had heard, even when she thought she was alone, but she wasn't surprised at this point. "I didn't know who you were. I have no interest in joining your war."

"I can guide you." 

"To the dark side?" Nera made it blatantly obvious how terrible that sounded. "Pass."

She could feel the shift in him as rage started to take over so quickly. His anger snapped faster than Nera's eyes could blink. It was pulsating from him, filling the room with heat. Nera leaned back, watching as he shook.

"It is in your best interest to decide wisely," he emanated over her. "I don't have to give you a choice."

With that, Kylo Ren turned, holding out his hand to rip open the cell door without even touching it. The fear that grew like a vine through Nera's skin stopped her from snapping back at him as he left.

Nera nearly gasped as the cell slammed back shut. His presence leaving her ripped a thousand breaths from her chest. She felt like she had been paralyzed by him that entire time, and now her rind was running manically. Yet she still was left frozen, unable to process anything but crippling panic.

She had no choices here, and she felt like she could become ill at the thought that he would never give her a choice. Even if she was off this ship, he would still be in her head. He would still be able to find her. And he would always be able to find her. The masked creature of the First Order. She had heard of him, of Kylo Ren. Unknowing that she had more stories to tell of him from the memories and dreams in her head.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Holy shit this chapter was both fun and terrifying to write. I had no clue how to make them interact for the first time cause its huuuge, but of course we have sneaky sassy angry kylo ren :)


	10. The Fury That Will Drive You

Two days passed.

Or at least Nera _assumed_ it had been around two days.

Nera was hungry. Stars, she was so thirsty, too. The stale air that pumped through the vents into her cell dried out her throat. Her lips cracked, and the more she ran her tongue over them to provide relief, the more they dried up.

Nera had not heard anything, not even a fucking peep. Not a single storm trooper. Not even footsteps outside her cell.

Although Kylo Ren's energy nearly was choking her with how potent it was on this ship, Nera couldn't hear him. His presence tingled through out her body non-stop, but it was like he was blocking her out. He never once came back into her cell, not even back into her head to speak to her.

Nera was going insane. He had left so violently after they spoke last and Nera nearly spiraled over that for an entire day. She couldn't wrap her head around this, not any of it. But luckily, her pure exhaustion eventually kept her from thinking too much on it.

Nera couldn't sleep cuffed to this metal chair. It was always bright, the lights never turning off. There was no difference between day and night in here, just hours ticking by. Nera's neck was kinked, wrists throbbing something awful. Her bones ached in her back. And every time she rested her eyes, she could only remember how thirsty she was.

And then Nera became angry.

Was the plan just to leave her in here to wither away? What was the point of capturing her from her home and her job just to leave her in here to rot? Was she just a prisoner now? She hadn't done anything to deserve this.

Nera had tried to push into Kylo's head. She didn't know how nor what she was doing, but she tried to squeeze her eyes shut and focus on his energy. But it was worthless, she couldn't ignite the connection in their minds. Not even a spark.

What the Kriff was he doing? Just keeping her chained up like a dog? Like a pet that _belonged_ to him? Nera wouldn't have that. But she also didn't have any other options right now to get out.

So Nera waited, emptiness setting into her bones. She was so sure she would die here. If not from thirst, then soon from starvation. Her mental energy was draining, too. She could no longer form coherent thoughts over what she should do.

It wasn't until the third night that Nera felt something.

Her eyes were shut, but she wasn't asleep. She was just imagining what it would feel like to be back on Arkansis, laying in her cot again. She had taken for granted the cafeteria food there.

Nera didn't notice the spark at first, being so out of it. It took her a minute to realize it wasn't just her body shutting down. It was that same tingle, originating at the back of her neck. When the little hairs sprung up on her skin, Nera lulled her head to the side, humming. She went to itch at it, only to remember her hands were cuffed down at her sides. The impact of the cold metal against Nera's skin as she budged, alerted her senses. It was then she realized what she was feeling.

Their connection. It was coming back.

Nera opened her eyes quickly. She huffed in pain as she shifted her body up in the chair, her body weak and achy. But Nera ignored it, this being the first stimulation she has had in days. Nera glanced around, the cell still being empty. She even tried to listen more closely, but couldn't hear any movement around outside the door. That meant _he_ wasn't here physically.

At first, Nera waited for him to speak to her through their mental connection. But nothing ever came. In fact, the connection felt weaker than usual, his presence not nearly as daunting. It was like it was a slip up, like he didn't mean for it to come back.

This was Nera's opportunity, and she didn't waste another second before she took it. Instantly, she squeezed her eyes shut, letting the feeling of their connection rush through her. She didn't know what she was doing, but could imagine this string that was connected between them. As she imagined this, she felt a _pull_.

Nera followed the pull in her head, thinking up as many memories as she could of Kylo Ren. She repeated that name in her head over and over again, grimacing as she felt a weight move around in her head. The all too familiar anger returned, and Nera knew she was close.

It hurt her already throbbing head. All the emotions and feelings she dove into of his made her body lull in dizziness. But she pushed through, not ever having gotten this close to his mind before. She had seen most of his memories or feelings in her dreams, but never like this. Never of her own doing while she was awake.

So they were stronger now. Like a barrier of black that Nera had to hurl herself through. And when she did, her body tensed. She felt _pain_. And she almost could see, could _visualize_ the anger. Rage. Torment. Betrayal.

Nera let out a gasp at what she felt. What she _saw._

But there was one memory, one thing very clear in his head right now. Nera dug into it, surprised at what she saw.

There was a man and a woman, both older. They were looking down, smiling at a young boy sitting in a field. It was soft, it was happy. Neither of those were things Nera expected. And Nera couldn't recognize these people, but if this was in his mind, it meant he knew them. It meant that maybe they were his _parents_. It might have been the first positive thing she had ever seen of him.

But then quickly the memory shifted. From the light, beautiful day, all the way to darkness. A black night. Fear sprouting from the roots of his mind. And there was a voice, a familiar voice. It was haunting, _evil_. It spoke to the young boy, telling him to _embrace it_. To _turn_.

Nera dug in, confusion and shock pushing her for more. But then something snapped. Something large, something powerful. And in an instant, Nera's body jolted. Every hair on her body stood up straight, chills covering her dirty skin.

The connection was back full force. Kylo Ren realized Nera was in his head.

Nera gasped, snapping herself away. Her eyes shot open as she was ejected from his head, like a big _whoosh_ in a dark storm. Instantly, Nera knew she was caught. The only thing going through her mind was _oh shit_.

Kylo Ren had been sleeping. And he woke to someone picking around in his head. He woke to _her_. It only took him seconds to storm out of his chambers, using the force to pull his mask into his hands.

Nera gulped as she heard the footsteps stomping with rage towards her cell. She couldn't even swallow the saliva in her throat completely before Kylo Ren was nearly breaking the cell door down. Nera jumped out of her skin as it forcefully slammed wide open, revealing the dark creature in a mask.

She couldn't get a thought out before Kylo Ren raised his hand, storming into the room. Although he was still across the cell from her, Nera gasped as she was slammed harshly back against the metal chair. She couldn't move her body, she was completely rigid as she felt pressure around her throat. Her gasp got cut off as her airways were constricted.

Nera tried to squirm, gagging as the air around her was crushing her windpipe. She looked in shock at the mask in front of her. His arm was outreached, choking her without even touching her. It made more fear strike in Nera.

Kylo Ren curled his fist into a tight ball as he stepped forward, chest heaving up and down heavily. As he did, the pressure on Nera's throat got tighter, making her try to kick her feet out of the restraints. But yet again, she couldn't move a single muscle. Her face was growing red from the lack of oxygen as she watched him come to her.

" _You_ ," he seethed.

Nera tried to keep her eyes open to watch him, but blackness was picking at the corner of her vision. She was trying so hard to gasp for air. He was going to fucking _kill_ her. Without even touching her.

" _You_ think you can pick in my head?" He snapped at her, venom lacing his modulated voice. It was so low, so much like a growl that the alteration in his voice cracked. "You think you have the strength to get to _me_?!"

Wetness began to pool in Nera's eyes as she fought to keep herself conscious, staring into the dark visor of the mask. He was nearly an arms length away from her now, keeping his out to choke the ever-living shit out of her. His large figure was shaking slightly from holding the Force choke around her. All his energy was projected onto her. And it was like he was feeding off of the way she suffered.

Nera was trying to speak, but couldn't get anything out. It seemed he noticed this, his mask staring into her soul for one more long, angry minute. Then, in an instant, he ripped his hand back. He spun, facing away as he stomped across the cell.

"Fuck!" Nera's chest _heaved,_ breaths only able to come in spurts as she coughed violently. Air ripped through her dry lungs as the muscles shook to welcome it in, now not held back against the metal. She continued to gag, cough, and sputter as oxygen returned its way to her head.

_Stay out of my head._

Kylo Ren demanded into their connection. Ironic how he spoke it through her mind to get his point across.

"Funny," Nera coughed, her voice dry and rotten. _Stay out of mine._

She pushed that into his head as well, speaking it right back into their connection. She wasn't going to play his games.

He didn't look back at her yet, but Nera could see the way he twitched. His shoulders were moving up and down as he huffed violent, angry breaths. His fists curled, clenched at his side.

"It would mind you well to remember who I am," Kylo Ren growled, his voice low.

This got Nera to look up, her chest still heaving as she tried to catch her breath. How could she forget who he was? "You.." Nera sucked in a breath. Her voice cracked from not being used or lubricated for days. "You want to kill me? Just do it already."

He turned his head to face her, his mask now watching her from across the cell. A moment passed. "I have no interest in killing you."

Nera's face scrunched in defiance. He just choked her right up to the point of death. He has been starving her in the cell. He wanted her to remember who he was? He was a murderer. "Then what do you want? To starve me to death? Is that not the same thing?"

He now turned to face her, still rigid in his stance. "I've told you already."

Nera groaned and let her head fall back, it being too heavy to keep up. "To join you?" Nera nearly scoffed. "You've locked me in here for days. What am I to you as a prisoner?"

A beat. "Nothing."

Nera's forehead knitted. "Then let me go."

"No."

Nera groaned again, this time in irritation. "Asshole," she mumbled under her breath.

"What was that?"

Nera blinked her eyes at him as he stepped forward. Her jaw clenched, she didn't want to repeat herself. She couldn't take another fucking minute of being choked to death. She did her best to play it off. "Just," Nera sighed, her eyelids heavy. "Let me go. Please."

Kylo Ren stood for a moment, watching her. "You know I can't do that."

"Why?" Nera nearly pleaded.

"I can hear you," he spoke monotone. "Trying to plan your way out of here." Kylo Ren took small steps towards her. "If I release you, you will run. And then I will have to hurt you."

Nera paused, staring blankly at the mask. Her stomach shifted at the malice in his voice. The evil. The threat. She swallowed down a rock in her throat, gulping it away. "You won't hurt me," she tried, her voice coming out just barely above a whisper. It was partly a question. A stupid one at that. He had just choked the stars out of her.

At the way the mask just stared at Nera, the rock grew in her stomach. It sent chills down her spine.

"The more you hurt me, the less I will want to join you."

"But you want to," the mask tilted, speaking slowly at her.

Nera shifted, face scrunching as she did. "I _want_ to pee," she huffed, changing the subject. When he didn't move a muscle, didn't respond to her, Nera kept going. "I could go here. Would you like to be the one to clean up after me?"

His tall, dark figure shifted in rage. His fists clenched a few times, not speaking back to her. She was so _irritating_.

Nera kept her glare sturdy on him, too exhausted to care anymore. He doesn't just get to put her here and forget about her, showing up only to choke her. He doesn't get to do any of this to her.

"I'll send troopers to escort you," he finally spoke, turning away. He was walking away to leave the cell.

Nera shot up. "Hey!" She called after him, trying to stop him. He didn't budge. "Hey, where are you going!"

Nera grew frustrated when he paid her no mind, didn't even acknowledge her. Her jaw muscles flexed in irritation as he walked out of the cell. He can't just keep leaving her in here!

Nera knew exactly what would get him to come back. And as stupid as it was, she was angry and tired enough to do it. Using what was left of her energy, she shot daggers through their mental connection. She found that string again, that _pull_ and forced all of her energy at it.

She saw that blackness again, that wall he put up to barrier his mind from her. Nera pushed once more, groaning as she strained herself to get through. Just when she thought she might be getting somewhere, Kylo Ren was back in her line of sight. He had felt what she was trying to do once again.

But this time Kylo didn't force choke her. This time he stormed his rage right up to her.

Nera was satisfied she was able to push his buttons, but recoiled back as his dark figure rushed towards her at a terrifying speed. Nera waited for the air around her throat to close, but instead he lunged at her, his gloved hand wrapping around her jaw.

Nera squirmed in her restraints. His fingers were digging harshly into her skin, making her jaw open up in shock from the sharp pain. He towered over her, his mask pushing down close to her face. She could feel the air roll out of it and onto her face as he spat out breaths at her.

"You are playing _games_ ," he seethed.

"Get oh-ff... me," Nera tried to speak through her mouth that he was prying open.

His hand squeezed harder, off-setting her jaw and pinching into her skin. "You can't seem to _listen_."

Nera's eyes narrowed at the mask that was mere inches from her face. "Ah-sshole."

His hand shoved her jaw up, forcing the back of her head to lift from the metal head rest. Nera groaned as a sharp pain shot through her face. She was trying to rip her hands out of their restraints, desperate to just get her hands on this fucking creature.

"I told you to watch how you speak to me," he growled, his mask sinking closer down to her face. Nera tried to lean away from it, but he held her face there.

"Fuh-ck you," she spat back.

Now his hand moved up, gripping more of the skin on her cheeks surrounding her mouth. "Dirty fucking mouth."

Nera glared into the visor of the mask. She was sucking in heavy breaths, now noticing that her chest met his as it filled with air. Instantly, knots filled Nera's stomach at how close he was to her. His mask was nearly tickling the skin on her face. And at the way he spoke to her, she couldn't stop her mind from flipping to _that_ night. The one when he filled her with the lust, when he-

"Ah," he mused, leaning his mask closer to her ear. "You _are_ dirty. Aren't you?"

Heat rose to Nera's face and she wished it would burn his fingers off. He had heard her as she thought that.

"Fuck you," she repeated again.

His mask tilted from her ear to her face, his hand not releasing even a bit of the crushing grip it had on her jaw. "Is _that_ what you want?"

The way his voice mocked her, _teased_ her, drove Nera mad. She fumed, trying to rip her way out of the restraints. "Let. Me. Go."

The mask was still for a minute. Nera had no clue what expression was on the other side. No clue what he was going to do. But she kept her gaze hard on the visor, sending daggers through her eyes.

"As you wish," with that, he released her and stood back. At the same time, he swiped his other hand and the restraints popped open.

Nera was so dumbfounded, so shocked, she couldn't move for a second. What the fuck? Now _he_ was playing games. And out of the fear that he was doing this to mess with her, Nera was slow to move her wrists.

Carefully, she eyed him before looking down. She lifted her hands up tediously, rolling the wrists around. She then bent her knees a little bit, relief shooting through her aching muscles.

Nera then looked back up at the tall figure watching her. He had taken a few steps back, hands tight behind his back. Nera squinted at him, unsure of what he was doing. But he was doing nothing. So Nera only had one reaction.

She lunged.

Using all the strength she had left in her defeated muscles, she shot from the chair, darkness in her eyes. She had no weapon, but she knew enough to _try_.

But of course, he was expecting this.

Nera couldn't even get across half of the space between them before she felt like she slammed into a wall. Kylo had lifted his hand, using the force to freeze her in her actions.

Nera huffed frantically, trying to rip her limbs to move. But she was absolutely frozen in air mid step. Even her blood felt like it stopped pumping. She snapped her eyes back to the mask in front of her.

He used his hand to force her onto the ground. Nera's knees smacked against the metal beneath her, causing her to let out a groan. Her arms were pinned to her sides as she kneeled. Nera tried to rip them free, but she couldn't budge. She couldn't even move her head.

"I told you," Kylo Ren spoke, taking slow steps towards her. Nera looked up as his huge figure towered over her kneeling form below him. Her neck was kinked back as she tried to see up to the mask. "If you tried to run, I would have to hurt you."

Nera shook as his figure crouched down in front of her. His mask was now directly in her line of sight, tilting with menace. Veins popped out of Nera's neck as she tried to move, but whatever he was doing with his _mind_ kept her frozen like she was made out of stone.

She seethed at him before her. "You wont."

"Hm," he teased her, pretending he was considering. "I will."

Nera's jaw clenched, her lips pressed into a fine line. "Go ahead."

"So defiant," the mask hummed. "So _angry_."

Nera struggled against the mystical restraint. "You locked me in here with no food or water," she hissed. "What did you expect?"

"You must really need to learn how you should speak towards me, your superior."

Those words made Nera angry, he was not her superior. And she was slightly offended at his shift in tone towards her these past few days. When he had just been a voice in her head, he wasn't nearly this nasty towards her. He had made her feel stronger, not put down like this.

Nera tried to lean towards the mask, tried to push against the force holding her locked in place. She felt her knees roll on the ground, but could barely get her bones to do anything but ache. Instead, she made up for it with the daggers she shot at him crouched in front of her. He might hurt her, but he won't kill her. He wants her, so Nera knows she has space to be angry.

"Eat. A. Dick," she snapped slowly, body trembling from how badly it wanted to be released.

"Your anger, its good," the mask bore into her soul. "I can feel it. I can feel how destined you are for the dark side."

"Do you ever shut up?" Nera groaned, she was tired of him repeating these same things to her. 

"If thats what you would prefer," the mask hummed, ulterior motive lining his suspicious voice. Nera squinted at him in confusion. But then he raised his hand.

Nera first felt the chill, the small tingle in the back of her neck. And then she felt heat. _Pain._ It was like his hand was trying to squeeze next to her brain, pushing it against the side of her skull. He was forcing his way deep into her head.

"Agh!" Nera groaned lowly, her body quaking at the invasive force pummeling into her forehead. Her eyes squeezed shut, face trembling at the way it felt like he had a jackhammer to her brain. Nera cursed, but it just came out as a grumble in her strained breathing. His hand twitched as he used his energy to break down into her mind. 

Kylo Ren pushed deep into their connection, making sweat form at Nera's hairline. He pushed and pushed, straining as he dug into her head. It was not easy to get into, her force signature was dueling his. Her anger with him was trying to push him out, but he kept on.

Nera's eyes snapped open as his energy got inside of her. She could feel him surrounding every part of her life force. She could feel his presence picking away at her. It drove her mad.

But it was that anger that allowed Kylo Ren to find what he wanted. He could follow her anger into the depths of her mind, all the way to the roots. _Perfect_.

Images flashed before Nera's eyes, blurring her sight of his mask. Her own memories were flickering before her like a slide show he was flipping through. And when he found what he was looking for, it came to the forefront of Nera's brain. 

Kylo Ren was bringing up memories for Nera to remember. Memories that would fuel her anger, make her choke on the weakness and betrayal she tried so hard to forget. He would remind her of her desperation. Of how _good_ she knows it feels to be powerful.

He brought up the man Nera fought at the cantina. He brought up Rennek. Fighting, fleeing. He brought up the memory of Rennek dying, reminding Nera of the anguish. He showed her what it had felt like to be alone, lost, weak. What it felt like to have nothing, to _be_ nothing.

Nera's eyes glazed over, a gasp shooting out of her mouth. As her mind transcended into all of these familiar places, a small scream tore from her lips.

But he didn't stop. He continued to show her everything she had been fighting to not see. Like the way it felt to kill the men which had hurt her. The slave owners, the smugglers. The way she fed off of that feeling, knowing she would never have to be weak again. She could run, she could hide, but she could never escape the _desire._ She knew there was more inside of her, more rage and betrayal than she let on. It chewed at her, eating away her brain.

" _Stop!_ " Nera cried out, her voice dry and exhausted. Sweat trickled across her forehead, every muscle squeezed in pain. She couldn't take anymore of this.

"You cannot hide," the mask demanded at her. "Not from the Force. Not from me."

Nera groaned loudly as her own anguish lit up her mind. Flames or rage and desperation burned through her bones. He wouldn't allow her to hide from anything, he had brought it all up. "You are a _hypocrite_!" Nera yelled, her voice coming out in deep huffs. "Get out of my head!"

"If you want to keep me out, you must learn the ways of the Force," the modulated voice rattled in Nera's brain. "You need a _teacher_. I can show you how."

"I hate you!" Nera pushed out through clenched teeth. But Kylo Ren, being in her head, could sense how empty that statement was. He could _see_ she didn't truly want to go back to her old life. He had heard how good it made her feel when he empowered her. The connection they had gave her strength, and she craved more. Her words stemmed from the feelings he was making her face, and it satisfied him. There it was, the _fury_ which would drive her. So much like it had for him.

Satisfied, Kylo Ren stood up. His hand dropped, and so did the invasiveness in Nera's mind and body.

Nera collapsed onto her forearms, the organs in her body all slamming into the front as she was released from his Force hold. She gasped, nearly curling into herself. Her head bowed, frantic breaths coming out in spurts as her head spun, trying to get a grip.

But she couldn't get a grip. All the memories and feelings he had brought up didn't go away. They didn't sink back into the hole she buried them in. They stayed. Nera's body trembled at the agony that coursed through her bones. The weakness she felt now was making every muscle in her body shake. He had made her feel weak. Locked her in here, starved her, so he could have power over her to dig in her head. Nera seethed in rage. That was his plan all along, to make her feel weak. To _remind_ her.

" _Feel_ it, Nera."

The mask speaking her name made Nera snap her head up. Her eyes were red, dark and filled with rage. The way she quaked made Kylo Ren even more satisfied. 

" _You_ ," Nera heaved. "Are _pathetic_. You enjoy making me feel weak, you sick, soulless bastard."

Kylo Ren shifted. "If you don't want to be weak, you must train!" His modulated voice boomed throughout the cell. 

Nera's face twitched at him. 

He took a step forward. "I can make you feel _strength_ , too, if you decide," the voice was low now, crackling through the mask. "Give in. And I will show you."

Nera let out a shaky breath. She didn't know what to say, what to do. She couldn't get her thoughts right in this moment. "Let me go," was all she could push out. She couldn't take anymore of this. 

"I will let you leave," he stated. " _Once_ you agree to join me."

Nera let her head bow, pressing her skin against the cold metal of the ground. It brought relief for a moment, but the presence looming over her did the opposite. She thought about just rolling over and sprinting out of the cell. She knew she would have no chance at not getting lost in this ship, but at least she could get some space from _him_.

"When I can no longer hear you planning to escape," he had heard her thoughts. "You will be free to leave."

With that, Kylo Ren left her cell and Nera's body collapsed.


	11. Infatuation

Kylo Ren was on edge more than usual. He was unrested, consumed.

The following day, Hux regarded Kylo Ren as _distracted_ in their conference room. Hux threatened speaking to the Supreme Leader about his negligence of their mission. To that, Kylo Ren threw Hux across the room, his body flying over multiple First Order admirals. As much as every bone in Ren's body ached to end the waste of air that Hux was, his threatening with the Force was enough. And his burning lightsaber destroyed the paneling in the conference room walls surrounding Hux.

Kylo Ren spent that evening in his chambers, reaching out through the Force. To let the Force guide him back to focus.

The girl was _infuriating._

It had become obsessive, how often she lives in Kylo Ren's head.

Even with the barrier to his mind, she has gotten inside. She has gotten inside his entire being.

He can hardly focus and it drove him mad. Even though he tried to block out their connection, he could still feel her. He could often hear her thoughts from across the Finalizer, even if he didn't want to. He tried to push them out, but it was like she had gotten in a crack, always slipping through. 

He could feel her pulse from across the ship. Feel her anger from across the ship. Her fear and uncertainty. It fed him like he hasn't ate in days.

Kylo wanted to go into the cell and demand her to stop, to rid her from his mind. But it wasn't of her doing. This was something he had never known possible in the Force, but he had found no answers. And it was madness the way it ate at his brain. All his energy was now consumed, tied up with hers. She was _loud_ , her signature emanating across the entire ship. And it was almost worse when Ren turned to the Force for guidance, because all he could feel was _her_.

He tried to ignore it, to think nothing of it. For if Snoke wanted to meet, the Supreme Leader would be able to read Kylo's thoughts. Snoke would label him weak, distracted. Which he was. His only play was to tell Snoke the girl would help them, would join their dark crusade. And she would. There is no other option.

Although, what was more infuriating was when she slept. When her presence was not surrounding him at its full capacity, Kylo Ren _craved_ it to come back. It had become some sort of life force for him. Like a drug he simply was addicted to. 

Intoxicating. 

It was all so fascinating. The way she didn't fear him made him crazed - something Ren was not used to. He could hear her thoughts clear as day when his hand had been aggravated around her jaw. She didn't feel fear, not a drop. And through her rage, her mind wandered to the night of lust weeks ago. _Impeccable_. It made his fists clench whenever he thought of it. And he wished it was her throat between his fist as he did.

Kylo Ren stood.

It was time to pay her a visit.

\--

When Kylo Ren left Nera's cell last time, after picking through her brain, he did not chain her back to the chair. And shortly after that, troopers came to escort Nera to the bathroom.

Nera limped after them, a blaster held to her the entire time. She tried her best to take in her surroundings, but found herself confused when all the stale metal walls looked the same. It wasn't just any ship like she had imagined, it was nearly a planet itself.

The storm troopers locked Nera back inside the cell, but they too did not chain her back to the chair. She was now free to move around, and food and water had been left for her. But only a minuscule amount. Only enough to keep her alive and still tormented. At least she was able to pee, Kylo had listened to her a least a little bit.

And eventually, Nera at least was able to bury her face into her shirt to find darkness enough to sleep.

When Kylo Ren entered her cell once again, Nera was curled against the floor in the corner of the room. Ren had felt her presence weaken, so it was not surprising to find her asleep.

He slowly walked over in that direction until her form was at his feet. As he stood over her, his fists clenched into tight balls as he took her in. It was nearly impossible how small and delicate she looked, for someone filled with so much rage and lust for more.

As Nera twitched in her sleep, Kylo Ren didn't hesitate to try to push into her head, curious of what she was dreaming about. He needed their connection back, wanted to know just exactly was on her mind. He simply could not function without knowing what she was thinking. He _needed_ to know.

It was always difficult to see into her mind. Her force signature fought at him, resisting his presence. But for she was unconscious and untrained, it did not take him long to see. 

Bits and pieces of her dream came through, all clouded and unfocused. He could only make out a few things, and his chest tightened when he saw himself in her mind. It was _him_ she dreamed about.

Nera awoke to feeling the poke in her head. Even asleep, she could still sense something was wrong. Someone was there. Nera nearly jumped in shock as she snapped back into consciousness, his presence surprising her. 

Kylo watched in sarcastic amusement as the blissful look of sleep washed off her face, immediately turning into anger. When Nera blinked a few times and saw the large, dark body standing over her, she immediately jumped up to her feet. Once again, it was amusing to him how her fists curled, and how she internally debated attacking him. He wanted to laugh, he would love to see her try. Give him an excuse to put his hands around her throat.

But Nera did not attack, knowing she was still weakened. She just huffed and puffed at him, trying to make sense of what he wanted. What he was here for.

In her groggy state, Nera's mind and thoughts were wide open to their connection. Kylo quickly shifted through them.

"Hm," he hummed at what he heard. She had been considering his offer. "You've been thinking of me."

Nera's body stiffened, her face scrunching. She hated when he read her thoughts. Quickly, she pushed back at him, forcing him out of her head. When she did, she noticed his posture tighten in rage. The lack of control drove him mad.

"If you mean thinking about how much I want to kill you," Nera squinted at him. "Then yes."

"What have I told you about lying to me?" The mask tilted.

Nera was not sure exactly what he had read of her thoughts, or how much, but she was not going to admit to anything. "You think I'm lying?" She defended, trying to stand up tall. But her body still ached, keeping her small.

"I think," he took one large step towards, towering over her. "You are beginning to understand the benefits of joining me. Your desires are _loud_."

Nera hoped that, that mask blocked his vision somehow. At least distorted color so he could not see the heat that rose to her face. Nera swallowed, trying to push it down. She planted her feet stiffly onto the ground, lifting her head as confidently as she could. 

"You're right," she mocked. "I do desire to leave this cell. To get some sleep without being so rudely interrupted. Maybe, I don't know, I would like to _not_ be treated like a prisoner."

His figure shifted at her attitude. "You know what it is you must do to leave here."

Nera let out a breath and willed herself to stand tall once again. "I have conditions."

The mask once again tilted at her. "And how do you think you are in a position to make demands?"

That was enough to give Nera confidence. She hated how he treated her like a prisoner, which she was _not_. "If you want me to join you so badly, which you _obviously_ do," Nera stepped towards him. "Then I think I am in a pretty good position to make demands."

The dark figure stayed quiet, visibly twisting in rage that boiled underneath his skin.

"Unless," Nera raised an eyebrow. "You want me to fight you for the rest of my life? I could stay a prisoner if you wanted, draw this out for as long as I can."

"Tread lightly," the modulated voice warned, anger lacing every syllable. It should have inspired fear in Nera, but instead she took it as her chance to share her wish list. An ultimatum of sorts.

"You will allow me contact with Nichos. And my engineering sector, to make sure the First Order did not _destroy_ everything," Nera started, giving him a pointed look. "I will not join you, will not _belong_ to you. But I will work here. You will give me a job. A good job, of my choosing. Paying in real credits."

Nera glanced to his hand, noticing the twitch. He was quaking with rage at her demanding things from him.

Nera was still unsure of this decision, but after the days as a prisoner, she was smart enough to realize her options here. And maybe he had been right when he said she had no connection to Arkansis or sucking at engineering. Also it seemed her old job had been taken over by the First Order, so she would be going back to this anyway. Or she could run, somehow, but she would be making no credits at all. Might as well get a high paying job here, she heard rumors of how much they paid. Nera knew this was her best option. No matter where else she went if she could escape, Kylo Ren would still be in her head. And she figured he would hunt her down, forcing her to a life on the run. Now that she was aware of who he was, she knew he would truly _hunt_ her down.

"If you want me to stay and not run off, this is the best I can do," Nera crossed her arms. "See? I'm reasonable."

If Kylo Ren moved a muscle, he was sure he would rip this girl in half. It was like she had placed this volcano in him. She made the hot lava burn through his being, edging closer and closer to erupting. "You will not make demands of _me_ ," he seethed.

Nera had thought that maybe, just maybe, he would agree to this. She didn't ask for much, but yet he was a despicable being. "Two things," Nera huffed back. "After locking me in here for days, I should be demanding a lot more."

Now the figure stomped closer to her. Nera had to look up as he lunged, her arms unfolding and dropping to her sides. She was waiting for the choking, some sort of impact, but it never came. Instead, he just boomed over her, nearly inches away. Nera had to swallow at the way she could feel the heat boil off of him.

"You do not demand," he repeated, his voice low, shaking in anger. Nera's neck was once again kinked to look up at the mask. And Kylo noticed the way it exposed the flesh. He could nearly hear her pulse increase, and see the chill that ran down her spine. It made his body light up. It was exactly how he wanted her. _Needed_ her.

"I already have," Nera snapped back at him.

That attitude. The attitude that made his own pulse race. At the spike it caused, in an instant his hand snapped up.

Nera gasped as his hand slammed around her jaw, not fully expecting it. The effort pushed her against the wall behind her, making a spark of pain shoot through her spine. And just like the other day, the black leather fingers bruised her skin, ripping her mouth ajar. 

The masked man was now flesh against her, his head bowed towards hers. There wasn't even an inch between them, allowing him full grasp on her jaw very easily. And no space for Nera to fight back. He was nearly a wall in front of her, made of stone.

Nera was literally cornered. Possibly by the most evil, violent man in the galaxy. He could cut through her like butter, or very well rip her head off. It would only take the flick of his wrist to even choke her to death. Perhaps his rage would just make him explode, tearing Nera into bits and pieces. 

But yet, Nera didn't feel fear. Well, she didn't feel _too_ much fear. It was still there, as it would be when anyone was in the presence of this creature. He had power that was bone chilling, and the unknown of what this thing was or what he could do to her while she was cornered left her heart hammering in her chest. He was untamed, and the fury that swelled inside of him was like a bomb, the wires barely hanging on by a thread. If someone fucked up diffusing it, they would explode along with him.

But he also had this raw energy to him. An energy which Nera was familiar will, so it gave her a false sense of safety. It was just so loud that it was all-encompassing and Nera couldn't think straight. He was so certain in his efforts, dominant in his nature. He radiated pure heat, which filled Nera's pores. It was the battle between fear and arousal that led a breath to escape from Nera's lungs. 

She simply could not help her mind from flickering to how close he was to her. To how his fury radiated in her insides. Nera was not even sure if it was arousal, maybe just overstimulation. But then she remembered the last time his hand was on her jaw. _Dirty fucking mouth_.

"I know you enjoyed this," the heat from the mask rolled onto Nera's face, trying to get under her skin. Although it simply gave Kylo an undying rage that she did not fear him enough, it was remarkable. His fingers twitched on her skin.

Nera squirmed in anger and embarrassment that he could fucking hear her slip up. She didn't know what was wrong with her, and she was desperate to get away from him so she could stop this. It was just his energy, it was so large. So large...

"Dirty thing," he craned her head further back, exposing more of the flesh on her neck that he loved to see. Her pulse was going haywire, and he was feeding off of it. "Look how easily you forget your own demands."

"I didn't.. forget," Nera huffed through the grip around her mouth, trying so hard to hold her ground.

"But you want other things now," his hand squeezed down harder. "Don't you?"

Nera told herself no. No she didn't. He was wrong. She wasn't like that. He was a creature in a mask. He was a creature in her _head._ And his presence was just keeping her from thinking straight. But that night on Arkansis when he had filled her with all that lust was just not something Nera could forget.

God, Nera needed to get out of this. She was losing it. This cell was making her go crazy.

"Don't touch me," she tried demanding again, shooting daggers into the visor of the mask.

A crackle came from the modulator of the mask. "I don't have to."

And then, just like that, there it was. The lust. Just like the night when Nera was on Arkansis. The night she was just thinking of.

Nera sucked in a harsh breath, her entire body lighting up. He pushed into their mental connection, doing whatever he had done many weeks ago once again. For a moment, Nera couldn't see his mask in her face anymore. She could only _feel_. Every crack and crevice in her body filled with warmth. It made her core tighten, heart hammer loudly against her bones. 

Her body no longer ached in exhaustion and pain, it ached in _lust_.

Nera's squirming figure in his grasp only made him go further. Soon, images were flashing across Nera's mind. She held her breath as they surrounded her, the things he wanted to do to her.

The air in Nera's lungs she was trying so desperately to hold in came out cracked, a broken whimper. She couldn't even think to stop herself, she had been completely lost. Her anger slowly turned into confusion, and then quickly spun into _desire_. 

Nera couldn't even manage to tell him to stop.

Kylo couldn't stop if he even wanted to. Somewhere under all that hatred, she lusted for him. And it drove him wild. 

"You will learn your place," he demanded. He tried to keep his voice rough, but Nera could hear the way cracks slipped through. This was _his_ lust for her that he was feeding into her mind. Nera's knees grew weak.

More images flashed across Nera's mind. Images of her learning her place. Nera writhed in his grip as she saw that her place was _under_ him.

"If you want something from me, you do not demand," the mask continued. "You ask _,_ " He filled her with more images. Her on her knees before him. Wanting him, craving him. And then she was tied up, helpless, asking for a release. "You _beg_."

She would beg for him.

Nera wanted to let out a groan, angry at that idea. But instead her own body betrayed her and it came out as a moan. A fucking _moan_.

Kylo's hand gripped even harder at her jaw, dying to just split her in half right here.

"Do you understand?" His voice boomed into her ear, making Nera jolt. The modulated voice roughly yelling into her was the only thing that kept Nera grounded from completely floating into the abyss. But she couldn't even see him, her eyes glazed over from all of this. "Tell me!"

Nera couldn't think. She couldn't respond. She wanted to scream, to yell, to tell him to fuck off, but she was completely beside herself from all of this. All she could do was nod.

"Say it," he seethed.

Nera gulped. "I understand."

With that, he released her. 

Nera nearly crumbled onto the ground. But the absolute soul shredding shame made her hold herself up. All she did was put a hand on her chest, physically trying to slow her heart beat. But she couldn't look at him as he stepped back from her. She wouldn't. 

"I'll see to it you are escorted to your quarters," he spoke. His voice was calmer now, creepily calm. Almost satisfied. 

Still, Nera didn't move a muscle or dare look at him as he left the cell. 

Fuck him. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Threw in a quick little Kylo POV, think it might be fun to develop upon his obsession with Nera! ANyhow, what do y'all think? Maybe the start of something ;)
> 
> I'm hoping the transitions from kylo being in her head, to keeping her as prisoner, to turning into lust, are written well enough for everyone! I'm doing my best but whenever I have fun with writing a chapter i often fuck up and theres a plot hole, lol


	12. All You Have To Do Is Ask

Nera was escorted to her quarters that night. At first, her senses were alert, and she could not relax. But eventually, her body just shut down. She spent the next two days in and out of sleep.

Nera became _unfortunately_ amazed at how well she had it now. She had not yet been assigned to any job, in fact she remained uncertain if she ever would. She had also not seen _him_ again. That was a relief. It was the only thing that allowed her to relax, him being gone. And Nera needed a good chunk of time to catch up on her sleep. Thats all she wanted in this moment.

She was almost, _almost_ comfortable.

Nera had her own quarters, her own space. She could not remember the last time she had something nice like this. She had her own kriffing bathroom. Even her own personal shower. And the water was _clean_. Removing the nearly week old mud and sweat from her body made her feel better. Like she was washing away every word and touch of Kylo Ren, too.

But she still felt haunted. 

She tried to play it off, tell herself this was just another job. She's done worse. And she couldn't deny that so far her living arrangements were better than the rest. If you forget the time she spent in the cell, of course.

But Kylo Ren nearly consumed her. 

Nera had been so exhausted that she slept dreamlessly at first. Most likely because it was during the day and Kylo Ren had his mental barrier up high. It was a relief. But that wasn't the issue.

Nera just couldn't stop kriffing thinking about the masked creature. Because thats what she kept telling herself he was - a creature. A vile, murderous being. No shred of humanity. It was someone, or something, she should definitely not be thinking about. And _definitely_ not aroused by.

But she was. Being this close to him, so near him after a lifetime of his dreams in her mind, his energy was now swelling inside of her. And it felt good. Nera hadn't felt so much life inside of her before. She had been empty, hollow, all of her life for as long as she could remember.

It made her senses tingle. It made her mind pulsate. It felt like ever so slowly, she was becoming alive again. And it pissed her off.

Nera told herself no. Stop. She had been perfectly fucking fine. She hates this. She hates him. He is a dark void trying to dig up her past. Trying to ruin everything simple she had. Hells, he had captured her, took her from her home. Because that is what a monster does. 

But it was stupid, Nera had seen his dreams, seen his anguish in bits and pieces. There was something, something in there that resembled a fucking person. And on top of that, he had _lust_ for her. Maybe he felt similar to how she did.

But Nera continued to shake it off, to remind herself that it was fucking Kylo Ren of the First Order. A monster. 

A monster whose hands wrapped around her jaw. A monster who filled her with lust and images of him _destroying_ her.

The way Nera's body lit up at the memory of that made her curse at herself. No. No kriffing way was she thinking about that. It was wrong, it was belittling, demeaning. To be handled that way. Nera was not weak, she was not some toy, not some pet to be played with. She was strong. Independent. 

But often she found herself touching her face, shifting her jaw at the memory. The way the heat from the mask rolled on her face. 

_Dirty fucking mouth._

The images he put in her head would not leave. She found herself getting distracted in them, imagining just what it would be like. How his body towered over her, cornering her. Nera had never been handled like that before, not in that way, and it should have disgusted her. But for some reason, it made her core tighten. She hated being weak and overpowered, but to be _dominated_ was almost addicting. Nera was _attracted_ to his power.

Of fucking course as Nera thought this, she felt that spark in her head. She immediately banished all of her thoughts as she felt his presence surround her head. 

Her time of peace seemed to be over. 

Nera had been in the shower when her thoughts started to wonder. She had to have taken at least four showers a day. Like maybe it was possible to wash away sin. 

When she felt his presence, she immediately shut the water off and stepped out. It was just not safe for her to be completely nude when his presence was around. Sure, he couldn't see her, but she just couldn't fucking trust her own brain anymore. She didn't trust herself. Didn't trust him, either. 

Nera dried off and stepped out of the bathroom. She had been left new clothes, thankfully. There was no way she was getting back into her crusty old ones. It was a pair of simple black pants and a black undershirt and jacket. It was simple enough for Nera to oblige to wearing it. And it was cold here, for obvious reasons. They were in space, after all.

As Nera was finishing getting dressed, there was banging on her door. 

Nera's body tensed. She couldn't feel the loudness of Kylo Ren, so she assumed it wasn't him, but she still wasn't ready to face this situation. Any of it. She just wanted to be left alone.

When the banging just continued, Nera shoved on her boots and stomped over there. A control panel opened the doors, so she slammed her palm on it, making the wall _swish_ open. It revealed two storm troopers, blasters on hip. Nera scowled at them.

"Can I help you?"

"Come with us," the monotone bucket heads demanded. Nera's jaw tightened. Although she now was free in her own space, the troopers made her still feel like a prisoner. 

"Don't you have anything better to do? Kill more innocent people, maybe?" Nera put a hand on her hip, the reminder of what they did to Guro lingering in her head when she saw the white suits. She knew it was that despicable rat man, Hux, that gave the orders. But still. 

"We have orders to force you if you do not comply," one of the troopers spoke.

Nera squinted at them. For a moment, she debated just slamming her fist into that stupid armor. Maybe if she moved quickly enough she could get her arm around one's throat. But, there were two of them. And they would for sure just shoot her.

Nera knew her situation was still tense, and perhaps she shouldn't fight the armed militia in front of her. She groaned.

"Lead the way, bucket heads," Nera sarcastically signaled at them to get out of her way.

The had no reaction to her, just spun for her to follow. 

Nera sighed, reluctantly following after.

They led her down stale corridors, to which Nera let the curiosity get the better of her. Her eyes danced around, trying to understand what all these vast hallways and rooms and control panels were. If Nera wasn't being told where to go, she would surely get lost in this death trap of a maze. 

Nera felt like they were walking for forever. This ship was huge, so expansive. Nera only caught glimpses of anything interesting like computer rooms. A few First Order employees, whatever they were, passed by her. They were all dressed in the same ugly uniform, not sparing her even a glance. Nera huffed at them.

The bucket heads took her into a meeting room. Nera instantly scanned the interior of the room. It was a massive corridor. A long desk sat in the middle, big enough to fit nearly forty people, making Nera's eyes widen.

And then her stomach dropped when she saw at the end of the table, with his back facing them and hands clenched behind him, Kylo Ren stood awaiting her arrival. 

Nera's pulse sped, and she almost wished the storm troopers stayed so she wouldn't be alone here. But they left at once, standing guard outside. When the door zipped shut, Nera felt like it took all of the air with it.

She shifted on her feet, trying her best to hold her chest up high. She remembered that she was irritated he wouldn't let her have peace, wouldn't leave her alone.

After a long moment of deafening silence, he finally spoke.

"Seems like you are settling in well."

Nera swallowed, happy he was not yet facing her as she tried to get a grip. Tried to remember who she was. But as he spoke, he messed with her. Like he was privy to some knowledge Nera was unaware of. She paled at the thought of what he knew.

Nera pushed it down. "Could be better if it wasn't against my will."

Now, his dark figure spun around. He was far across the room from her, but Nera could still tell just how broad he was. She was glad this much space lied between them.

"Please do not pretend," the altered voice was offsetting. "We both know this is better than wasting on that desolate planet alone."

Nera pinned her arms to her side, he really knew how to piss her off. And she wasn't going to have that conversation again. Instead, Nera pushed her chin out at him. She wanted to regain her strength after the shame of last time. "I suppose you brought me here to talk about the things I wanted," Nera questioned, really pushing the line he had already drawn. "Nichos, to start. Then a job."

It took a moment for him to twitch in anger before he stepped forward. He pulled something off the table before walking over to her. Nera sucked in a breath, holding it as he removed the space between them.

"You may choose," he stated, sliding over a datapad to the side of the table near her. Nera was completely taken aback, shocked that he agreed and didn't hurt her instead. She looked at the data pad in confusion.

Nera spared a glance at him once more, to make sure this wasn't a trick, before she carefully took the datapad off the table. Her eyes lit up from the screen of opportunities. He actually had listened to her.. 

Before Nera could get excited, he continued on. "Pick wisely, an employee of the First Order is a very demanding occupation. And you will be training in your spare time."

"Training?" Nera eyes looked back up into the mask. "I did not agree to that."

"It is not up for discussion."

Nera's mind lulled, scrunching her face. Nera knew he wanted to teach her of the Force, but she still felt like she was missing pieces. Couldn't she just meditate, away from him, or something? "Training for what, exactly?"

"It is time you learned the ways of the Force. How to harness it, power it," the dark voice echoed across the empty room.

"Harness it? Why?" Nera couldn't stop herself from questioning. "Like the Jedi or something?"

His hands untied from behind his back, her words snapping something in him. "Do not waste my time with your delusions of grandeur," he snapped his mask at her. 

"Then what?" Nera demanded. She had no intentions of becoming anything like him.

"The Force is a part of you. You cannot ignore it for long," he spoke.

Nera scoffed. "I've made it this far without it or you, haven't I?"

"Have you?" He stepped closer to her, his voice mocking her again. Nera tensed at his closeness. "You know," he paused. "I can hear you. Constantly in my head."

Nera froze. She was in _his_ head? She hadn't been trying. She thought his mental barrier blocked her out. This was bad news.

"Its infuriating," he took another step. "The way you think of me."

Nera held her breath. She felt embarrassment for a quick moment, but it easily turned into a storm of wrath. 

"No shit I think of you," Nera's lip curled, redness picking at her cheeks. "You are literally connected to my head. You've destroyed my life."

"Oh, quite the opposite," he mused. "I am giving you a _life._ A job, even."

His leather hand pointed to the datapad in Nera's grip. Nera quickly set it down on the table, crossing her arms at him.

"And Nichos?" Nera hummed, pushing.

His gloves curled in on themselves tightly. His mask snapped down to her. "Do not speak to me about the _boy_."

Nera's eyebrows furrowed at him. "What do you care? All I want to do is check in," Nera huffed. He didn't respond, not even a breath. Maybe he didn't have an answer. Or maybe he was considering it. "It is a deal breaker."

Kylo Ren shifted in rage for how she cared for the boy. It was repulsive, the thoughts she had about him. It was time she left that boy behind and accepted her new path. With him.

"I will not stay here without my freedoms. Not willingly," Nera demanded again. This had to be obvious. "I want contact with whomever I choose."

At his side, Kylo's fists clenched even tighter. He crossed the last of the space left between them with one more large step, his body quaking with the anger that started to blossom. "What did I tell you about making demands of me?"

Nera really wanted to hold her ground after what happened last time. She was terrified he would once again fill her head with lust. Terrified because Nera didn't know how she would react. And terrified if he knew that she had secretly wanted him to again. 

"If I'm remembering correctly, you had said you understood," he surrounded her, pushing her buttons. "If you want something, you ask."

His voice slithered under Nera's skin. But after having a few days out of that cell to regain her strength, she was hoping she could battle this now. "I won't beg like a prisoner."

The mask tilted, considering her. Nera wished so badly she could see the face underneath. Any expression would help her figure out his reactions. All she ever felt was anger and control.

"No," the masked rolled out. "Not like a prisoner."

Nera's teeth clanked together, her breath becoming more difficult to regulate. Nera didn't know what that meant, but the heat radiating off of his body which was _so_ close to her, gave her an idea. At that thought, Nera pulled her shoulders back, trying once again to be stronger now. 

"I won't beg. I _want_ contact with Nichos," she repeated.

The mask moved towards her again. Since there was no space between them, Nera stumbled back against the desk. When she felt the side of the table press against her back, Nera knew she was out of places to go. And his large, massive figure stood in front of her. She couldn't see around it. It blocked her.

"It seems our time together was not enough for you to understand," the voice was low, making chills roll over Nera. "Perhaps you need another lesson."

Nera lips pressed into a fine line, her face becoming pale. The fabric of his robes brushed against her, making her body go rigid. The word _lesson_ had Nera's heart accelerating. Instantly, thoughts of what that could possibly be ran through her head. It made her core tighten. Her skin lit up.

"Wh-What?" Nera tripped over her words, trying to swallow. Fuck, she was so stupid. She couldn't think clearly when he was this close to her. What was he going to do? She couldn't tell. He had filled her with lust last time. Was he going to do that again? Was he going to do more? Why did she want him to?

A breath cracked through the modulator of the mask. "You may not be my prisoner," the voice paused. "But you must understand your _place_."

Nera shuddered, trying to squirm behind him. To that, he shifted, his right leg stepping in between Nera's. It kept her thighs separated, and Nera's heart nearly leaped through her chest. The touch, one of the few Nera has ever had from him, made her insides explode. The friction of just their thighs was enough for Nera to feel the ache between her legs.

What the fuck was happening? Nera was sick, she had to be. She was twisted to be aroused. She hadn't even seen his face before. It was impossible to Nera how she could have desire for a dark mask. 

"So eager. Good," it hummed, the words nearly spitting on Nera's face. Her face that was _red_ , desperate to get out of this. But she couldn't even if she wanted to. And it seemed she didn't want to. It was maddening. But he surrounded her, his heat energy infiltrating her brain and body. "Now," the mask dipped towards her. He had felt her arousal peak, heard her thoughts activate. "Tell me what you want."

Nera swallowed a rock in her throat, trying so hard to steady her breathing. She didn't want to admit to a single ounce of what she was feeling. "I want," she gulped. "To contact Nichos."

He slammed his lower body into her harshly at her response, making Nera hold back a gasp. Her words made him angry, but Nera swore on her life she could feel him against her. She could feel his arousal, his erection. And just like that, Nera almost turned to _liquid_.

"Tell me," he repeated, lower now. Burning into her skin. "What you actually want."

Nera squirmed again as she thought _no way in hell_. He was trying to embarrass her? To make her admit to it? No way. 

But as she squirmed, it created more friction on her pelvis. Nera bit down on the inside of her cheek, forcing away the groan that wanted to come out. This was aggravating. She wanted him to touch her.

No way. No way! Nera kept repeating to herself. This was wrong. 

Kylo Ren was amused as she tried to fight it, hearing as her thoughts went back and forth from arousal to anger. 

In her last effort, Nera tried to push away from him. To do so, she put a harsh hand on his chest, trying to shove him back. But he didn't budge. And then Nera realized her hand was on his chest. She froze.

She could feel him. He was real, underneath all of his robes. She could feel the mass underneath there. And she could feel a fucking heart beat. It sputtered for her.

She was touching him. And he reacted to her touch. It made a breath of surprised amazement escape Nera's lips. And in that moment, it flashed across her head what she _wanted_.

The mask watched her. And he fed off the reaction she had to him.

Just like that, Kylo Ren pushed her back against the table. The impact on her spine made Nera clench, but then another second didn't pass before Nera _felt_ it. A gasp ripped its way loudly out of her lips. 

He wasn't touching her. No, his hands were definitely not on her. But it felt like they were.

He used the Force to put pressure on Nera's clit. 

Nera's free hand that was not on his chest slammed back. It wrapped around the side of the table, nearly a death grip on it. 

All of the lust, all of the angst that she had been trying to push back for the past few days came rushing forward. Her body jolted, a deep moan struggling out as warmth pressed against her clit, spreading like flames of fire through her core. It ignited her entire body.

"This is what you wanted?" The modulated voice was husky, deep. The air was hot as it rolled onto Nera's neck. 

Mewls sputtered out of Nera, for she didn't have words. Her first thought was to say no, not give in to him, but the only thing going through her mind was _yes_.

And then the warmth, the pressure between her legs started to move. Like the Force had fingers, it massaged her clit.

"Ah," Nera moaned out, her breath coming out in spurts. She couldn't form thoughts. She couldn't form words. She couldn't tell him to stop. She couldn't even shake her head no. She didn't want to, it felt too fucking magical.

It was like all the tension, all of the desire that remained from the night on Arkansis when Nera touched herself to him, were all building up now. It had been building up for days with the way he treated her so dominantly. And Nera felt like she would just explode if she didn't get a release.

Nera's legs grew weak, and she had to push herself further back on the desk to keep her balance, her hand still flush on his chest. 

The mask simply watched as she writhed beneath him. The way her chest was spasming, legs trying not to give out. She tried to keep her eyes open, but she constantly couldn't help from them falling closed, sucking in the feeling. She tried to deny this, tell herself she didn't want it and fight him, but it was all too easy to see that was a lie.

Knowing he was watching her, _enjoying_ her reaction, only seemed to arouse Nera more. It should have pissed her off, but she was completely gone, succumbing to this feeling. His power over her had wetness spilling out of her. Like the mixture of rage and desire made Nera more turned on than she had _ever_ been.

Nera felt out of body as her natural reaction was to buck her hips. She was asking for more. She needed more. Her hand clawed at his chest, making him grumble a guttural sound and speed up the Force on her clit. 

A deep moan slipped out of Nera then, making him twitch. Her head snapped backwards, eyes slamming closed. She sucked in a breath tightly through her teeth, body starting to shake.

The mask hummed at her, the alteration breaking in his voice for a moment.

Nera could feel the sparks start to shoot up from her feet. Her toes curled in her boots, her body tensing. Her muscles were all flexing, each time making more flames shoot through her. Nera held her breath, she was close. She felt as her body was hurling towards that cliff, so desperate to fall off. To let it all take her, let her release the volcano inside of her. 

She needed it like the air she breathed. Nera's thighs squeezed together, clenching around his leg stuck in between them. It made a breathy growl slip out of his mask, nearly throwing Nera over the edge.

And then the pressure started to weaken. 

"You want to cum?" 

Nera's eyes snapped open, a breath heaving out of her. All she could do was nod feverishly. 

The mask tilted at her. "Then you must _ask_."

The pressure started to flick at her clit again, making a groan come from Nera's chest. It wasn't moving fast enough, teasing her. Just keeping her on the edge, driving her to _maddness_. And more madness swelled inside of her when she realized what he was doing. But the anger only fed her desire, lighting up her body into more heat. 

Nera gasped. "Asshole," was all she could force out in a strained breath.

The Force sped up, making Nera's eyes snap shut again and the insults get lost from her mind. Her body jolted, her grip on the table tightening. She was becoming close again, and was stupid to think he would let her finish. For once again, the pressure paused. 

Nera _groaned_ in frustration. "Please."

"Please what?" The mask teased her. 

Nera shifted below him, this was torture. He was evil.

"If you want to cum," the voice haunted her. "All you have to do is ask me."

Nera was panting, fumbling. He put the pressure back on her slowly again, making her roll her head to the side. "No, no," she huffed, pleading. " _Please_."

"Closer," the mask noted her plead, speeding up the pressure again. 

Nera's chest was tight, her legs nearly about to give out. She tried to squeeze her thighs as tight as she could to keep the pressure there. She needed a release more than she needed anything. 

But he stopped it again.

"Fuck!" Nera cried, nearly blubbering. Her head was spinning, her core fucking _ached_. "Just, _please_ ," she begged. "Let me!"

The pressure was back again, full force. Nera let out a small scream, her clit throbbing from this torture. All of her muscles were pained from how hard they were clenching. Being set on and off, over and over again. Nera was going to lose her mind.

The Force massaged her again, flicking her clit at a speed so quick Nera's body was shaking. She could only see blackness, panting loudly. 

"Dont... stop," she pleaded, trying to demand. But it was a mistake to demand. 

"Beg for it," his voice was darker than normal, demanding and powerful. 

If Nera could scream, she would, but instead a loud groan was the only thing her frantic breaths would let her get out. Her fists clenched, both around the table and on his chest. But she still resisted him. 

"Beg for it!" He yelled into her, halting the pressure once again as Nera was so close to finally having it.

"PLEASE!" She cried once more, desperate now. She would do anything to cum, she didn't care anymore. "Please let me cum! _Stars_ , please let me cum."

His chest was heaving above her. "There it is."

And with that, Nera was choking on her moans as the pressure came back faster. And this time it did not stop. 

Nera's legs quaked, no longer able to hold herself up, so she rested on the table behind her and on his thigh between her. The pressure of his thigh between her legs pushed Nera over the edge. Every muscle in her body spasmed as she was allowed to find her release.

"Good girl," he pressed, making the Force massage faster. "Let it go."

The same words he had spoke to her that night on Arkansis. And they made Nera snap.

Her breaths were just a frenzy of moans as the volcano finally exploded. As all of her rage, angst, and desire came to fruition, an orgasm ripped through her. And Kylo Ren watched, absorbing all of her, as she came undone below him.

The Force between her legs did not leave until Nera completely rode out every ounce of her orgasm. It stayed to the point where her clit was buzzing, sore, dying for relief. But when it left, Nera felt she missed the heat of it.

It took Nera a minute to catch her breath, screw her head on straight. She was left dumbfounded, her mind nearly blank besides the residue of her orgasm.

"That lesson seems to have made you understand," Kylo Ren's gloved finger came to the bottom of her chin, tipping her head up so she would look into the mask. Nera didn't want to look at him, humiliated. But Kylo could feel her confused desire. She loved it. "You're a quick learner when you need to be."

Nera swallowed harshly, completely unaware of what her face looked like right now. She couldn't fight to find strength inside her at all. The orgasm and that situation had sucked it all out of her. 

Kylo Ren stepped away from her, removing his closeness. The pinkness of her cheeks and the raw expression she gave him was too much. Nera watched blankly as he walked away. As soon as his presence left her, she craved it to come back. She felt cold, hollow without it.

"Tomorrow we will begin training," that is all he spoke to her. 

And then he left. He had to leave. If he stayed, he would surely split her in half right on that table.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had to add in a bit more of inappropriate use of the force, duh. We have to inch our way towards skin on skin contact here, for fun reasons. Hope y'all enjoyed


	13. Possession

Nera couldn't sleep that night. She didn't want it to be tomorrow, didn't want to face him again.

She busied herself all day, as much as she could. 

The bucket heads had lead her back to her quarters. One of them stayed outside her door on watch all day. Eventually, Nera went out there and bitched at the storm trooper to leave. When it didn't, Nera just told it to show her where to get some damned food.

Luckily, it was off normal hours, so the cafeteria was empty. Nera collected a large portion of food and brought it back to her room. 

She stayed inside her quarters for the rest of the day. Its not like she knew where the hell else to go, and she was absolutely not risking the chance of running into Kylo again. No way in hell.

She picked through the datapad he had left her, trying to land on a job she would like. But then whenever she thought about the job or the screen before her, Nera's mind flipped to what had just happened. 

Then Nera had to take a shower. To wash it off, wash it all away. Nera told herself the only reason that she wasn't a complete joke right now was because she hadn't actually let him touch her. He used the Force, as insane as that was. He didn't _actually_ finger her. 

But then Nera just imagined what it would be like if he actually did touch her. If she could put her hands on more than his chest. And if he would remove some of that kriffing costume. She wondered what his skin was like, what his face was like. She had felt his erection on her thigh, so she couldn't stop from wondering what that would be like. His touch had been nearly electric, like Nera had been starved from it for years. What would it be like if it was her whole body that felt it? 

She was despicable. Nera was tearing herself apart for how little of a fight she even put up to him. Even now while she was alone, just the thought of him turned her on. It was so messed up how easy she crumbled for him. 

Nera had never done that for anyone. She never just broke all her morals. Or at least, the morals she thought she had. Seems like maybe she didn't have many if the way he treated her and spoke to her like that was something that drove her wild. 

He was a kriffing asshole. And Nera was worse for being aroused by a fucking murderer. 

Angrily, Nera threw on a large shirt and stomped back over to the datapad on her desk. She didn't want to let him get under her skin anymore. 

She flipped on the datapad, the screen lighting up her dark room. She had planned to settle on a job, to pick something so she could stay busy. Stay distracted. Stay away from _him_. But then as Nera looked at the home screen, a terrible realization came to her head.

She knew Nichos' credentials. She knew how to contact him.

Nera paused, fingers halting over the datapad. She took a moment to consider this. She could here, right now, contact her friend. She could send him a message, simple, maybe coded. What was the worst that could happen? Sure, maybe Kylo Ren would find out. But how could he? And even if he did, what would he do? Force finger her again?

Well, he might kill her. Or choke her out, at the very least. Potentially destroy the entire planet of Arkansis. 

But he hadn't actually said she _couldn't_ contact Nichos. He just said not to make demands of him. And he had allowed her to find a job of her choosing, so maybe he wouldn't be such a dick about this simple kriffing thing. And anyway, if he did anything, it would just prove Nera's point that he was a sick, sick monster. 

And Nera was no prisoner. She shouldn't even be debating this. _Fuck him_ , she thought. And in her rage, her hatred of Kylo Ren, she decided she would not be stopped from contacting Nichos or anyone. 

Typing Nichos' credentials into her datapad, Nera formed a simple message. She looked at it for one moment longer, before snapping and pressing the send button. 

Nera waited a while for a response, for anything. But it didn't come. She frowned, maybe Nichos got a new datapad when the First Order came through. Or maybe it was so late in the evening he just wasn't awake. Thats what Nera told herself. She didn't dare consider any of the thoughts that something might have happened to him. 

Nera huffed, turning off the device and sulking into her bed.

As she laid there, still not wanting to sleep, her mind kept flipping in circles. She couldn't make sense of what her life had become in such a short time. And why, in that short time, was the only thing that was ever on her mind Kylo Ren.

Nera groaned, flipping over onto her side, trying to will away these thoughts. She didn't want to think about him, didn't want to feel him like she did. But it was incapacitating. She couldn't help herself but to think again over the contents of the last few days. Of the desire she had that simply would not ease up.

This was insane. But, unfortunately, the only reason Nera was able to find sleep was because she gave in, masturbating to all the thoughts of Kylo Ren. Hoping she could orgasm it out of her system.

\----

Nera woke up to a loud _bang_. So loud, it caused all of her walls to shutter.

Kylo Ren had forcefully ripped open her doors, stomping into her room.

Nera shot up from her dream state at an alarmed rate. Her heart accelerated to the speed of light, the noise startling the ever-living shit out of her. Quickly, Nera scrambled out of bed in panic. She was pants-less, only sleeping in her underwear and top. But she didn't even realize, completely jolted awake to pure surprisal.

At first she was immediately on guard, trying to find anything to use as a weapon. She was so sure she was being attacked in some way. Nera jumped to the back of the room, holding out a hand to defend herself.

It was Kylo Ren, she saw then. He had broken into her room at.. _what time was it?_ A fury of black robes swept inside, his anger nearly radiating off the walls like a thermal detonator. 

" _Where is it?_ " He demanded, quaking with rage. 

His voice shook Nera's drowsy form, completely taken aback. "What?" She breathed, her voice coming out cracked from the thick tension of sleep. She rubbed at one eye, trying to become more aware of what the fuck was happening.

He didn't need to clarify, for Kylo quickly was able to see the datapad lying on the desk in her quarters. Without hesitation, he stomped over. Nera instantly paled. He knew. How did he know?

"You," Kylo Ren's leather fingers crushed the datapad, bringing it with him as he strode over to Nera. A big gust of air ran across her as he did, his anger nearly reaching out to touch her. "Had the _nerve_ to reach out to that _boy_ ," he spat, the mask lingering over her face. He held the datapad up to her, nearly touching her jaw. "Thinking I would not notice!"

"What, I- How?" Nera stumbled over her words, cringing away from the datapad he shoved in her face. 

"All unauthorized personnel are monitored," his modulated voice was loud, making Nera pale more. "This," he shoved the datapad in closer in her face, seething. "Was linked with my own."

Nera's stomach had dropped, the full realization that she was caught settling in like a brick. And she had no clue what he would do to her. Even worse, what he would do to Nichos now that he had his credentials. All of his information.

"I didn't-"

"Your incompetence is astounding!" He boomed over her. Nera pressed her back against the wall. "How ignorant must you be? To think you could go behind _my_ back! Contacting that _scum!_ "

His arm quickly snapped to the side, throwing the datapad in a breath of rage, his chest rumbling.

Nera watched in shock as her datapad flew across the room, slamming into the wall and clattering onto the ground. Pieces of glass shattered off of it. "What the fuck!"

"If you cannot follow orders," his form shifted back to face Nera. "Perhaps you should return to the cell."

Nera instantly stood up straight, pushing her figure up the wall. The fear of how he could react had her shielded away, but she absolutely did not want to go back into that cell. "No, I am not a prisoner!" Nera's anger rose to meet his. "I am staying here- willingly! Even though I didn't want to! I haven't tried to escape."

His chest huffed, the mask striking nerves along Nera's spine. She knew fighting him was only going to increase her chances of death or imprisonment, but this was not fair. She had done everything he wanted.

"And what would happen if this fool tried to convince you to leave? Hm?" Kylo's fists clenched.

Nera gulped at the mask, the dark red visor trying to peer into her soul. To instill fear. But Nera remained still. She hadn't had any ulterior motives, at least she doesn't think she did. She was accepting her fate on this forsaken ship, with this monster. If she tried to leave, he would decapitate her with his laser sword anyway. She couldn't run away from the voice in her head.

"I told you I just wanted to make sure he was okay," Nera defended. "Why do you care so much? You've taken everything else away from me. He's my _friend_."

"You _disobeyed me!_ "The modulated voice made Nera's room shake, rattling her. He was furious, but Nera couldn't understand why, for this was pretty simple to her. But any mention of Nichos set Kylo off completely. Nera was puzzled.

"Why do I have to take orders from you?!" Nera cried out in her similar rage. This was all confusing, belittling. A week passed and all of the sudden she was supposed to submit to this person, this _thing_?

Perhaps it was Nera's mistake that she often was too comfortable with the Commander of _The First Order_. To her, he was just this voice in her head. A really fucking dickish voice in her head. And sometimes - the lust in her head. But this allowed her to often put aside that it was Kylo Ren. The creature of the First Order that destroys villages and murders innocents to get what he wants.

"I am your superior here. Your _Commander_ ," Kylo stepped closer to her, his fists in tight balls as he looked down on her. Nera swallowed, now starting to remember what it meant to work for the First Order. If _work_ was even the right word. "And shortly, your _Master._ "

"Master?" Nera questioned, her voice many more octaves quieter than his menacing one. She leaned away from his closeness, her face falling at that word. 

Kylo Ren only stepped closer to her. Nera stilled at how close he was to her.

"Yes," Kylo Ren snapped. His anger was slowing down, no longer making the walls shake. But he still was making Nera shift in fear of the unknown. "If you want to remain alive and well, you _will_ obey me."

Nera couldn't speak, the modulated voice off-setting her nerves. Nera hated the word obey. _Master_. But she couldn't react in this moment. He was too close, too furious. 

"I will train you in the ways of the Force, as your Master. And you, my apprentice."

Nera hesitated, his words sinking into her skin. She wasn't sure if she wanted that, she wasn't sure if she had a choice. But then she was stupid, very, very stupid for the thought that came out of her lips. "Why does that mean I cannot speak to Nichos?"

Nera didn't even have time to regret bringing Nichos back up before she was thrown back against the wall. It was a small distance, but she let out a sharp groan as the Force pinned all of her bones against it.

" _Enough!_ "

"Ugh!" Nera squirmed against the crushing hold, but couldn't budge. Kylo Ren stood across from her, his shoulders rising and falling with each heavy, angry breath. 

Nera was getting sick of him being able to use the Force to hurt her like this. It left her utterly frozen, completely defenseless. She was pressed against the wall, open for him to do as he pleased with her. Nera gulped at that thought. 

"You will not speak of this again," Kylo Ren's voice shook as he pointed at her. 

"I don't-" Nera tried again to strain herself against the Force pinning her back, but she failed again. She groaned, stopping. "Why?" She huffed, exasperated. "What does it matter to you if I talk to him or not?"

"The boy will serve as nothing but a distraction."

"A distraction?" Nera repeated, her eyes casting over to the dark form in her room. "From what!"

"From your training, your purpose," he stepped towards her, the air growing still between them. "From _me_."

Nera paused, watching the light from her room glare off the metallic edges of his mask. "You?"

"Yes. Me," Kylo stepped even closer, making Nera's breathing become uneven. She was pinned to the wall, frozen with no chance of escape as he closed the distance between them. She became hyper aware now that she had no bottoms on, leaving her even more exposed and vulnerable. It seemed he fed off of it. 

Nera started to forget her anger, it dissipating with each step Kylo took towards her. As many times before, his closeness made Nera's mind go blank. And she had felt his energy shift, his rage pouring into something else. _Dominance_.

"You infuriate me," his modulated voice ripped through the air to Nera's lungs. He closed the last bit of space between them. "You have gotten under my skin."

"W-What?" Nera couldn't think straight, let alone breathe when he pulled all the air from her. She got under his skin? Those words sent bolts straight between Nera's thighs. The air from his mask tickled her skin. His large presence before her made her knees melt. Nera tried to swallow.

"I need to.." Kylo flexed his hands, mask glancing down her form. " _Own_ you. Control you."

It was wrong, it was so wrong. Those words were one of a madman. But like Nera was butter and they were a knife, the words cut straight through to her core. Nera wanted to speak, but she couldn't battle her own breaths. She couldn't battle the images, the ideas, that those words inspired in her head. They caused the trill of arousal to tingle between her legs.

As if he heard her, sensed her, as always, Kylo Ren made a swift movement to press himself against her. His Force hold on her loosened, allowing Nera the freedom to fight or run away. But she didn't. All she could do was shudder, a fast breath pushing out of her lungs as his body came in contact with hers.

"This is what you do to me," the deep breath from his mask was hot on the skin of Nera's neck. He thrusted his hips against her, the firmness of his erection jamming into her upper thigh. 

Nera knew she should fight this, but a low moan rushed out of her lips. It was incapacitating, feeling him against her. He surrounded her, and all Nera could do was place her hands on the fabric of his robes. To _feel_ more of him.

Kylo Ren reacted to that, his leather hand shooting out to her hip. His palm slid down Nera, rubbing against her bare thigh, nearly covering all of it. The touch had the ache in Nera's core nearly pulsating. She had only been able to imagine this, what it would feel like. And now, it had begun to drive her wild. She wanted his hand to go further. Not the Force like yesterday, his hand.

Kylo Ren roughly grasped the flesh of her thigh, seething as he was able to squeeze it in his grip. Nera let out a small gasp, to which he snapped up his other hand to her chin. He forced her head up, pushing her to look into the visor of his mask. 

" _Do you understand?_ "

Nera gaped at the darkness in front of her, still wildly uncertain how it was possible she was this aroused for a _mask_. But he had filled all of her senses, the touch on her making her crumble for him once again. 

He was waiting for her to speak, but Nera couldn't form the right words. She wasn't sure what to say. Did she understand that she had gotten under Kylo Ren's skin? No. Or that he lusted for her? That she made him feel this way, similar to how she pined for him? Or perhaps how he needed to _own_ her? No, Nera couldn't understand any of it. Not since the first day she dreamed his dreams or felt him speak to her in her head. And she definitely did not understand how badly she craved for him now.

"No?" The mask tilted at her. He was testing her, toying with her. "Maybe this will help."

With that, he used his grip on her to push her towards the ground. Nera's knees came in contact with the floor, and the small space between them had her back pushing against the wall behind her. A quiet groan escaped Nera, her face now level with his groin. But his hand did not leave her lower face, keeping her looking up at him. 

Nera couldn't imagine what her expression was. As Kylo towered over her, the mask tilting down at her while he palmed the hardness in his pants, every nerve in Nera's body was buzzing. She felt vulnerable, and it made her crazed. She was desperate for more of him. For more of this.

"Kylo," Nera's breathy, crazed voice slipped out of her. She didn't want to ask, didn't want to give in. But her head was spinning.

Kylo Ren's gloved fingers dug into the skin on her face, pinching around her mouth harshly. Nera held back a groan. "What was that?"

It didn't take Nera long to realize her mistake. It made her angry what he wanted, but she was so far past her morals at this point, it didn't matter. " _Commander_ ," she tried again, attitude thick in her voice.

"Much better," he hummed above her. For a moment, he let his fingers explore Nera's glistening, damp mouth. Pressing them into her cheeks and onto her tongue, letting her taste the leather. He could feel her arousal grow at each movement, and she no longer had any fight left in her. Just desire. And it edged Kylo on more. "You want your Commanders cock?"

His words picked at Nera's skin, lighting her entire body aflame. She glanced at his hand that was stroking his hardness through his pants, wetness spilling out of her. She couldn't help the hum that etched out of her, vibrating around his fingers in her mouth. Completely broken down for him, all she could do was nod, barely glancing back up to the mask.

Kylo's hand moved from her mouth to wrap tightly in her hair. Her eagerness for him drove him mad, making him yank her head back. "So desperate," he hummed, his deep voice cracking through the modulator. She sat there, on her knees before him, face pink as a small gasp slipped out of her plump lips. Her face was tied in confusion and relentless desire as it looked up to him. It made Kylo not waste another second before he was ripping his pants open.

After a quick moment, Nera watched as he pulled out his erection. Her core lit up further as she saw him, gulping down saliva. It looked as she had imagined all these times. Even better. And the fact that it was no longer an imagination had Nera craving it more than ever. 

She tried to reach for it, the only natural reaction Nera's body had, but Kylo's grip in her hair snapped her back. Nera gasped, face ripping up to look at him again. "Beg," his breath was labored, his other hand stroking his member before her. 

Nera was going mad. Her mouth was agape, mind fighting over what he wanted from her again. Although his treatment of dominance only spurred her on more, she still was resistant to begging. She didn't want to give into him so easily. Not the masked creature she had been trying so hard to convince herself away from.

"Still so stubborn," he hummed again, curling his fist into her hair. Nera could only see in her peripheral the way he stroked himself, making her body shift in that pure _ache_. "Do not fight it. I know what you want. I can _feel_ it."

"I-," Nera stumbled, her breathing labored. "Please."

"Tell me what you want," his arousal was evident, even through the mask. His voice dipped lowly through it, pulling Nera apart into pieces. 

"I want your cock," Nera breathed out, desperate for him to let the grip on her head go. She wanted to feel it. She wanted to feel him inside of her in some way. She needed it. Like she was starved, empty, hollow. 

" _Beg for it_."

Nera groaned. "Please, give it to me," she pleaded, her desire pushing her forward into the abyss. She knew what would make him give in. "Please, Commander."

A growl tore through his throat. "Filthy thing," with that, he loosened the grip of her hair, allowing her head to dip towards his erection. He did not hesitate to guide it towards her mouth, pushing it roughly past her lips. 

Nera let out a desperate moan of arousal as she engulfed his length in her mouth, the wetness nearly pooling out of her now. The taste of him, dripping in pre-cum, made her knees go weak, her thighs squeezing together to ease the ache. He pushed his thick, throbbing member towards the back of her throat, making Nera gag at his size. But he was relentless, his hand slithered through her hair, using the leverage on her head to push himself deeper into her, a groan booming out of his chest.

"Look who you are begging for now," his voice was raspy, cracking through the mask. "My cock. Not _him_."

A moan boosted from Nera's core, tears pricking at her eyes from the way his dick settled in the back of her throat without ease. His own words edged him on, causing his hips to buck further into her mouth. More moans spewed out of Nera as she placed her hands on his legs to hold herself up while he fucked her mouth so savagely. 

Nera had never been treated like this before and she was eating it up. It was aggressive, violent, which only aided her arousal. Nera's eyes flickered up to the mask which was watching in sadistic delight the way he slammed into her. When he saw her big eyes, drool dripping out the sides of her mouth, he nearly split her in half. He couldn't contain himself. 

" _Perfect_ ," he hummed at the sight, a groan coming from deep within him. 

That sent warmth shooting through Nera, causing her to move towards him. One hand went to wrap around the base of his shaft, the other remaining on his clothed thigh to steady herself. She wrapped her lips tighter around him, shielding her teeth. Sucking harder, she removed any space between his member and her cheeks, tasting the salty mixture.

"Fuck," he snapped, his hips jolting violently into her. Nera choked, strangled groans rumbling against him. He had seen her trying to gain control, and he wouldn't have that. Quickly, he snapped her head back by the roots of her hair, his cock plopping out of her wet mouth. 

"So eager," he spoke as she tried to go back to it. Nera swallowed all the extra saliva in her throat, licking her lips as her neck kinked back to look up at him. "You need this, don't you?"

A breath escaped Nera's swollen lips. "You want me to beg again, _Master?_ " Nera's mouth lifted in a half smirk, giving him that attitude again, teasing him. She was regaining her control, remembering that she could get under his skin, too. 

Kylo groaned, pushing her back against the wall. He pinned her there, allowing him full leverage to slam his cock back into her mouth and fuck that attitude right out of her. "Nothing to say now?" Kylo grumbled at her, thrusting himself into the back of her throat repeatedly, listening to her choke out moans. "Take it like the good little whore you are."

Nera couldn't even process those words, nor spare a second thought on why the turned her on even more. He slipped out, and then slammed himself in again. Again and again. Pinned against the wall, Nera could do nothing but widen her mouth, letting him fuck her throat. Her jaw was aching, throat raw, and her clit throbbing for attention.

Kylo began to stiffen, speeding up his thrusts. Low, estranged groans pricked out of his mask. 

Nera could feel his energy become rabid, sinking into ever crevice of her body. Sweat picked at her forehead, his heat looming over her like a sauna. She hollowed out her cheeks, giving him more friction to spur him on. She could feel him reaching the edge like it was her own.

"You want to taste my cum?" His breathing was becoming rabid, the barrier in his mind let down just a bit so Nera could feel his raw energy. 

It lit Nera up, and she hummed a moan of agreement against his flesh. She wanted more. Needed more. Their connection fed her, drove her to this. 

"Good girl," he oozed. The vibrations of her moans against him had him nearly spiraling over the edge. " _Shit_ ," in a quick movement, he jerked his hips, slamming himself all the way into her mouth. 

Nera's face was buried into his groin, hands gripping on to his thighs as his curled into her hair, inflicting a sharp pain. She felt hot beads of cum shoot down her throat, hearing as the noises that came out of his chest, through the mask, were nearly inhumane. He worked to suppress his moans as he emptied himself into her throat.

After a long, pained moment, he slipped out of her mouth. Nera swallowed all of his seed with a grimace. Her chest was heaving as he stepped back from her, tucking himself away, allowing Nera to finally get some fresh air. She sucked it in through her wet, swollen lips, bringing a hand up to wipe her mouth. 

Her own arousal was still buzzing through her body as she watched him. She saw no evidence of his stature breaking once he caught his breath, especially because of that mask. He was soon sturdy again, tall and strong as he loomed over her. While Nera was a mess. Face red, filled with heat. Tears still pricked her eyes from the impact on her throat. Hair disheveled from his grip.

He stepped towards her again. His fingers reached down, dipping underneath her chin to tilt her head up. "I take it now you finally get it," he questioned.

Nera was left with a whirl of emotions after that. She inhaled a large breath, squinting at the mask. She was still so horny, that she hoped if she agreed she could have her turn. "Yes," was all she said.

"And the boy?"

His fingers drifted from her chin, the leather rubbing back along her jaw, appreciating the damage he had done. His hand cupped the side of her face, making Nera's chest stutter. The warmth expanded inside of her, looking up to the mask. His touch made Nera stumble, forgetting her usual rage on the topic.

"A distraction," she breathed. A distraction from Kylo Ren, Nera felt that now. And Nera wanted to please him in this moment. So he would touch her more, satisfy her crave for release. Potentially take off the mask, allow her to witness more of him. 

The mask hummed. "You will not bring him up again," his grip on her face tightened. "And if I find you sneaking behind my back again, I will do more than ruin this pretty little mouth of yours."

Anger spurred inside of Nera. And so did more arousal. Instead of fighting him, she pushed at their mental connection. Through the cracks of his mental barrier, she sent her arousal through it. Letting him know that she wanted release, that it was not fair. 

Kylo Ren chuckled. "If you want me to make you cum, you will have to learn to obey me. _Submit_."

Tension pulled at Nera's chest as she watched the mask stepped away from her again. His hand released her face, leaving Nera battling between anger from the words he spoke, and desperation to do just that. 

"We will begin training at 0900."

He started to walk away, and Nera quickly lurched forward. "But-"

"I suspect you will be _on time_."

That was all he said over his shoulder before he opened her door and exited the quarters, leaving Nera dumbfounded. She listened to the sound of his boots stomping further and further away from her quarters. When she could no longer hear them, a large breath heaved through her lungs. 

Her mind was boggling as she peeled herself off the floor. Her knees ached from the harsh impact on the ground. 

Nera spotted the broken datapad lying on the ground across the room, making chills rush over her body. She shifted her sore jaw, skin still buzzing in every spot he had grabbed her. _What just happened?_

Nera pushed herself into her bathroom, shuffling her feet to turn the shower on. She refused to look at herself in the mirror as she undressed, not wanting to see the mess that Kylo Ren made of her. The mess she allowed him to make of her. 

Although Nera got in the shower to once again wash away every bit of him, she was still spurred on. She couldn't concentrate on anything but his dick in her mouth, the words he spoke to her. _Look who you are begging for now._

Nera leaned against the tiled wall of the shower, not hesitating to slide her fingers across her slit. She was still dripping wet from the encounter. The rough, aggressive encounter. She replayed it over and over in her head, sucking in sharp breaths through her teeth as she violently rubbed at her swollen clit. 

It was wrong. It was so wrong. But it felt so _right_. 

Nera had never been turned on like this before. Never battled so much anger and desire at once. It took her only seconds to reach her release, but her arousal barely seized. It wasn't enough, she still needed more. She couldn't get the way he pulled at her hair out of her head. The way his energy spat out through their connection, lighting her up. The way he handled her, dominated her. 

After Nera's third orgasm, she finally ripped her hand away. She felt _pathetic_.

What the hell was she doing? What was wrong with her? She felt possessed. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have no clue my talents when it comes to writing smut but i just wanna do it!! Not sure how well all this fits into my story yet but i didn't even consider it i just was like whatever, kind of figuring it out as I go!! Might come back later and edit some chapters but for now please enjoy my sins


	14. The Universe Binding Together

Nera had a few hours before 0900. She was irritated Kylo expected her to be on time to a training she had literally no clue where it was supposed to be. Nonetheless, right after she just got on her knees for him. How was she supposed to train? Let alone act normally?

Although, when the time came, Nera was a disaster. She didn't want to go, didn't want to face him. Had not the slightest clue what was even happening in her head. 

But, there was a small tingle of curiosity -possibly even excitement- at what would happen. Her orgasms hadn't been enough, she was still only able to think about him. Her fingers weren't the same. Doing it herself wasn't the same. 

No. No. He is a monster. It's _Kylo Ren_. Fuck his fingers. He is a murderer. Evil.

Nera kept repeating this mantra to herself as she started to slide on her boots. But it was almost as if the fact he was a monster made it all the more enticing. It was wrong, it was bad, and it made Nera want it more. 

Nera groaned to herself, standing up straight to flatten out the wrinkles in her clothes. She glanced at the clock once more, noting she had fifteen minutes until 0900. She sucked in a confident breath. There was no way around this, and she was never going to talk herself into being ready. 

Nera opened the door, two stormtroopers still waiting outside. Nera instantly froze. _Had they been here while Kylo_... Nera gulped, face scrunching in anger at the bucket-heads. No, they couldn't have been here. Or maybe her door was soundproof. 

"Take me to him," Nera demanded, trying to not let the thoughts show on her face. 

"To who?" One stormtrooper asked, shifting to face Nera.

"Who do you _think_?" Nera snarked at it. She really disliked them. Their heads must be as thick as their armor. "Ky- _Commander_ Ren."

The stormtroopers looked at each other, making Nera scowl as she glanced between them. "Any time now," she huffed, antsy to get on with it. 

Finally, one spoke towards her. "Follow me."

"My pleasure," Nera chuffed sarcastically.

The stormtrooper had no reaction to her. Nera reluctantly shuffled behind it, trying to keep her posture strong. She might have just gotten face fucked by the Commander of the First Order, but she refused to let it show. And perhaps, she would fake it until she made it. Perhaps this was the way she would be able to face him again. Like it didn't happen.

The trooper led her down a few more expansive hallways, over to a room with large double doors. It pressed something into the control panel that allowed the doors to open. Curiosity got the best of Nera again and she was peaking around the white armor, letting her head search side to side as he walked her into the room. 

It almost looked like a gym. The room expanded the length of what could have been a sporting field. Part of the floor had padding down. Even some of the walls did. Another part was the same grey metal, giving enough space to fight a small army. And on this part, there were weapons lining the walls. All blunt, melee weapons. For training. This was a training room.

Nera cringed, was he going to make her physically train? Was he going to fight her? Nera had been extremely out of shape in her years of hiding and working. And what was the point? To make her another part of his militia?

"Sir," the stormtrooper addressed Kylo Ren before it stepped aside, allowing Nera to see. Kylo was standing in the middle of the room, arms crossed behind his back as he awaited her arrival.

The storm trooper left and Nera sucked in a large breath, willing herself to take strong steps into the room. 

"You're late."

Nera paused. Shit. The modulated voice alone already caused chills to spark up her spine. Just looking at that mask caused all the images of what he just did to her to come back. 

"You didn't tell me where to go," Nera defended, keeping her voice monotone. "And its not my fault. The storm troopers walk as slow as Fenner's Rocks."

Nera was awaiting another comment from him, perhaps a show of rage. But instead, Kylo Ren just walked further into the room. Once on the padded ground, he turned to face Nera. He pointed a finger down. "Sit."

Nera slowed to a stop in front of him. The mask gave away none of his intentions, and Nera was skeptical to follow his demands. She didn't like being demanded. Unless it was some sort of scenario like earlier, apparently. Was that what this was? Nera couldn't stop thinking about it. Was he thinking that? What the fuck was she supposed to do? Act normal? What is normal?

"Why?" Nera asked.

"Sit," he repeated. 

"Not very talkative," she snarked at him. "Thats a first."

" _Now._ "

"Why?" Nera asked again, wanting some answers. 

"Do not make me force you," he warned dangerously.

Nera squinted, her thoughts snapping back to his dick in her mouth at mention of _force_. For a moment, Nera almost wanted him to force her. No, Nera quickly rid that from her head. 

But Kylo had heard it. His mask cocked at her, testing her to see if she really wanted to not do as he asked. 

Nera huffed. She didn't want to give in to him just a few hours after she already did. She needed to have some pride left. And the curiosity of what this was got Nera to sit. "You ever kriffing lighten up?" she mumbled to herself as she sat down on the padded floor, crossing her legs.

"I'd think that attitude of yours would ease after the events of this morning," his mask bent down to her, threatening but also _teasingly_.

Nera's face grew red, angrily pinching at him. There it was, the humiliating remark. He always had a comment to get under her skin. And Nera didn't like that he was standing above her while she sat. It gave him too much height on her and reminded her of all the times he has towered over her so far. Nera shifted as the reminder came forward.

"Nothing to say now?" He mocked, just as he had said when he was balls deep inside of her mouth. 

Heat spread through Nera's core and it pissed her off. All she could manage was a "fuck you."

The mask hummed. 

"Did you just bring me here to be an asshole to me?" Nera complained painfully. She hated how much this was under her skin, when he was completely unbothered. And he just toyed with her about it.

"No."

"Well you are doing a great job," Nera angrily remarked. His lack of words made her even more flustered, she had no idea what he was thinking.

Luckily, Kylo disregarded that and decided to move off the topic. "Its time you learned how to harness the Force."

Nera stumbled at the quick change of pace. "What? How?"

"To start," he stepped closer. "Meditation."

"Meditation?" Nera popped an eyebrow incredulously.

"Yes."

"You're telling me a guy like you - a ruthless killer, waging a war, _meditates_?" Nera huffed in disbelief, finding it almost amusing. "And I'm supposed to take lessons from you? You use the Force to choke people, you must not be meditating correct-"

" _Enough_." He snapped at her.

His body shifted, and Nera almost recoiled because she thought he was going to lunge at her in someway. She closed her eyes to brace for impact. But instead, Kylo Ren moved to sit down across from her.

Nera slowly peaked an eye open when no impact came, completely taken aback at what she saw. He was... sitting? It was shocking to see him in that position. It was almost humanizing. Every other time he had been towering over Nera, forcing her to the ground below him. But now he was here on her level... sitting. 

He was still much taller than her, his back pinned up straight and body still rigid. His torso looked even larger now for some reason. It filled Nera with an odd warmth, looking at him like this.

"You are going to need to focus," the mask caught Nera. 

Nera's cheeks reddened. She snapped her eyes from his form. She instantly remembered that he's an asshole. Sitting down or not, he has treated her with only darkness.

"Now. Close your eyes."

"Why?" Nera poked again.

His fists clenched, struggling to remain calm with her acting so foolish. Her stubbornness was incapacitating. Perhaps thats why she would never leave his head, she was too _stubborn_. Self-righteous, as well. Maybe these were her strengths, for she was definitely under his skin. "Do as I say."

Nera opened her mouth to speak.

"Do not argue," he cut her off quickly, snapping his mask to her.

"Fine," Nera gave in, not interested in this pointless back and forth with him. She let out a breath, pushing her back up straight and resting her palms on her knees. He was watching her, so Nera closed her eyes. Although, she was entirely skeptical to not have her sight when he was this close to her. It made her nervous. Especially when she could not see him, she could only focus on feeling him. And his raw energy was bone chilling.

But this time, Nera felt his energy even out. Like it was dissipating into the air.

"The Force," the modulated voice began slowly. "Is a tension. A _balance_ between all things. That binds the universe together."

As Nera felt his energy was not directed at her, she peaked one eye open. 

"In the Force, there is life. _Strength_. Power."

Nera was not following, simply just sneaking looks to watch Kylo speak. 

But, Kylo, reaching out through the Force, did not take long to notice Nera's energy was not there. It was untuned, she had not tapped into it. And he could feel her eyes on him. In an instant, he snapped his eyes open.

"You are not _focusing_ ," he seethed.

Both of Nera's eyes now fully opened, knowing she was caught for not paying attention. "Can you blame me?" She argued. "This makes no sense."

Fists clenching, his irritation with her grew. "Because you are not _listening_."

"Maybe it would be easier to if you weren't so... _aggressive_ all the time," Nera huffed, slouching down. Or such an ass, Nera thought to herself. A childish control freak of an ass. 

Kylo Ren twitched, shifting his form to contain his rage. He had heard that. She was playing games, being stubborn again. She drove him absolutely wild. "Your attitude today is infuriating."

Nera's face pinched in defensiveness that she couldn't even have a private thought, and her arms flailed out. "Stop picking through my head then!"

"I've told you I don't have to," he spoke monotone. "I can always hear you."

Nera's face pinched even further, growing tense at that comment. Always? As in he could always hear what she was thinking? Like when she was alone in her quarters? Nera tensed. Did he know she had masturbated to him? All of those times?

"Yes."

Nera's bones went rigid, her stomach dropping. Instantly, flames of embarrassment followed, quickly turning into rage. "You are detestable," she seethed. "Stop listening."

"And why would I do that?" His mask tilted, enjoying that he was back under her skin. Always so stubborn until this came up and she melted in front of him. "Hearing your thoughts about me is... enthralling."

Nera paused for a moment at that, heat rising to her face. But her anger quickly snapped back. "Its called _respect_. Privacy."

The mask just hummed at her.

Nera was furious with him. And angry that she was embarrassed. Angry that he _knew_ she was embarrassed. Angry that he was able to hear all her embarrassing thoughts. He just gets to know that she touched herself to him and she knows nothing he is thinking. Nera wanted to sink into the floor and die in space.

"Teach me how to put up the mental barrier," Nera's fist clenched. "So I can block you out for good. Like you do to me."

"No."

Nera groaned an incredulous breath. "That is not fair."

"I am not interested in what is fair or not," he snapped. "And you are untrained. Unfocused. You could not uphold a mental barrier."

Nera grew even more angry that he was questioning her skills, putting her down in a way. "Then train me, like you just spent a week holding me in a cell to agree to. Show me how to get you _out of my head_." 

"I cannot train you if you do not _listen_ ," he repeated, his agitation back. His cold voice slithered under Nera's skin. Nera's jaw set. "If you want to use The Force, you need to learn how to tap into it. _Control it_. To do so, you must focus."

Nera was ready to explode. He wanted her to focus after bringing up the fact he was well aware of all her private, shameful thoughts? After being a dick to her? But, Nera was now determined to show him up. What ever it took to get him out of her mind.

" _Fine_ ," Nera snapped again. "If it will get you to shut up."

She straightened her spine, sitting up as tall and strong as possible. She let her hands rest on the ground, closing her eyes without his instruction. She was waiting for him now to get on with it.

He flexed, his body tensing to squeeze away his fury with her, and the way she picked at his skin. He did his best not to respond to her maddening comments, until he too was able to sit up and focus.

"Reach out," he instructed. The modulator of his voice blocked any emotion, so Nera could not tell if he was raging with fury or not. Either, way she was done speaking or engaging with him. "Let your passions guide you."

Nera sucked in a breath, doing her best to let her anger buzz away into the air. She was not sure what she was reaching out for, nor how to do it, but she continued focusing on taking steady breaths. She focused on pulling them in through her mouth, feeling the air travel to her lungs. As her lungs expanded and the air rushed out, Nera felt something.

At first, it was a hum. The same tingle that she always got when Kylo Ren's presence picked at her head. But now instead of getting irritated with it, she let it happen. 

"Visualize it," his voice continued. "Let it inside of you."

With each deep breath, Nera felt the hum expand inside of her. She felt her body buzz with those tingles. Until she could no longer feel her body at all.

And then, her mind flourished. She felt out of body, traveling away from here. Nera let a breath rip out of her, nearly gasping. "I see the ship."

"Good," Kylo Ren encouraged. "Now _feel_ it."

Although he instructed her, Nera was already going there. It was like her body was not her own, her thoughts slipping out of the cracks in her mind. There was nothing surrounding her, just peace as she expanded outwards beyond this room. 

It was like Nera was floating in space. The stars were pulling at her, connecting everything together. And she could see the Finalizer, feel the energy radiating off of it. The bodies humming around inside. The life. The light.

And Nera felt the dark. At first it was the reminder that most of the stars you see are dead. They are balls of gas, burning heat onto Nera's skin. And then it was the ship. The fuel it burned. The metal it melted for weapons. Broken relationships. Dying, wounded storm troopers.

The balance. Life and Death.

"I feel it," Nera hummed, almost feeling at peace.

But there was something else, something more, pulling at Nera. Something that picked at her brain the same way Kylo Ren always did. Something that she had felt buried inside of her, along with majority of her memories. "There's something else."

Curiosity and need to satisfy this part of her that is calling, send Nera into it. The heat from the stars slip away, and Nera can feel the coldness of empty space. Dark, expansive. Like she is surrounded by all black. And it feels comforting, like letting it take her would be scratching an itch she did not know she had.

Kylo Ren opened his eyes to watch her. Her energy had magnified on him, nearly choking him while reaching out through the Force. He could feel the way she started to shift, to give in to the _pull_. It was exactly what he had wanted, what he had expected. But her energy toppling on him was not something he could have prepared for. 

And then he felt the ground beneath them begin to shake. She had immediately felt the pull to the dark, and not once did she resist it.

Kylo Ren saw as her face was pinched, focused. But then he saw as a satisfaction seemed to crawl over it. An interest. A desire. 

_Fascinating._

Nera was transcending. It was calling to her. She wanted to touch it, to reach out and feel it for herself. It felt like it was a part of her. Like it would give her what she needed.

Nera's vision quickly changed, sucking her in. Every drop of blood in her body followed. And then she saw a room. The walls were blinding white, reflecting Nera's appearance like a mirror as she stood there. At first, Nera could only see the multitude of reflections. She reached out to them, entranced at how they mimicked her. She looked at herself, head tilting to the side.

And then she saw a door. There was something behind that door. Nera felt like her feet were drawn towards it. She needed to see what was behind it, it was pulling her to it. It was calling out to her. Whispering to her through the darkness. 

Nera was carried to the door, letting it slide open around her. Instantly, the calling became louder, echoing off the walls and through Nera's skull.

In the middle of the room, there was a podium. On top laid a helmet.

Nera went towards it, unable to make out truly what it was. It was blurred to her. And each step she took, the more details came to fruition. The louder it became. The more echoes she heard. 

Then she saw it. It was _his_ mask. It was Kylo Ren's mask.

And then she felt him. 

All encompassing, vibrating her body from the skin through to the bone. That raw energy, that poked at her neck and filled her pores. The energy that called to her, filled her head and all of her dreams. The energy that pulled her in. That made her crumple. 

Quickly, she snapped her head up. Kylo Ren was there. He was across the room.

But his face was blurred, a vague blob on top of all of his dark robes. Carefully, Nera stepped towards him, afraid he would vanish if she moved to quickly. She kept her eyes trained on him, each step making his features become more clear. 

But not his face. It remained blurry. So Nera moved faster, her entire being pulled to his. She was able to make out the shape of his head, lurching her forward. She wanted to see. She needed to see.

And then right when she was about to, it was over. Nera was _thrown_ out of it.

Nera gasped, her body diving forward as she left her meditation. Her hands slammed onto the ground in front of her, allowing her head to drop. Big, manic breaths were ripping out of her now that she was back on the physical plane. 

Her mind was reeling, she was nearly freaking out. This didn't make sense. What was all this? Why?

Kylo Ren's energy still tickled the back of her neck, radiating between them now that she was back in this room with him again.

"What did you see?" Kylo Ren asked, or more so demanded. He could only feel her energy in that time, could not get inside her head to see what she was.

Nera glanced up at him. All she could do was let out a breath. " _You_."

Kylo Ren doesn't respond. Nera can't even make out movement from him. She sucks in a heavy breath, shifting so she can fully look up at him. She leans back onto her feet, giving him a painfully confused look. And his lack of reaction only makes Nera feel even more lost.

"Why?" Nera frantically questions. "What was all that? Why _you_?"

The mask is level with Nera's eyes, and Nera prayed she could just see his. That pull never left.

"I don't know."

Nera huffs another breath, her mind running in circles as she tried to form reasoning for all of this. "Do you..." she looked into the visor of the mask. "Do you see me too?"

There was a pause, Nera desperately awaiting his answer. 

"Yes."

Nera didn't know what to say, nor what to think. She just looked at him. Looked at that mask she had seen from her vision. Her meditation led her straight to that mask. To that room. To him. Why? 

Kylo Ren quickly shifted, pushing up onto his feet to stand and walk away. "That is enough for today."

Nera's attention was brought back, his quick change of pace and avoidance of this making her jolt upwards.

"Wait," Nera stumbled onto her feet to spin in his direction. "What does all this mean? Why can I see this? Why me?"

His figure barely hesitated, not even sparing a glance over his shoulder. "It is who you are."

"Come on," Nera groaned. "What does that even mean?"

He just continued to walk away again, heading to the door. Nera immediately rushed over, stepping in front of him to get him to stop. Kylo's figure tensed as it came to a halt, the girl was nowhere near fearful enough of how she approached him, and he was sure one of these times his body would react before his mind could.

"Who I am?" Nera asked again, her face utterly confused as she looked up to the mask. "I am just..." She pondered this, thinking while moving her hands. "I am no one."

He didn't respond, his mask just looming down over her. 

Nera waited for a response, her eyes searching him for something, anything. But with that mask on, she couldn't even guess at what expression was watching her. Nera was growing frustrated. "You said if I joined you, you would teach me," Nera accused him. "So teach me! Give me some answers or something."

Nera threw her arms out incredulously, looking up at the mask with expectation.

He let out a breath through the modulator, trying to remain calm and collected. "I cannot tell you who you are."

Nera huffed at that response, getting lost in her head for a moment. She supposed he was right about that. But Ren then took a large step to the side, trying to move past her. 

"Well, then," Nera quickly spun with him again. "Tell me who _you_ are."

He came to a halt again, the mask now peering over his shoulder at her. "You know who I am."

The voice was dark, menacing. It was supposed to make Nera nervous, get her to stop asking questions. But she had no intention of stopping, this was the most bizarre, insane thing that ever happened to her. And it was like he had all this information he would not share with her. 

"No," Nera retaliated, crossing her arms. "I know your name, _Commander Ren_ , but I know nothing about you _._ "

Kylo tensed at her ease with pushing his buttons. "You know _enough_."

Once again, Nera wasn't phased by his anger. "Thats not true and you know it," Nera stepped in front of him again. "We are connected. Literally our minds are linked together. Since like... ever," Nera jabbed a finger at her head. "And-And I saw you. And you saw me!" Nera signaled back behind them, referring to the meditation they just did. 

Kylo Ren just watched her. The lack of reaction kept Nera going.

"I've seen bits and pieces of your dreams, but maybe... maybe _you_ are the answers. Maybe knowing who the hell you are could tell me something!" Nera let out a breath, pausing from her rant for a moment to keep staring at the mask. "I don't even know what you look like, for stars sake! What if I recognized you?"

Kylo's tall figure shifted, peering down at her worked up form. "If we knew each other, I would remember."

Nera's rant started to swell down, slightly taken aback at his words. "What the hell does that mean?"

Once again he shifted, this time coming closer to her. Nera pushed her head up to keep her eyes on the mask as it towered over her. 

" _You_ are not something I would forget."

Nera was dumbstruck, her questions all getting stuck in her throat. For a moment she just stood there, watching him, unable to understand anything at all. What did he mean by that? Why? 

It was him stepping away again, breaking their contact, that snapped Nera back in the right state of mind. "Where are you going?" She breathed out. She was completely at a loss in the entire chain of events that just took place. And he was just leaving? 

"That does not concern you," he spoke.

Nera groaned inwardly. Of course it doesn't. Nothing concerns her, apparently. "We just started. All this effort to get me to train and you are only giving me twenty minutes?"

The mask tilted to her, Kylo Ren's fists squeezing in and out of balls. "Its humorous how much you resisted me," he edged out. "And now, all of the sudden you are interested?"

Nera's jaw tensed at how he mocked her. He was right, of course. "No shit I resisted you when you held me prisoner," she defended. "But what am I supposed to do with this? Some teacher you are."

"Careful," Kylo snapped at her.

Nera just looked up at him expectantly, staying silent now. The mask considered her for a long moment, letting his rage seep out of him at the attitude she delivered with each word. Although she pricked at his every nerve, he was satisfied that she was beginning to accept her fate. He had her in the right direction. She wanted more. 

But Kylo Ren needed to _think_. He had no answers to why she had seen him in her meditation. Or why he could see her so clearly. And her presence nearly strangled him. Her arrogance and stubbornness were so antagonizing, he wanted to pin her to the floor and destroy every piece of her. Kylo Ren needed to _focus_. 

"I will have a trooper deliver scripture to your quarters."

"Scripture? Seriously?" Nera popped an eyebrow. 

"If you want answers, it would bide you well to stop arguing with me," he tensed. "You will read. _Learn_ the history of the Force."

Well, that was something, Nera thought. If she had known there was books to read up on, she would have been doing it this whole time. "Fine," Nera agreed. "But where are you going?"

"I've told you," he shifted to tower over her. "Matters of the First Order do not concern you."

Nera grew angry at this, irritated that he would just tell her to meditate and then run off. Just like he had shoved his dick in her throat and then ran off. Nera clammed up as images of the past few hours haunted her. She had been so confused from the Force she let it slip her mind just _who_ she was speaking to. She tried to shake it off. "Why not? I'm employed here."

"I don't see you working," he seethed to her below him. 

Nera's muscles clenched. Saliva built up in her mouth as she once again looked up his large form. Nera wasn't working yet, she had been too distracted by the Commander. More specifically, the Commander's dick. 

Kylo caught that thought, making dark obsession creep into his form. "Choose your occupation. Or else the only job you will have will be _submitting to me_."

Nera couldn't even form a rebuttal, caught off-guard by that comment, before his robes swept away from her and he was storming out of the training room. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've been staring about this chapter for days because I didn't like something about it, but I am vvvv excited to move forward so I'm just rushing it up - forgive me! Its hard to describe the Force in words!!


	15. I Want To Hear You

It had been multiple days since Nera had seen or heard from Kylo Ren.

She wasn't sure how often training was supposed to take place, but she had assumed everyday. She was irritated that he just disappeared, leaving her with basically nothing to do. She had no idea yet where to go, besides the normal route to the cafeteria, and wasn't sure who to bug about getting herself a job. Kylo Ren had destroyed her datapad, after all. 

Although, to be fair, the troopers had delivered quite a bit of scripture. Reading through them took the entirety of a day, and Nera hadn't even gotten close to finishing yet. A lot of it was boring, more boring than she had expected, so she started to flip through a lot of it. But there were good amounts that were _interesting_. Stories of the universe and the Force. Slowly, Nera began to piece things together about what the fuck was happening to her. She wasn't sure if magic or religion were the right words at first, but then she realized it was neither.

And then she read of the book of the Sith. Stories of previous Force users, devastating tales of those that turned to the dark side. There was a multitude of languages and drawings scattered throughout the pages, Nera completely engulfed into this new world. 

When Nera wasn't reading, she spent a lot of time meditating. She wasn't sure what her end goal was with this, but she continued reaching out through the Force. Now that she knew how to access it, she didn't want to stop. 

And through all of this, she spent the most time thinking about Kylo Ren.

Every time she meditated, she felt his force signature there. He had his mental barrier up, but she could still feel him buzzing around. And when she did, she thought to her vision of him. She had seen him, all but his face. She had felt his darkness, the _dark side_. And she kept going back to it every time. Like it was going to offer her something more, something important. But instead, it just had Nera disoriented. She didn't know who she was anymore, if the darkness was so prominent in her. The face of that darkness being Kylo Ren.

And then Nera would think about that early morning in her quarters. She would think about the lust he had for her. _This is what you do to me_. And the ever-living craving Nera had to be destroyed like that again. It ignited something dormant in Nera, and she simply could not handle it anymore. Perhaps it was the time she spent reaching out to the dark side of the Force. Perhaps it was this new shift in her life, opening doors that she never knew were possible. Or perhaps it was just him. Him berating her mouth with his thick, throbbing cock. 

_Do you ever stop?!_

Nera was dozed off into her thoughts, but quickly was jerked out of them when she felt that familiar tingle on the back of her neck. It had been many days since Kylo Ren spoke to her through their mental connection, and she had nearly forgotten he could. But when his voice growled through her head, Nera's body shivered. 

"What?" Nera asked back, uncomfortably shifting in the sitting position she had on her bed. 

He did not respond, but his presence still lingered in her head. The only difference between now and all the other times they communicated through their minds, was that Kylo Ren was here in the same space as her. And Nera was reminded of that when his boots stomped up to her door. 

Nera jumped out of bed as he opened her doors, spinning to face him as the fury of robes swept inside. That same dark energy he carried with him stunned Nera, but she quickly scrunched her face at the masked figure. "Do you have access to my quarters?" She snipped. "That is an invasion of privacy."

"Privacy?" Kylo Ren stepped into her room, the doors whizzed shut behind him. "Nothing about you is _private_ to me."

He seemed angry with that, _rushed_ even, leaving Nera embarrassingly confused. "Leave me alone then if it pisses you off so much," Nera crossed her arms. 

"I have been," his fists clenched, stepping towards her. "But you do not _stop_."

"Stop _what_?"

"Thinking of me," he growled. "Constantly berating my head with your lust. It is a _distraction_."

Flames of embarrassment and rage lit up Nera's body. "I am not," Nera's voice tried to come out sturdy, but the absolute lie made it wobble. But the only thing she could think to do was deny. Deny. Deny. Deny. As she had been to herself. 

"It is pointless to lie to me!" He jerked forward to her. "I can hear _all_ of your _filthy_ thoughts. It is nonstop."

Nera shifted, her jaw clenching as she looked to the mask. This was a nightmare. "The last thing I want is for you to be in my head," she spat. "If you don't want to hear me, teach me how to put up a mental block!"

"I've told you," his shoulders leaned over her. "No."

"Why not?" Nera groaned. "You can't be pissed at me for something I can't control!"

"Thats exactly it," Kylo took another step towards her, making Nera suck in a breath. " _Control_."

Nera gulped. "Why are you so hell bent on controlling me?"

"Because you _fascinate_ me," Kylo closed the last bit of space in between them. "All of this, and the only thing on your mind is how badly you want me inside of you."

Nera squirmed, her entire body covered in chills. If she wasn't embarrassed before, she definitely was now. It was shameful, how he was right. Nera's whole world was crushed, turned upside down, and she cared more about the way he throat fucked her than she did the safety of her old friends on Arkansis. She cared more about him touching her than she did the fact she was working for the First Order and fucking Kylo Ren. 

The mask sucked in a breath as he heard all of her thoughts spiral over the way she wanted him to touch her. "So desperate," he spat. "You want me to control you. You _like_ it."

Nera squirmed more against him. "No."

The mask pulled back from her, cocking to the side. "No?"

"No," Nera repeated sturdier now.

Kylo Ren made a quick movement to lift her up, forcefully pushing her back onto the desk behind her. Nera gasped, now sitting on the top of the desk, hands going back to prop herself up, her legs pushed open around his wide hips. Almost instantly, Nera's core lit up from the intense movement, warmth spreading from where his body grazed the inside of her thighs. 

"Look at you," he towered over her, looking down her body that shivered around him as he stood between her legs. "It is so _easy_ to make you crumble for me."

A pathetic noise came out of Nera at the way he took her in. She wanted to say something rude, to fight him off of her. But this had been all Nera was thinking about for days now, and it snapped her in half.

"I want to hear all of your thoughts. I _need_ to," the modulated voice was low, dark. "So I can know just how badly you want to break for me."

Nera's chest was heaving, breaths rapidly pushing out of her lips. Her cheeks flushed pink as she looked at the mask, nearly inches from her face. Ever since he had left her the other day, she doesn't think her clit had stopped aching. And now, the way he stood between her legs, it was nearly pulsating. 

"So fucking _filthy_ ," Kylo Ren took a moment to listen to her thoughts. 

And she was filthy. _So filthy_. No mild woman would have _half_ of the thoughts she did about him. It drove Kylo mad. He couldn't make it through barely an hour of the day without her thoughts getting in his head, spurring him on. He was becoming wild, consumed. He could not focus on his mission without her pounding her lust against his head. He needed to _break_ her. 

A half-moan, half-groan of irritation pulled out of Nera's chest. 

"You cannot fight it," Kylo Ren noticed her annoyance. "Right now you are _dripping_ wet for me."

Nera squirmed as his gloved hand ran down the interior of her thigh. The touch sent bolts between her legs, causing her to buck her hips against him. A menacing chuckle came out of the modulator of his mask. 

"I want to hear you," Nera tried, her voice breathy. "Let me hear your thoughts, too."

Kylo Ren's chest was rising and falling heavily as he took her in. 

"Please," Nera added. She swallowed down her shame, knowing exactly what would get him to listen to her. "Please, Master."

Kylo's grip on her thigh tightened, causing Nera to spur beneath him. His mask watched her face, chest convulsing at how she begged. He didn't even have to tell her to beg this time. _Fucking perfect_.

In a moment, Kylo Ren pulled down his mental barrier. A quiet gasp got caught in Nera's throat as he did, allowing her availability to his thoughts. 

And his thoughts were no better than hers. _Worse_.

Nera's mouth was agape as she heard him. She saw what was on his mind. It was images of her choking on his cock, begging for him. Then it was how he imagined he would split her in half, railing her from behind right on this desk. She would plead, _cry_ for more. And he wouldn't stop, just like her lust hadn't stopped in his head for days. Nera saw the anger it caused in him, the _obsession_. 

Nera was now absolutely dripping wet. A moan ripped through her and she bucked her hips against him between her legs, needing friction. It made Kylo Ren chuckle.

"You're angry," he could feel her thoughts. "Angry that I didn't make you cum."

Nera bit at her lip to hold back all of her insults as he mocked her desperation. She was afraid of what she would say, afraid to piss him off more. After he had already left her the other morning, saying she didn't deserve to cum.

"Is that what you want?" His other hand came to grab her jaw, forcing her to look into the mask. "Is that what will make you be _quiet_?"

All Nera could do was nod into the grip he had on her. "Yes."

"Yes?" Kylo Ren waited expectantly.

Nera gulped. "Yes, _Master_."

"Good girl," he growled, slipping his thumb into her mouth. At the same time, he used the Force to put pressure on her clit. 

Nera gasped, but it quickly turned into a groan of disapproval. "No," she huffed around his finger, hips bucking from the sensation. " _Not the Force_."

"Dirty fucking thing," Kylo Ren growled, tightened the grip on her jaw. "You want my fingers inside of you?"

Wetness pooled out of Nera, and once again she began to beg without him asking. Knowing fully well that last time he had said she wouldn't get to cum if she didn't obey him. And she wanted to, needed to. She needed him to touch her. Anything to fill the need that she had. She was hypnotized, _consumed_.

"Yes," it ripped out of her in one breath. Her hesitation to beg was slowly diminishing with each time he touched her. "Commander, please."

A primal groan ripped out of the mask. His hand on her thigh quickly moved, cupping her entire sex. Nera moaned, and to that, his slipped more fingers into her mouth, pressing down on her tongue. Nera wrapped her mouth around them, tasting the leather in her mouth as it toyed with her senses. 

"So needy, aren't you?" Kylo watched as she sucked on his fingers, eyes flickering up to him with that same angry desperation. With their mental connection wide open, Kylo could feel her nearly choking with lust and rage that she could not get what she wanted. And being able to hear his obsession with her only heightened it for her. It was impeccable, and it had Kylo Ren shoving his fingers deeper into her mouth.

Nera gagged against them, soaking the leather with her saliva. Her thighs squeezed around him, needing more friction. But Kylo Ren was slow to give it to her, enjoying just how much she was breaking down for him.

His fingers slipped out of her mouth, dragging saliva across her face as his hand drifted to her neck. His thumb rested over her jugular, feeding off the way her pulse raced. 

"Will you-" Nera's breaths were coming out broken, frazzled. "Take off the mask."

His thumb pressed firmly into her jugular, making her mouth part. Her pulse sped as he violated the sensitive spot. "I know you like it," his heat radiated onto her exposed skin. "Getting ruined by, what do you call it? _A_ _creature in a mask_."

He spat those words onto her, having heard her think that exact thing. She had tried to convince herself of this, but it seemed to only aid in her arousal. At how intoxicating it was to choke on the dick of a dark monster. 

Another mixed noise came out of Nera, not sure if she should be angry, embarrassed, or aroused at that. 

Kylo Ren's hand ran up her sex, teasing the skin around it. His gloved hand skimmed across the wetness he could feel even through her pants. It had every thought slipping from Nera's mind, trembling beneath him. 

"See, look at you," he mused. "Soaking wet for a face you have never seen."

A humiliated moan bursted out of Nera's chest. "Asshole."

"What was that?" His hand on her neck tightened, forcing her head towards him. 

Nera grit her teeth at the blank expression of the mask. " _Please_ ," she hissed, her core squeezing from the long awaited arousal.

Kylo's hand was removed from her sex, coming up to replace fingers into her mouth. Nera gagged, but her humiliation had turned to anger, so she was feeling bold. She bit down on the fingers, catching the leather glove on her teeth. Quickly, before he could stop her, she yanked her head back, snatching the glove off his hand. 

Kylo growled, surrounding her entire neck with his other hand. He squeezed, making Nera's mouth pop open, dropping the glove from her teeth. But the only thing she could see was his hand. Pale, peach skin. Real skin. It was real, _he was real_. And his hand was large, fingers stretching long and wide, making Nera fumble over the way they would feel on her. Inside of her.

"Greedy whore," his voice dipped out of the modulator, breath spitting onto Nera's skin. With his ever-present anger, he made the swift movement, locking his bare hand underneath the buttons of her pants. In one breadth of rage, he yanked them all the way down her legs, ripping the seams.

Nera gasped loudly, her body jolting from the intensity. "Hey!" Anger rose in Nera as she realized he just ripped her only pair of pants. But then the cold air pricked at her now bare skin, the metal desk sending chills through her.

She trembled, her bottom half completely exposed to him. Nera tried to clench her thighs together to shield herself, but Kylo just shoved them further open with his leg. 

" _Now_ you are being modest?" Kylo mocked her as she shifted, pink rising to her cheeks as she was completely spread out before him. He enjoyed her humiliation.

Nera squirmed, but Kylo placed his un-gloved hand onto her inner thigh. It sent volts through Nera, the touch making her entire body tense underneath him. His skin was rough, broken as it came in contact with her, shoving her leg further open. Pain sparked through Nera's hip.

The mask tipped down to take in the sight before him. Entirely vulnerable, Nera's face was flushed with redness, breaths ripping out to try to calm herself down. She was fumbling between humiliated anger and uncontrollable desire. All she could feel was his skin on hers.

"Such an excellent sight," he hummed. "Completely broken down, spread out before me. Begging to take my fingers."

His hand moved from her thigh, just barely teasing the wetness between her legs. A sharp breath yanked out of Nera's throat, her teeth slamming together at the sensation of his skin. Her hands were resting on the desk behind her, propping herself up. His left hand was still around her throat, not squeezing but keeping pressure around the sensitive skin. Her mouth was parted, watching him with exasperation.

He was killing her, the way he just skimmed his fingers against the outside of her swollen folds. Nera's hips squirmed towards him, Kylo feeding off the way she bucked her pelvis to get more. She simply could not resist. She was entirely succumbing to him.

Nera bit harshly at the inside of her cheeks, holding back as many frustrated moans as she could. She didn't want to beg for the third time, she didn't want him to be more satisfied by hearing her cry out for his touch. 

Kylo noticed, his hand around her throat tightening. "You haven't stopped thinking about this for days," he seethed. "Berating my head with your arousal. And now all of the sudden you want to be quiet?"

Two of his fingers ran up the slit between Nera's folds, making her nearly choke back her moans. An inhumane sound left her throat - something mixed between frustration and utter desperation. 

He was playing games, fingers dancing around her throbbing clit. Nera's chest was convulsing, legs clenched as tight as they possibly could be. He dragged a finger down her wetness.

"Let the troopers outside hear you cry, _begging_ for me," his voice was deep, pinching at her neck. "Let them hear just _who_ you break for."

A groan of frustration built in Nera's core, but then he made a swift movement. Quickly, he thrusted two fingers inside of her, and Nera could not hold it back anymore. A loud, breathy moan broke through her chest as her hips lurched forward.

"There it is," he hummed. His thumb that was not inside her came up to rub at her clit, making Nera nearly squeal at the sensation. "Such a dirty little slut. So wet for me."

Nera couldn't form words, just blubbering moans. Her legs were shaking, face completely crumpled in a state of shocked bliss. His thumb buzzed around her clit, making Nera shoot forward. Without thinking, her hands came up to grip at his biceps. They flexed beneath her palms, making Nera's insides stir. The embrace had Nera's legs widening, opening up more for him.

Kylo let out a deep groan, beginning to pump his fingers into her, curling them against her walls.

"Fuck," Nera cried, straining against his hand, her walls clamping around his digits.

Kylo watched as her cunt took his fingers so well, perfectly absorbing them. Drenched, absolutely soaking onto his skin. "How long have you wanted this?" He groaned, not hesitating in his movements. "How many times did you touch yourself to me?"

Nera was releasing strained moans, her breath hitched. Every movement had her legs shaking. And for once, she couldn't think of anything to say. No sarcastic comment now. 

"I-," Nera tried, but then he shoved another finger in, all curling against _that_ spot. Her words turned into a deep moan.

"So stubborn until I'm inside you," his thumb rubbed at her clit. More breaths thrusted out of Nera's lungs. "Finally a way to get you to _shut up_."

There was no time or space for Nera to develop anger from that comment, for he was relentless with the pressure on her clit. Instead of snapping back, she was just writhing underneath him. His bare hand stimulating her swollen clit and his fingers thrusting inside of her were _definitely_ enough to get her to shut up.

And Nera was barely teetering on the edge - wild, insistent moans spewing out of her. She clenched, pulsating around him, her fingers squeezing into his biceps. "Kylo, I-"

"You want to cum?" Kylo could tell from the way her walls squeezed around his fingers. She was nearly a mess. 

"Yes," Nera nodded her head, but wasn't actually sure if it worked. It was rolling back, strained against the grip on her throat. Her eyelids were fluttering shut, quick, breathy moans speeding up. "Please."

"Please what?"

"Please let me cum!" Nera gasped, his hand picking up speed both on her clit and inside of her. "I-I'm gonna-"

Kylo tightened his grip on her throat, crushing her airways as his mask leaned down towards her face. It just barely brushed the side of her cheek. "Cum, _whore_."

If it was possible for him to move faster, rougher, he did. Nera's whole body stiffened, breath getting stuck in her throat right where his hand was. The way he cut off her oxygen made her head spin, only adding to the absolute explosion happening inside of her. 

Nera's eyes snapped shut, seeing brightness behind her eyelids as her body started to convulse. As the orgasm ripped through her, her form lurched forward, placing a death grip on Kylo Ren's cowl. He hissed into her ear as her legs slammed shut, thighs quaking as bolts of her orgasm shot through her. 

His fingers did not stop working her as the aftershock snapped through Nera. He did not stop until Nera's clit was sore, pained from the pressure, and her walls were clenched enough to shove his fingers out of her. 

Nera had to rip herself away. Luckily, he let the grip on her neck go so she could start heaving in breaths. Kylo stood up straight, standing before her as she struggled to catch her breath, her entire body buzzing. He watched the way she panted, cheeks stained pink and hair matted onto her face. If there was any picture to ever be painted, it was this one. Her, legs open, leaking with cum. And face absolutely shocked, exhausted from how hardly she broke down for him.

Kylo hummed, removing his hand from her core and bringing it up to her mouth. He grazed her bottom lip, making Nera suck in a breath at the sight and feeling of his bare hand - his _real_ hand. It was glistening with wetness, and Nera could not appreciate the sight of him before he was pressing his fingers into her mouth.

"Taste what you have done for me," he demanded. 

That same rush of shame as before came over Nera, but she still took his fingers in her mouth. She wanted to feel more of his bare skin, discover what he tasted like. Her eyes were trained on the visor of the mask as her tongue worked his long, rough fingers. She could only imagine what his face looked like under there as she tasted herself. All she could see was how harshly his chest rose and fall, making Nera assume she had some sort of effect on him, too. 

At that, courage and satisfaction snuck up Nera's exhausted body. As he pulled his fingers out, she smirked at him. "I can't say that will keep me quiet for long."

Kylo Ren's hand snapped back, snaking through the roots of her hair, fist curling in it. It made Nera's upper lip curl. "Don't push it," he warned. "You won't be so cocky when I _destroy_ you."

Heat energy swirled through Nera, muscles tensing at that comment. She huffed out a breath as he tugged at her hair. Then, he released her, leaning back enough for Nera to close her legs and wonder about him destroying her. He had said _when_ he destroys her, as if it was already set in stone.

Nera became uncomfortable now in the aftermath of her orgasm how naked she was, while he had on nearly a hundred layers. She shifted to sit up on the desk, squeezing her legs shut and putting her hands on her lap. 

"You ruined my pants," she stated, face blank of emotion as she looked to the remnants of her bottoms near his boots.

He stared at her. 

"They were my favorites," she huffed. She was completely blank, so unsure of what to feel in this moment. 

"Picky now, too?" He asked, mocking her. 

Nera looked up to the mask now, squinting at it. "Not everyone gets a million layers like you."

Kylo shifted. At his silence, Nera assumed she had pissed him off. _Again_.

"I'll see to it you get others."

Nera's eyes softened, a bit taken aback that he wasn't an ass about it. "Okay," she spoke slowly, carefully. "But not those ugly uniforms."

Kylo's shoulders lifted, but Nera held her ground. She thought they were terrible. They looked pretty uncomfortable, too. She didn't want to be another uniformed minion. 

The mask let out a breath, but didn't respond. He simply turned away from her. 

"Wait," Nera stopped him before he left. She suddenly felt a wave of embarrassment for speaking to him while she was half fucking naked. After what just happened. Her pride flew out of the room. "I, uh," she shifted as if it were possible to cover herself up more. "I picked a job. A few, actually."

The mask tilted back to her. A long moment passed before he spoke. "Tomorrow then."

Nera wasn't sure exactly what that meant, but didn't have time nor the energy to question before he left her room. As always, it pulled an exhausted breath out of her that she was finally alone.

It was almost more shameful that he left so quickly after every encounter. Like he _needed_ to get away.

Nera's breath and sanity were still coming back to her as she slipped herself off the desk. Chills wracked her bare skin as she stood, looking at her ripped clothes on the ground. Although Nera was horrified with herself, with him, she felt cold and empty again without his touch. Without his heat. 

Nera groaned, completely a disaster. 

At least tomorrow she would be able to get a job. And then she could have a distraction. Have some space. 

As if space ever rid Kylo Ren from her head.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oop I just started with the smut and now i can't stop, so pls enjoy? lol. Next chapter is gonna be a fun one. I've got to actually start filling in some plot and not just being shameful over kylo ren :)


	16. Rage Within

Nera was meditating. Nearly all throughout the night and into the morning.

She couldn't stand to be in her own head right now, to contemplate what kind of sick fool she was for how she had been acting with Kylo Ren. Instead, she lived in the Force. It was the only thing that made her feel peace instead of the relentless confusion over the Commander. 

Although, it also kept her more in tune with Kylo. It was comforting in a way, to explore more of him. And in her meditation, her thoughts weren't nearly as wild. Instead, she could just feel him in the Force, his signature nearly dominating over the entire ship. She could feel every time he shifted in rage, which was quite often. But more-so than that, she could feel his anguish. Over what, she was not sure. But he was troubled. Like he was being split in half, pulled two ways.

But Nera was also pulled in two different directions. When she meditated, she could feel the balance so clearly. And she often could see the light so clearly, peace radiating through her core. But other times, like this morning, the darkness would wrap around her like a rope. Pulling her in one inch at a time. Nera kept level-headed, but so badly craved to explore what it offered her. 

Each time it was something different, but there was such a similar feeling to it. She never fully got any answers, too tedious about the darkness. 

While Nera sat in bed, she was exploring what images it would grant her. This time, she saw herself as a child. 

Her small body was covered in muck, dirt rubbed from her cheeks to her toes. It was the earliest of her memories. She never saw anything before this, not even the dark side would show her. Instead, it was just the mining planet she lived on. She had assumed she was born there, but never saw her parents. Never saw anything but slave owners and families tucked away in huts.

It made Nera angry. From her bones to the pores in her skin. A small child, slaving away in a mining community. She was born with nothing, left to suffer on her own. And why? Where were her parents? Were they scum, leaving her as an infant to fend for herself? Or did something happen to them, were they taken away from her? And the trauma blocked her memories?

Nera's face scrunched in defiance at the memories. Rage bubbled in her stomach, hating that this is what the Force wanted her to see. Reminding her that she was nothing. That no one cared for her. She was left to this. To the anguish.

Right as Nera's body began to tremble, something shifted in her meditation, causing the vision to fade away. Nera's jaw clenched, her focus starting to weaken. 

It was Kylo Ren. He was tapping into their connection, alerting her as he began to approach.

Nera huffed, giving up on the meditation. Kylo was on his way.

Nera unfolded her legs and let her feet softly hit the ground. She took a moment to collect herself as she pulled her boots over, but found her body tense and berated with agitation. The vision had left her uneasy, _angry_. And knowing she would soon see Kylo left her panicked and confused. 

But as always, Nera could only spiral over it for a mere moment before her doors were whizzing open. 

"Sir," the troopers turned to allow Kylo Ren access. He stood at Nera's door, awaiting her. 

Nera summoned her courage, pushing herself off the bed and letting out a sigh. As soon as her eyes fell on him, she instantly lit up in a mixture of discomfort and nerves. She smoothed out the wrinkles in her pants, but that only made heat rise to her face as she remembered the old pair he destroyed. Luckily she had another in the closet. 

Nera quickly shifted her eyes to the storm troopers, not wanting to look at the intensity of the mask. She tried to piece herself back together and straighten her shoulders. 

"Lets go," Kylo demanded. 

"Right," Nera sighed, remembering that he was an asshole. "Good morning to you, too," she snarked.

Kylo had no response, just spun and began his way to the hall. Nera rolled her eyes, not forgetting to send a glare at the troopers before she followed after him. 

"Are the troopers really necessary?" Nera asked as she caught up with him.

"Yes," he didn't look back at her. 

"Why? I have yet to make any attempt at escaping," she spoke with her hands, extending them out to the walls as they walked. Kylo didn't respond to her, making Nera shoot him a secret glare. "You know, a little trust goes a long way."

"I'm sure it does."

Nera's face scrunched from behind his large figure. Of course. He always had something up his ass. And once again, it made no sense to Nera. But she was too exhausted to fight him. She just wanted to get wherever he was taking her so she could get a job. And then have a distraction from him and all of this.

He took her down many long hallways, which Nera was starting to become more familiar with. Although, she didn't get much of a chance to inspect for he was taking huge strides, his giant legs storming ahead of her. 

She had to speed walk to keep up with him, gritting her teeth the entire time.

He took her to the same conference room she had gone to a few days ago to see him. She paused behind him as he pressed the control panel, allowing the door to whizz open. It made Nera shift awkwardly as she remembered their encounter in this room. 

Although this time, the room had someone else inside waiting for them, meaning Nera was safe for now. Kylo stepped inside, striding over to the long conference table. 

"Commander Ren," the person inside greeted him with haste. 

Nera recognized that voice, making her freeze at the entrance of the room. The sound of it had slithered under her skin. Nera peered inside, her eyes falling flat on the person they were meeting. 

It was him. _General Hux_.

After her meditation last night and this morning, Nera was already spurred on with anger. And then she saw the shrimp, red-headed man. The man that ruined everything, that started all of this. This one who killed Guro. Who tried to get Nichos killed. 

Nera's body began trembling, all of her rage and pain from that god forsaken day drumming back up. Kylo Ren noticed her immediate shift in energy, shaking her small frame. And before anyone could speak or react, Nera snapped. 

"Its _you_ ," she seethed through painfully gritted teeth.

And just like that same day on Arkansis, unknowingly, all her energy projected onto Hux. Nera let out a loud groan, the Force lurching forwards out of her. And Hux went flying back into the wall behind him, letting out a sharp gasp at the impact.

Nera rushed towards Hux, closing distance between them. "You murderous _snake_!" She spat, nearly hissing with fury. Her anger manipulated the Force again, hand shaking as it sent Hux now flying to the side across the room. His body collapsed onto chairs, loudly bringing them down with him as he fell to the floor. A grumble of pain ripped out of his pale, thin throat.

Nera was about to go towards him again, but quickly, Kylo Ren jolted. He grabbed onto Nera's upper arm with a painful grip, yanking her out of the room. Nera couldn't even feel it, her eyes dead on Hux as he crumpled to the ground. 

"Ren!" Hux screamed after then as Kylo dragged her away.

Kylo ripped Nera into the hallway, the doors slamming shut behind them. Nera was still shaking, the anger coursing through her bloodstream. Her fists were in balls, veins pulsing out of her neck. She couldn't even see straight to witness what she just die.

"Let me!" Nera tried to storm past Kylo back into the room, but his figure was nearly as wide and tall as the door itself. 

"No."

Nera fought him again, to which he made the swift movement to extend his hand, using the Force to violently shove her away. 

Nera stumbled, tripping over her feet as her shoulder rammed into the wall. Her lip curled, a hiss coming out of her at the impact. 

" _Enough_!" Kylo demanded, his anger now battling with hers in this small hallway.

And for once Nera could match his. She was seething, her rage and power lighting up her bones like fire. It was potent, flammable. Kylo Ren could feel just how much fury was driving her, letting her access the dark side of the force. 

"What are you going to do?" He pushed, fists clenched into tight balls. "Kill him?"

"Maybe," Nera tried to push through again, nearly about to project him back with the Force. But he was stronger than her, more in tune to it. He could see every move, every idea she had. He used the Force to send her sliding back across the hall. 

Taken aback, Nera fell onto her hands and knees. She let out a groan of anguish as her bones banged onto the floor. "Asshole!" she seethed.

"Try again and I will not hesitate to hurt you," his modulated voice rang off the walls.

Nera's jaw clenched as she used her hands to push herself back up on her feet. She stood there, heaving breaths as she looked at the dark figure across from her. 

"Why not?!" She boomed. "That _snake_ killed Guro! Tried to kill Ni-" Nera caught herself from bringing up Nichos, noticing the way Kylo Ren tensed to hurl her across the hallway again. Nera quickly played it off. "He, _ugh_ , you hate him, too! I can feel it."

"He is a general of the First Order," Kylo Ren spoke slowly to let his seriousness seep into her. "How do you think that will work out?"

Nera squinted at him. "I have the Force. I could-"

"You have no _control_!" He stomped towards her. "Barely a clue on how to use it!"

Nera just huffed, glaring daggers at him.

"Your arrogance will get you _killed_."

"Fuck off!" Nera side stepped away from him, her body begging to get closer to Hux. To make him regret what he has done.

"You are untamed, untrained," Kylo came closer to her, cutting her off from even seeing the door.

"Then you do it!" Nera flailed her arms at him. "Help me make that snake _pay_."

"Hux is not worth the effort."

Nera groaned, wishing death upon the Commander at this moment. "Are you _kidding_ me?" Neras fists squeezed into balls at her sides. "Since when have you cared about effort?! You hurt everyone! You spent more time hurting _me_ than you have that bastard!"

The last comment came out pained from Nera. Her anguish over how Kylo destroyed her life but wouldn't even bat an eyelid at Hux -who deserved it. Kylo was able to feel the hurt radiating out of her - driving her further.

"Hux will get what he deserves," Kylo's voice was deep, pinching out of the mask. "But for now he is useful to the Order. To the Supreme Leader."

"And I'm not?" Nera retaliated, trying to make sense of what Kylo was saying. How was Hux useful? And she wasn't? If the Supreme Leader was anything like Kylo, it would hurt Hux, too. 

"You just attacked one of the top Generals of the First Order," Kylo stated. "In what way is that _useful_?"

Nera was just huffing, trying to simmer down. She knew he was right. Well, he was wrong. But he was right, too. She just couldn't fucking get her head to sit on her neck right. It was spinning, about to turn into a helicopter blade and decapitate him. 

"How do you expect to be of use if you cannot be in the same room without killing your superiors?" The mask cocked down at her.

"He is _not_ my superior," Nera immediately hissed.

"You're right. _I am_." Kylo Ren took another threatening step towards her. "You _will_ listen to me."

Nera wanted to send her fist into that stupid mask. To watch the metal snap off of his face and cut into his skin. But she knew she couldn't do that. She wasn't trained, _that_ he was right about. And at the closeness of his body, Nera knew he would not hesitate to do _something_ to her if she reacted.

Nera crossed her arms, starting to give it up. "I'm not going back in there. Not until I am _trained,_ " she mocked Kylo. "Until I can at least Force choke him or something."

"What did I _say_?" Kylo demanded over her, his fury spreading like fire.

Nera's teeth gritted, her jaw snapping together. " _Fine_."

"Now _go_ ," Kylo seethed. "Leave me to clean up your _mess_."  
  
Nera squinted at him, his anger off-setting hers. "Go where? What about my job?"

Kylo was turning to leave, but spun back towards her at that. "Job? Your lack of obedience has ruined that opportunity."

Nera's face fell for a moment, realizing what she had done. She fucked up her own chance. But then her face scrunched back in anger. It wasn't her fault. It shouldn't have been her only chance. There are a million jobs here that don't report to Hux. "It's _his_ fault."

"I do not care whose fault it is," Kylo's body was rigid, mask tilting towards her. "Looks like you will have to spend your time _submitting to me_."

As his robes spun, a blur of black heading away from her and into the conference room, regret filled Nera's body like a bath of boiling water. He had told her if she did not pick an occupation that this would happen.

Nera wanted to explode.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's a lil chapter! Fun times when Nera is pissed off!! It is so difficult for me to not add smut into every chapter lol. Good stuff coming:))
> 
> P.S. It is so thrilling to read the comments on this story!! I am literally so surprised and pleased to even be getting feedback at all, let alone positive feedback! I am so happy you are all enjoying, I've just been fucking around!


	17. Submission

Instead of going back to her room, Nera went to the training room. 

She slammed her hand on the control panel, which surprisingly let her open the door. She only paused for a moment on how she had access before she stormed in. All of the thoughts she had been avoiding through mediation were now eating her alive. She felt like her world was spinning, sweat picking at her forehead. 

She didn't know what she was doing. She just felt like she needed to run. To sprint. To hurl something. _Anything_.

Nera stood in front of the wall of melee weapons. She stared at it with big, wild eyes. Some were familiar to her, others were new and intricate. Staffs, swords, knives, hatchets. Everything. 

As she looked at them, she had flashes of memories to each time she had used a weapon. Her mind shifted through every ounce of pain she had from her past. Each time she swung a knife, or sent her fist pummeling into someone. The bolts she sent out of blasters. The staff Rennek trained her with. The pain she felt and the pain she caused.

Heat energy was livid inside of Nera's skin as she saw all of this. As she suffered through all of her rage like it was on a movie screen. A play being enacted in front of her. 

But it was worse now. After Hux, after she let her rage control her like that. After she was reminded of all the hell these past few weeks had been. She thought she was fine, but she was being destroyed by her own mind. She thought she could work with this, get a job, distract herself from Kylo Ren. But he was a monster. He made her more confused, questioning everything she did. And his power made her give into him, only to have him humiliate her after. She hated him. She hated what he was doing to her.

Nera didn't even know if Nichos was safe, she didn't know if anyone was safe. Hux could have killed them all, destroyed her home. 

Or maybe it was Kylo. Maybe he was the one that instructed that mission to happen. Maybe he would go back and strike down everyone she cared about just so he could _own_ her. 

But who did Nera care about? Has she ever cared for anyone? And who has cared for her? No one. Nothing. She _was_ nothing, she had no clue! All of this, the Force, the dark side, was too much. Kylo Ren didn't care about her. He used her and broke her to do as he pleased. Everything in her life was spun in circles, and she had no idea who she was anymore. Just a ball of hot rage destroying everything in her path. 

Nera let out a yell of anguish, all of her muscles flexing. As she did, she reached both of her arms out to the wall of melee weapons. With her destruction, every weapon shot into the air. Nera was huffing violent breaths as she witnessed what she was doing.

Every muscle, every tendon, every blood cell in her body was tingling. Nera looked to her hands, then to the weapons she held in the air with the Force. She was amazed, exasperated at what she was doing. 

She could use the Force. She had _power_. 

Kylo was wrong. They all were wrong. She was not weak, she was not clueless. She had strength. This proved it. 

Nera's body lit up. She made a quick movement to slam her hands down, watching as all of the weapons smacked and clattered onto the floor. 

And then, in an instant, something inside of her snapped.

One by one, Nera began projecting each staff into the air. She used the Force to send them flying across the room. Then the knives. Then the swords. 

Each one flew, and each time she let out a sadistic laugh, fueled by just how much power she had. _They were all wrong._

Rage picked up again as she thought about all the pain her weakness has caused her. All the abuse she took because she was never strong enough. Hux, Kylo, Rennek... all of it. 

_**What** are you doing?_

Nera was so swallowed by her own darkness in the Force, she hadn't taken notice that Kylo Ren opened their connection. Kylo Ren was drowning in the power she had accessed, making him leave the conference room immediately.

But this time, Nera allowed the connection, a devious smirk coming across her face.

" _Come find out_ ," she spat.

Nera could feel his anger, his obsession in their connection. But it only fueled her, adding to her current destructive state. 

Nera was edging him on, drawing him in. She wanted him to show up, wanted to take her frustrations out on Kylo. Show him just how wrong he was. To finally stop breaking for him.

It didn't take long for Kylo to storm to the training room. He did not hesitate when he got to the door, nearly breaking it down.

As he glanced at the surroundings, another mess she had made, Nera turned to face him. The corner of her lips perked up at him, eyes burning in darkness. 

"What _is_ this?" Kylo barked across the room.

Nera kept her eyes glued on that damn mask, reaching her right hand out. One of the staffs whizzed from the floor, shooting straight into her hand. Nera smirked, tilting her head at Kylo.

"Untrained," she gripped the staff. "Thats what you said."

Kylo's fists clenched, taking a step. "You _are_ untrained. Do not get cocky." 

Nera's upper lip curled. "Arrogant. No control. No clue how to use it," she stepped forward with each word. "You also said that."

Kylo's body was twitching, watching her carefully. "And I was right. _Look_ at you."

"Look at me?" Nera clenched her jaw. Her rage was matching Kylo's once again. He wouldn't stop putting her down. He was the one that couldn't truly _see_ her. "Yeah," Nera ran her tongue over her teeth. " _Look_ at me."

With that, she used her free hand to send all of the weapons scattered on the ground flying in Kylo's direction. Kylo barely broke his stature, waving a hand and deflecting all of them. Loudly, they clanked onto the metal floor. 

They had a moment, just staring death glares at each other. Well, Nera assumed thats what expression the mask held. Both of their chests were rising an falling harshly. Kylo Ren was waiting for her, testing her. And Nera did not hesitate to give him what he wanted.

"You defend Hux," Nera sent the weapons flying at him again. "When you constantly shit on me!" And again.

Kylo deflected them. 

Nera continued sending them flying at him. This time in groups of two or three, so he had to use both hands to shoo them away. "You won't let me have a _job_!" Nera shot her hand out. "You won't let me contact my _friend_!"

" _Enough_ of this!" Kylo demanded, body quaking in irritation as he deflected all of her weapons with ease. 

"You've taken _everything_ from me!" Nera cried out in rage, sending everything towards him once again.

Kylo quickly batted them down with the Force, not hesitating to rush over to her. Chills ran up Nera's spine as he stomped towards her, his power creeping through their connection. She could feel that he wanted to hurt her.

Nera only hesitated for a moment before she made the snap decision to hold her hand out. Without thinking, she sent the Force directly at Kylo, freezing him. He had faltered for only a moment at what she had done.

But he was different than the weapons, he was his own being. He was strong, _powerful._ Nera had never felt it in such a physical way until she had tried to hold him back with the Force. Her entire body began to shake with the strain. 

And it was only a few mere seconds it lasted, Kylo Ren much more powerful than her. A growl blew out of his core as he fought against it, instantly freeing himself from her feeble attempt. 

And Nera couldn't even take a breath before he sent her flying back into the wall. 

Luckily it was padded, but the impact still made the air rush out of Nera's lungs, the staff dropping from her grip. Nera groaned as her back slid down the wall, landing harshly on the soles of her feet. She kept her knees strong, willing herself not to fall. Slowly, she pieced herself back together. Her fight wasn't gone yet.

"You are pathetic," she seethed as she stood up. Kylo was closer to her now, only a few feet away. He stopped this distance from her. "I'm the only thing in your life you can control. Thats why you are so desperate for it." 

Nera was spitting at him, uncaring for how every muscle in his body was tensed, ready to pounce. "Say another word," Kylo seethed, stepping closer. "And I won't _hesitate_."

Nera was standing tall again, her jaw flexing at his words. "I've heard that before," Nera snapped at him. "I've also seen it. Your ruthless vengeance," Nera narrowed her eyes at him. "It doesn't scare me."

"It should," Kylo warned.

"Maybe," Nera swallowed a rush of saliva. "But I've seen other things. Your torment. _Fear,_ " she paused, knowing fairly well she was about to cross a line. "Fear that you will never be strong enough to face your _family_."

Nera didn't just cross, but she leaped over the line. She had seen his dreams of his parents from when he was a child, but couldn't put it together. Luckily, he had left her with nothing to do but meditate. To feel his torment. The root of it was his family.

Kylo Ren's entire body trembled, his hand shooting to his side. In one fluid motion, he ripped out his lightsaber and ignited it, lunging towards Nera. " _Silence_!"

A breath ripped out of Nera's lungs as she shot back against the wall. She pressed her back as tightly as she could to it, trying to escape the burning electricity from the weapon he held to her throat. The weapon she had seen him murder so many with.

Nera was afraid to swallow - thats how close he held it to her. It was burning red, sizzling and cracking in front of her skin. Instantly, sweat formed on Nera's face from the heat. Her stomach dropped. 

"I could end your sad, _meaningless_ life with the blink of an eye!" Kylo hissed at her, hands trembling. 

Nera gasped as the saber got closer to her, tickling her skin. His words made her gut clench, like a bolder had been placed inside of her intestines. It caused her pain, him speaking to her like that. Reminding her that her life was meaningless. She had just thought _at least_ he was the one who thought it had meaning, as horrible as he was. Nera's body stilled.

"Do it," Nera huffed out decisively.

Kylo's mask shot to her face. "What?"

" _Do it!_ " Nera pushed up from the wall, shoving her neck towards his burning saber. But he followed her movements, keeping it inches from her skin.

"Why?!" Kylo demanded.

"Just-" Nera planted her feet. "Just do it! I can tell you want to!"

Kylo Ren's body was still shaking, burning. "Tell me _why!_ "

"You said it yourself!" Nera moved towards him again. He still didn't let the saber come in contact with her skin. "I am nothing. _Meaningless_ ," she hissed at him. "I won't be a _slave_ again!"

"So you will die?" Kylo yelled at her. 

"Better than becoming a _monster_!" Nera cried back. 

There was a long moment that passed between them. Nera was huffing, breathing frantic breaths as she gazed through the burning red saber. It lit up his mask, making his form glow an ominous red. Nera was waiting for him to strike, to show her just how he was. _A monster._ The same thing he was creating in her. 

Instead Kylo Ren eventually inched back, heaving breaths. He froze for a moment, watching her as his body leaned away - trying to hear her thoughts. Nera was waiting, confusion etched onto her features. And then Kylo swiftly disengaged his saber, the red fire sinking back into the hilt.

Nera let out a breath as he return the saber to his hip, the cool air starting to ease her burning skin. Her nerves started to relax, regaining their composure as the threat of violence and death were not so near. 

Nera couldn't think of anything thing to say or anything to do. She stood, as still as air as she watched him. She was entirely unsure of what he was thinking, what he was going to do. 

But after an eternity of time passed, Kylo did the _one_ thing that Nera had absolutely not expected. 

Both of his hands came up, pressing into the sides of his mask. Silence gripped the air between them. All except for the noise of the air rushing out of the compressor on the mask. 

His head bowed down as he pulled the helmet away. 

Nera's breath got caught in her throat, her entire body freezing. Her chest tightened, as if all of the air left this room and she had been thrown out into space. She was certain her heart stopped beating, her pulse vaporized as she watched.

As Kylo removed the helmet, he looked back up, tossing it to the side. It clanked onto the ground, rolling away from them. But Nera didn't notice, gravity shifting around her as she _met eyes_ with Kylo Ren.

Nera's mouth parted, her entire body paralyzed. She was without air, without words, as she finally laid eyes on the masked creature. The face even the Force wanted her to see. 

And Nera felt the Force shift as she finally saw him. He was _no_ creature. 

The first thing Nera noticed were his eyes. So long she had been staring into this visor of the mask, desperate to see what was behind it. Now, dark, hazel eyes filled with expression stared back at her. They pierced directly into her soul. 

Thick, black hair washed around the frame of his face, skimming his cloak. His lips were plump, pressed into a firm line. His jaw was clenched, lighting his high cheek bones. His nose was long, distinguished as his nostrils flared, sucking in the fresh air. 

Nera's heart hammered in her chest. It was a face, a remarkable face. But more than that, it was a face that had this distant _pull_ igniting in her bones. It was like she had seen this face a million times, and it brought her warmth. Amazement. Desire.

"Kylo-" a breath rushed out of Nera without her even knowing. The pull, the Force, whatever it was had her reaching towards him. 

"Monster?" he roughed out. 

His natural voice, the one Nera had heard in her head, caught her off guard. Something spiked throughout her spine, freezing her once again. "What?" Nera asked, almost completely forgetting all of her anguish from moments before. 

"That is what you call me," Kylo stated, stepping towards her again. It seemed he was experiencing the pull in the Force as well, unable to keep his distance from her.

Nera's breathing was irregular, unable to take her eyes off his face. Her stomach clenched. The intensity of his gaze was no different with the mask on or off. Perhaps even more intense now.

"That is what you think you will become," Kylo closed in on her.

"I-" Nera tried, but she was unsure of what to say as the distance between them shortened.

Kylo stood over her, his jaw clenching. Nera could see the way the muscles shifted over his face. The way his eyes peered down at her, taking all of her in. 

"Do you want to leave?"

Nera's face scrunched in confusion, unable to process anything that was happening. Her eyes searched his face, only finding satisfaction that she was even able to do so. Like she wanted to stare at it forever. "What?"

"Do. You. Want. To. Leave."

Nera's face was exasperated, her mouth hung open as she looked up at him. Her mind was running a mile a minute. She couldn't form words, couldn't even understand why he was asking. 

"Answer me!" he demanded.

The contents of the past few days flashed across Nera's mind. Of the darkness she felt in the Force - the _confusion_. Hux. Guro. Nichos. Kylo. All of it. How lost she had felt. But now, looking at his face, her mind had made up an answer before she even knew it.

"No."

Nera could not read the expression on his face as he shifted closer to her. "Good," he spoke.

Nera's chest was convulsing at how close he was to her. For a moment, she wondered what would happen if she had said yes. She had a hard time believing that he would let her go, that it wasn't just a test.

But Nera _hadn't_ said yes. Something inside of her wanted to stay. Even after all of this, all of her hatred, she wanted to stay. With Kylo Ren. 

"I don't-" Nera swallowed, trying to remember all of her anger. "I don't know _why_."

Kylo Ren considered her, his eyes taking in her face without the barrier of the mask for the first time. "Because with me, you can find _meaning_."

Chills ran down Nera's spine, his unaltered voice digging deeper into her than the mask ever did. And perhaps also because he was right. In her short time here, she had already opened doors she could never have imagined possible within herself. But the way it was happening had the darkness seeping out of her.

"But I... I _hate_ you," Nera's voice was low, nearly a whisper. It came out almost as a question, like she was trying to remember.

Kylo Ren's eyes met hers, holding them in his blank stare. Nera's face was riddled with confusion. "Perhaps," he hummed. "But you _like_ other things."

Nera gulped, her entire body buzzing. Her eyes bounced all over his face, the pull in her core strengthening. There were so many things he could have meant- the potential with the Force, or discovering who she is. But Nera could only think of one. Him, touching her. Forcing her. Making her cum. And her, dying to feel more of his skin.

"See," he heard her thoughts. "There it is."

Nera groaned, but it came out as a slight moan. Quickly, she snapped her mouth closed, not allowing that. "I don't _like_ all of it."

"And what is that?" He hummed again, head tilting down at her.

Nera gulped, struggling to keep a grip on her composure as he watched her. "You. Still treating me like a prisoner," she stated, trying to keep her voice sturdy. "The troopers. The job. All of it."

Kylo Ren just watched her, taking her in.

His lack of response gave Nera the go ahead to continue. "I am not here to serve you. For you to use."

"Use?" His head tilted.

Nera was not used to this, not used to his face. Or him not being abhorrently angry with her. But still, she held her ground, taking advantage of it. "You get what you want and then you leave."

He was silent for a minute, both of them just drilling into each others eyes. Nera had thought if she saw his face she would be able to tell what he was thinking, but that was not the case. He still was blank, still masked in a way.

"I disagree," he finally spoke. "For I have not gotten what I wanted."

Nera paused, those words striking something in her. Like she was supposed to know what he wanted. And maybe she did- she could feel his lust and obsession with her just as he had felt hers. It made Nera harshly swallow down all the extra saliva building up in her mouth, glancing at his lips. 

"What..." Nera was _almost_ afraid to ask. "What _do_ you want?"

Kylo Ren shifted, leaning closer to her. Nera stumbled, looking up to him as his foot stepped in between hers. His presence, once again, made her knees wobble. "You know what I want," he spoke lowly. 

Nera struggled to get her throat to work, eyes entranced by his. They sunk into her, burning her entire nervous system. The skin around her cheeks started to tingle, heat spreading across her features. All of the thoughts and images he had made her see before came spinning again in Nera's head. She _did_ know what he wanted. He wanted her in the most obscene ways.

The trill of arousal built between Nera's legs. But then he spoke again and the trill moved to her core, sparking anger.

"For you to _submit_."

"No," Nera shook her head. She didn't want to give in, she wanted to stand her ground because she was sick and tired of how she was being treated. "I agreed to join you as a _mutual_ , to work and train. Not as your slave."

"That is not what I meant."

Nera's core tightened, his deep, dominating voice making her shiver. "What?" Was all she could breathe out. What did he mean then? If not as his apprentice, not as a working force for the Order, what?

" _Submit_." He just repeated, leaning closer.

"No, I- what?" Nera stumbled, her words fumbling out of her. His chest was pressing closer to hers.

"Submit to me," Kylo's hand came up, barely brushing against her arm. "Be _mine_."

Chills wracked Nera's body, and then the his hand found its destination, lying against her throat, fingers tickling her nape. His face was barely inches from hers, making fire light up inside her.

"I dont want to be _owned_ ," Nera's teeth grit, battling her desire. "I am not your _pet_."

Kylo's hand flexed around her throat. "Pet," he considered what she had said. "I like that."

Rage bubbled out of Nera, now squirming more violent to get out of his grip. " _Never_ ," Nera pushed through clenched teeth, eyes gripped into his intense glare.

A small groan rolled through Kylo's chest. His hand tightened around her neck and in a swift moment Nera could not even consider, he Force shoved her back against the wall. 

She gasped at the sudden impact, smacking her spine. But Nera's lip curled in defiance from the pain, her instant reaction immediately to project back at him. Although not able to power over him as much, she shot her hand out, using the Force to shove him right back.

He stumbled backwards, a growl now ripping itself out of his core. 

The sound of it lit Nera up further, both of them tense as they stood across from the other. They were each huffing breaths, nostrils flaring as they looked into the face of their enemy. And for once, Nera was able to fight back. It had pure passion searing through her body. She was _on fire_. 

It seemed Kylo was feeling that same fire, for a long moment passed before something _shifted_. And in a second, both of them were lunging at the other. Although this time, instead of hurting the other, Kylo Ren's hand grabbed onto the back of her neck, yanking her towards him so their lips could slam together.

Nera gasped out a breath onto him, her hands shooting to curl into cloak on his chest. Kylo groaned, pressing his lips harshly against hers. The kiss was needy, aggressive, _desperate_. So much rage was behind the impact, lust following so quickly behind that it was hard to even distinguish.

Kylo's other hand shot to her hips, the grip nearly bruising her. Nera moaned deeply, scrambling to reach higher to press into his lips more. Like she was hungry, _starving_ for them. She wanted to rip them off with her teeth, make him pay for the anguish he has caused her. But the sensation alone fed a hundred lives.

Through their connection, their signatures intertwined, feeding off the other. It was all encompassing, making Nera feel like she just might explode. The lust and rage where swirled together into one ball.

Kylo was shoving her backwards, nearly lifting her as he rushed her back towards the wall. Their lips never broke, consuming the other, but Nera let out another gasp as he slammed her against the wall. Sharp bolts of pain shot through her spine once again, making Nera's gasp turn into a groan of irritation. All of her passions were mixing together, making her rage easily accessible at how he wouldn't stop _hurting_ her. 

Nera ripped her mouth from Kylo's, her upper lip curling as she hissed from the pain. Anger clouded her judgement, making her once again shove him back with the Force. She only managed to push him a few inches.

"Insolent girl," he seethed, lust clouding his voice and making it deeper, _rushed._ He then extended a hand out out, yanking it back to rip her towards him with the Force. Nera flew across the distance, colliding into his chest. 

For a moment, his hand held her lower back, and Nera thought that was it. But she was mistaken, for he quickly moved to shove her towards the ground. 

Nera fell onto her back, bouncing onto the padding. She let out a feral moan as her head slammed back onto the floor. 

Before she could move to get up, Kylo Ren was nearly diving towards her. He shoved her back down so she was lying beneath him, grabbing her wrists that tried to fight him, pinning them above her head.

Nera's chest was heaving, looking up at the face above her, shadows creeping across his features. He was bent over her, one knee outside her hips while the other was in between her legs. 

Nera's stomach was churning, her core tightening like a fist was gripped around it. The position had her stumbling, arousal making every tendon in her body scream. She couldn't fight to find words, writhing beneath him. 

Kylo shifted to wrap one hand around both of her wrists, still pinning them down while the other drifted back to her neck. He loved squeezing it, feeling the way her pulse skipped and hammered for him. 

"This is how you will submit to me," he hissed again, head drooping to force it into her system.

Nera squirmed, but his one hand seemed to be stronger than both of her wrists. All of her might and she couldn't budge them out from his grip. Instead, she lifted her head up, craning her neck to glare at him. " _No_."

Kylo Ren groaned, tightening his grip on her throat for a moment before he crashed his lips onto hers again, silencing her disobedience. An estranged moan broke out of Nera as his mouth crushed her own. Immediately, his tongue dove past her wet lips, making Nera's back arch. Just like they had with the Force, their tongues battled each other. But again his won, so urgent and insistent that his teeth smacked onto hers.

Kylo's hand slid from her throat, gliding down the fabric of her clothes to her breasts. As he groped them, Nera moaned loudly at the sensation. She was desperate to break from his mouth, to catch her breath and _see_ him. 

But Kylo wouldn't allow it. Instead he thrusted himself harshly against her, the friction on Nera's core making her hips buck. To that, he gripped harder at her tits, biting onto her lower lip. 

Nera was nearly panting, completely and utterly _turned on_. She was writhing in his grip, absolutely desperate to have her hands freed. She needed to feel him, she needed _more_. "Let me go!" She ripped away from his mouth, crying out in anger. The desperation was clear in her voice as she struggled against him. 

"Say you will submit," Kylo offered that back, the lust thickening his voice. 

Nera squirmed again, trying to yank her hands free. "I told you. No!"

Kylo growled, his hand shooting from her breast to dip in between her legs. Nera gasped as he roughly cupped her sex, slowly dragging his hand up it. "Give in," he hummed, it nearly coming out a moan as he felt the heat between her legs and watched her face _melt_ from his touch.

His hand moved to grab onto the hem of her pants, but Nera rolled her hips, letting out a noise mixed with irritation and arousal. She was desperate for more than one thing in this moment.

Kylo leaned his face closer to hers again, curling his fingers around the waistband of her pants. "Do not make me rip these off you again."

Nera should have been angry, but she couldn't help that her body betrayed her. Her hips lifted up, enough for him to begin yanking down her pants. Nera sucked in a breath as she was once again exposed to him. 

Kylo's fingers suddenly dipped in between Nera's folds, making every concern instantly vanish from her mind. "So fucking wet," he groaned. Without any warning, he sunk two fingers inside of her. 

"Oh fuck," Nera's body snapped forward, but his grip on her wrists kept her contained. Instead her back arched, chest inflating with the giant breath of air she sucked into her mouth.

"This is one of those things you like, isn't it?" He mewled above her, watching as her face contorted below him. His eyes quickly snapped between that and the way his fingers sunk into her perfectly. 

Nera hummed, head violently nodding. She was so taken aback that she had to fight to keep her eyes open. She wanted to see his face, didn't want to dare look away. So she could notice the way his eye subtly twitched as he plunged his fingers into her. To watch how his lips pressed together as he worked them in and out.

Thinking of his lips, Nera licked hers, craving that sensation again. She yanked her head forward, trying to rip her hands from his grip. She wanted to touch him, run them through his hair. Force her lips against his. 

But he held her down, bruising her wrists. His head dipped towards hers, but did not come in contact. Instead, Nera could just feel his hot breath roll over her skin. 

Kylo's fingers curled against the sweet spot inside of her, making Nera tremble, her legs trying to clamp together around him to force more contact. She cried out, biting at the inside of her cheek as her eyes were glued into his.

"You think I use you," Kylo's breath rolled over her, moistening her face. "When I am just giving you what you want," his thumb grazed her clit, making Nera's hips buck while she choked on a moan. "You just don't want to admit it to yourself."

Nera was struggling to keep her head up, let alone her eyes open. She was fighting to get control of her breathing. "You're wrong," she forced out, her voice breathy.

Kylo Ren removed his fingers from inside Nera, bringing his hand up to her. He watched closely, specks of fury coloring his eyes as he sunk his fingers into Nera's mouth. "Then tell me," he pressed them onto her tongue. "Why are you so wet?"

An incessant groan rumbled out of Nera's lungs as he made her taste herself. Taste the evidence.

He held her gaze as she did, allowing Nera to see the way he twitched as he watched her. To get a reaction out of him, Nera bit down on his fingers, teeth sinking into the flesh. Kylo groaned, his eyes wild. He snapped his fingers out of her mouth and immediately slammed them around her jaw, the force shoving her head down. Nera groaned from the pain. 

Kylo Ren seethed above her for a moment before he caught sight of the way the flesh of her neck was exposed. Quickly he dove down to the vulnerable skin. Chills ran down Nera's spine as his teeth grazed at her nape. "Admit it," he growled onto her.

Nera's head tilted to the side, allowing him more access. Although angry with his words, the sensation on the sensitive skin was nearly insatiable. "Haven't I already?" Nera groaned through her teeth. She hated that he was so insistent on making her say it aloud. She had already cracked for him multiple times now.

"Not fully," he argued. "Because you will not _submit_."

As he spoke, his lips brushed against her neck, making Nera's entire body lull. "You're right," Nera huffed. "I won't."

A low grumble escaped Kylo before he sunk his teeth into her skin, making Nera yelp. He sucked feverishly at the flesh, his tongue pressing against it. Nera moaned through a tight jaw. 

He broke contact quickly again, now lifting his head up to look at her. Sparks of wickedness flickered in his eyes. "Is that a challenge?"

Nera's stomach tensed, her thighs unwillingly clenching. She was speechless as she looked at him, creased with darkness and burning into her. Although, she would not get a chance to speak even if she had wanted to, for Kylo had already decided for her that it _was_ in fact a challenge.

His hand shot from her jaw to go back in between her legs, dipping in between her folds and skimming her sensitive nub. Nera gaped, her head slamming back onto the floor. A fractured moan broke through her as he rubbed at her throbbing clit. Tingles vibrated through Nera's thighs.

Kylo Ren leaned away, removing his grip from her wrist while sitting back against his heels. Nera instantly shot her hands up, assuming he had freed her. But she snarled as he used the Force to pin her wrists down. "Fucker," she grit her teeth.

Kylo hummed, his right hand still rubbing her clit. His other came to palm the hardness in his pants, looking down at her. The intensity of his glare, the ministrations of his lust filled face, had the _pull_ in Nera igniting her further. It was incredible to be able to watch his face, and it made her succumb more to him.

That and the fingers Kylo sunk back into her, eliciting a quiet moan from her lips. "Oh," Nera gasped, clenching around him. His thumb stayed on her clit, buzzing around and making Nera roll her hips with his movements. 

"Yes," he watched her sink herself lower onto his fingers, his upper lip curling ever-so slightly. "You love when I'm controlling this cunt, don't you?"

Nera's chest tightened, the words rolling out of his lips making her tremble even more. She chewed on the flesh of her cheek, eyes snapping to his face. A frustrated blush had crept its way onto her face. 

"But you won't submit," Kylo spoke, barely a question. He worked his fingers harder inside of her.

Nera squirmed, fighting against the Force hold on her wrists. Her arms were aching from being held up so long. She wanted to control her own body, but it was nearly breaking to pieces as he stimulated her clit. She sucked in harsh breaths. "I won't."

Kylo looked down to her dripping cunt again, tongue grazing his lips. "We'll see," he hummed, before removing his hand from her. Nera's head snapped up to watch as he sunk down, both hands gripping her hips.

"What-" Nera could even process her own concerns before his head was in between her thighs, nose skimming her clit. Nera's breath became rapid, sweat forming along her hairline as she realized what he was doing. Kylo almost smirked as he noticed her reaction. She was melting, as always.

"Oh," Nera gasped, her body tensing. She hadn't had some eat her out in... _ages_. But then his mouth grazed her sex, his tongue sweeping down between her swollen lips. " _Oh_ ," Nera's gasp turned into a moan.

Kylo pulled back to look at the sight of her dripping pussy, her inner thighs trembling around his face. Then his eyes looked up, meeting Nera's widened ones, making her breathing halt. He held the look as he dipped back down, his mouth wrapping around her clit. 

Nera was panting feverishly, about to implode as she watched him. He sucked at her nub, his tongue berating it at the same time. "Fuck," Nera cried through a clenched jaw, her hips bucking to crash into his face. 

At that, a groan spewed out of Kylo, vibrating against her. His hands gripped at her hips, holding them tightly against his face. Nera's head snapped back, eyes half closed at the absolutely overwhelming bliss. 

There was not a chance she could hold back her noises, they were rushing out of her, making her body shake. Kylo would pull back, let his tongue flick at her clit for a moment before sucking it back up through his teeth. 

Nera was seeing stars, and feeling something similar. His mouth on her, face rubbing against her thighs, hands gripping her hips. It was absolutely intoxicating, and just the thought of it had Nera already desperate for release. 

Kylo could sense it, one of his hands moving from her hips to sink a long finger inside of her while he kept constant pressure on her clit with his mouth. "Shit," Nera gaped, head snapping back up to look at him. When she found his dark eyes, burning with lust, she nearly exploded right there. Her entire body tensed up.

"What's that?" Kylo hummed with satisfaction, removing his tongue from her and replacing it with his thumb. Nera's legs were quivering around him, looking at him with wide, frantic eyes. "You're going to cum?"

Nera couldn't speak as he sunk another finger inside of her. She just nodded, arching her back and wiggling against him. 

"Submit," Kylo mused above her, working his fingers at a heightened pace. "If you want to."

Nera's eyes squinted at him, but then he sped up the speed on her clit, thrusting yet another finger inside of her, and they snapped open wide again. She groaned, squeezing her thighs, trying to make the orgasm happen before he could take it away from her. But Kylo placed his other hand on her inner thigh, pushing it flat onto the ground. He had a wicked look on his face, lips glistening from her juices.

"So perfect," he hummed. "Spread out for me. Dying for me to make you cum."

Nera's muscles were clenching, fingers extending as she tried to rip out of the force around them. The pressure of her orgasm was building like a wildfire. 

"This is how it could be," Kylo continued. "If you give in."

"I-I," Nera stumbled, her chest contorting as her toes began to curl. Kylo sped up his movements, sensing that she was so close to giving in. She was forgetting her arguments, he could see it on her face how badly she wanted it. But Nera still tried, forcing it out. " _No_."

Kylo growled, his eyes darkening. He quickly pulled his hand out from her, leaning back up straight onto his knees. A frustrated, desperate cry flew out of Nera. She had been teetering over the edge, and he completely stopped, leaving her tumbling back down.

"No," Nera cried, thrashing her body against the Force restraint. "I _hate you!_ "

"Is that so?" Kylo tilted his head at her. He was surveying her while she twitched and seethed beneath him. She was breathless, hips squirming for more. Rage pricked at her face, but it was masked by the lust that pinched her cheeks. Her red, moist cheeks.

To test her limits, Kylo released the Force hold on her wrists. Nera's face contorted in realization, quickly snapping her hands back. She didn't waste a moment to shoot up, her first forming into balls as they came for him.

But Kylo had already seen what she would try to do. He quickly reached out, grabbing both of her wrists, and slamming them back on the ground above her head, leaning over her to do so. A furious groan came out of Nera as she writhed against him.

"You are incessant," Kylo spoke above her, hair cascading down his face. "Let me give you what you want."

The hardness in his pants rubbed against her, grinding into her already sensitive core. Lust made Nera's face fall, gnawing at the inside of her cheeks. In her desperation, she rolled her hips back against him.

Kylo's upper lip curled, his eye twitching. He quickly shifted to hold her wrists down with one hand again, the other darting to his own pants. Nera's heart sped, nearly beating out of her as he released his erection from the fabric. Her chest was rising and falling heavily, anticipation making her bones freeze over.

He held onto his dick, running his hand along it. It was throbbing from _days_ of relentless desire. His eyes grew even darker as he looked back into Nera, his jaw tense and muscles rippling beneath his freckled skin. 

Nera couldn't catch her breath or regain control on her thoughts. Her core was pulsating, lighting up her body as he was so close to her. As Nera watched him, the only thing on her mind was that _pull_ and how _badly_ she wanted him. "Kylo," she huffed.

"Is _this_ what you want?" He asked, his voice thick with lust as he tugged at his aching member.

Nera gulped, body rigid beneath him. She nodded.

Kylo glanced down, moving his cock so it slid between her folds. Nera's hands shot up against his at the sensation. "Say it," he spoke, letting the head of his dick tease at her overstimulated clit.

Nera tensed, choking out a incoherent noise.

" _Say it_!" Kylo demanded.

"Yes!" Nera choked out, lifting her head to look him dead in the eyes.

Kylo hummed in satisfaction, glancing down at how his length slid up and down her clit, enveloped by her wetness. She twitched each time, spurring him on more. "So beautiful," he growled, gripping onto his member to press it gently against her tight hole. "Your pussy aching to have me fill it up."

More noises flew out of Nera, her chest curling upwards as he toyed with her. He would press himself against her entrance, then pull away to slide up her folds again. Nera's brain was melting, her entire body over stimulated with _him_.

Nera glanced down between their bodies to see his cock rubbing against her. Sliding up and down, occasionally prodding at her entrance. The sensation had her legs clenching, already feeling the height of an impending orgasm. 

Kylo Ren noticed, his hand leaving his cock to wrap around her jaw. His eyes were dark, face contorting as he looked deep into her. He was going mad as he pinched at the skin on her face. "You want me to destroy you. Don't you, whore?"

Nera squirmed underneath him, her mouth ajar as she looked into his impenetrable eyes. His voice was so deep with lust it had Nera's core lighting aflame. His hand on her wrists tightened as his hips bucked slightly, pressing the head of his member further against her entrance. 

A deep moan rumbled out of Nera. "Please."

To that, Kylo Ren growled and braced himself before he slammed into her. His breath hitched as her tight walls surrounded him, and Nera let out a gasp as he completely stretched her out. 

" _Kylo_ ," she cried out, her body lurching upwards from the ground. He filled her to the brim, making Nera's entire form quiver. And it was in that moment, when their connection became physical, it manipulated the Force. Nera's eyes launched backwards and the weapons that scattered around them shot into the air.

Kylo's body rumbled as he felt the Force spin around them. He began to move, pulling out and then thrusting back in. His pace picked up as Nera's walls eased around him, adjusting to his size. At that point, he was pounding her. 

"Fuuuuck," Nera let out a long, satisfied moan. I came from deep in her gut, slipping past her lips as her back curled. She tried to look at him, desperate to take in his face, but she couldn't get her eyes to open yet. All she could do was _feel_ him.

The pull that was inside of her had reached a maximum, and now she was consumed by Kylo Ren. Every touch on her skin was burning. Every breath felt like hot lava. Their connection had amplified, making Nera's head spin. 

"You like that?" Kylo spat, his hand slid from her jaw to wrap around her neck, using it as leverage to ram into her. "Filthy slut."

His hand pinched around her throat, making Nera's moans get caught, rumbling in her chest instead. She bounced below him with each of his movements, her mouth hanging wide as her eyes finally snapped open.

Kylo's eyes were nearly burning red orbs, his teeth showing as he savagely beat into her. He leaned back to watch as his cock sunk into her, splitting her open. She lathered him in her wetness, allowing him to slide inside of her like he was _made_ for it.

Kylo was wild, the sight making him squeeze harder on her neck. He brought his eyes back upwards, feeding off of the way her throat vibrated with the moans he drew from her. "Do you know how long I have waited for this?" His voice rumbled with hot desire. "To watch you take my cock?"

Whines were escaping Nera's throat, her hips bucking to meet his thrusts. She was out of body, needing more. She squeezed her legs around him, trying to create more friction on her clit.

Kylo growled at her movements, abruptly removing his hand from her throat to sink into the flesh of her thigh. He pushed her leg down onto the ground, opening her up wider for him. 

Without the pressure on her neck, moans spewed out of Nera as he sunk deeper into her. "Gods, Kylo, I-"

"Thats right," he seethed, beating faster into her, beads of sweat forming at his hairline. "Take it."

Nera was holding her breath, hips still bucking against him. She was desperate for her wrists to be freed, desperate for him to make her cum.

Kylo's eyes snapped to her face. "Can't get enough, can you? Greedy little thing."

"Fuck you," Nera cried, the words spilling out of her mouth without her knowing. She was lost in a trance, her back arched so much that her chest was brushing against his.

Kylo let out a deep growl, yanking back and pulling out of her. Nera was huffing violently, taken off guard as he let go of her wrists. "Turn around," he demanded, using both of his hands to grip her hips, roughly spinning her so she flipped onto her stomach.

Nera went with his movements, chest heaving as she pressed her palms into the ground. Kylo didn't let go of her hips, lifting them up so she was on her hands and knees before him. Nera's vision was clouded with uncontrollable longing, anticipation burning in her chest.

"Good girl," Kylo groaned at the sight, a hand running back along the curve of her ass. He spread her cheeks, nearly seething at the sight. His cock was twitching as he looked at her. Knees apart, back arched, and spread before him. He had only imagined this as many times as there were stars in the galaxy. "See what happens when you obey me?"

Nera cried out again as Kylo rammed back into her from behind, allowing him a deeper angle inside. "So fucking tight," he groaned.

Nera glanced to the side to catch sight of him - eyes wild, lips parted, hair matted to his face as he bucked his hips into her. Kylo caught her eyes, immediately thrusting harder into her.

He snarled, squeezing her ass and lost in the sight of her pussy swallowing his cock perfectly. The sight was nearly choking him so he lurched forward, his hand wrapping into her disheveled hair, yanking her neck back so he could use it as leverage.

Nera moaned loudly, her entire body shuddering as he fucked her from behind, nearly splitting her in half. She was over the moon, lost in space at every jolt of pleasure it sent through her. She couldn't stand it anymore and reached towards her clit, thinking she could get away with it. 

Kylo quickly noticed, seething as he used her hair to rip her upwards towards him. Nera gasped, but his hand snapped to her neck and cut the noise off, leaning forward to hold her against him as he didn't stop beating into her. 

Nera's back was arched nearly in a half circle so he could hold her head near his. His face dipped into the crook of her neck, breath hot on her skin. "Naughty thing," he seethed. "You think you can cum?"

Nera whined, eyes rolling into the back of her head as he thrusted his hips against her. The angle had her nearly choking around his grip. "Pl-ease," Nera tried to get out, her clit dying for attention, legs beginning to wobble. 

"Submit to me," his lips were brushing against her ear lobe. His free hand wrapped around her, sliding in between her folds, pressing onto her clit.

Nera's body jolted at the pressure, her hips bucking involuntarily away from him. But Kylo held her tighter to him, slamming his hips harshly into her. An incoherent mumble pushed out of Nera's throat, to which Kylo let his hand ease from it, moving to cup her breast instead. 

Nera was a disaster at all of the ways he touched her. Sinking into her from behind, pressing onto her clit, and tweaking her clothed nipple. She was literally helpless putty in his hands.

"How I'd love to feel you cum around my cock," he husked into her, his voice sending hot chills through her skin. 

Nera's eyes rolled back further into her head, unable to form any words. 

Kylo slowed his pace on her clit, burying his head into the base of her neck. "You know what you have to do," he sunk his teeth into her nape.

Nera mewled, trying to buck her hips to force his fingers to go faster on her clit. She couldn't _handle_ this. The bliss was choking her, eating away at every nerve in her body. "I-" She tried, but was unable to speak through her moans. Kylo began to rub at her clit and pinch harder at her nipple, still thrusting into her. He knew exactly what he was doing to her, and Nera was nearly astral projecting into the Force.

"You take my cock so well," he muttered against her, sinking himself deeper inside. "I know you want to cum all over it."

" _Please,_ " Nera begged, body beginning to tremble in his grip.

"Submit."

Nera groaned loudly, but he only sped up the intensity on her clit, making her knees wobble. "I-I can't," she let out a breath.

Kylo snarled, halting the pressure on her clit and focusing on ramming into her harder. "Then you won't cum."

"Fuck!" Nera cried, disoriented as she was once again prevented from any release. Now that it was gone for the third time, she gulped down a ball that was forming in her throat. It was mental torture, and she would give anything to bring it back. "Kylo, _please!_ "

"Submit and I can make you cum whenever you please," he placed his finger back on her clit, his own voice starting to become strained. It edged Nera on more, but he wasn't moving his finger enough, just holding her in the purgatory of bliss.

At Nera's desperate, broken moan, Kylo sped up his speed, sensing she was growing close. She could barely form coherent words, trembling under him. Kylo flicked her clit, cupping her breast, allowing her hips to buck freely. He could feel her building up in the Force, and he brought her, once again, all the way to the edge of her orgasm. 

And then he stopped. Again.

"No, no, no, no," Nera was fumbling, nearly crying for him. "Please, I'll-," Nera sucked in a frantic breath. "I'll do it! Just please, _please_ let me cum!"

Kylo paused at her words. "Say it," he hesitated above her clit.

Nera groaned, hot tears pricking at her eyes, head spinning. "I submit."

Kylo let those words sink into him for a moment, igniting every muscle in his being. Then, he all at once started up again. Nera let out a small scream as the pressure came back, this time faster. He pumped into her, violently rubbing circles on her clit. 

He was heaving breaths into her ear, and it only took Nera a split second to find her edge again. 

"Go on," Kylo's voice split, his own arousal climbing up that same mountain. "Let me feel you cum for me, _pet_."

Nera's body tensed, and then all at once, everything in side of her exploded. Her body was wracked with moans as she twitched and writhed in his grip. Her walls clenched around his cock inside of her, nearly forcing it entirely out. Her head slammed back onto him, convulsing against his chest. 

Nera could only see white, and her orgasm was so intense, she breached through the Force. Around them, the weapons that had been scattered on the ground began to tremble. 

Nera's orgasm was physical, altering the Force, and projecting onto Kylo. His entire body tensed, she was drawing his own climax out of him. Quickly, he bent her back over, using the Force to keep the pressure on her clit while he shoved her forward. His hands snapped to her hips, holding her hard against him as he violently snapped his hips into her. 

She was tighter now, moaning louder, nearly crying beneath him - pulling everything out of Kylo. He cursed, a smothered groan yanking through his core as he began to spill himself inside of her. Their Force signatures intertwined, the pleasure nearly incapacitating, as Kylo fucked her through both of their orgasms.

Once Nera's legs were shaking, unable to hold herself up, Kylo stilled. He kept himself seated inside of her for a moment, his eyes shut as he drank in the remnants. Nera was sucking in lungfuls of air, the weapons in the room no longer trembling. Nera's body was burning, sweat and hot tears coating her face. 

Kylo slowly pulled out, his fingers still spreading her lips wide open so he could look at the damage. Look at how destroyed she was. Kylo hummed before his touch left her completely.

Nera trembled still. She hadn't felt _anything_ like that before in her life, and it had left her beaten and confused. As reality began to set back in, Nera struggled to move her aching body. She turned, nearly crumpling as she moved to sit. Her eyes flickered to Kylo. He had tucked himself away, but Nera was at least satisfied she could see his face, see how the aftermath left its mark on him. 

His expression was blank, but he was still catching his breath, face swelled with heat. Kylo caught her gaze, and Nera found herself still wishing to know what he was thinking. 

Kylo leaned back over her, his hand dipping under her chin. "You did well," he mused, eyes scanning the evidence of her submission that was left all over her. Nera was still catching her breath as she looked up at him. His eyes stayed for a moment, but then drifted around the room, looking at all the weapons. "You are stronger than I thought."

Heat swelled inside of Nera at those words. _Stronger_. No one had ever said that to her before, and it proved all of her passions were correct. She felt that _pull_ again.

"Are you going to leave?" Nera couldn't stop herself from asking, her breath still violently coming out of her.

Kylo eyes drifted back to her swollen lips, trying to read her. " _Thats_ what you don't like?"

It sounded like he was trying to figure it out, like he didn't understand. Nera pressed her lips together, emotions fumbling in her chest. "One of the things," Nera admitted.

Kylo blinked, remaining still as he considered her. A long moment passed before he dropped his hand. "You've submitted to me," Kylo stated, like that was supposed to mean something. Nera hated the way that sounded, but it was as if it _changed_ something for him. "We have a mess to clean up."

Nera assumed that was his weird way of saying he wasn't leaving, but then his eyes glanced to her legs, dripping in his cum, and humiliation took over Nera. He had meant all the weapons, perhaps the shit with Hux, but Nera was just another thing on the list.

"Now?" Nera asked, unable too keep up with all of this.

"No," Kylo Ren stood up, stepping away from her now. Nera pushed herself up as well, face scrunching from her sore body. She reached over to her pants, beginning to pull them on. She stood onto her feet as she got them up, grimacing at the pool of wetness that covered the crotch.

"The troopers will escort you to your quarters," Kylo stated, his voice now cold and shielded. Completely different than when his heat was around her, touching her. Nera frowned for a moment, he was going to make _her_ be the one to leave this time. But, frankly, Nera did need to clean herself up.

"No," Nera shook her head. "No troopers."

Kylo Ren looked at her, his nostrils flaring slightly. Nera gave him a pointed look back, reminding him of all that she had said in her rage.

"I'm not your prisoner, remember?" Nera squinted at him. 

Kylo's jaw shifted, blank eyes scanning hers. He clenched his fists into balls, but sucked in a breath, slowly releasing them. "Fine," he spat. "But if you get _any_ ideas, I _will_ come for you."

Nera's face relaxed, taking that vague threat still as a win. "I don't doubt it," she huffed at him, turning away. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Valentines Day!!! To celebrate, here is a long chapter of SHAME! Cheers, hope this was worth the wait. :x
> 
> P.S. I added this story onto my old wattpad (lolareedus), if you ever want to find it there.


	18. Questions Answered

"Ugh."

Nera stood in front of her bathroom mirror, trying so desperately to get her mind under control. She was wrapped in just a towel, letting her eyes scan over the foggy glass to inspect her reflection. 

There was a very clear bite mark left on her neck, which Nera rubbed at, but it seemed it wanted to stay and haunt her. Maybe that was Kylo's intention, after all. He didn't want her to forget who she belonged to.

As Nera looked at herself, she couldn't recognize the person staring back. It wasn't her, who she _thought_ she was. And it definitely wasn't the same person as a few weeks ago, living a mundane life. Although, she didn't have a mirror on Arkanis. She didn't have to face the reality like she was now - she just avoided it.

And now her life was far from mundane. _Too far_. 

Nera's eyes casted down, taking in the small bruises scattering her hip bones. She pursed her lips at them, unable to believe what had happened. And why she wasn't _hating_ it. Nera thought she was independent, or at least had a bit more self control. And here she was, spiraling over Kylo Ren after she had just _submitted_ to him.

Nera groaned and turned to leave the bathroom. She didn't even know what that meant, or why the hell he wanted her to submit so badly. She was confused, to say the very least. But more-so than that, Nera was _sore_.

She became hyper aware of how her legs still wobbled, vagina nearly screaming at her, as she got dressed. Nera had _never_ been handled like that in her life. She had never been so consumed by someone either. She didn't think that was something she _liked_ , but now there was not a chance in hell she could stop thinking about it. It was like this urge, this _itch_ , inside of her had been taken care of.

What was happening to her?

Nera groaned to herself, deciding she needed to take a walk or something. After the events of today, she was _starving_.

Nera got herself together and nearly waddled out of her room, intent on clearing out whatever food was left in the cafeteria. Otherwise she would simply perish.

It was later in the day now, after work hours and dinner, so Nera was pleased to find the hallways and the cafeteria almost empty - no one to watch her wince with each step she took. A few storm troopers sat across the dinning hall, but Nera didn't even glance in their direction. She was happy to have rid of the two that had been following her around. It would be a long time before she ever wanted to engage with another. 

Nera filled herself up a plate of crumby, mediocre food, and went to hide at a table in the corner. She could have taken the food back to her room, but she needed the change of scenery. A place where there wasn't memories of Kylo Ren touching her.

Nera didn't look up from her plate as she picked at her food, entirely engrossed in her thoughts. Once again, she was pondering what the fuck her life was. 

She wondered if after today things would be different. If there was a small chance in hell that it would be for the better. Like maybe she could find her place here. Maybe Kylo would let her have a job. Maybe even tell her more. Or, maybe he would just _fuck_ her more.

Nera harshly swallowed down a piece of stale bread. Is that what she wanted? No, she couldn't. This should be a one time thing. Well, it had been a couple times now. But still. She couldn't just submit and become someone he just fucked to blow off steam. 

She had her own life, her own purpose. She didn't know exactly what that was with her knew found knowledge of the Force, but she wasn't going to let her life stop here. She still had goals, whatever they were. Nera paused, considering that maybe she wouldn't hate him fucking her to blow off steam if she was still able to live her own life.

"Mind if I join you?"

Nera's head snapped up, shock written on her face. She had been so lost in her head she hadn't heard anyone come up to her. Shit. She was _so_ glad no one else could read her thoughts.

"Uh," Nera stumbled, looking up at the First Order employee. It was a man, seemingly older than her, wearing the entire uniform. Even the horrendous hat. "Sure."

No, Nera didn't _want_ him to join her. She wanted to be left alone, she had a lot on her mind for _obvious_ reasons.. But, she was caught off-guard, and didn't think it would be best to tell someone in the Order to go away.

"Sorry, its just not often I have any company here," the man offered, signaling to his plate of food. 

Nera guessed she understood that. It was a pretty intimidating place to just eat a meal. And Nera also hadn't interacted with a signal soul here yet besides Kylo. "I get that," Nera huffed in agreement.

The man chuckled, shifting to slide around the bench and sit down across from her. "My names Diric. I organize supply transports."

"Nera," she nodded. She paused for a moment, fuck, what does she say she does here? Fucks the Commander? No. Got kidnapped by a man in her head to learn about the Force? Definitely not. "Uh, engineering," Nera smiled nervously. "TIE fighter repairs."

"Nice to meet you," Diric nodded, eyeing her for a minute before shifting back to pick up his fork. "How long have you worked for the Order?"

Nera shifted in her seat, to which she wished she hadn't - for the pain that shot up between her legs inspired a grimace on her face. Quickly she played it off, trying to at least act somewhat normal. "Oh, not long," Nera offered a smile. Maybe if she was nice, he wouldn't try to actually get to know her. "You?"

"Got here a few weeks ago. Normally I'm stationed on Starkiller," he offered before taking a bite of his food.

Starkiller? What the hell is a Starkiller?

Nera nodded, pretending like she totally understood. She picked at her food again, trying to keep her eyes to herself. But something about him made Nera feel _weird_. Maybe it was just the fact she has not socialized in weeks on end. She was entirely unsure how to interact with someone that wasn't constantly screaming at her.

"I prefer the food on Starkiller," Diric scrunched his nose at his plate. "I mean, what _is_ this?"

He held up a piece of rubbery meat with his fork. Nera let out a small, breathy laugh. "I've found it helps to wait until I'm starving," Nera joked with him. "The hungrier I am, the more tolerable it tastes."

Diric laughed, nodding his head. "I guess I'll have to give that a try."

Nera awkwardly smiled, eyes glancing away from him. She was definitely not used to this. She had forgotten what it was like to be... _normal_? Complain about food. Such a trivial thing in her current state of affairs.

A bit of awkward silence hung over them, to which Diric eventually cleared his throat. "So," he swallowed. "Have you seen _him_ yet?"

Nera squinted. "Who?"

"Kylo Ren. Guy in the mask."

Nera tensed. "What? No," she immediately denied, squeezing her sore legs together. "Why do you ask?"

Did he know? Why would he bring him up? Nera couldn't catch a break from the Commander. 

Diric noticed her odd reaction. "I just heard he's always bothering the engineers," Diric explained. "Guy is real picky about his ship repairs. I think he destroys them a lot."

"Oh," Nera gulped, trying to play this entire conversation off like it wasn't bothering her. Was that what Kylo did all day? "Uh, no. I haven't seen him before," she lied through her teeth. Good thing her shirt covered the bite mark on her neck. "Have you?"

"No," Diric shook his head. "I've only heard rumors about all the people he has killed. Sounds like a monster, I guess we are lucky."

Nera gulped at the reminder of the _monster_. And that it was general knowledge he was an unhinged killer. And here she was contemplating her sex life with that killer. "Yeah... Lucky," Nera nodded in fake agreement. She really did have all the luck, didn't she? 

Nera had come here to try and escape from any sign of Kylo Ren, and now this conversation had made her want to leave. "Anyway," Nera cleared her throat, thinking up an excuse. "I think I'm gonna go get some rest. Long day tomorrow."

Diric nodded, watching as Nera stood up. She grabbed her plate, pausing before she walked away. "It was nice to meet you."

"You as well. Thanks for the company," Diric smiled, but something about it felt weird again to Nera.

She shook it off, forcing a friendly smile before walking away. She tried to hide the small limp she had as she returned her plate and left the cafeteria, feeling eyes on her the whole way.

\---

The next morning, Nera stood in front of the mirror again. 

She was clothed, pulling back the collar of her shirt to poke at the crescent of teeth left in her neck. It had begun to fade, but not nearly enough for her liking.

At least today she didn't have to wonder for too long about what was happening with Kylo, for he had sparked their mental connection nearly first thing in the morning.

_Come to the training room._

"Why?" Nera asked, nerves spreading through her body. She always was a mixture of never wanting to see Kylo again and dying of curiosity to do just that.

_Now._

At his demand, Nera felt more like she never wanted to see him again.

_We have your mess to clean up._

With that, he threw up his mental barrier and snapped Nera out of any connection with him. She was angry that he was able to do that so well, but was stumbling over _the mess_. She wished she knew what the hell he wanted or what was going to happen. 

But that was never the case, so Nera had to walk to the training room with confusion, nerves, and irritation eating her up.

When Nera entered, Kylo Ren was waiting for her inside. He stood tall, guarded, as she walked in. But this time, his helmet was not on.

Nera was still surprised to see his face, not having gotten used to it in the slightest. It immediately alerted her senses, sparking a _pull_ from deep inside of her. Nera's body clenched as she remembered everything that face did to her. 

Nera cleared her throat, rubbing her palms on her pants. She had put on an entirely new pair from yesterday, reminding her of something.

"You still have not replaced my pants you destroyed," Nera stated boldly as she stepped over a few weapons. They still laid scattered over the floor. Another deadly reminder of yesterday.

Kylo's jaw muscles flexed at her. "Your request has proven to be difficult."

Even without the mask, Kylo was still short spoken and angry. Nera's eyebrow lifted. "Really? Its the First Order. You have too much of everything."

"As my apprentice, you will not be wearing First Order gear."

Nera stepped slowly in Kylo's direction. "What will I be wearing then?"

" _Patience,_ " Kylo demanded. 

Nera sighed. Getting new clothing wasn't one of her main concerns at the time, anyway. She had a few other things going on. Being back in this training room and getting her head on straight was one of them.

Thinking of that, Nera looked away from Kylo and glanced down at the mess of weapons she had left. If he was going to make her clean it all up, she might as well just get it over with. She walked over to pick up one of the knives, her body still aching as she did so. 

"No," Kylo stepped towards her. "You will be using the Force."

Nera stood up straight, kinking her head to look at him quizzically. 

"A lesson on _control_ ," Kylo spoke. He then lifted a hand, using the Force to guide a weapon off the ground and towards the wall. It was like second nature to him, and Nera watched with a tense gaze as he put the weapon away.

He was showing her what to do, and it had Nera glancing down to the knife in her hand. "Okay..." She squinted at him with irritation. "I can do that."

"Go ahead then," Kylo spoke, voice laced with sarcasm. She was too self righteous, and he was sure she would fail. 

Although Nera was completely distracted, her mind running in circles over the fact that she was back in this room with Kylo, where they had just fucked, she still tried to shake it off. Nera held her hand out further in front of her, eyes set on the knife. She planted her feet sturdy onto the ground, rolling her shoulders out before she started. Willing herself to open up to the Force, she was sending daggers through her eyes at the knife. 

But it wouldn't move, wouldn't even budge a millimeter in her palm. She was too caught up in all her thoughts. Nera's face scrunched, her body beginning to tremble as she pushed more energy out at the knife. Still, nothing happened. 

"As I thought," Kylo noted from across her. 

Nera's eyes snapped to him, snarling. "Shut up."

She looked back at the dagger, her muscles now tensed in irritation as she tried to get it to move. But he was watching her, and Nera could feel his judgement. It was so _annoying_. She couldn't focus.

"I suggest you get on with it," Kylo hummed, his hands behind his back. "Or we will be here all day."

Hot anger coursed through Nera and her entire body spun to face him. "I said _shut up_!" With that, her rage altered the Force and sent the knife flying. It smacked against the wall to the left of Kylo, clattering loudly onto the floor.

Kylo didn't even glance at it, not even flinching. Instead, he took a step towards her. "Your anger drives you," he stated, pleased. "But you must control it."

Nera was just glaring into his eyes. It was _his_ fault. 

"Control is the ability to recognize the Force within yourself," Kylo continued. "And use it to your benefit." Once again, Kylo showed her how as he lifted another weapon of the floor, guiding it to hang on the wall.

"I'm _trying_ ," Nera huffed at him. "But you keep distracting me."

"If you were in control, there would be no distractions," Kylo immediately snapped at her. 

He was so full of shit, Nera thought. 

"I heard that."

Nera groaned. The idea that maybe if she figured this out, she could also figure out how to block him from her thoughts, made her give in. "How, then?"

"Sit," he signaled to the ground.

Nera sighed and did what he said, cringing as it sparked pain between her legs. A harsh reminder of her current situation.

"Clear your head," he instructed. Nera almost rolled her eyes, but instead just let them close. "Focus on the weapons. _Feel_ the elements."

Nera sucked in a slow breath, straightening her spine as she did. She let her palms lay face up against her knees, trying to calm herself down. She was still irritated, but it allowed her to quickly find the spark she needed.

As she let the Force surround her, she continued taking deep breaths. She felt the energy of the ship buzz around her. She felt Kylo's energy, but quickly avoided it. Instead she focused on the metal lying in the room. She focused on the air that lied between her and the weapons.

"Gravity grounds you," Kylo walked around her. "Just as it does for those."

Nera could feel that, the gravitational pull between all things. 

"Its a force, just like the one inside of you. Both you can manipulate."

As Nera put all of her focus into that gravitational force, the one inside of her lit up, easing through all of her body. It made her feel light, nonexistent. Just a part of the world, a breath in the wind.

And it was the same for the weapons. They were no longer heavy objects, just another element in the room. Nera reached her hands out, lifting them. As she did, she opened her eyes.

A breath of excitement escaped her lips as she saw all of the weapons, floating in the air. Her eyes scanned all of them in amazement. "I did it," she huffed. 

"Not quite," Kylo argued, pointing to the wall where they were supposed to be. 

But this time Nera didn't let his comment get to her. He was right that if she was focused, she wouldn't get distracted. Because normally he would have just pissed her off. 

Nera looked at a weapon, focusing on guiding one at a time. She followed it with her eyes as she pushed it towards the wall, hanging it in the spot it belonged. Satisfaction and relief swirled inside of her as she was successful. 

Nera continued with the rest, slowly adding each one to the wall until there were none left floating around her. 

Her spine relaxed when she finished, letting an _almost_ laugh out. She was taken aback with herself. "I told you," she looked back at Kylo. 

"Told me?" He questioned.

"That I could do it," Nera pushed herself back up onto her feet to stand before him again.

Kylo hummed. "You still need practice."

Nera bit at the inside of her cheek, glancing around the room. There was nothing left lying around for her to practice on. Except one thing. Kylo's helmet was lying on the padding across the room. 

Nera paused for a moment, but as she was feeling bold with her newfound strength, she reached out for it through the Force. It trembled on the ground, but Nera quickly regained her focus, pulling it up into the air. She smirked and glanced to Kylo.

"You are getting cocky," he warned, tensed, watching her. 

"Worried I'll be able to stand a chance against you?" Nera popped an eyebrow, proudly teasing.

Kylo didn't even bat an eyelid. " _No_."

Nera squinted at him for how sure he was of that. She then pulled the floating helmet towards herself, bringing it to her hands. 

It instantly felt weird to hold. Weird that he was _letting_ her hold it. It was heavy, _cold_. Filled with darkness and power. Like an object had sucked in some of Kylo's Force signature.

"Why do you wear this, anyway?" Nera looked at the mask in her hands, letting her eyes explore the dense metal. Her mind drifted as her fingers held it, off-setting her nerves.

" _Fear,_ " Kylo's voice was darkened, staring closely at her.

Nera glanced to him, something inside of her churning. She understood that a masked creature was bone chilling, hell she had felt that exact thing. But after seeing what she did of his dreams, and even pieces of his family, Nera knew there was something more. 

Kylo could not only see them in her eyes, but he could sense the questions she had. Questions he would not answer. Quickly, he came forwards, taking the helmet from her. "Enough of this," he pulled the helmet towards him. "We have other things to do."

Nera took a moment to change the pace of her mind, feeling strangely about the mask. "Like what?" She asked, letting her now empty hands fall. 

Kylo lifted the helmet back over his head, the sides hissing and sinking back around his face. Instantly, Nera frowned, the energy shifting as he was once again the masked creature. 

"To speak to General Hux," he spoke, his voice altered again. Nera's spine went rigid, face falling. 

"No," her eyebrows pinched together. "Why would I?"

"Think of it as more practice."

Nera gaped at him, there was no way he was actually going to make her do this. "Just because I _can_ control, doesn't mean I want to."

"Good thing I'm not giving you a choice," Kylo shifted, turning from her. 

Nera stomped right after him. "You expect me to apologize or something?"

Kylo paused in his route to the door of the training room, the mask tilting back at her. "Making amends _would_ be beneficial."

He spoke as if Nera had given him that idea, and she instantly crossed her arms and planted her feet. "Beneficial for who?" She drilled her eyes at him. "Not me, thats for sure."

"You fail to see the bigger picture," Kylo snapped, turning back to face her. 

"The picture where that shrimp killed Guro and destroyed my home?" Nera popped an eyebrow. "I see _that_ picture clear as day."

As always, Nera's attitude had Kylo Ren's muscles clenching in irritation. "You must _let go_ of your past," he hissed. "General Hux, albeit a _fool_ , is necessary. The Supreme Leader needs his influence."

Nera scrunched her face at Kylo. It was like he was a different person with the mask on. Instantly darker, angrier with her. By now, Nera should have figured it was a bad idea to push his buttons, but she had gained even more confidence that he would not actually hurt her. Fuck her, maybe. But thats a different story.

"Who is this Supreme Leader anyway?" Nera threw an arm out. 

"He is our _leader,_ " Kylo grew more tense immediately. "Destined to bring the Sith Eternal to power."

 _Sith Eternal_. Nera hadn't heard that one before, but it made her irritation quickly wither away. It was daunting, and Nera hadn't read of it yet in her scripture. 

But what was even more haunting than that was the way Kylo's energy shifted. He became dark, tension lining every ounce of his signature. For a moment, quick memories flashed across Nera's mind. Memories from his dreams. All of the dark ones were tied with the Supreme Leader.

Nera's eyes widened in realization. "He is your Master."

Kylo's fists clenched. "Yes."

Nera lulled in curiosity, gaining new pieces to the puzzle of Kylo Ren. And the Sith. She was completely lost, fumbling in her own brain for answers. She had _so_ many questions. Although, she felt the need to focus on the current issue.

"Why does he need Hux?" Nera pressed. 

Kylo had grown tired of all her questions. But it was necessary for her to understand for her training. For her to become what he had planned. "Hux is weak, _spineless,_ " Kylo took a unnerving step closer. "He is easy to control, to _use_ for our goals."

Nera's eyes scanned the mask. At the very least, she agreed with that statement about Hux. "What goals?" She pressed.

Kylo paused, considering just how much he would tell her at this time. "To rid of the Jedi."

Nera leaned back, arms falling from their crossed position. "What Jedi? I thought you said they had their downfall?" The questions ran across Nera's eyes like Kylo could watch her piece them together. "And what do they have to do with the First Order?"

"The Jedi have always aligned with the Resistance. Making our goals... _mutual_ ," Kylo referred to Hux.

Nera huffed at that. 

"Now, enough of the _questions_ ," Kylo demanded, turning once again to walk away.

"Ugh," Nera once again followed after. "But none of this was in the scripture you gave me."

Kylo ignored her, continuing to walk to the door. Nera came over as he pressed the control panel, making the doors screech open.

"I'm not going to speak to Hux unless you answer my questions," Nera fought at him. She figured that was a perfectly fair ultimatum. 

"Are you always this _difficult_?" Kylo pinched his spine back as she climbed on his nerves.

"Yes," Nera stated matter-of-factly. 

Kylo Ren paused, but then to Nera's relief, didn't yell at her. "You have the time it takes to walk there."

Kylo Ren took off down the hallway. Nera was satisfied with that, hurrying after him. "Why do you want to rid of the Jedi?" She asked first, not really sure what was the best question to start with. 

"The Sith have battled the Jedi since the times of the Old Republic," Kylo kept his head set forward and posture that of a stone as he walked. 

"Are you a Sith?"

"No."

"Then what are you?" Nera was utterly confused, rounding the corner into a different hallway.

"A user of the Force. The Dark Side of the Force," Kylo Ren stated, making Nera hesitate. She let her mind reel for a moment before she snapped out of it and caught up with him.

"So what do you want with the Jedi then?"

Kylo's mask cracked out a noise, to which Nera could only assume was a sigh. "It is time to let old things die. The Jedi Order, the Sith. _All_ of it."

Nera could feel how he became rigid, livid, as he spoke. His determination was unnerving, rooted deeply in his being. It sounded _personal_.

"I thought they were all dead?" Nera stated more-so than asked. That is what she had read, that is what he had told her.

"There is one," Kylo snapped out. "In hiding."

They rounded the last corner, now approaching the doors to Hux's office. But Nera wasn't ready yet, she still felt like he was just barely giving her any answers. She paused for a moment, the idea of a Jedi making her imagination spur on. She had no clue what a Jedi could look like, what they were. She had only ever heard those stories. 

As Kylo stopped in front of Hux's office door, Nera reached out to stop him. "Whats my part in all of this?" She gave him a painfully confused look. "You expect me to help you take down this Jedi, thats why you are training me?"

"I do not need _help_ taking down _Luke_ ," Kylo immediately snapped, catching Nera guard. His anger licked her skin like fire, surprising her. It seemed Kylo hadn't meant to let that slip, either, immediately tensing and shooting his shoulders back. But Nera had heard it, only able to repeat Luke in her head. _Luke_.

Kylo quickly re-collected himself. "I am training you because you are strong with the Force," he stepped forward. "Once you are able to reach the full potential of your abilities, you will become a powerful asset."

Nera's entire body felt like it slammed against a wall. What did he just say? "An _asset?_ "

That is what she was? That is all he thought of her as? Another little helper, another part of his militia to reach his own goals? Nera was not only _insulted_ , but her feelings were hurt.

"Yes," Kylo spoke definitely. 

"I'm sorry, _what?_ " Nera groaned in disbelief. "A fucking asset for what?"

"The First Order. The Supreme Leader," Kylo shifted towards her. 

Nera leaned back, stunned. "Thats all I am? An asset for the fucking war?!"

He had shown this interest in her joining him, and Nera was foolish enough to think it was for something more than just being his pawn. She knew he was a monster, but their connection had made her feel _special_.

She thought she had been figuring herself out, when in reality she was being brainwashed. She was only figuring out the selfish, entitled _bullshit_ Kylo Ren needed to use her for. To please the Supreme Leader.

The mask tipped down to her, scanning her face like it had some radar. He could instantly feel the rage and _betrayal_ that was coursing beneath her skin. "You are angry," Kylo stated, observing the fucking _obvious_.

"Angry?" Nera hissed. She ran her tongue over her teeth, smacking her lips together. "Why would I be angry when I've been promoted from prisoner to _asset_?"

Her rage was now spurring Kylo on, making him step over her, towering above. "It would be in your best interest to watch your tone when you speak to me."

Nera laughed a violent, sarcastic laugh. "Fuck you," she narrowed her gaze at him. 

"Are you forgetting your lesson on _control_?"Kylo tested her, his mask tilting in her face. 

Each time he spoke, it dug a deeper hole. He was intolerable. He really had been branding her to become his fucking minion. 

The only reason Nera hadn't lost control was because more than she was angry, she was _hurt_. She was so _stupid_.

"I am in control now more than ever," Nera snapped at him. "I am a person, not a fucking droid. And _not_ a pawn or some fucking servant for your personal vendettas."

Kylo seethed above her, lacking all understanding of how deeply he had just pissed her off. "Not just _my_ vendettas."

Nera's face pinched even tighter in anger. "I have nothing to do with the Supreme Leader! And nothing against the Jedi _or_ the Resistance. I will _not_ kill for you."

"I am your _Master!_ " Kylo's body trembled, licked by a flame. "You have submitted _to me_."

That reminded Nera of something, and her jaw clenched as she looked into the visor of the mask. "Tell me," she licked her lips. "Do you _fuck_ all of your assets?"

Kylo's shoulders pinched backwards, a breath heaving from the mask. 

"Thought so," Nera snarked. With that, she turned from him.

"Where do you think you are going?!" He barked after her.

Nera didn't even glance back at him, rushing down the hall. "Away from you, _Master._ "

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, here's a chapter. Lots n lots of dialogue. I think I just like making Kylo and Nera argue!! Oops. Let me know what you thinkk!! :)


	19. Choose

Kylo Ren stood in darkness. Covered head to toe in a cowl and robes, there was no sight of any emotion on him.

But as he walked into the empty corridor, walls expanding the height of the the ships tallest array, Kylo Ren's muscles were tensed. Before him, Supreme Leader Snoke's hologram was projected.

"My apprentice," Snoke hummed, his voice echoing through the expansion of the barren throne room, sinking heat through Kylo Ren's bones.

"Supreme Leader," Kylo greeted, stopping at the base of the hologram. "You requested my presence."

"Yes," Snoke sat forward, the mutated, deformed head becoming more clear. "I have felt a tension in you."

Kylo Ren's jaw clenched.

"The girl," Snoke boomed. "She is resisting you."

Kylo Ren focused his thoughts, straining to keep them clear. Untraceable. Concise. "She is strong with the Dark Side of the Force," Kylo's modulated voice was no match for the volume of Snoke's. "It is only a matter of time."

"Time we do not have," Snoke growled. "Perhaps this task has proven to be too difficult for you."

"No," Kylo stepped forward. "Supreme Leader, I am close. She _will_ join us."

"You are _distracted_!" Snoke shot forward, his voice shaking the flooring. "The girl has created conflict within you!"

"She means _nothing_ to me," Kylo Ren stepped forward. "A means to an end."

Snoke hummed a guttural, raspy sound throughout the room. His hologram twitched as he moved. "And the map to Skywalker?"

Kylo shifted. "I have a lead. I will be departing in the morning."

Snoke sat backwards. "Take the girl with you."

"No, she is not ready-"

"If Skywalker returns, the new Jedi will rise!" Snoke cut him off, the importance of having her on there side showing now more than ever. "You convinced me to spare the girl for her Force abilities. She will join us, or she will _die_!"

Kylo tensed, freezing. "Yes, Supreme Leader."

"Prove to me that you are capable of this task," Snoke seethed. "Or else I will take it into my own hands."

\---

It had been three days since Nera had any interaction with Kylo Ren. And if she had any control over it, she wished it could be an eternity before she had to see or hear from him again. 

Nera didn't return to reading the scriptures. She didn't even meditate. She was done with that. She didn't need to learn anymore. She knew everything she needed to know. 

And she only sulked in it for a day. 

She was so stupid. She had been so confused, so lost, that she let Kylo Ren walk all over her. How she hadn't seen that she was nothing more than an asset, was beyond her. It was just their mental connection, it had always given her this false sense of security. It was nearly magical, _impossible_ to her, so she figured it had some sort of fucking meaning. But no. Kylo Ren fucked her and then fucked her over. 

Fed up, Nera was determined to figure her own shit out. She couldn't necessarily leave here, but she did not need to stay as Kylo Ren's own personal slave. Nera took it upon herself to get a job.

She got dressed in the best clothes they gave her, for Kylo Ren still had not come through with her replacements. And then Nera marched down to the lower sector. Here, next to the crew recreation area, was the First Order's engineering sector.

Nera did not want to work in engineering again. In fact, it wasn't even in the list she picked out for Kylo. There was so much more she could do, so much more that was interesting, but this was the most obvious for now. And, to be fair, it was the only sector she knew the location of. Everything else was lost on her.

She figured this was a start. Say she transferred from Arkanis. Say she had experience working on TIE fighters. It was a shoo-in. And then maybe after she got her bearings, she could pursue something better. 

Nera slowed her pace as she entered the engineering floor. A multitude of bodies buzzed around, which surprised Nera. She hadn't seen this many workers in one place before. Surrounded by all of the cruisers, TIE fighters, and weapons. It was like a factory of mass metal. 

"Can I help you, Officer?" 

It took Nera a moment to realize that someone was speaking to her. She hadn't expected to be approached, nor regarded as an Officer. Although, it probably was the clothes. They were detestable, but they allowed her to fit right in. 

Nera looked at the male who approached her, eyes still casted onto a datapad in his hands. "Uh," Nera stumbled, trying to remember what it was like to _socialize_. Let alone be professional. "Yeah," she cleared her throat, standing up taller. "I am a transfer from the engineering base on Arkanis. I was instructed to come here."

Nera lied through her teeth but she did it with confidence, blindly hoping this would just work out for her. Nothing else had lately, so she deserved some good karma, right?

"Transfer?" The man questioned, now looking up from his datapad. "I was not aware of any transfer. Who sent you?"

Nera considered for a moment, twisting her hands behind her back. "General Hux, sir."

Saying the name caused Nera a hot flash of anger, but at the way the man tensed, Nera was glad she chose that. It seemed maybe Hux did have some power here. _Unfortunately_. 

Nera could sense that this man had shifted, now more willing to accept her. He wanted to double check, but was fearful to bring it up to his superior only to be told he was a fool. So Nera ran with it. "I was a top engineer at Arkanis," Nera lied once again, but the Force almost gave her more control of this situation. She was able to gauge where she needed to speak. "General Hux's _home_ planet."

The man nodded to that, Nera had made him nervous with that tidbit of information. As if it was more severe.

"I worked on outdated TIE fighters," Nera stepped towards him. "General Hux brought me back with him last month to be of use here. I'm sure you are aware of his mission to Arkanis," Nera played him. The man nodded, although it was a lie. "Are you sure there are no transfer papers?"

"Uhm," the man turned back to his datapad, swiping his fingers along it. Nera tried to peer over to get a glance. She was able to see that he found nothing. "What is your name?"

"Nera."

"Last name?" He glanced to her.

"Just Nera," her face fell. The man looked at her incredulously before turning back to the datapad. Nera had to shake it off, stepping towards him again. She could sense he was about to ask for her credentials, which she did not have.

"Perhaps it got overlooked. This was a few weeks ago," Nera hummed. "Would you like me to get the General?"

"Oh no," the man shook a hand at her. "That wont be necessary."

Nera was extremely satisfied with that. "Are you sure? He knows me _very_ well, I could just go grab him-"

"No need to disturb the General with this," the man forced a smile at her. "I'm sure it got overlooked. I can put you into the system."

"Perfect," Nera grinned. 

"I am Officer Brix," he held his hand out. "Director of fleet engineering."

Nera shook his hand, kindly smiling at him. He was nervous still, making her pleased that her lies had been successful. "I look forward to working with you."

"Oh, not me," he shifted to look across the room. "The TIE fighter sector is supervised by Officer Wardre."

Nera followed his hand as he signaled across the room. She was not sure who exactly he was looking at. 

"Come with me," Brix offered. 

Nera nodded, pulling her hands back to her sides. She followed after Brix, eyes scanning around all the bodies. This room was _expansive_ , nearly a military base within itself. Compared to where Nera used to work, it could've been the size of her entire building.

"Office Wardre," Brix greeted as they walked over. 

A woman with her hair pulled back into a tight, yellow bun, spun around. She had been checking the data on a damaged TIE fighter as they approached. She sent a warm smile, and Nera instantly felt relief to see another female. The men on this ship had a way of pissing her off...

"Office Brix," she smiled as they came over. 

"This is Nera," Brix signaled over to her. "A new transfer from Arkanis. General Hux has assigned her to your department."

"Nera," Wardre came over holding out a hand. "Please call me Naomi. It is a pleasure to meet you."

As Nera shook her hand, she was pleased to sense nothing but genuine kindness. There was no darkness, no ulterior motive to this person. "You as well," Nera smiled. 

"Will you be starting today?" Naomi asked.

Before Nera could respond, Brix cut in. "Unfortunately we will have to wait until she has been officially added into the system," he glanced between the two. "Tomorrow, perhaps."

Naomi nodded. "Of course. But I could still give you a lay of the land."

"That would be great," Nera started.

"Oh, I don't know," Brix stepped in between them. "It is against regulations to begin training-"

"Please," Naomi laughed. "Don't worry. The difference between today and tomorrow will not break regulations." Naomi waved off Office Brix and then turned to Nera. "Come with me."

Naomi brought Nera over to give her a tour of the TIE fighter sector - the entire time Nera was taken aback at the size of the operation. It was nothing like the small base on Arkanis. And it reminded her of Nichos. 

Nera tried to push the thought of him away. She didn't want Kylo to catch her thinking about _the boy_ , but more than that - Nera didn't want to deal with the guilt. She had completely written him off when she stopped fighting to get in contact with him. She had just been so overtaken by Kylo Ren and The Force that Nichos was nothing but an after thought lately. Even worse than that, Nera still wasn't even sure if he was alive. She felt guilty that she hadn't cared enough for that to affect her.

Nera kept her posture tall as Naomi was speaking to her. She couldn't worry about Nichos right now. And Naomi was leading Nera away, over to a control center. 

"Scheduling is done in four hour sections," Naomi explained, pulling up a scheduling chart. "Assignments are given on a day to day basis, unless there is a emergency repair."

Nera nodded, following along as best as she could. 

"Unfortunately, those happen quite often," Naomi sighed. "The First Order cares less about their ships than they do their troopers."

Nera gave a sad chuckle. "All disposable?"

Naomi smiled, nodding slightly. "You bet. But what can we expect? Cleaning up after a war has never been a desirable job."

Nera was more than pleased to finally have met someone that got it. "But its still a job," Nera hummed.

"Exactly," Naomi laughed. "Girls gotta eat."

Naomi continued showing Nera around, and the memory of Nichos became an after thought again.. Naomi was like a breath of fresh air. Someone that wasn't so stuck up their own self righteous ass, could see the faults of this war. Not to mention, was kind. Funny. Strong without needing to hurt others. 

But that fresh air was sucked right out of Nera as a spark lit up her nape. Speaking of self-righteous, stuck up men -- Kylo Ren had engaged their connection.

Nera tried to ignore it, as she had been every thought of him for the past few days. She played it off and followed Naomi, keeping herself tense as she waited for Kylo to say something. But it didn't seem like he was bringing their connection up to talk. 

He was doing it to find her. She hadn't been in her quarters. 

And that became very clear as the entire energy in the engineering sector shifted. Nera could feel as each person tensed up in fear. The sound of boots stomping through the workers made Nera also tense. But not in fear, in _irritation_. 

"It's Kylo Ren," Namoi noted as she saw, straightening her posture as she glanced at the figure swiftly approaching them. Her voice trembled only a bit, her hands clenching behind her back. It was not often they _ever_ had visits from the one and only Kylo Ren.

Nera sighed, being able to feel his presence coming closer. She slowly turned around, eyes landing flat on his massive, dark, masked form. Her jaw immediately clenched.

"Commander Ren," Nera greeted as he approached her, exhaustion clear in her voice. 

"What are you doing?" He immediately snapped. His power sank through Nera's core, alerting her to just how pissed off he was. 

Nera glanced to Naomi who was wide eyed, never having been this close to Kylo Ren. Her eyes darted to Nera in surprise that he wanted something from her. 

"I am working," Nera stated matter-of-factly, looking at the mask with hatred. 

"Commander, sir," Naomi stepped forward. "I am the Director of TIE fighter repairs. I was simply giving the Officer a tour of our facilities."

Naomi was worried about those regulations now, trying to defend Nera. But Nera was just giving Kylo Ren a death glare, too consumed with proving him wrong to care that Naomi was sticking up for her. 

Kylo looked to Naomi slowly. "And who approved that, _Director_?"

"Oh," Naomi stood taller now. "General Hux, sir."

"General Hux, is that so?" Kylo tilted his head, making Naomi sweat. Nera could tell Kylo was about to snap and force choke one of them.

Nera stepped towards him. She was not going to let Naomi get heat for any of this. "Yes," Nera stated, getting Kylo to look back at her. "Is there an issue, _Commander_?"

Kylo's fists clenched as he looked down at her. Nera could feel his rage and it satisfied her. She was happy he was feeling as angry as he had made her. "Come with me," he demanded.

"I am in the middle of a tour," Nera signaled a hand out behind her, keeping her voice nonchalant.

Kylo seethed above her. " _Now._ "

He spun and stormed away from them, making Nera release a breath. _Fuck_.

Nera paused to turn back to Naomi. "I'm sorry," Nera gave a nervous smile. "I probably should go see what that is about."

"Of course," Naomi heaved. If the Commander wanted something from her, it had to be _important_. "Please, go."

Nera sent a quick nod before she turned reluctantly followed in Kylo Ren's direction. All of the eyes in the room were on her, making her tense. She was not fond of all the attention, especially when it was associated with the Commander of the First Order.

Kylo led her far away through the hallways until they were out of sight, not even in hearing distance. Which was a considerable distance for the way Kylo liked to yell at her. Nera was growing on edge when he turned down a dim corridor, going all the way to the end.

And Nera was right to be on edge, for the second he dipped into that corridor, his arm ripped upwards, and the invisible hand wrapped around Nera's throat. Nera instantly choked on a gasp, Kylo using the Force to yank her into the corridor and press her against the nearest wall.

Nera's eyes began watering as the pressure around her throat tightened, constricting her airways. Her feet were lifted off the ground as Kylo Ren held her up in the air. Nera's body was thrashing, hands coming up to claw at her neck. 

"What do you think you are _doing_?" Kylo demanded. His arm was extended, quaking in rage, and his fingers curled into a fist.

Nera's throat was convulsing, it felt like he had dug the Force into her jugular, squeezing all life out of it. She couldn't speak to respond to him, she only choked on her own saliva when she tried.

 _Let me go!_ Nera screamed in her head, into their mental connection, knowing he was listening to her thoughts.

"And why should I do that?" His fingers curled more, knuckles nearly ripping the seams of his gloves.

Nera's face was turning red and she was beginning to see stars. _I can't be an asset if you kill me!_

Kylo seethed, his entire body shaking as he heard her. Right as Nera's body was starting to go numb, entirely convinced that Kylo was going to _actually_ kill her, he let go of the Force on her.

Nera landed harshly onto her feet, spitting out coughs, heaving in air that she had taken for granted. She hunched over, a hand flying to her chest as she tried to regain oxygen. She stayed there for a minute until she didn't feel like she was going to pass out. 

"You fucker," Nera hissed between heavy breaths, standing up straight and leaning against the wall. "Stop fucking choking me."

"You disobeyed my direct orders!" Kylo hissed. "Not to mention, gave false information to your superiors."

"Oh I'm sorry!" Nera rolled her eyes, starting to regain her footing as she rubbed at her neck. "I'm just trying to be a good _asset_ to the First Order."

Kylo nearly growled, itching to Force choke her again. " _Enough_ of that."

Of course, Nera thought. "So only you get to be angry?"

"There are more _pressing_ matters," Kylo shifted, his voice trying so desperately to control his rage towards her.

"Not for me," Nera crossed her arms in defiance. 

"Yes, _for you_ ," Kylo stepped towards her, making Nera shield herself away. "You need to train. _Prepare_ for tomorrow."

"For tomorrow?" Nera popped an eyebrow. Like she had some work to do for him. _As if_. "I start working with Naomi tomorrow. Not sure what you can do to train me in engineering."

If rage could be a physical being, it would be Kylo Ren. And Nera knew that all too well. She knew she was pressing the lines of her own safety at this point. But she didn't care. She was still angry. Hurt. 

Kylo reached his hands up, and Nera was so sure she was about to be projected back by the Force again. She even uncrossed her arms to brace herself for impact. 

But instead, Kylo's hands went to his helmet, pressing in the sides and letting it come unclasped from his head. Nera paused, watching as he pulled it off to reveal his dark, wavy locks. 

She hesitated in her anger once she saw his face again. It seemed to have caught her off-guard as much as it did the first time. Like she was immediately pulled towards him. 

But his face held more rage than the mask even let on. It was pinched, eyes radiating dark orbs into her skull. He looked like he wanted to _kill_ her. It reminded Nera of what was happening and how she hated him - a pretty face wouldn't distract her from her anger. Not this time.

Kylo held his mask in his hand at his side, seething at her. "I am _done_ with your disobedience," he snapped. "Tomorrow you will be accompanying me on a mission."

Nera paused, letting his words sink in. Her, accompanying him? She was clueless to what it was Kylo Ren actually did with all his time. But Nera was done being stupid, she knew very well what that meant. 

Nera scoffed. "I told you. I am not a pawn for your personal bullshit."

Kylo stepped towards her, his jaw clenching tightly. "It would be wise for you to consider your options here."

"Options?" Nera huffed out. "When have you ever given me _options_?"

"You should be _grateful_ for what I have given you."

Nera leaned back, eyes scanning his darkened face. "And what is that exactly? You have given me nothing but pain."

"If it weren't for me, you would be _dead_!" Kylo Ren spat loudly, heaving. His nostrils flared, spit flying out of his mouth.

Nera froze, recoiling at his sudden explosion. What was that supposed to mean? "You just almost choked me to death! Again!" Nera's arms flailed. 

Kylo shook, his nostrils flaring. "You are lucky I didn't," he spat. 

"And I'm supposed to thank you for that?!" Nera let out a loud breath. 

"You are clueless!" Kylo snapped back.

Nera squinted at him. "Maybe I would have more of a _clue_ if you told me shit! Treated me like a fucking _person_!"

"I treat you more than fairly," he spoke deeply. Like he was convinced this was true. Like it was obvious. And maybe, at his standards, it was true. For his standards were just murdering people in cold blood. But they weren't Nera's standards. They weren't any normal persons standards. 

"Fairly?" Nera scoffed. "You are exhausting."

"You have your own quarters," Kylo Ren pointed out, enraged. "Not even the engineering staff have that."

Jesus, its like that was his argument. Like that was the most incredible thing and Nera should be kissing his feet. Sure, she was well aware her living arrangements could've been worse. But she'd take a sleeping outside on the ground over ever dealing with Kylo's shit again. Any day. 

"Oh great, so being an asset has its perks," Nera rolled her eyes sarcastically. "I'm basically living in _luxury_."

" _When_ are you going to get over that?!" Kylo's rage amplified, stepping towards her with irritation he still had to hear about it. 

Nera's face dropped. " _Get over it_?" She gaped, matching Kylo's advance immediately. "You want me to just get over it?"

"Yes." Kylo's face pinched, shadows descending over her features as he watched her with malice. 

Nera shook her head, it was unbelievable that he had said yes to that. She stepped towards him again. "Yeah, I'm _over it_ ," she seethed. "I'm over all of it. You, The First Order, The Force. I'm _done_!"

Kylo's upper lip curled. "You think you can just be done?!" He took one large step towards her, casting his gaze down. 

Nera tensed at his closeness, his rage igniting the air between them. She still was appalled by this conversation enough to have her holding her ground. "Oh, do I not have a choice? So much for those _options_!"

Kylo nearly growled in irritation. "You must let go! You belong _here_!"

"You forced me to be here!" Nera was exasperated by this. "And I'm just supposed to accept that I'm some fucking drudge for you and the First Order?! That-That you've only been training me, _convincing_ me of all this shit so you can just _use_ me?!"

"You _wanted_ to stay," Kylo reminded her.

That pissed Nera off more. She _knew_ she was stupid for that. "Yeah, when you told me that I had _meaning_. Not after this!"

"You do have meaning!" Kylo boomed.

Nera's jaw clenched at him. "Being your minion and doing everything you want is not _meaning._ I may not be in that cell anymore, but I am still your slave."

Kylo's eyes squinted at her, his breaths coming in fast as he attempted to keep his cool. She was still resisting him too much. But thats what he gets for trying to control someone who spent their childhood as a slave. She would rather take his lightsaber in her heart than _ever_ go back.

Nera was far from done, too. Her eyes scanned his face, huffing as he remained silent. "I thought," Nera let out a breath, pulling her arms closer into herself. "I thought you being in my head _meant_ something. I thought all of this meant something!" Nera shook her head. "But I was stupid. Fucking stupid to think I was anything more than a prisoner, even _after_ we had sex!"

Kylo Ren was studying her, failing to understand any of her rage. She was hurt, and it completely baffled him. But then that last part came out of Nera's mouth with pain, and Kylo Ren's face squinted in realization.

" _Thats_ what this is about?" He cocked his head at her. 

Nera leaned back, her mouth snapping shut as she watched his face shift. He studied her, quickly trying to dig into her head to read her thoughts. Nera crossed her arms, trying to shield herself from him in some way.

"Have you even been listening?" Nera defended. She had given him a whole list of things that this was about.

"Yes," Kylo came forward, now nearly inches from Nera, making her back up to the wall. "You are upset."

He spoke like he was some droid, making an observation and having no concept of human emotions. No concept to how emotions could hurt her. 

"No shit," Nera huffed, trying to keep her eyes determined as she looked to him. But he was _close_ , and the look on his face made no sense to Nera. He was considering her, shifting through her thoughts. 

"Have I not made it clear?" Kylo's head tilted down to her. Nera held her breath at the closeness of his face, confusion still marking her features. "You are _mine_."

Knots tied in Nera's core. The breath she was holding slipped out as Kylo reached his gloved hand up, pulling back the collar of her shirt to reveal the bite mark on her neck. 

"Thats the problem," Nera grit her teeth. She was infuriated that for some reason it made her feel a sense of belonging, that it spurred on some _desire_. She had never had anyone. But she hated that, she didn't need anyone. "I don't want to be _yours_. I don't want to be anyones."

Kylo pressed his thumb onto the shape on her neck, his face flickering with anger. "Have you forgotten that you have submitted to me?"

"No," how could she forget? "But that was different. I shouldn't have."

"So fucking stubborn," Kylo hissed, his hand sliding to palm the side of her neck, tilting her chin upwards at him. Nera's insides tightened at the rough embrace. "You wanted to work for the Order. What is the difference?"

"It would be my _choice_ ," Nera rolled out in one breath.

Kylo considered her for a long moment until he finally spoke. "Then choose."

"Choose what?" Nera exclaimed. She didn't have many options here, as she had already made clear.

"Be an engineer," Kylo shifted against her, his knee propping in between her legs. "The job you have always hated, the job that was never _enough_. Or," his hand dipped to graze the skin on her neck again. "Come with me. I can give you more," his hand trailed further, running past the side of her body. "I can make you _feel_ good. Things you couldn't _imagine_."

Nera fumbled as his breath rolled over her, his hand leaving chills in its wake. His chest was nearly pressed against hers, making her breath stutter. "It's just," Nera sucked in a rush of air. "Empty promises."

Kylo's hand gripped her hip, yanking her into him so her core was pressed against his. Nera's mouth fell agar at the movement. "Have I not already made you feel good?"

Nera bit at her lip, holding back any noises as she felt him press against her. As she looked into his face, _that_ face, the memories of what he did to her were projected across them. "You haven't given me more," Nera clarified in a sharp breath.

"Lies," Kylo's face pinched, digging his fingers harder into her hip. 

Nera shifted from the pain, building up the audacity to call him out again. "You just want to train me so _you_ can have more."

Kylo seethed, dropping his helmet so he could use both hands to shove her back against the wall. Nera gasped as he pushed his hips against her in the same movement. "I'm training you because you are _in_ _my head_!"

His frustration lit Nera up, like he finally agreed it was more than just because she would be powerful for him. She mewled beneath him, both of his hands holding her hips flush to him. 

"We can _both_ have more," Kylo's breaths were ripping out of him as he looked down at her. "Not the First Order. Not the Supreme Leader," Kylo gave her a look so strong, so deep with dominance, ridding of any idea that he had true allegiances. He was unhinged as he spoke, gripping tighter onto her as it became a personal struggle for power. 

Nera's eyes were widened, lost as she looked up to him. She was fighting the absolute desire to give into him, as always, and the strength that made her not want to give in to _anyone_. But the way he spoke shook her - it's like he was offering her the world. 

"I don't want to stay to help you fight this war," Nera explained, exasperated as she tried to remember that she had no allegiances here, either.

Kylo pushed himself into her more, letting her feel his hardness prodding into her lower stomach. "But you want to stay for this, don't you?"

One of his hands ran down, squeezing her thigh. Nera was turning to liquid, struggling to even catch her breath. She squirmed beneath him, trying so hard to not forget her point. "Not as an asset," she slithered out.

Kylo tilted his head back. "What would you like to be then, hm? Instead of accompanying me?" He reached to cup her ass, pulling her up against him. "Would you rather I keep you in my quarters? To fuck you whenever I please?"

The idea of that had Nera struggling, and against her will, wetness spilling out of her. "No."

"Didn't think so," Kylo jolted, his other hand spreading her legs apart so he could position himself between them.

"But, Kylo- _Ugh_ ," Nera tried, but then his hand started moving towards the waistband of her pants. Liquid desire was streaming through her abdomen.

"Would you rather be an engineer?" His hand slipped underneath, voice like honey in her ear. "Fixing ships for twelve hours a day?"

"No, I-I don't know," Nera couldn't think. His leather fingers slid towards her folds and she let out a noise teetering between a groan and moan. 

"Then what do you want?" Kylo boomed.

As his fingers found her clit, Nera let out a moan, but it quickly turned into a frustrated cry. "I want to be treated like a _person_!"

Kylo quickly removed his hand from her pants, grabbing her hips and yanking her to spin around. Nera gasped as she placed her palms on the wall, Kylo now holding her ass flesh against him. Nera's knees wobbled as he pushed the hardness in his pants against her, leaning over so his face was just centimeters from her ear.

"I am giving you the _choice_ ," he hissed, his hot breath sparking chills along Nera's skin. 

It wasn't like it was much of a choice, the way he had gotten under her skin. The way he knew Nera couldn't resist the feeling of him pressed against her. 

Nera was panting, glancing her eyes back over her shoulder to look at him. "What happens if I don't choose you?"

Kylo's eyes snapped back to her, specs of fury lighting them up. His fingers pricked into her hips, struggling to not rip her into pieces for that. Kylo wanted to tell her that she didn't have the option, that he would put her back in that cell until she chose to join him. But, he could read her thoughts, and she was looking for a certain answer. And if Kylo answered right, he would have her for good. 

"Then you will be an engineer," Kylo stated with force, his jaw flexing. 

Nera watched him, slightly taken aback at that, trying desperately to find truth in his expression. When she couldn't sense that he was lying, a breath left her chest. He actually was giving her the choice. Kylo Ren was giving her the choice.

And Nera's only reaction to that was physical, pressing her ass back against Kylo, thighs clenched in hunger. 

Kylo groaned, grinding his hardness against her. His head dipped back down to her ear. "Is that what you want?" He questioned, his voice low - dripping into her ear like sticky syrup. "To be nothing but an engineer again?"

Nera bit at the inside of her cheek, really, _really_ trying to consider that. Which was a hard task when she could feel him pressing against her. When his presence was surrounding her, breathing down her neck. Shivers ran down her spine at the way she could feel his heat. 

But Nera didn't have to think, for the answer to that was obvious to her from the way her stomach fell as she tried to imagine her life as an engineer again. No Force, no Kylo Ren, no nothing. She would be a nobody again, and she could rid herself from all of this as she had said she wanted to.

But the idea of that made Nera feel sick. Returning to her old life would only haunt her more. Never knowing who she was would end up _killing_ her. Nera couldn't go back. 

"No," Nera let out in a breath.

A low rumble of a noise came from Kylo's chest. One of his hands that was on her hips started to slide up. "Then what is it that you want?"

For once, after realizing that she didn't want to go back to her old life, Nera didn't fight this. She didn't argue with herself over the way that Kylo Ren's touch lit her up. The way his erection on her ass had her buzzing with arousal, or how every word he spoke made desire swell inside of her. She was hungry for more, hungry for _him_.

And as Kylo's hand moved to tweak at her clothed nipple, rubbing his entire body against her, Nera couldn't hold back. "You," she stated boldly.

Kylo Ren paused, nearly freezing in his moments. His hand on her hip tightened again, drinking in that word she spoke. 

Nera noticed how he froze, and she felt nerves swell inside of her. She could feel something building up in him, she could sense his _obsession_.

Then a growl broke out of Kylo, and he made the swift movement to dart his hands to the hem of her pants, nearly ripping them off her. A quiet gasp came out of Nera as he yanked her pants down, exposing her bare ass to him. 

Nera's body was nearly on fire, anticipation and arousal making every nerve ending in her body tingle. But then another thought popped into her mind and she quickly snapped her head up, glancing back at Kylo and then down the hallway. "Someone could come."

Kylo's hands were working on his own pants to free his throbbing erection. He only paused for a moment. "Let them."

Nera gaped, a thrill eating away at her. "But-Mmm."

Nera couldn't say another word and couldn't find track of her concerns as she felt the head of his dick press against her, slicking his member in her wetness, running through her folds. Nera's words quickly turned into a quiet moan, hips bucking backwards to meet him, thighs clenching in want.

Kylo grabbed the base of his cock, slapping it onto her cunt, then dipping it back in between her throbbing lips, letting it glide all the way towards her clit. Nera's breath hitched, thighs trembling. Her neck was kinked to crane her head to the side so she could keep her eyes on Kylo, choking on air as she did. 

Kylo wanted to relish in the sight as his hand came to spread her cheeks, revealing all of her that was glistening, dripping in wetness. He wanted to relish in the sight of her bent over, pressed against the wall for him. That she couldn't resist him, not even here in the hallway where anyone could walk by. And how that was _thrilling_ to her.

But he couldn't. His obsession was reaching a maximum, drowning him to a point where he wouldn't waste another second before he was inside of her. He prodded the head of his pulsating member at her tight hole, to which Nera bit back a moan. Kylo grunted in response, every muscle in his body tensing as he pushed himself into her sex.

Nera's head flew back, a moan now fully sliding out of her. She didn't even waste a thought about being too loud as she felt Kylo stretch her out, filling her up with a sweet sting. She filled her lungs with a sharp breath through her nose, pressing her palms more firmly against the wall to steady herself.

As Kylo buried himself into her, his body lurched forward, holding her hips down with one hand while the other left his shaft to entirely wrap around her stomach. He seated his member inside, dipping his head forward towards her ear. "Say it again," he hissed into her.

Nera let out a breath, head reeling as she tried to remember what he was talking about. Her mind was completely taken over by how good it felt to have him inside of her, how large he felt - filling her up to the hilt.

When she didn't respond right away, Kylo bucked his hips, spreading her open even farther. Nera gasped, squirming her ass against him to create more movement. It was that, that had her remembering. 

"I want you," Nera repeated, flustered.

A stunted growl rumbled out of Kylo and he snapped his hips, it only taking one thrust for him to find a steady pace. "Fuck," Nera moaned, eyelids fluttering closed as he started to pump into her. The sound of skin smacking skin filled the hallway and it _entranced_ Nera. She clenched around him, wetness seeping onto his member, creating a slick noise as he sunk inside.

Kylo was releasing ragged, rough breaths, bruising her skin with how harshly he clutched her. "You want to get fucked here where anyone could see, don't you?" he husked down into her. "Dirty fucking slut."

Nera fought to keep herself from slamming into the wall at how sharply he was fucking into her. And after he spoke, he railed his hips harder against her, making a loud moan burst out of Nera. She didn't care at all how loud she was being, she couldn't even think about it at how savagely he fucked her here. Her toes were curling from the sensation, the thrill of being in public only adding to it. 

"You do this to me," Kylo's voice was strained, lust licking at every syllable. To prove his point, he bucked all the way into her, pausing for just a second to let her feel all of him. Nera rolled her hips on him, breathy moans of satisfaction sneaking out of her. Her walls squelched around his member, letting him hear what he did to her, too.

Kylo started to thrust again, leaning back to watch how perfectly her cunt sucked him in. His hand slid from her hip, grabbing at her ass cheek. His gloved fingers bit at the skin, pulling it apart so he could get a better view. 

At this point, sweat had broken across Nera's forehead. She was fumbling over choked moans, sneaking a glance back to see the heat of their bodies was getting to Kylo, too. His lips were pursed together, eyes ravaging her form below him, brows knit in focus.

Kylo's hands shot to her hips to gain leverage as he slicked steady, deep strokes into her. He pushed up the hem of her shirt, revealing more skin and making Nera shiver as he grazed the sensitive skin on her stomach. 

"You want to stay for this cock?" Kylo couldn't mask the arousal in his voice. Nera could only hum, a delicious buzz on her lips. "Answer me," he growled. 

"Yes-- _Yes,_ " Nera bounced beneath him, eyes closing as she struggled to bob her head in agreement. She could stop the shameless moans flowing from her chest at each steady thrust he made into her. 

"You can't get enough," Kylo was twitching against her. "This is all you think about."

Nera just nodded, unable to form words past the budding saliva spilling into her mouth. His words sparked a storm of fire inside of her, spreading an aching desire throughout her entire body.

Nera's head snapped forwards as he pushed into her enough to shove them both towards the wall. Nera locked her elbows, allowing them to brace her weight instead of her palms. She mewled, breathing starting to become frantic. 

"Kylo," Nera moaned, her body beginning to buzz. She needed to cum, more than anything after he had been prodding at her sweet spot inside. And after she had spent every waking moment since the training room thinking about him, about _this_.

An estranged, deep moan came out of Kylo, making Nera's knees almost give in. And then the leather of his hand ran across the sensitive skin of her lower stomach, dipping down to find her clit. 

Nera gasped as Kylo didn't hesitate to start rubbing at it, drawing quick circles on her nub. Instantly, Nera couldn't help but clench around him, making him only fuck harder into her. "Gods," Nera choked, head lulling as the attention on her clit was merciless. 

Her chest tightened, body pressing flush against the wall, for she was unable to hold herself up. Kylo took this as an opportunity to ram into her, pressing flush against her ass. "You take this cock so well," he mused, grunting with each deep thrust inside of her. 

A quick flash of heat washed over Nera. She was panting, fumbling as her muscles started to tighten, trembling against Kylo. She was loosing her grip on reality, beginning to see the edge of her all-encompassing bliss. "Fuck, I-I," words were escaping Nera as she nearly was diving into an orgasm. 

"Go on, let them hear what I do to you," Kylo husked, buzzing his digits even faster on her clit. Those words made Nera's head spin, but Kylo would be able to sense if anyone came near. He would snap the neck of anyone who laid eyes on her.

But Nera didn't know that, she was too lost in the over whelming bliss of Kylo not missing a beat as he thrusted into her and rubbed her aching clit. And then his head tucked into the crook of her neck, his soft, restrained groans in her ear. 

Nera almost broke down just hearing them, but it was the fact that Kylo didn't make her beg, didn't give her any ultimatum over cumming, that catapulted Nera over the edge. 

"Mmmgh," Nera's walls clamped around him, vision going black as her body snapped and broke against him with the violent crash of her orgasm. She cursed, gasping as her muscles shattered with pleasure. Nera was entirely unaware of what noises were coming out of her, she was just spilling nonsense at this point.

Kylo growled, holding her hips up against him as her knees started to shake, threatening to give out. His thrusts started to become erratic as her orgasm was milking him, fighting all hell as he restrained himself from cumming. He kept the pressure on her clit until the aftershocks of Nera's orgasm were jolting through her body. And when she hummed in satisfaction, Kylo sheathed himself all the way in her maddening wetness once more before he quickly pulled out of her. 

"On your knees," he growled, his voice lower now, dunking into manic pleasure. 

As his grip left her, Nera stumbled to hold herself up. She was nearly intoxicated from her orgasm, willing to do anything after Kylo had let her cum so _perfectly_. 

But Kylo couldn't wait for her to move her exhausted body, making swift movements to spin and shove her onto her knees. Nera looked up at him, drinking in the expression on his face with satisfied eyes. And Kylo nearly snapped at her waiting expectantly on her knees, for he didn't hesitate before pushing his cock past her lips.

Nera allowed him in, to which he easily slid deep into her throat from how her wetness covered every inch. Nera opened her mouth wider and hummed against his cock as she met his eyes. He was drilling those dark orbs into her, every muscle in his face clenched as he bucked his hips.

Nera choked against him, and that was all it took for Kylo to lose control.

"Shit," he hissed, his hand snapping to the back of her head to hold it still as he twitched in her mouth. Nera's moan rumbled onto him and Kylo jerked against her, hot ropes of cum shooting down her throat. 

Nera had never gotten to watch him orgasm, and although her vision was restricted from her head being buried in his groin, she still sucked as much of it in as she could. But then Nera began to struggle with breathing, Kylo taking a long moment to revel in every last drop of his release. 

Eventually, he released her. Nera quickly swallowed down what was left in her mouth of his seed, sucking in a fast breath after. Then she didn't waste a moment to look up at him, watching at how his chest heaved as he regained his footing. Short pieces of hair were matted onto his forehead, face flushed with heat. 

And as he tucked himself away, straightening his clothes, his eyes didn't leave her. He was watching her, with an expression so blank Nera couldn't even begin to understand it. 

Kylo was silent as he reached his leather hand down, a finger coming to collect a drip of cum that had fallen on the side of Nera's mouth. Nera's chest tightened as his finger pushed it in between her lips, pressing it into her tongue. 

Her eyes didn't leave his as she allowed him to feed it to her, wrapping her lips around his finger. Nera was sure she was able to see his expression break for just a split second as she did. 

"Good girl," he hummed. His finger left her mouth to trail down her chin. "I think you made the right decision."

Nera had no grasp on what she was feeling in this moment. The life altering orgasms she had with Kylo always left her stumbling. She was never able to understand how it made her feel to be fucked so savagely, rougher and more feral than anything she had ever experienced. 

Kylo leaned back and grabbed his discarded helmet, to which Nera used the space to push herself up on her feet. The only thing she knew for sure was how uncomfortable it felt to have to pull herself up and redress in the middle of a hallway. While Kylo Ren was watching her, completely put together. It's perhaps why she hated he always left after. She was the only one that was ever vulnerable and exposed.

Once Nera was pieced back together and clothed, she looked to Kylo. He was about to put his mask back on, making Nera frown. He was right when he said he could make her feel things she could never imagine, but a part of that was the feeling that came up whenever he tried to make a run from her after these encounters. 

"You're going somewhere?" Nera asked, still fumbling with the button of her pants, sensing as Kylo started to back away to leave. And Kylo could sense that she was unpleased with that.

"As opposed to staying in this hallway?" Kylo perked an eyebrow at her, testing her. 

Nera looked up, pursing her lips together. She didn't have a response to that. Obviously neither of them were just going to stay here, but she still was irritated he kept fucking her and leaving. But, as Kylo waited for her to argue, Nera had no clue what the better option was. She had no clue what she even wanted from him, or why she hated that he left.

Kylo noticed Nera had nothing left to say about it.

"We leave at 0600 tomorrow," Kylo informed, lifting up his helmet to slide back over his head. Nera watched as it slid around his face, hissing into place. "Be ready."

Nera turned to let her eyes follow Kylo Ren as he spun, black robes the last thing she caught sight of as he turned the corner away from the hallway.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've been sitting on this chapter for so long wow, anyhow I figured I'd try to have Nera interact with more people lol but then I got bored because I just want to make her and Kylo argue all the time??? Anyhow, good things coming!!! :)


	20. Face The Past

That night, Nera was on edge more than usual. 

She was at a loss to what was happening tomorrow, to what _mission_ Kylo needed her for. And although she was skeptical of assisting him, she couldn't help the excitement it also brought. Getting off of this ship and away from here to go somewhere in the universe... To fly... It sounded relieving, _freeing_ to Nera. And perhaps figure out exactly what her place was here.

But when night came and Nera fell asleep, her dreams felt off. 

She was curled in her bed, muscles clenched with stress. Her normal dreams of the Force escaped her this night. Instead, they felt darker. They felt intrusive, like she was seeing something that she wasn't supposed to.

Nera twitched in her sleep, face scrunched in distress as she heard a voice. It was one she had heard before. Not Kylo's voice, but the other. The darker one. The one that always told her it was her _destiny_.

_Embrace it, Nera._

Throughout the hollow blackness that was her skull, that voice haunted her in her sleep. 

It was usually around this point that Nera woke up, snapping out of the cloud of darkness. But this time she didn't, and a vision was shown to her through it all.

_Supreme Leader..._

It was Kylo Ren. Nera saw in her dream as he stood before a flight of stairs, looking upwards as he addressed the Supreme Leader. 

_She is strong with the Dark Side of the Force. It is only a matter of time. She will join us._

Nera rolled in her sleep as she watched Kylo speak of her. This was a memory, something that Kylo had blocked from her. Nera only heard echos of the Supreme Leader speaking back, unable to see him or make out anything he was saying. For his words were not the reason she was seeing this. It was for what Kylo said next.

_She means nothing to me. A means to an end._

Those words rang in Nera's head, repeating with a volume so loud it rattled her brain. 

_She means nothing to me._

Nera shot up in bed, gasping as consciousness returned to her and she snapped out of the dream.

_A means to an end._

\----

"Open up!"

Nera groaned when she heard the voice of a storm trooper. She thought she had rid of them for good. The bucket-head had been banging on her door for a minute now, and Nera was hoping she could just ignore it.

"Now!"

Sighing, Nera wrapped herself tighter in her towel. She had just gotten out of a long, hot shower. She didn't sleep a lick last night, not after what she saw. What she _heard_. She was just trying to let the water boil her skin down to liquid, as her rage had been doing all night.

The banging on her door amplified, rattling her walls.

"Would you ease up for a kriffing second!" Nera yelled from the bathroom, spinning to storm towards the door. She couldn't even take a shower in peace. 

Nera slammed her palm onto the control panel, allowing the door to whiz open and present her with two storm troopers. 

"We-uhm," one trooper began to speak, but then saw as Nera was standing before them entirely naked, holding only a towel over herself. 

"See something you like?" Nera hissed, popping an eyebrow. She was just hoping this trooper would say something wrong so she would have an excuse to rip its head right from its neck. 

"Sorry, miss, um," the trooper shook it off, stepping to the side to reveal what was behind him. "We have a delivery from Commander Ren."

Nera's eyes squinted at his name, fist wrapping tighter into her towel. But out of curiosity she tilted her head to see what they had brought for her. "What is it?" She demanded, unable to make sense of the cart they stood in front of.

"Clothing, I believe."

Nera leaned back, eye scanning over the cart. She now was able to tell that there were hangers hooked onto the top. Her jaw clenched. "Bring it in."

Nera stepped to the side to allow the second trooper to push the cart inside, setting it in the middle of her room. Nera turned to look at it, taking in the small wardrobe that it contained. 

The trooper stepped away from the cart when it was fully in her room, lingering as he turned his attention to Nera. "Commander Ren requested-"

"Leave," Nera cut him off. 

"But-"

"Now."

The trooper hesitated, having orders from the Commander to speak with her. But Nera drilled her eyes into the trooper, so deadly and demanding that it just nodded. With that, the troopers turned and exited her room, the door sliding closed behind them. 

Nera paused to squeeze her eyes shut for a moment, situating her towel so it was tucked into itself and allowed her freedom to move both hands. She debated destroying the entire cart that sat in front of her, but she _had_ to see.

She stepped towards, beginning to shift through what was inside. He had sent her those new pants he owed her, that was obvious. But there was more than that. Dozens of hangers that had robes, shirts, and armor. Nearly the entire get up like Kylo's. 

Nera stepped back, seething at the clothes in front of her. Perhaps she would have been excited about the new wardrobe if it was a day ago. But now, after sitting in her rage and betrayal for the past evening, she was far from excitement.

A means to an end.

Kylo's words hadn't left her head since she heard them in her dream. And although she was hurt by them, it was nothing compared to the anger that they intensified. To hear Kylo say that she meant _nothing_ to him, to reaffirm her beliefs that she truly was a pawn, should have destroyed her. It should have had her bolting from her decision to stay here.

But it didn't. Because Nera had already made that decision. She would get herself killed if she didn't figure out who she was - she needed to see this through. And now with the fury that pumped through her bones, she had never felt more like herself. 

She now fully understood what Kylo had said before. That her rage and betrayal would _drive_ her, that it would give her power. For that was exactly what was happening. Her agony over hearing what Kylo said about her- that she meant _nothing_ \- had Nera's feet planted firmly. She wasn't sure of what her intentions were. Perhaps killing Kylo Ren, or maybe dismantling this entire stupid war. Either way, Nera was going nowhere. Her fury would turn into hellfire for all that wronged her.

And maybe that is why that dream was presented to her last night. To push her further, to spark the anguish that would have Nera spiraling head first into the darkness. 

With grit teeth and rigid bones, Nera yanked clothes from the cart. She picked the best of the options, beginning to dress in the most extreme ways. She pulled on the tight, skin-tight leather, wrapping a corset belt snug across her waist. She covered herself with the all black outfit, adding on piece after piece. She skipped only the robes, having no desire to dress like Kylo. She didn't needed to hide her face or her body.

Once she was dressed, Nera stood in front of her bathroom mirror. Although she couldn't fully recognize herself, in a way she did more than ever before. She looked stronger, more confident. She was no longer hiding in a weak engineering uniform. No longer dull.

And Nera had to summon all of this when she felt Kylo Ren's presence tickle the back of her head. She let her eyes fall closed, preparing herself to deal with him. 

She told herself that it didn't change anything that he said she meant nothing to him. What did she expect, the Commander of the First Order to have _feelings_? Nera told herself she had no feelings about it either - that was simply impossible. Feelings for this violent, unhinged person - who had not only locked her up, but constantly belittled her? No fucking way. They had sex - good, crazy sex, sure. But Nera only felt anger that he could so simply ride her off as a means to an end. She knew she was more than that. She knew their connection held some meaning to her.

Nera could sense Kylo coming closer. Knowing he would come to her quarters, Nera pushed her spine up tall and went to stand in front of her door. She crossed her arms, heart aching as she waited for him. 

As expected, he did not take long, nor waste effort on knocking. His hand swiped at her door, using the Force to send it open. His strides didn't falter as Nera locked eyes with the mask, stepping right into her room.

Although Nera could sense he carried anger with him, Kylo paused, mask tilting as he took in her appearance. He hummed. "I see you got your replacements."

Nera kept her eyes hard on the cold, dead visor of the mask. She sensed a slight prick of lust as he took her in, but Nera avoided it as _much_ as she could. Instead she just fed off the fact she was able to so simply get under his skin.

"But you did not get your instructions," Kylo shifted to stand tall over her, cocking his head.

Nera popped an eyebrow, licking her lips. "And what would those be?" 

Kylo considered her, getting a taste of her shift in energy over the past night. He could tell something was different with her. And Nera wished she could see his expression for how tense his body was. "To meet me in hanger twelve."

"Hm," Nera uncrossed her arms. "Never heard that one."

"I suppose thats what happens when you send away my troopers," Kylo noted. "Since when did you begin to think you could make demands of them?"

Nera's face pinched into a grimace, not surprised at how easily it came for him to put her down. "About the same time I made demands of you."

Kylo tensed, his mask glaring deeply into her. Nera shook it off quickly, rolling her tongue over her teeth. Her next words came out smooth, sliding past her lips like butter. "They're just troopers. _A means to an end_ , right?"

Kylo was watching her intensely, fists in balls. Nera gave him a devious look, awaiting his response. It had to be good.

Kylo shifted, taking a step towards her. "You are testing me today. Why?" He demanded.

"I don't know what you are talking about," Nera played it off, sarcasm heavy in her voice. 

"Do not lie to me," he snapped at her.

"Lie?" Nera dramatically gasped. "I would never."

"I can take it from you," Kylo's hand twitched, reminding her he would happily dig through her head to find out exactly what was giving her this undying _attitude_. "If you'd prefer."

Nera squinted at him. The last thing she needed was him digging through her head to find all the ways she dreamed of killing him. "Go ahead," Nera leaned back, crossing her arms. "It _means_ _nothing to me_."

Kylo Ren's hand froze in its path, fingers curling back into a leather fist as she spat those words at him. It was then he realized what she had heard, what had been giving her this dark itch - he saw it in her thoughts. His shoulders rolled back as he huffed a few heavy breaths, mask not leaving her face.

Anger grew inside of Kylo's large form. He knew almost instantly this had been the work of Snoke. It had to be. To undermine him, to turn her against him and give her rage to drive them both mad. Kylo grew tense at the thought of the Supreme Leader.

"It is time to go," Kylo hissed.

Nera watched as he spun, stomping out of her quarters. He was no longer interested in playing these games. And frankly, Nera wasn't either. Her jaw set, arms pinning against her sides as she followed after him. 

She wanted to snap that mask right off his face, or better yet just sprint in the other direction. But she wouldn't. She was in this, and she would make him suffer. At the very least, she would learn more about the war raging the galaxy and be able to find her place in it.

Nera kept her chin up high as she made her way, a great distance between her and Kylo. She noticed the looks she was receiving whenever an officer walked past her, but Nera, like Kylo, paid them no mind. It seemed today was the day she came out of hiding. 

When they arrived at Hanger 12, Nera's eyes widened. Kylo nearly flew onto the Command Shuttle, having no hesitation about it. But Nera was shocked as she looked at the ship. Up close, it looked like a Shyyyo Bird, or even some type of falcon. The size of the wings were unbelievable.

Chills then ran down Nera's spine at the memory of when she first saw the Command Shuttle on Arkanis. How the times have changed since then. 

Nera was now a bit more cautious as she walked to the ship, eyes scanning over groups of storm troopers that surrounded it. To the looks of it, they were getting themselves in order to join on this trip, making Nera's muscles tense. 

Nera slowed her pace as she stepped onto the ramp. She paused for a moment, scanning the entry way. She was on edge knowing she had to go inside. Although the thrill of being on a ship and flying again was eating away at her, the fact that she had to do that with Kylo Ren and a team of storm troopers made her feel wrong.

Nonetheless, Nera went into the ship. She had made her decision. She would find her place here. She wasn't going to be so timid anymore. She only spared one glance behind her to watch as storm troopers boarded the shuttle after her.

Kylo Ren was working over the control center of the ship when Nera entered the cockpit. He did not acknowledge her as he entered the coordinates of their destination, but Nera wouldn't have that.

"So Kylo Ren _does_ pilot his own ships," Nera huffed, her voice icy cold with sarcasm and hatred. She slowly walked over to the secondary pilots seat, slumping down into it. 

Kylo ignored her, sitting into the pilots seat as he flipped a switch that caused the entrance ramp to lift, closing them in. Nera glanced behind them right as the engines flared up and the gate to the hanger began to open.

Excitement spurred in Nera as the galaxy was revealed to her, the thrusting of drones making the ship hum. For a moment, only a small moment, Nera allowed herself to forget her rage at Kylo Ren, taking the time to enjoy the fact that she got to fly. Leave the place she had been stuck at - to finally get out of here.

The floor underneath Nera's feet began to vibrate as the shuttle slowly rose from the ground, rotating towards the edge of the docking bay. Nera's body lit up, she had so badly missed the roar of the engines, the thrum of a ship. For a moment, she felt free.

Kylo continued to press endless controls, setting their navigational chart. Once finished, Nera watched as he pushed the ship further, slipping away from the hanger.

Nera sat up straight in her chair as the cold metal of the Finalizer melted away and she was thrusted into space. Kylo Ren gave her no warning as he shifted into hyperdrive. But the Command Shuttle was smooth, so Nera felt little to no kickback as they bolted into the galaxy.

Nera thought she would never get to see it again, the way the stars blurred into streaks of light. The way the galaxy sucked you in, creating this expansive void of energy. And now, in tune to the Force, Nera could _feel_ it. 

For a second, her rage and betrayal simmered down. Her energy leveled, feeling at peace with the galaxy. This was all she had ever wanted - to fly.

But then Kylo Ren moved, reminding Nera that he was next to her. Reminding Nera of everything.

Nera shifted, looking to the masked creature next to her. He directed none of his attention towards her.

"Where are we going?" Nera demanded.

Once again, Kylo Ren ignored her. 

Nera scowled, hands squeezing together in her lap. "Answer me."

"What did I tell you about your attitude?" Kylo husked back, not looking her way as he reached upwards to flip on autopilot, allowing them to freely run on hyperdrive. It seemed he would be _distracted_.

"You really want to start down that path?" Nera hissed, daring him to go there.

Kylo's mask lifted. "Enough. It is time to _focus_."

"Please, don't hesitate to share what I should be _focusing_ on," Nera narrowed her eyes at the side of his mask. She could only focus on her rage for him.

Kylo snapped his head towards her, fists clenching. Nera could picture his face just seething in irritation with her. And then she could picture herself squeezing his face into a pulp, watching him suffer for the pain he has caused her.

"I can hear you," Kylo snapped in warning. "Control yourself."

That sparked another flame in Nera, making her forehead pinch. He wanted her to control herself? Control everything _he_ caused? "I'll pass," the words instantly slithered out of her. 

Quickly Nera stood, reaching a hand out. She let her fingers dangle over the hyperdrive ejection controls. She knew very well if she pressed this, she could ultimately fry the ship. Coming to a full ejection out of hyperspace was _more_ than dangerous. "Tell me what we are doing or I will crash this fucking ship."

Kylo shoved himself upwards, now standing and stepping right towards her. At the same time, he snapped his wrist, using the Force to send Nera crashing backwards into her seat. 

Nera chest ignited in hot fury, instantly pushing herself back up, a grumble escaping her lips. Before she could do anything other than stand, Kylo snatched her wrist that was darting to the ejection button, tightly wrapping his gloved hand around it. 

"I said _enough_ ," his modulated voice boomed, echoing through the cockpit as he twisted her wrist backwards. "We are searching for a map to the last Jedi. I will not tolerate anymore of this disobedience." 

Nera ripped her hand out of his grip, shooting him daggers from her eyes. "Don't _touch me_ ," she seethed. In that moment, her anguish over what he had said about her could be heard clear as day.

Kylo's mask was tilted down at her, his hand that once held her wrist squeezing into a tight ball. Nera huffed fast, labored breaths from her chest, staring up into the visor of the mask. They stayed there for a moment, the intensity of their pain and anguish flowing through them. That was the first time Nera had ever _not_ wanted him to touch her.

It was Nera that finally broke away from his gaze, not wanting him to feel anymore of what was inside of her. " _Where_ are we going?" She asked again, octaves lower.

Kylo Ren let his rage fizzle through him, trying to rid of this distraction when he had more important things to think about. "Lah'mu," he spoke curtly. "Are you _satisfied_ now?"

Nera recoiled, ice shooting through her spine, a complete contrast to the heat of her rage. It left her stunned, forgetful of how she should've made some snarky comment about her being _satisfied_. "Lah'mu?" Nera repeated.

Kylo considered her for a long moment. "You have ties to that planet," he stated more than asked, noticing her sudden shift in energy.

Although Nera hadn't spent more than a few hours there, facing that part of her past made her run cold. And then more anger came immediately after for Kylo taking her there. "Are you taking me there on purpose? Is this supposed to be some twisted part of my training?"

"A known associate of the last Jedi has been reported to be hiding there," Kylo stated, unbothered. 

Nera watched him, inspecting for any drop of evidence that he was not telling the truth and could snap. But she couldn't sense anything from him besides his irritation. Meaning that was truly his only reasoning. Nera realized her luck was actually shit. And she had to brace her past for no real reason.

"What are- _ah_ ," Kylo Ren didn't even have to ask before he was able to catch glimpses of her thoughts. Of those _memories_. 

Lah'mu was the first planet Nera found herself on after escaping her childhood as a slave. There, the smuggler whose ship she had snuck into left her beaten and broken. And it was there she met Rennek. 

"I suppose this mission _will_ be important to you," Kylo noted, watching as Nera struggled with this information. "I told you this was more than just _my_ personal vendetta."

Nera's jaw clenched as she looked back at him. That fucker. He was right, somehow he had gotten this to workout for him, where it was now meaningful to her. Pure chance. 

"I have no reason to go back there," Nera argued.

Kylo Ren took a step forward. "You must face your past," he drilled into her. " _Kill it_ , if you have to."

Nera looked up at the mask, lost and taken aback at what that meant. But something swelled inside of her. Like it was the chance to face her trauma, move on. Figure out who she was. The whole reason she was here right now.

Nera had nothing left to say.

Satisfied, Kylo Ren turned away, heading back over to the pilot's chair. Nera stood there, shell-shocked for a moment. But she was snapped out of it when they exited hyperspace, jolting her body back into gear. 

Nera spun to watch as the planet of Lah'mu came into view. If she hadn't been so distracted, she could have just died over the beauty. She never ceased to be amazed by this.

But, her head was busy, full of questions, confusion, and anger. 

"Why the troopers?" Nera now questioned. 

"Extra influence," Kylo snapped, now taking the ship off autopilot to guide them into the atmosphere. 

"What is this, an interrogation?" Nera snarked as she went back to her seat, knowing the landing would knock her over if she tried to stand. 

"You could say that."

Nera had to peel her eyes away from Kylo, nerves now starting to eat her away. She could feel the dark heat radiating off of him. As they got closer to landing, he became more tense. More feral. His determination to get that map was personal, and it rattled Nera to her core.

She could sense danger. But as they shifted into landing gear, she wasn't sure if it was danger from Kylo, or the danger she now had to face of her past. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I do this thing when I write a new chapter, I entirely forget everything that has already happened lol. I just wanna write whatever i feel like!! Anyhow, let me know if this is stupid - its always so hard to tell if I am explaining the depth of Nera's thoughts well enough. But fun shit, she finally gets to leave!!
> 
> Also, let me know if there are any tags that would have helped you navigate this story. I have a few chapters coming up that get "darker" and I don't want to shell-shock anyone reading :)


	21. Kill It, If You Have To

As Nera's feet hit the ground and the fresh air infiltrated her lungs, the memories of her time on this planet raided her head. 

She could hear her own screams, her own cries. Like the soil was filled with them, and each step she made released more. She could hear Rennek, and the thought of her only father figure pricked at her heart strings. _Little one_. Thats what he had always called her. _Where do you belong, little one?_

Nera never had an answer to that. Rennek had tried to leave her, telling her next time she shouldn't be so stupid as to climb aboard random ships. But Nera ran after him, young and afraid. He told her to _get_ , he told her he was no babysitter. He wasn't looking for a pet, neither.

She had to have been at least 16 years old, but Nera really had no clue. She had spent years - potentially her entire life - on Kessel as a slave, and it was not like she had a calendar to keep track. And with no memory of her childhood, she never actually knew her birthday.

Nera's heart sank. She had been alone for so long. She had no clue who she was. All she ever had was Rennek. She stayed with him for six years, doing whatever he did. Nera _missed_ him. As much as she hated him now for how he had treated her, how he would always remind her she was weak, he was the closest thing to family Nera ever had. But he was gone now. And his absence created a hole so deep, Nera scrambled. Somehow, she ended up here.

Back on Lah'mu were it all began. With Kylo Ren. With the First Order. 

Nera glanced around, watching as storm troopers panned out on each side of her. All armed to the teeth with blasters. In front of Nera was a farm, a few small huts scattering the land. As she saw it, her eyes glazed over. 

Lah'mu could have been beautiful, if it wasn't for the pain Nera was reliving. It was fertile, lush, and a complete contrast to the ship she had just been in. The air was clean, stimulating Nera's lungs, reminding her that she was alive.

She could've died here. She should have. But she didn't. Even in her weakest point, she survived. 

Nera sucked in a sharp breath. She was weak back then, but she wasn't now. She wouldn't be. These memories now gave her strength, _passion_ to fight. To find out who she was.

Nera pinned her shoulders up high, hearing as Kylo Ren descended down the ramp. His passions were loud, too. Impossible for Nera not to feel. But she couldn't forget about what he had said. How she was a means to an end, nothing to him. Just how she was with Rennek.

"You will stay back, observe," Kylo spoke as he stepped next to her, his body pinned back tightly. "Do not say a word."

With that, he walked forward, leaving Nera standing at the ship. Nera had no reaction - she was too caught up in her own trauma to argue. And she had no real interest in doing anything other than observing.

The time difference on this planet left them in nightfall, just about dusk. There was a sharp chill to the air, moonlight casting over rolling hills and plains. Nera watched as Kylo went on, his black robes blending into the night.

Nera was clueless to what was about to happen, but as she glanced to the storm troopers, she hoped it wasn't as she was expecting. Kylo's mania was making her feel on edge about this situation.

Nera was tense as she followed after Kylo, destined to feed her curiosity about this entire subject. If the map to this Jedi had anything to do with her, she needed to know. If Kylo had anything to do with who she was, she needed to know. She could kill him for betraying her once she had it figured out. For now, he was unfortunately the only path she had to follow. Just as Rennek had been during her first time on this planet. _Funny_.

Kylo stopped once he got to the storm troopers, turning only slightly to speak to them. "Find him."

The troopers scattered, yanking up their blasters and running in cohesive groups towards the farm. Kylo kept his intimidating pace as he pressed on, Nera slowly following behind, watching as the storm troopers raided the farm.

As they got closer, bodies started to exit their dimly lit huts. While others were ripped out, dragged at gunpoint by the troopers. Nera's face fell as she heard cries of panic and screams for help begin to echo in the night. They sounded like her own from when she had been here as a child.

But it was men and women, a multitude of bodies being forced to the ground while their homes were searched - destroyed. Cowering in fear as the masked creature stomped towards them. Nera could have _never_ imagined she would ever be on this side of the First Order's fear.

Nera's began to feel their panic like it was her own, making her rush towards Kylo Ren. "Can't you just _ask_ them?" She let out in one large breath. This violence seemed unnecessary - he had enough power to scare them without any of this.

"I said _not a word_ ," Kylo boomed over her, quickly shoving past her. 

Nera gaped at the modulated voice, not even recognizing the energy that came off of him. Well, she did recognize it. But not lately, not how he had been in their last few encounters. Now it was feral, _blood thirsty_. 

"Sir," one of the troopers called. 

Kylo Ren stopped dead in his tracks, turning to face the trooper. It dragged a man by the collar of his shirt out from a hut, shoving it's knee into the man's spine, forcing him onto the ground. At the same time, it threw the man's blaster to Kylo's feet.

"Gather the rest," Kylo demanded to the troopers, signaling them to get all of the townspeople into a group. 

Nera watched as they all were dragged and shoved into the middle of the farm until they were in a tight circle. There weren't so many, possibly just ten of them, but they were surrounded by troopers, all held a gunpoint. Their own weapons had been confiscated in the search, or ripped out of their hands as they were herded.

And Kylo Ren stood in front of the man he was looking for, the mask tilting down at him - a look sight which was all too familiar to Nera. It was an older man, dirt covering his body from working on the farm and living this life. Nera imagined it was a simple life, until they showed up. Until she showed up.

Nera felt something terrible begin to eat her up. 

"P-Please," the older man begged, his face trembling as he looked up to the mask. 

"You know who I am," Kylo noted, watching the frail man struggle.

"Y-Yes."

"Then you know what I have come for," Kylo tilted his mask down, taking a step forward.

The farmer scrambled back on his knees, trying to get away. Kylo only needed to take one step towards him to be looming over. "The map to Skywalker. Where is it?"

Nera could feel the pure fear radiating out of that man. Even someone who had no sensitivity to the Force could feel the madness radiating out of Kylo. The intensity of a killer. It would make anyone break, make anyone spill their secrets. At least Nera hoped.

"I-I don't know," the man cried. 

"We'll see," Kylo reached out his hand, not wasting any time for an interrogation. Instead, he dug the Force into this man's head, breaking down his mind. 

The farmer wailed, seething in pain as he was infiltrated. Nera cringed, knowing just how painful that was. And every time he yelled out in agony, another muscle in Nera's body tensed. But Nera realized Kylo had never been that aggressive when he dug into _her_ head. In fact, this was the worst Nera had ever seen Kylo Ren.

In a quick moment, Kylo yanked his hand back. He had gotten everything he needed. And more. "The Resistance was here. You have aligned with them."

"N-No, no, no," the man held his hands up, knowing he had betrayed the First Order by sharing information with the Resistance. "Please, please! Have mercy."

Nera now was as rigid as a stone, realizing what that meant. Kylo would have _no_ mercy for the Resistance. She could feel it in him, she could sense the decision he had made before he even acted. It ran through her veins like blood, freezing her boots into the ground like they were made of ice.

"You told the Resistance about the map," Kylo shifted down to the man. "You defied the First Order."

With that, Kylo made the swift movement to slide his lightsaber from his belt. In the same move, he ignited it, sparking the broken, destroyed red blade. Nera's stomach dropped, unable to react as she watched Kylo swing it upwards and without hesitation, send it right into the man's chest.

Frozen, Nera could only blink as the man screamed. Her insides had crystalized, blood running cold and freezing over. She felt as the man's life force left him, leaving his weight crumpling down onto the ground below.

Nera's eyes scanned to Kylo's back, only able to make out the burning red energy of the saber. All she could hear was the way it hummed, vibrating straight through her core. Kylo's energy was rabid, pure darkness. A regal, callous monster.

And then he spoke.

"Kill them all."

The ice in Nera's body shattered. Before she knew it, she was running towards Kylo. "No," she called out. "Kylo, _no!_ "

Right as Nera was about to reach Kylo, the storm trooper that had brought the dead man over, grabbed her. She slammed into his armor, skidding her feet into the ground to break her fall. "No!" She yelled out again, but Kylo didn't even look at her. She slammed her hands against the trooper, but it just grabbed her around the shoulders.

And then Nera watched as the storm troopers surrounding the villagers started shooting, blasters echoing through the night. A spark of pain, of desperate fury ignited in Nera's gut.

"NO!" Nera screamed, bashing her head against the troopers helmet. She could barely register the pain it caused as the trooper stumbled, giving her freedom to jolt out of its grasp.

The villagers were screaming, crying out. But the troopers were relentless, shooting them all down like helpless cattle. 

Something in Nera cracked, and she threw her arm up, sending one of the troopers flying back with the Force. And then she did it to another, allowing a few of the villagers to run, at least giving them a chance.

"Grab her!" Kylo demanded, now turning her way. 

Nera tried to use the Force again, but three troopers were running at her. Before she could do anything, two had grabbed onto each of her arms. The other pointed a blaster at her chest. Nera violently flailed her body against their grip, groaning as they painfully pinched her shoulders backwards.

"NO! STOP!" She screamed, nearly in hysterics, eyes widened as she the villagers get massacred. " _NO!_ "

"Take her away," Kylo spun towards her, seething as he demanded the troopers. 

" _Kylo!_ " Nera thrashed again, eyes burning into the visor of his mask as the troopers started to drag her back by her arms. Her feet were skimming the ground, and all of her efforts to be released were not helping.

"Get off me!" She attempted to dig her heels into the dirt, ripping her body forward. She hissed in pain as it just caused their grip to tighten, pinning her arms back so far they could dislocate her shoulders.

But Nera didn't stop, she thrashed hard enough that she pushed her lower half into the air, spinning so she could twist her legs into the trooper's on her left. The trooper tripped over them, stumbling slightly. 

Nera quickly used this to her advantage, yanking her arm as hard as she could. Luckily, she got some slack and was able to send her elbow into its chest plate.

Nera was frantic, her mind nothing but a blur of rage and agony as this impact caused the trooper to fully trip, falling onto its back. He dragged both Nera and the other trooper down with him.

While they were disoriented, Nera quickly scrambled, freeing herself from their grips and jolting onto her knees. Those buckets on their heads left them slower, giving Nera a chance to dive to the side over a trooper and snatch the blaster it had dropped from the fall. 

Once Nera had it in her hand, she didn't hesitate to lean upwards and raise the blaster. Without a second thought, she sent a bolt straight into the heart of the trooper below her. Then she spun and shot the second.

Nera's breathing was out of control, rage nearly choking her. She didn't feel bad, she felt nothing about killing them. She even sent a second bolt into the trooper, body quaking. She hated them. They did this. 

But in her anguish, Nera had forgotten about the third trooper following behind. And before she could spin to go take her fury out on Kylo Ren, the trooper sent the butt of his blaster smacking onto the back of Nera's head, knocking her out cold.

\-----

_Beep. Beep. Beep._

Nera stirred, the sound of her heart beat throbbing against her cranium.

_Beep. Beep. Beep._

As Nera started to recognize the sound soothing her back to consciousness, her face scrunched, head rolling to the side. Slowly, she willed her heavy eyelids to part.

The bright florescent lights stung her retinas, forcing her to squint and bring a hand to shield her face. But the movement was so sudden and the light was so bright it caused a dull throb to ignite in the front of her head. 

Nera groaned, blinking faster to adjust to her surroundings. When a monitor came into view, beeping with her heart rate, Nera's jaw clenched. 

She remembered what happened.

Nera felt cold, empty, as she shifted to sit up on the medical cot. It was placed against a wall to the side of the room, allowing her to place her hand out to assist in her movements. Once sitting up, Nera let that hand slide to the back of her head, rubbing to ease the pain. 

She had been knocked out. And now here she was, sitting in the medical bay. Nera glanced around - it was just one room, empty except a medical droid. It had not yet noticed her, working over a datapad near the doorway.

As soon as Nera began to regain consciousness, frozen in a state of dread as the memories filled her head, her connection with Kylo Ren sparked. Like he had been waiting. 

Nera felt like there was a fist wrapped around her stomach, squeezing so hard it was trying to physically eject the contents. She wanted to be sick, to hurl out the horrors she was replaying in her mind. The sound of blasters were still ringing in her ears alongside her migraine. And her Force signature felt heavy, weighted down. She had been able to _feel_ the death. Each life that was slaughtered, she felt their energy slip away. Their screams deteriorated the neurons of her brain.

She had witnessed Kylo Ren's true violence first hand. 

Nera quickly spun, dangling her legs off the side of the cot. She then grabbed onto the heart monitor clamped over her finger, yanking it off and letting it clatter onto the floor. She had to _get out of here_.

The medical droid took notice, a slur of beeps and buzzes starting to erupt from the tin can. 

Nera paid it no mind, she couldn't if she tried. She could feel Kylo Ren inside of her. She could feel the heat, the madness, the _evil_ , like she never had before. It was blackening her soul and she wanted rid of it. 

For once, she felt fear. She wasn't scared of Kylo Ren, just petrified of the things he was capable of doing. How easy it was for him to slaughter a village of helpless, innocent people. And Nera was terrified of the torment that now marked her soul. How she had thought higher of Kylo Ren, how she had _forgotten_ who he was.

And the harsh reminder was coming straight to the medical bay. 

When the door to her room _swished_ open, Nera jolted.

"You're awake," Kylo's modulated voice rang out into the room. Nera visibly cringed, body tensing as she heard it. All she could remember was how that voice spoke _kill them all_.

"Get out," Nera spoke, her voice coming through as a sharp, cracked whisper. She couldn't even look at him. 

"Your reaction on Lah'mu was _unwarranted_ ," Kylo hissed, body rigid and clamped tightly in the doorway. "I told you to observe. To do _nothing_."

Kylo's rage was echoing through the room, his voice bouncing off the walls. He was livid with her.

Nera had to pause, her entire body igniting in rage and betrayal. So deep it was _choking_ her. Nera's spine stiffened. "Get out," she repeated flatly.

"I should have you imprisoned for treason," Kylo seethed, his fists curling into tight balls.

"I said," Nera's jaw clenched as she pushed off the cot, planting her feet firmly on the ground. Nera now finally turned to look at him, and when her eyes fell onto the mask, the _creature_ , she snapped. Quickly her hand shot out, using the Force to lift the medical droid in the air and chuck it towards Kylo. "Get. Out!"

Kylo quickly snapped his hands up to block it, grabbing onto the medical droid. "This is _futile_!" He yelled, body quaking as he crushed the droid's head in his palms. 

Nera watched as he dropped the buzzing, sparking dismantled droid. It clattered onto the ground, rolling towards her as bolts fell from its interior. 

Nera's breathing was labored, her chest as tight as a knot. She had nothing to say to Kylo Ren. " _Now_ ," was all she repeated, her voice dripping in darkness.

"You still think you can make demands of me?" Kylo's modulated voice grew louder, using his hands to accentuate his point. "After what you have done?! After what you have seen _I am_ capable of doing?!"

"Go," Nera's body was trembling. She had seen enough, seen _exactly_ what he was capable of. As it replayed in her mind, her hands lifted up again. "Get out!" Her voice raised, cracking slightly as she strained herself to shove all of her Force energy at Kylo Ren. He barely recoiled, sparking more rage in Nera. " _GET OUT!_ "

With that, she was able to build enough energy from her pure rage and betrayal to shove him a few inches back out of the doorway. Quickly, her other hand twitched, slamming the door shut in front of him. 

With that effort, Nera's body collapsed, her migraine beating against her skull. She let her legs give out, crumpling onto her knees. Her chest heaved, and she couldn't stop it before a sob cracked through her dry lips.

Kylo Ren could have very easily broken down that door and murdered her, but Nera didn't care. She was entirely succumbing to the memories of that day, her vision blackened as her eyes were filled with an endless stream of tears. 

It was too much. It was all too much. The battle of darkness was turning her soul grey, and she was tired of fighting it. But the product of this darkness was the horror she just witnessed. And now in tune with the Force, she felt it all. Every aspect from Kylo's torment, to the lives he ended.

And as Nera's conflict broke her into sobs, she was unaware if Kylo had broken her door down. All she knew was she could soon feel his energy retreating and hear his footsteps stomping away, madness ringing out with each step.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've been sitting on this chapter and the few to follow for quiet awhile now. I am so unsure of myself but I also just love writing dramatic conflict :) Hang on tight with me, things always go bad before they go good :)


End file.
